got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED, HUMPED, JUMPED AND BUMPED!

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

Why do you want to be freinds with someone that can't tell you why they don't love you "that way" anymore?















yes, it's that harsh to the rest of us - you need to see that too

well, I'm trying to think of why I've broken up with women in the past...... as I think I mentioned.. I've broken up with maybe 10 women... I've had 2 break up with me.

**important note, both relationships where I was the one being broken up with were long term (more then a year) and were with women I really loved. The other ones, there was no real love, it was just dating, and it ended in 4 months or less**

but I know when I break up with someone, a lot of times there isn't one specific reason.... its just that I am not feeling it.. I'm not excited to see them everyday... I'd rather be by myself or with my buddies then with this person... I imagine this might have been how she started to feel recently. Of course there has to be SOMETHING on my part that caused that.. at least that is what I think.. I wasn't fulfilling some need.. maybe I had changed in a way.. or maybe she was waiting for me to satisfy her in some way that I couldn't and she finally just gave up.... who knows.... what she told me was that it was this urge that she has to be single, venture into the great unknown, have some new experiences..... I can't say that I haven't felt that before with other women... I'd never say I loved someone if I was feeling that way though.... but maybe she loved me at one point and it slowly changed?

 

[Becoming]

Re: got dumped..

should I even be considering the option of being friends in the future right now?

all my friends or people I know who try to be friends end up deranged over the whole ordeal... my motto is "never look back"

much healthier long term IMO...

stop worrying about why it happened and move on with things... you will never really know - even if she does tell you something you will say "was that really it" you can never really know what another person thinks....

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

all my friends or people I know who try to be friends end up deranged over the whole ordeal... my motto is "never look back"

much healthier long term IMO...

stop worrying about why it happened and move on with things... you will never really know - even if she does tell you something you will say "was that really it" you can never really know what another person thinks....

I dunno man, I'm pretty open an honest, so I know that others have that capacity as well.

And as far as being friends. I am good friends now with my first love, Julie. She even emailed me about this and I posted her email on this thread. It took a LONG time though, probably 6 months to a year, but now I've hung out with her, spoken to her, etc. She is also married, but we were "friends" again before she was married (she was with her future husband though). Its not an ideal friendship, sometimes when I met with her if I was single it was a little weird... but I'm glad I have open communication with her now... she knows me in a different way then a lot of people do and that provides good insight sometimes.

 

[Becoming]

Re: got dumped..

I would say that is the exception and not the norm for that to work bro....

 

[vinylgroover]

Re: got dumped..

Lestat,

I have always stayed friends with ex's........even when i've been dumped.

For me, I prefer to face my demons than run away from them..........it builds strength and character. I may not call them every day or see them that often, but i do drop them a line every now and then and see them out.........it doesn't bother me when i do because i don't have any feelings other than 'friendship' for them.

If i was you i would have responded to the e-mail. It's what you write in that response and the tone of your reply that says more than if you do or don't respond.

I would have written a measured, short and friendly response along the lines that you are doing fine, getting on with things..........generally come across as if there's a calmness about you, even if that's not the reality.

I would then finish it with 'that's all for now, take care and chat soon'.

The only thing i wouldn't do is write stuff like 'i miss you', 'i'm hurting' etc etc........just make the tone of whatever you say to her one of you doing o.k and getting on with life.

 

[big4life]

Re: got dumped..

A clean break is best for right now, while the pain is fresh. After time has passed and you have gotten over the hurt, then you can try being friends if you like. Right now, every contact with her, even written, will reopen fresh wounds, and make the healing process longer.

 

[velvett]

Re: got dumped..

I have always stayed friends with ex's........even when i've been dumped.
.

I am/was too. (Wives have banned me from talking to the hubby).

But when your heart's still in it - it's best to remove your self from the equation completly until you head can rule your heart.

I can't think of an ex that I feel remorse in losing - in retrospect I'm still astonished by the amount of love I had for them at the time and how outrageous that seems to me now.

There's no reason for Lestat to torure himself right now when he needs to move on with his life and with his heart.


don't you love when people talk about you as if you're not in the room?

 

[wutangnomo]

Re: got dumped..

RIGHT NOW what you need is to have your own time and space WITHOUT her in your life in any way, shape, or form. After you have healed and move on and come to accept the situation, then you can consider friendship. By keeping in contact with her right now you only prolong your pain since you still desire that "life" with her and have not accepted reality. In the future after you have dealt with your emotions friendship is always a possibility, but not right now.

Don't think about the future, just focus on the present and dealing with your heartache. What happens down the road is limitless, so friendship or no friendship is always possible.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

shit man, vinylgroover makes a good point.

I agree about not responding with I miss you, and more sadness, and desperation. But my natural instinct would be to say something.... although telling her I am ok would likely just make her feel better and not me. I mean, I am ok, but its still very day to day and thoughts of her still dominate my mind...... just today I was stuck on the day we met... our first kiss.. that type of shit... Its TOUGH to get my mind off it.

Good news though. First real workout since the breakup was today.

Bad news. I weighed 181... I weighed about 186 before the breakup... I weighed 202 in April. So somewhere here I've lost 20lbs and being a hard gainer and a rather lean guy to start with.. that is depressing.

(I am 6'2" by the way, probably 7%bf now or lower).

 

[strongsmartsexy]

Re: got dumped..

shit man, vinylgroover makes a good point.

I agree about not responding with I miss you, and more sadness, and desperation. But my natural instinct would be to say something.... although telling her I am ok would likely just make her feel better and not me. I mean, I am ok, but its still very day to day and thoughts of her still dominate my mind...... just today I was stuck on the day we met... our first kiss.. that type of shit... Its TOUGH to get my mind off it.

Good news though. First real workout since the breakup was today.

Bad news. I weighed 181... I weighed about 186 before the breakup... I weighed 202 in April. So somewhere here I've lost 20lbs and being a hard gainer and a rather lean guy to start with.. that is depressing.

(I am 6'2" by the way, probably 7%bf now or lower).

Not to make fun of you, but on the Dave, Shelly and Chainsaw show, the Chainsaw had a comic on there for the "in the National Ba..."

Comedian: "I just broke up with my girlfriend. It turned we had conflicting signs. Yup. I'm a Gemini and she's a...







































WHORE!"