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I might have a serious problem here

ryno9000

ryno9000

New member
I am the biggest I have ever been in my life(according to scale). I am the strongest I have ever been in my life. I am not the leanest, but I am still very lean by genetics. I am geared to the gills, and everyone that sees me comments on how I look. But I honestly have reverse anorexia. I look in the mirror and think I look pathetic. I am just not happy with my progress, thinking I should be far better than I am. When I started this whole thing, and began taking gear again last year, I was happy with my results. Although far smaller I felt good and big. I liked the way I looked and felt strong even though I was weak compared to me now. My life is good in all other areas, I am not dissatisfied with my life or depressed. This only relates to my body image and although my brain tells me that I must be better than I see myself, I cannot believe it because of what I see in the mirror. Ummmmm..HELP.
 
i have the same feeling about myself of course i'm not all bulked up but i can't get it out of my head i must get bigger i must get bigger, reading your thread now i know that i'm not alone on this. Sometimes its a scary feeling. I dont' always get it but when i do i feel like i should just take as much as i can and go to the gym and workout till my heart explodes. A couple of years ago i was literally obssesed with my muscles and getting bigger and bigger it was ridiculous and hurt my relationship with my ex fiancee and even my parents thought i had a problem as well. I just don't say anything to anyone now.
 
I was happier with the way I looked back when I was halfway through my first injectable cycle. I thought I was king of the world. Now, I look MUCH better (bigger and more ripped), but I am not as happy with myself. Want more...

I think that's the way it is....maybe it's the juice playin' mind games? lol
 
if you are still in your 20's it will pass as you get older and get more responsibilities/life. When you are just a young single guy that does nothing but work out/juice/job/chase tail you tend to focus on just yourself.
 
lol i feel i look like shit 99% of the time..i need to hang out with small people i think..all my friends that lift are shredded but i dont get very lean so i always look like the fat kid
 
its dysmorphia bro...alot of girls that think they are fat have it when they look in the mirror and arent actually fat so they become anorexic.Learn to love youself...masturbate to a mirror and tell yourself "I AM BIG AND BEAUTIFUL"
 
enacer420nj said:
its dysmorphia bro...alot of girls that think they are fat have it when they look in the mirror and arent actually fat so they become anorexic.learn to love youself...masturbate to a mirror and tell yourself "i am big and beautiful"
Click to expand...

lmfao!!! Nice.
 
It's a common accurence and getting more common every day. I think part of the problem is the availability of gear. Years ago, (post legal gear and pre internet) steroids were hard to come by so they were a treat. You got a little -- saw amazing results and were happy.

Today, you still get that gratification, at first, but there's always more gear available. After a while, it's like...how much bigger do you need to be? It doesn;t look any different. The scale can say you gained 10 pounds but you still look the same, you just take up more space.

It's also easy...so it offers less satisfaction.

In many ways, I'm glad I didn't do steroids for so long. It made me appreciate the process.

Steroids are like being handed a million dollars a day. Sounds great, but after a while, even that will become a big "so what."

Just appreciate it. (Summer's coming). Train to get lean. Look forward to other things. There's more to do in life than have muscles. But it's nice having muscles while you do them. :)
 
Damn I love the group therapy of these boards! Those were all good answers. Glad I am not the only one and glad you guys actually care. Its just bothering me because I KNOW its not true but I literally see different that other people. So weird. And Nelson you are right about the not looking much differnt but just taking up more space. Last winter when I started gear again (I started with a base most of you would have disaaproved of) It was amazing because of the transistion. Started growing muscles like rear delts etc. and so the transformation was much greater. Sigh...I'll just have to live with this tiny ugly body I guess.
 
I go thru the same thing. what helps me is to look at old progress photo's. thats where the difference really comes to life. youll feel better about yourself too.
 
Bro you're feeling that way because you are bloated and big. I was 217lbs @ 5'9" and hated it. Starting doing cardio and eating cleaner and run some Var and you'll start liking what you see in the mirror.
 
I have the same thought process, but with strength. I always need to have one more wheel on the bar, or squat an inch lower, or DL a fucking house. At my gym I am easily one of the top 5 strongest guys (and 3 of them above me have pro stongman cards) and I still feel weak and puny. I remember a few years ago pulling 700 for the first time, and I was actually embarrassed, not jacked. I kept thinking it should have been more, and I should have gotten there quicker. Add to that the fact that I am old enough to remember JFK, and I constantly see my time available to make gains slipping by very fast.

But then, every once in a while, I have something happen that reminds me of where I am in comparison to where I was and what others are like. Then I feel good, and I try to hold on to that feeling as long as I can.

Maybe you should stop lifting for aesthetics and become a big fat PLer like me? ;) Then you just need to be worried about the weight, not how you look!

B-
 
bblazer said:
I have the same thought process, but with strength. I always need to have one more wheel on the bar, or squat an inch lower, or DL a fucking house. At my gym I am easily one of the top 5 strongest guys (and 3 of them above me have pro stongman cards) and I still feel weak and puny. I remember a few years ago pulling 700 for the first time, and I was actually embarrassed, not jacked. I kept thinking it should have been more, and I should have gotten there quicker. Add to that the fact that I am old enough to remember JFK, and I constantly see my time available to make gains slipping by very fast.

But then, every once in a while, I have something happen that reminds me of where I am in comparison to where I was and what others are like. Then I feel good, and I try to hold on to that feeling as long as I can.

Maybe you should stop lifting for aesthetics and become a big fat PLer like me? ;) Then you just need to be worried about the weight, not how you look!

B-
Click to expand...

I understand this but can't relate to it.

Weight is very tangible. if you can life more than yesterday -- that's progress. But ultimately, it's not that important. (To me). And bodybuilding is about sculpting the muscles, which takes more than just lifting more.

I'm a believer in the philosophy' "Train for shape, and strength will come."

I'm stronger than the average dude because I lift. But there are a million guys who can out lift me. Then again, I've never known a woman who got turned on by someone because they could bench press more than everybody else.

As Louie Simmons would say, that makes me a " pretty muscle boy. " So be it. But when it comes to what a woman wants in a man (besides money) they'll say looks, intelligence and sense of humor. I've never seen a high DL number in that requirment. :)

Sorry to digress.
 
Nelson Montana said:
I understand this but can't relate to it.

Weight is very tangible. if you can life more than yesterday -- that's progress. But ultimately, it's not that important. (To me). And bodybuilding is about sculpting the muscles, which takes more than just lifting more.

I'm a believer in the philosophy' "Train for shape, and strength will come."

I'm stronger than the average dude because I lift. But there are a million guys who can out lift me. Then again, I've never known a woman who got turned on by someone because they could bench press more than everybody else.

As Louie Simmons would say, that makes me a " pretty muscle boy. " So be it. But when it comes to what a woman wants in a man (besides money) they'll say looks, intelligence and sense of humor. I've never seen a high DL number in that requirment. :)

Sorry to digress.
Click to expand...




Sorry Nelson, I couldn't resist... :verygood::verygood::verygood:

Seriously, IMO there are very few men that get into extreme bodybuilding, and then going so far as to take AAS that do not have some degree of a positive self-image and self-confidence problem. Like men who jack-off, there are two kinds of BB's. Those who admit it and those who won't.
 
centeroiler said:


Sorry Nelson, I couldn't resist... :verygood::verygood::verygood:

Seriously, IMO there are very few men that get into extreme bodybuilding, and then going so far as to take AAS that do not have some degree of a positive self-image and self-confidence problem. Like men who jack-off, there are two kinds of BB's. Those who admit it and those who won't.
Click to expand...

That sign sounds painful.
 
Nelson Montana said:
I understand this but can't relate to it.

Weight is very tangible. if you can life more than yesterday -- that's progress. But ultimately, it's not that important. (To me). And bodybuilding is about sculpting the muscles, which takes more than just lifting more.

I'm a believer in the philosophy' "Train for shape, and strength will come."

I'm stronger than the average dude because I lift. But there are a million guys who can out lift me. Then again, I've never known a woman who got turned on by someone because they could bench press more than everybody else.

As Louie Simmons would say, that makes me a " pretty muscle boy. " So be it. But when it comes to what a woman wants in a man (besides money) they'll say looks, intelligence and sense of humor. I've never seen a high DL number in that requirment. :)

Sorry to digress.
Click to expand...

That's because the trainers at Gold's Gym have never shown them a deadlift.

But one thing is for sure, a girl likes to be picked up, and the DL is a great way to train for that. ;)

B-
 
centeroiler said:
Like men who jack-off, there are two kinds of BB's. Those who admit it and those who won't.
Click to expand...


That says it all! We all have this problem. Some can deny it, some get dellusional and think they look better than they do, and the rest of us just face it head on and accept it.

But, I will say, the older I get the more I appreciate the fact that it's about more than looks. Even women are looking for someone who is strong inside more than they are someone who is just strong (most girls anyway). It's a lot about how you perceive yourself, everyone else picks up on that. Bodybuilding has been part of that change for me (I mean it's easier to feel strong and confident when you are 225 and lean than 142 lbs and scrawny), but not all of it by any means. And, I always feel like I've got more to learn.
 
Nelson Montana said:
Isn't this Gold's gym?http://www.columbu.com/images/deadlifting.jpg
Click to expand...

When you and I were young.

Now it's this:

GoldsGymAlex-45.jpg


B-
 
LOL @ gold's gym. but one of my biggest things that makes me think i have to constantly get bigger and bigger and i'm never satisfied is when i get underestimated or ppl think i'm just some noodle. i'm not that skinny, i used to get it alot at my old job. even today when i say stuff to people about working out they look at me like i'm from another planet
 
bblazer said:
That's because the trainers at Gold's Gym have never shown them a deadlift.

But one thing is for sure, a girl likes to be picked up, and the DL is a great way to train for that. ;)

B-
Click to expand...

ya, why the hell is that? girls always like to be lifted up for some reason. weird
 
lol @ the Gold's gym stuff.

The personal "trainers" at my Gold's are so pathetic. None of them even look like they work out. Most of them are gay or fat and have their clients doing the most rediculous excercises I've ever seen. They have an entire gym full of weights and machines yet they have their clients lifting beach balls in the corner or sitting against the wall raising a 3 lb plate over their head. wtf is up with that? And these are not elderly people being trained either.
 
isn't it fucking brilliant just smashing it up in the gym, and those tiny off cycle lift gains. i am probably less than half the size of most of the ef regulars but i love just looking at my mates arms, none of them lift and their biceps all look like girls. thats enough for me!
 
Its very common, I have it to but its not because you have a mental disorder its because you can see the things that need work. Others aren't used to seeing you ever single day. I've gone from 189lbs to 240lbs in 3 years roughly. I just started cutting a month ago and I'm down to 225lbs and I feel a lot smaller than at 240lbs. Its funny because I don't have a belly anymore and my strength hasn't gone down at all, its actually increase in some areas but I can't help but feel smaller when I look in the mirror.

I think its just drive to improve yourself, I remember saying I'll be happy at 200lbs, then it was 225, then 240, now I'm thinking 260lbs ripped lol. Its a never ending process to see what limits you can take your body. I think that way of thinking is good for you. It doesn't let you get comfortable and keeps your motivation up. So think of it as a positive. You may think you don't look big but others know you are :)
 
It's funny. I've never been a mass monster. At 55 I still have a 31" waist. But i was in the gyn yesterday and there's a young trainer who's pretty built -- about my height but young and muscular. So I have in my head that he's bigger than me. (Because so many people are.) Then at one point were side by side working at the benches and I look in the mirror and I realize..."Fuck"...I'm BIGGER than HIM!

But in my mind I didn't see it that way. I still think of myself as that skinny kid who wants to get bigger.
 
Same thing here, or same principle anyway. I always have people telling me I'm huge, or "you're a monster". I don't see it that way. I haven't had a 31" waist since High School, and I certainly won't have that, but I'm satisfied with a 34. But now I'm down to 215lbs from 255 and feel "small", until I get next to someone in the mirror at the gym.
 
Well, I went to the local NPC State show today.... Now I feel small all over again! lol. Don't go to a show if you want to feel big! There are always these freakin freaks in the audience all over- you know, short guys with 22 inch arms, 6'3" powerlifters at 300 lbs etc etc. I'm always wondering why some aren't up there competing!? Then, it hits me, they have the same problem we've been discussing here... They don't realize how big they are- or some of them anyhow.

Then, there are guys (not to knock them- they've got heart, hell, I've never even placed myself!) who just shouldn't be onstage. One superheavy (there's always one right?) was atleast 60 lbs overweight! Poor guy. I've been on the other end of that- 6'2" and very little muscle trying to compete when too skinny with the big boys...

It's a weird sport, period. But, I can't get it out of my system.
 
Ok bro's here's the deal. Stop listening to yourelves for a minute and put some faith in the people around you, who are undoubtably telling you how big you are. I know from persnonal experiance what you guy's are talking about, you think your not big enough, because you see yourself everyday, but people around you are commentiing on how big you are and what good shape your in. For me knowing I'm making good progress in the gym is because I'm fourty years old and 23 year old chicks are alway's trying to fuck me. I'm not even that good looking, but a jacked hard body works wonders. Stop letting your minds play these games with you.
 
It's pretty simple, it's called the law of diminishing returns. So if you do 'x' amount of gear you see 'x' result, then you do twice 'x' and see almost twice result.

By the time you get to 5 times 'x' you're only seeing 3.2 times the result. And also the bigger you get and the stronger you get the more your milestones are measured in smaller increments and the longer it takes to get to them.

So you're focusing on it intently everyday and there simply isn't alot going on everyday in the change department the way it used to be.

Which does go towards what someone was saying about how they were miserable big and then decided to cut up and were much happier. Perhaps you should move in THAT direction and shift the challenge in a different direction.

Also, sometimes shit just gets old and you get bored or frustrated, and that includes bodybuilding. You might simply need new and more interesting challenges in your life. Not instead of bodybuilding but in addition to bodybuilding.

Some new hobbies or work project or go help sick kids or whatever. Find something else that offers challenge/reward in a way that plugs into your brain the way bodybuilding used to.
 
Size, strength, leanness, stamina, speed, endurance and health = perfection.

When I get there I will stop!
 
Remember when you were 16 and everybody seemed "big" to you that had a little muscle? Its funny how that works isn't it?

I remember going to night clubs when I turned 21 and feeling so intimidated because there were so many "big" guys. lol

Now no one looks big to me except the freaks and I'm only 210lbs.
 
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