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do you hold a grudge?

  • Thread starter Thread starter heatherrae
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heatherrae

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for some reason, I am unable to hold a grudge in life. Now, you may think this is a positive trait but it isn't. It means that people tend to do things repeatedly and I keep forgiving so long as they say they are sorry. I seriously have to quit doing that!

How about you? Do you forgive and forget or do you have the memory of an elephant?
 
heatherrae said:
for some reason, I am unable to hold a grudge in life. Now, you may think this is a positive trait but it isn't. It means that people tend to do things repeatedly and I keep forgiving so long as they say they are sorry. I seriously have to quit doing that!

How about you? Do you forgive and forget or do you have the memory of an elephant?
Click to expand...

I don't hold anger, but I won't put my self in a position to be wronged more than once.
 
I can carry a grudge like a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist if I want.
 
if it causes me to develop deep seated resentment towards the person to the point that I subconciously despise them.......then I guess that's a grudge...
 
Yes, but after a long time I eill give someone a shot if I think it's a good idea.
 
An older kid who was real mean punched me in the middle of the back when I was in the 6th grade and it hurt... When I think back on it... Lucian, I'd like to kick your ass.. Guy's probably dead now, but if he were apologetic, Id get over it.
 
No , I forgive people due to the fact that I grew up in a house that held grudges and it only causes trouble... Great thread HR
 
I think I have a grudge against one group of people from a LONG time ago. Normally, I'm fine with them. However, when I'm being melodramatic, I laugh when I hear about how cancer has decimated some of their siblings. Personally, I'm troubled by this laughing when I'm fine.

It's very Jekyll and Hyde-ish.
 
Never...the only person harmed by a grudge held is the person holding it. If someone is bad enough that they deserve a grudge, I'm not going to let said person have that much power in my life. Forgive and cut them loose. As my father used to say, (and I know this will rub the non religious folk the wrong way) Unlock the shackle and hand the weight to god.
 
When I can honestly figure myself out I will let ya know. Until then I hold some strange sheot in my head right now..... Its a great question and good thread though......
 
I hold a grudge with the best of them; the grudge doesn't pass until I feel that I've gotten even (or better). After that tho, I'm willing to bury the hatchet more often than not.
 
heatherrae said:
for some reason, I am unable to hold a grudge in life. Now, you may think this is a positive trait but it isn't. It means that people tend to do things repeatedly and I keep forgiving so long as they say they are sorry. I seriously have to quit doing that!

How about you? Do you forgive and forget or do you have the memory of an elephant?
Click to expand...
There's a difference between holding a grudge and being a sap. You don't have to hold a grudge to learn not to let people take advantage of you or to not accept repeat bad behavior. Institute a two or three strike rule, if you have to, but laying down the law and standing up for yourself is utterly critical in life, and also a crucial parenting skill. Be warned, Heather, kids will shit on you and take heavy advantage of any situation. That adorable 1 year old will someday be a manipulative 16 year old with gonads and an agenda and he had better learn to respect you early or when he hits those teen years it's gonna be hell.
 
heatherrae said:
for some reason, I am unable to hold a grudge in life. Now, you may think this is a positive trait but it isn't. It means that people tend to do things repeatedly and I keep forgiving so long as they say they are sorry. I seriously have to quit doing that!

How about you? Do you forgive and forget or do you have the memory of an elephant?
Click to expand...

I hold grudges, and for long times too. My wife says it's my least desirable trait. Oh well, what can you do? Oh, and here is part she hates the most - if I meet someone once, and it's a bad meeting - for whatever reason. I don't like them from then on. She HATES that!
 
depends on the situation. If its something monetary or a pysical posession, nah. Now if you hurt my friends or family. Yes.
 
musclemom said:
There's a difference between holding a grudge and being a sap. You don't have to hold a grudge to learn not to let people take advantage of you or to not accept repeat bad behavior. Institute a two or three strike rule, if you have to, but laying down the law and standing up for yourself is utterly critical in life, and also a crucial parenting skill. Be warned, Heather, kids will shit on you and take heavy advantage of any situation. That adorable 1 year old will someday be a manipulative 16 year old with gonads and an agenda and he had better learn to respect you early or when he hits those teen years it's gonna be hell.
Click to expand...
Yes. I know. I really have a problem with it. I make excuses too much for other people, especially family. I have to grow a back bone in that regard.
 
heatherrae said:
for some reason, I am unable to hold a grudge in life. Now, you may think this is a positive trait but it isn't. It means that people tend to do things repeatedly and I keep forgiving so long as they say they are sorry. I seriously have to quit doing that!

How about you? Do you forgive and forget or do you have the memory of an elephant?
Click to expand...

Forgiving, dear lady, is NOT THE SAME AS FORGETTING.

I can forgive someone who wronged me which means that I bear no ill will. This is healthy FOR ME because hate is a very strong glue and why would I WANT to be stuck to someone that is negative or otherwise hurtfull to me?

HOWEVER, that does not mean that I want to sit down and share a meal with that person. Matter of fact forgiving does not mean that I ever EVER have to see or speak to that person again.

I am thinkin that once you realize this, your life will become a lot happier. :)
 
There was a time when I was younger and I couldn't remember why I chose to stop speaking or seeing someone (male or female, didn't matter) I would hang out with them again. And then BAM! I would *suddenly be reminded* of the cause. After that I didn't need to be reminded. If I *just stopped being friendly* then there must have been a good reason and I left it at that.

As for people who are close or that I choose to allow into my world you shit on me once, shame on you. You shit on me twice, shame on me.

Musclemom is sooooooooo right about our children. Hell, look at all that my oldest daughter has done to our world. Can I forgive her? I will have to. It wasn't her fault. She was being manipulated and used. HOWEVER, if she fucks with all that the Grump and I have worked so hard to build for us and for her and her sisters, then she will get sent packing. All the child need do is say the words and she will be forgiven but if those feelings never arise from the child then I will be satisfied to have *my little girl* live in my memory forever just the way she has these past 2+ years. Now her younger sisters, will THEY ever forgive her? That remains to be seen. I always tell the younger ones that they are in no way to tolerate abuse from her but that they shouldn't harbor resentment for what she has/is doing, that it isn't her fault and someday hopefully she will come to this realization.
 
I hold grudges longer than crack whores hold herpes.

I wake up every morning and look over my LIST OF PITIFUL PEOPLE WHO BEAR MY GRUDGE before my morning bowel movement. Then I pencil the newcomers to the list.
 
i have a couple that i've held on to. . .but for the most part i'm to damn busy to hang on to something that's non-productive and/or detrimental. . .
 
AAP said:
I hold grudges longer than crack whores hold herpes.

I wake up every morning and look over my LIST OF PITIFUL PEOPLE WHO BEAR MY GRUDGE before my morning bowel movement. Then I pencil the newcomers to the list.
Click to expand...
lol...sounds healthy. Do you keep this list beside of your sodoku book on the back of yer terlett?
 
A LOT of people on elite were very VERY mean to me for a very long time but most of those people and I mended fences a looooooooong time ago. Some people said some ungodly awful things to my e-face. I can't imagine what they must have said behind it. Regardless if they said they were sorry, then that was enough for me. Forgot about it and moved on. There are only one/two peeps who are still here (sorta) who never had the backbone to formally apologize to me. I don't hold a grudge against them (they aren't important enough). They just don't exist as far as I am concerned (and pretty much as the rest of the site is concerned too).

... works for me.
 
heatherrae said:
for some reason, I am unable to hold a grudge in life. Now, you may think this is a positive trait but it isn't. It means that people tend to do things repeatedly and I keep forgiving so long as they say they are sorry. I seriously have to quit doing that!

How about you? Do you forgive and forget or do you have the memory of an elephant?
Click to expand...

if I say yes are you going to bomb me?


j/k


I try not to let others influence my attitude. Usually it isn't worth ruining my day.
 
I never really hold a grudge. As a matter of fact I even asked my ex wife if she wanted to come work for my company. She now does.
 
heatherrae said:
Yes. I know. I really have a problem with it. I make excuses too much for other people, especially family. I have to grow a back bone in that regard.
Click to expand...
I'll tell you how to learn to do it, because I had a problem with it, too, and wish I had this as an option when I was a young mother: WATCH Nanny 911 and SuperNanny! Religiously! I'm dead serious. Watch enough of those shows and you learn what you need to do to head off bad habits getting ingrained in kids and how important consistency and all that other shit is.

Look, children learn by example. Well those lessons carry through into your adulthood. How do we really learn to parent, other than by watching what our own parents did when we ourselves were kids? Well, if you grew up in a household that was in any way dysfunctional, you're just going to pass those lessons on to your kid. Despite all hopes otherwise, you WILL do everything your parents did under a stress situation unless you have prepared a backup plan on how to handle catastrophes.
 
I carry grudges the way most men carry wallets. I have about 5 or so that I will never let go of, and God help those unfortunate mother fuckers if they should ever cross my path again. These are the folks for whom merely knocking out a few teeth would not suffice. I'd want them within a hair's breadth of going into a body bag.
 
JR76 said:
I carry grudges the way most men carry wallets. I have about 5 or so that I will never let go of, and God help those unfortunate mother fuckers if they should ever cross my path again. These are the folks for whom merely knocking out a few teeth would not suffice. I'd want them within a hair's breadth of going into a body bag.
Click to expand...

Bish, you better chill the fuck out or you'll have BP as high as mine.
 
heatherrae said:
for some reason, I am unable to hold a grudge in life. Now, you may think this is a positive trait but it isn't. It means that people tend to do things repeatedly and I keep forgiving so long as they say they are sorry. I seriously have to quit doing that!

How about you? Do you forgive and forget or do you have the memory of an elephant?
Click to expand...



No, i forgive and remember, however i disenpower the person to hurt me, or cause me harm..

see the difference..

holding a grudge implys that you would take action/revenge and that's not my style.. not being with me, or working with me, or being around me.. that's punishment enough..

well, that sounded egotistical, sorry about that, but it keeps acidic people out of my day to day life..

your assistant is a perfect example, i wouldn't allow that type of person to be around me..
 
I do not hold grudges because I deal swift payback. I bend over backwards for people, so the few that try to screw me get quickly put in their place.
 
I don't rent space in my head for anyone. That's what a grudge is. If I put one more thing into that head, my locker combination will fall out.
So, it's just not worth my time.
 
I don't hold and grudge either HR. At times I have even said to myself "I WISH I could still be mad at them for what they did to me because they deserve it!" But I cannot do it. I get over stuff really easy.
 
ricco561 said:
I don't rent space in my head for anyone. That's what a grudge is. If I put one more thing into that head, my locker combination will fall out.
So, it's just not worth my time.
Click to expand...

doesn't look like there is room for much at all in that tiny lil freak head of yours. LOL
 
depends on the situation but, if someone fux me over I'll flat out shut that person out of my life. i can go months/years without talking to that person even if they're in the same room with me.
 
i cant hold a grudge if someone paid me to do it.... i cant stand it. but life is too short to go around pissed off all the time at people. especially for petty shit.
 
heatherrae said:
for some reason, I am unable to hold a grudge in life. Now, you may think this is a positive trait but it isn't. It means that people tend to do things repeatedly and I keep forgiving so long as they say they are sorry. I seriously have to quit doing that!

How about you? Do you forgive and forget or do you have the memory of an elephant?
Click to expand...


I'm like you and can't hold a grudge. Sometimes is embarassing because sometimes someone has done me wrong, then I run into the person years or months ago and I forget what happens and I say "Oh HI how are you" Of course they look at me like I'm nuts, then I remember this person has done me wrong. However, if I'm wronged a few times, I cut them off completely. At that point I don't forget.
 
musclemom said:
I'll tell you how to learn to do it, because I had a problem with it, too, and wish I had this as an option when I was a young mother: WATCH Nanny 911 and SuperNanny! Religiously! I'm dead serious. Watch enough of those shows and you learn what you need to do to head off bad habits getting ingrained in kids and how important consistency and all that other shit is.

Look, children learn by example. Well those lessons carry through into your adulthood. How do we really learn to parent, other than by watching what our own parents did when we ourselves were kids? Well, if you grew up in a household that was in any way dysfunctional, you're just going to pass those lessons on to your kid. Despite all hopes otherwise, you WILL do everything your parents did under a stress situation unless you have prepared a backup plan on how to handle catastrophes.
Click to expand...
Yeah, that's a good idea. I don't have television (no cable) but I find that show very entertaining when I do get to see. it. I read lots of parenting books but I tend to have a laid back, somewhat permissive style already with my son. I wouldn't let him be a brat, though. He's really too young right now to discipline much. I just try to redirect him or distract him for now when he gets into things he shouldn't, but I know the day is getting here when he will be more willful.
 
heatherrae said:
Yeah, that's a good idea. I don't have television (no cable) but I find that show very entertaining when I do get to see. it. I read lots of parenting books but I tend to have a laid back, somewhat permissive style already with my son. I wouldn't let him be a brat, though. He's really too young right now to discipline much. I just try to redirect him or distract him for now when he gets into things he shouldn't, but I know the day is getting here when he will be more willful.
Click to expand...
Heather, just keep it in the back of your mind, okay? Nobody sets out to parent a brat, it just happens and there you are.

Boys can be every bit as manipulative as girls, seriously, and that manipulation starts around age 2 (I'm not kidding). I'm not talking about disciplining him, now, actually what I'm saying is laying down laws early on. The big thing with kids is 1) Set a schedule, stick to it, kids thrive with essentially the military mind set; 2) give them responsibilities early on, even a 2 or 3 year old can pick up their room and help make the bed, put away clothes, etc.; 3) Be consistent. If you said NO to it yesterday, say no to it today and say no to it tomorrow and don't waver. If you said yes to it yesterday and you say no to it today, that sends mixed messages; 4) don't let them get under your skin and don't blow your top.
 
I wouldn't say I hold a grudge per se. Though if I feel someone has truly wronged me they might as well have died. I won't speak to them unless absolutely necessary and I wouldn't take the time to piss on them if they were on fire.

If I feel I have been wronged I am absolutely incapable of forgiving them ever, but I don't let it steer my life I just cut them out like a cancer.

Cheers,
Scotsman
 
Dial_tone said:
I can carry a grudge like a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist if I want.
Click to expand...

So can I.

I can forgive or excuse but there's very little that I can forget.

I'm open to give people chances to redeem themselves but I am equally as open to not give those chances and have no problem with that.
 
heatherrae said:
for some reason, I am unable to hold a grudge in life. Now, you may think this is a positive trait but it isn't. It means that people tend to do things repeatedly and I keep forgiving so long as they say they are sorry. I seriously have to quit doing that!

How about you? Do you forgive and forget or do you have the memory of an elephant?
Click to expand...

Liar. Women in general can't let anything go.
 
curvymommy said:
I don't hold and grudge either HR. At times I have even said to myself "I WISH I could still be mad at them for what they did to me because they deserve it!" But I cannot do it. I get over stuff really easy.
Click to expand...
Exactly what I say to myself!
 
musclemom said:
Heather, just keep it in the back of your mind, okay? Nobody sets out to parent a brat, it just happens and there you are.

Boys can be every bit as manipulative as girls, seriously, and that manipulation starts around age 2 (I'm not kidding). I'm not talking about disciplining him, now, actually what I'm saying is laying down laws early on. The big thing with kids is 1) Set a schedule, stick to it, kids thrive with essentially the military mind set; 2) give them responsibilities early on, even a 2 or 3 year old can pick up their room and help make the bed, put away clothes, etc.; 3) Be consistent. If you said NO to it yesterday, say no to it today and say no to it tomorrow and don't waver. If you said yes to it yesterday and you say no to it today, that sends mixed messages; 4) don't let them get under your skin and don't blow your top.
Click to expand...
that is great advice. i do need to be more structured with him. i need work in that area.
 
musclemom said:
Heather, just keep it in the back of your mind, okay? Nobody sets out to parent a brat, it just happens and there you are.

Boys can be every bit as manipulative as girls, seriously, and that manipulation starts around age 2 (I'm not kidding). I'm not talking about disciplining him, now, actually what I'm saying is laying down laws early on. The big thing with kids is 1) Set a schedule, stick to it, kids thrive with essentially the military mind set; 2) give them responsibilities early on, even a 2 or 3 year old can pick up their room and help make the bed, put away clothes, etc.; 3) Be consistent. If you said NO to it yesterday, say no to it today and say no to it tomorrow and don't waver. If you said yes to it yesterday and you say no to it today, that sends mixed messages; 4) don't let them get under your skin and don't blow your top.
Click to expand...

I could use some discipline........gah, fuck I still havent gotten that artcle for you! I wrote myself a note, I'll grab the journal tomorrow!
 
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