I broke up with bf/ I'm back

[Frisky]

i just think it is messed up when women emotionally abuse men and act surprised when they reach a point where they lose control and shit hits the fan

I personally wont and will never condone any kind of abuse... beit women or man. If and when a relationship gets to that point and neither can control their behavior its a tell tell sign to walk the hell away. There I NO excuse for abuse, by woman or man, none at all.

I've expressed time and time again that If ever I raise my hand to a male, I expect to be hit back. I've been there done that and did have to fight a male once.

I don't and will never condone domestic violence, and the only reason I hit was because I was hit.

 

[HiDnGoD]

i just think it is messed up when women emotionally abuse men and act surprised when they reach a point where they lose control and shit hits the fan

If a man really loves a woman, she can do all kinds of shit before he reaches his breaking point. Most women don't push that far, and most men, when the reach that point either have an affair, or leave.
Physical violence from a stranger doesn't hurt nearly as bad as a beating or an assault from the love of your life.

 

[musclemom]

where's MuscleMom? and good timing with the drama thread. kudos to the EF braintrust....

I've had Heather on ignore since the last time I interacted with her and I realized our interactions are personally upsetting (this was around the time BikiniMom was asking about wedding suggestions). Also, the coven I'm studying with had their private Yule celebration this past weekend (the mother house is having a bigger celebration later this month).

My father abused my mother mentally and physically (nothing like those pleasant childhood memories of seeing daddy stand on mommy's back and try to stomp her head into a concrete floor). I swore I would never take that shit myself and then went and married myself a pathological liar/emotional manipulator and it took a decade before I would acknowlege the situation, could accept that he would never change and things would never get better. The biggest problem in being in an abusive relationship is admitting that it's hopeless, that you can't help this person, and you care enough for yourself to get away from this damaged individual.

As far as I can tell, the only value in experiencing an abusive relationship is that you have the chance to learn the warning signs and get away from these people in the future before you become enmeshed with them. Personally, I think part of the reason we become involved with them in the first place is that we think somehow we can help/fix them, the other part is denying the reality of what the situation is. Abusive relationships can teach you a lot about reality, in particular, they can teach you that you aren't responsible for the actions of another person. Part of the reason the abuse persists is that the person being abused doesn't open their mouth to their friends or family (usually out of pride, because they see the abuse somehow as being their fault) essentially becoming accomplices in their own pain.

You shouldn't be ashamed of telling your family what happened, Heather. Making a bad love choice is no reflection on you. But blaming yourself for what happened only compounds the pain and guilt and places you even deeper in the position that you think you deserved what happened, setting you up to fall right back into the same mess, either with this man or another like him.

And BTW, people almost never change. Most men who belt women will always do so.

 

[PsychoTramp]

True. Gay relationships also have alot of abuse (mental & physical), and you never hear about it. Even AAP was in an emotionally abusive relationship once, and he is pretty on top of things and together.

AAP's not gay.

-

 

[Bikini Mod]

i just think it is messed up when women emotionally abuse men and act surprised when they reach a point where they lose control and shit hits the fan

When either a man "pushes" a woman or woman "pushes" the man that they become so enraged as to feel the need to strike the other it is NOT the time for "the shit to hit the fan" - BUT MERELY THE TIME TO WALK AWAY - PERIOD. No "ifs" "ands" or "buts".

There is a saying in my language. If another human being has done something so horrible that they have been demoted to the status of shit, then THE LAST thing I should want to do is to touch them with my hands - in other words: My hands are too good for that and should remain clean.

Self-control is the ultimate show of manhood and NOT a display of strength through violence.

MM - EXCELLENT POST!!! Very insightfull and so "on" in all regards, eloquent and very appreciated!!

 

[blueta2]

I've had Heather on ignore since the last time I interacted with her and I realized our interactions are personally upsetting (this was around the time BikiniMom was asking about wedding suggestions). Also, the coven I'm studying with had their private Yule celebration this past weekend (the mother house is having a bigger celebration later this month).

My father abused my mother mentally and physically (nothing like those pleasant childhood memories of seeing daddy stand on mommy's back and try to stomp her head into a concrete floor). I swore I would never take that shit myself and then went and married myself a pathological liar/emotional manipulator and it took a decade before I would acknowlege the situation, could accept that he would never change and things would never get better. The biggest problem in being in an abusive relationship is admitting that it's hopeless, that you can't help this person, and you care enough for yourself to get away from this damaged individual.

As far as I can tell, the only value in experiencing an abusive relationship is that you have the chance to learn the warning signs and get away from these people in the future before you become enmeshed with them. Personally, I think part of the reason we become involved with them in the first place is that we think somehow we can help/fix them, the other part is denying the reality of what the situation is. Abusive relationships can teach you a lot about reality, in particular, they can teach you that you aren't responsible for the actions of another person. Part of the reason the abuse persists is that the person being abused doesn't open their mouth to their friends or family (usually out of pride, because they see the abuse somehow as being their fault) essentially becoming accomplices in their own pain.

You shouldn't be ashamed of telling your family what happened, Heather. Making a bad love choice is no reflection on you. But blaming yourself for what happened only compounds the pain and guilt and places you even deeper in the position that you think you deserved what happened, setting you up to fall right back into the same mess, either with this man or another like him.

And BTW, people almost never change. Most men who belt women will always do so.

It's called codependency.
By the way MM, very classy of you to reply to Heather with compassion.

 

[Sub-Zero]

If a man really loves a woman, she can do all kinds of shit before he reaches his breaking point. Most women don't push that far, and most men, when the reach that point either have an affair, or leave.
Physical violence from a stranger doesn't hurt nearly as bad as a beating or an assault from the love of your life.

like you saide abuse from a stranger isnt nearly as bad as form a loved one,

same goes with emotional abuse. alot of times guys will hit for attention or to get their point across.

i think in this specific case heatheraes hubbo beat her down because he was hurting so bad (whetther his hurt was justified or not) and wanted her to feel some of what she was doing to him

 

[blueta2]

like you saide abuse from a stranger isnt nearly as bad as form a loved one,

same goes with emotional abuse. alot of times guys will hit for attention or to get their point across.

i think in this specific case heatheraes hubbo beat her down because he was hurting so bad (whetther his hurt was justified or not) and wanted her to feel some of what she was doing to him

Good point.....people who hurt others are hurting themselves inside.

 

[Sub-Zero]

When either a man "pushes" a woman or woman "pushes" the man that they become so enraged as to feel the need to strike the other it is NOT the time for "the shit to hit the fan" - BUT MERELY THE TIME TO WALK AWAY - PERIOD. No "ifs" "ands" or "buts".

There is a saying in my language. If another human being has done something so horrible that they have been demoted to the status of shit, then THE LAST thing I should want to do is to touch them with my hands - in other words: My hands are too good for that and should remain clean.

Self-control is the ultimate show of manhood and NOT a display of strength through violence.

MM - EXCELLENT POST!!! Very insightfull and so "on" in all regards, eloquent and very appreciated!!

love for a woman can make a man weak to a point where he loses his control to "show manhood", and will break down and lash out.

in a case like this hes not gunna walk away, because he wants her so bad. he wanted her all to himself and didnt feel she was giving him that, so he was hurting and got violent. was it right of him?" fuck no, but i can see where something like that could possibly drive me to do the same. - im pretty confident id be able to walk away though

 

[jnevin]

Good point.....people who hurt are always hurting themselves.

Her first clue could have been his daily drinking. I'm not saying she could have known this would happen because he drinks, but she's mentioned that he drinks liquor every day. That's very self destructive.