Being a single

[Frisky]

parent is the hardest thing i've ever done in my entire life.

sometimes i just don't know how to deal with situations... i have so much laid on my back and i sometimes have no answeres. My kids rely on me to have the answers to everything.. yet sometimes i fall short. Most depressing thing in the world is to have to tell your child that you have no answer.

 

[The Shadow]

have some bacon ranch cleavage

 

[ortiz34]

parent is the hardest thing i've ever done in my entire life.

sometimes i just don't know how to deal with situations... i have so much laid on my back and i sometimes have no answeres. My kids rely on me to have the answers to everything.. yet sometimes i fall short. Most depressing thing in the world is to have to tell your child that you have no answer.

They must love you greatly though, and that's the most important thing.
Relax, your doing a good job.

 

[EnderJE]

Save up. Therapy is going to be a bitch.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Not at all darlin'... shows that you are human.

I will tell you something that another single mom told me a few years back when I was really down on myself and totally down and out - matter of fact I was homeless at the time and far from them while they were being mistreated here.

She told me, "Your children will love you no matter what.... "

Think about that....

 

[DannoMight]

when they get older they will understand how hard it was and they will love and respect you even more knowing all you did for them on your own.

 

[biteme]

I sympathize with you. Try be a single parent dad with custody of a 14 year old daughter. No wonder I've been wanting to kill myself. LOL

 

[javaguru]

parent is the hardest thing i've ever done in my entire life.

sometimes i just don't know how to deal with situations... i have so much laid on my back and i sometimes have no answeres. My kids rely on me to have the answers to everything.. yet sometimes i fall short. Most depressing thing in the world is to have to tell your child that you have no answer.

You expect you can be everything for everyone all the time. That's a lot of stress. Hell, you still take care of your ex. You can't be perfect, super mom, do the best you can. I know how devoted you are to your children so I don't think anyone can do a better job for your children than you. Be strong, do your best and that's all you can do. Remember, they are also individuals with their own choices to make.

 

[coldblue1955]

parent is the hardest thing i've ever done in my entire life.

sometimes i just don't know how to deal with situations... i have so much laid on my back and i sometimes have no answeres. My kids rely on me to have the answers to everything.. yet sometimes i fall short. Most depressing thing in the world is to have to tell your child that you have no answer.

i'll hook up with ya!

 

[Bikini Mod]

I sympathize with you. Try be a single parent dad with custody of a 14 year old daughter. No wonder I've been wanting to kill myself. LOL

Darlin - that is ONE...

Try four ANGRY adolescent/pre adolescents...

 

[biteme]

Darlin - that is ONE...

Try four ANGRY adolescent/pre adolescents...

Oh God. My sister went through that too. I don't know how y'all do it.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Oh God. My sister went through that too. I don't know how y'all do it.

It's easy.

There is no option for failure. PERIOD

 

[Kakdiesel]

wtf. i didnt know you had a kid. sorry about your struggles but you are a better person in the end for it.

 

[glennds]

Try four ANGRY adolescent/pre adolescents...

oh wow. that must be very hard for you.

 

[Kakdiesel]

i cant wait to adopt a lil black kid from africa. im gonna Earl Woods his ass.

 

[Bikini Mod]

oh wow. that must be very hard for you.

Nope... dont look at it like that.

Hard/easy... it is what it is.

They are furious with their father and for the system for failing us. But I am their mother and it is MY JOB to make it ok.

And so it shall be.

 

[musclemom]

parent is the hardest thing i've ever done in my entire life.

sometimes i just don't know how to deal with situations... i have so much laid on my back and i sometimes have no answeres. My kids rely on me to have the answers to everything.. yet sometimes i fall short. Most depressing thing in the world is to have to tell your child that you have no answer.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with saying, "I don't know the answer to that right now, but let me think about it ..."

Then you come to EF and find ALL the answers to the most important questions of life, death, physics and religion

 

[javaguru]

Anyone else get that chain e-mail about the stay at home mom who "teaches her husband a lesson" by showing what her day is like? My best friend, who is a single father of two girls, wrote a reply to the sender and everyone she sent it too. Basic premise, most of what they claimed to do happens irregularly and the point I added was that all the single moms I know do all that AND work 40+ hours a week. The stay at home mom has no place to whine. I wish I could remember the famous writer who stated,"The difference between a good housewife and a bad housewife is about two hours a day."

 

[Bikini Mod]

Anyone else get that chain e-mail about the stay at home mom who "teaches her husband a lesson" by showing what her day is like? My best friend, who is a single father of two girls, wrote a reply to the sender and everyone she sent it too. Basic premise, most of what they claimed to do happens irregularly and the point I added was that all the single moms I know do all that AND work 40+ hours a week. The stay at home mom has no place to whine. I wish I could remember the famous writer who stated,"The difference between a good housewife and a bad housewife is about two hours a day."

Actually I beg to differ.

Being a single mom is incredibly easier than when I was a stay-at-home-mom.
Even with the bullshit drama that my ex puts us through - I can still cook and clean and do homework, etc, etc, etc... Bringing home money is EASY.

PARENTING IS FUCKING HARD. Just ask my ex when any number of our kids screams, "Asshole" to his face while throwing the nearest object at his head. In my home they are not even allowed to call each other jerk or raise their voices for any reason. But hey, a judge said that he is the better parent because I was a bikini model. Go figure.

Whether it is the man or the woman that is the primary caregiver is wholely irrelevant and silly to argue.

A man changes a diaper and he gets an award.

A woman goes and busts her ass in and OUT of the home and is labeled "selfish".

PUH-LEASE.

 

[javaguru]

Actually I beg to differ.

Being a single mom is incredibly easier than when I was a stay-at-home-mom.
Even with the bullshit drama that my ex puts us through - I can still cook and clean and do homework, etc, etc, etc... Bringing home money is EASY.

PARENTING IS FUCKING HARD.

Whether it is the man or the woman that is the primary caregiver is wholely irrelevant and silly to argue.

A man changes a diaper and he gets an award.

A woman goes and busts her ass in and OUT of the home and is labeled "selfish".

PUH-LEASE.

It has nothing to do with dealing with a partner, single mom's do that all the time as well as dealing with an ex. It has to do with the fact stay at home mother's want an award for doing the same work as a single working mother who does the same thing and has a job 40+ hours a week. My friend has his daughters, does all those chores and works his ass off.

 

[needtogetaas]

It has nothing to do with dealing with a partner, single mom's do that all the time as well as dealing with an ex. It has to do with the fact stay at home mother's want an award for doing the same work as a single working mother who does the same thing and has a job 40+ hours a week. My friend has his daughters, does all those chores and works his ass off.

a fucken men brotha.we finaly agry.couldent have said it,and a dame shore couldent have spelled it anny better my self.

 

[Frisky]

have some bacon ranch cleavage

oh man... my house smells amazing right now! Chicken in the oven.. garlic potatos all done.. three cheese garlic bread

 

[Bikini Mod]

It has nothing to do with dealing with a partner, single mom's do that all the time as well as dealing with an ex. It has to do with the fact stay at home mother's want an award for doing the same work as a single working mother who does the same thing and has a job 40+ hours a week. My friend has his daughters, does all those chores and works his ass off.

Your friend is doing what he is supposed to do just as I am and Erzulie is. At the end of the day the children will either turn out well because of our good work or IN SPITE of it.

A stayathome PARENT (gender is irrelevant) DOES deserve an award because their job is 24/7. While the partner need only bring home a paycheck.

When you are on your own you do what you are supposed to do, no need for any special accolades.

Just my .02

As I said, my life got EASIER once I kicked my ex out. All I needed to do was get a job. While he has had to learn how to parent. I may be poor but I always make sure we have what we need IN SPITE of all the bullshit he causes us. He, on the other hand, is floundering beyond belief with ZERO interference from me.

If your friend is a good parent then his children will do well. He needs no accolades from me or anyone else.

 

[dicedgunz]

oh man... my house smells amazing right now! Chicken in the oven.. garlic potatos all done.. three cheese garlic bread

what time should i be by for dinner then....

 

[javaguru]

Your friend is doing what he is supposed to do just as I am and Erzulie is. At the end of the day the children will either turn out well because of our good work or IN SPITE of it.

A stayathome PARENT (gender is irrelevant) DOES deserve an award because their job is 24/7. While the partner need only bring home a paycheck.

When you are on your own you do what you are supposed to do, no need for any special accolades.

Just my .02

As I said, my life got EASIER once I kicked my ex out. All I needed to do was get a job. While he has had to learn how to parent. I may be poor but I always make sure we have what we need IN SPITE of all the bullshit he causes us. He, on the other hand, is floundering beyond belief with ZERO interference from me.

If your friend is a good parent then his children will do well. He needs no accolades from me or anyone else.

IMO, nobody deserves an award for doing their job. Give the partner who busts their ass sixty hours a week to keep their family in a lifestyle an award. Everybody seems overly concerned about the stay at home parent. Guess what, I was fifteen and watched my sister's son and daughter while she was at work and my mom had other obligations. It's a lot easier than my current job, I can tell you that. Pissy clients threatening your livelihood are worse than any two year old throwing a tantrum. I don't mean to belittle stay at home parents but it's the single parents "taking care of business" that deserve props.

 

[Frisky]

You expect you can be everything for everyone all the time. That's a lot of stress. Hell, you still take care of your ex. You can't be perfect, super mom, do the best you can. I know how devoted you are to your children so I don't think anyone can do a better job for your children than you. Be strong, do your best and that's all you can do. Remember, they are also individuals with their own choices to make.

sometimes i feel i fall short. I want to have all the right answers at all the right times. Dealing with a 11yr old son that has a million and one questions and issues and of course i count my blessings that he actually comes to me for the answers. We have a great relationship and i know that he can tell me anything... so does he. Yet sometimes i have no answer to his questions and i feel so low then. He confides in me more than he does his dad.. and asks me to not tell his dad in some instances...

i tend try to solve everyones problems ... always there to lend an ear, to sort out shit for everyone else. I seem to be the to go girl when push comes to shove.. but i am the most reluctant person to go to anyone with any of my problems.

btw... i have the most amazing ranch bacon chicken that just came out of the oven......

 

[Bikini Mod]

IMO, nobody deserves an award for doing their job. Give the partner who busts their ass sixty hours a week to keep their family in a lifestyle an award. Everybody seems overly concerned about the stay at home parent. Guess what, I was fifteen and watched my sister's son and daughter while she was at work and my mom had other obligations. It's a lot easier than my current job, I can tell you that. Pissy clients threatening your livelihood are worse than any two year old throwing a tantrum. I don't mean to belittle stay at home parents but it's the single parents "taking care of business" that deserve props.

Lots of older children helped keep younger siblings out of trouble while their parents attended to other responsibilities. I RAISED my younger sister (I was only 3 years older myself.) And your point is?

Darlin' you were a BABYSITTER - not a parent.

Until you have been in both situations you really can not give an accurate assessment.

 

[Bikini Mod]

sometimes i feel i fall short. I want to have all the right answers at all the right times. Dealing with a 11yr old son that has a million and one questions and issues and of course i count my blessings that he actually comes to me for the answers. We have a great relationship and i know that he can tell me anything... so does he. Yet sometimes i have no answer to his questions and i feel so low then. He confides in me more than he does his dad.. and asks me to not tell his dad in some instances...

i tend try to solve everyones problems ... always there to lend an ear, to sort out shit for everyone else. I seem to be the to go girl when push comes to shove.. but i am the most reluctant person to go to anyone with any of my problems.

btw... i have the most amazing ranch bacon chicken that just came out of the oven......

Darlin' there is NOTHING WRONG with telling a child, "I dont know."

Imagine trying to explain to child why they must live with the other parent when that circumstance is sooooooooo obviously not good for anyone?

The answer?

I DONT KNOW.

I tell my girls.

"It wont be like this forever. It only seems like it is..."

And we look forward to another day.

Your children will be fine simply because you care THAT MUCH.

 

[javaguru]

sometimes i feel i fall short. I want to have all the right answers at all the right times. Dealing with a 11yr old son that has a million and one questions and issues and of course i count my blessings that he actually comes to me for the answers. We have a great relationship and i know that he can tell me anything... so does he. Yet sometimes i have no answer to his questions and i feel so low then. He confides in me more than he does his dad.. and asks me to not tell his dad in some instances...

i tend try to solve everyones problems ... always there to lend an ear, to sort out shit for everyone else. I seem to be the to go girl when push comes to shove.. but i am the most reluctant person to go to anyone with any of my problems.

btw... i have the most amazing ranch bacon chicken that just came out of the oven......

You remind me a lot of my sister. My brother in law served two tours in Vietnam, six months in Desert Storm, a year in Bosnia, and a year in Iraq after Iraqi freedom. She has the same desires to do everything for everyone. Sometimes you have to rely on your support network, I hope you have some close family. I was pretty much the male role model in my niece and nephew's life for a long time, as a teenager. My niece gratuated from my alma mater and my nephew will soon and they still love holidays when they get to talk to uncle Brian. If nothing else, I contributed to the lives of two great human beings and it was an honor.

 

[javaguru]

Lots of older children helped keep younger siblings out of trouble while their parents attended to other responsibilities. I RAISED my younger sister (I was only 3 years older myself.) And your point is?

Darlin' you were a BABYSITTER - not a parent.

Until you have been in both situations you really can not give an accurate assessment.

Well, considering I performed the same duties as a stay at home parent, they're related by blood and I wanted the best for them. I think I can step into the shoes of a parent. I love my niece and nephew and vice versa..to this day they make time to come hom to see "uncle Brian." I've also dated plenty of single mom's and been engaged to them, as a step parent, and missed the kids more than their mother. Her daughter still contacts me when she has computer problems. Don't presume that I don't kow how to "feel" for a child.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Well, considering I performed the same duties as a stay at home parent, they're related by blood and I wanted the best for them. I think I can step into the shoes of a parent. I love my niece and nephew and vice versa..to this day they make time to come hom to see "uncle Brian."

You are to be commended for positively influencing the lives of children that you did not sire. However, it is NOT the same as being their parent.

Sorry... it just isn't the same thing.

I was only 3 years older and did nearly EVERYTHING for my sister from the time I was little and still it was not the same as what I did do and am doing for my children whether I was their stayathome mom or their working single mom.

I still say that being a single parent is waaaaaaaaay easier than when I was a stayathome mother. I have been a single mom for over 5 years now so I think I am qualified to make the statement.

Even though our lives have SUCKED ASS I still would never go back to the life we had before.

 

[javaguru]

You are to be commended for positively influencing the lives of children that you did not sire. However, it is NOT the same as being their parent.

Sorry... it just isn't the same thing.

I was only 3 years older and did nearly EVERYTHING for my sister from the time I was little and still it was not the same as what I did do and am doing for my children whether I was their stayathome mom or their working single mom.

I still say that being a single parent is waaaaaaaaay easier than when I was a stayathome mother. I have been a single mom for over 5 years now so I think I am qualified to make the statement.

Even though our lives have SUCKED ASS I still would never go back to the life we had before.

So, you claim that adoptive parents don't love their children like biological parent's? I've dated women where the biological father didn't WANT to see their children and just paid support. Don't claim that biology overcomes the desire to nurture because I can attest that's false. So, having not to worry about finances is easier than worrying about supporting your children plus doing all the household chores yourself? Perhaps you had a bad husband because I don't know a single mother who didn't take on more stress and responsibility after the divorce. They've stated it was so much easier when they had a partner. Logically, it doesn't make sense.

 

[Kakdiesel]

jesus loves all of you

 

[HiDnGoD]

parent is the hardest thing i've ever done in my entire life.

sometimes i just don't know how to deal with situations... i have so much laid on my back and i sometimes have no answeres. My kids rely on me to have the answers to everything.. yet sometimes i fall short. Most depressing thing in the world is to have to tell your child that you have no answer.

You da bomb, baby. Just keep plugging away & being involved. No-one has all the answers, & maybe your kids seeing how you aren't perfect will be good for them, a little.
Even though you don't have all the answers, you still deal.
As a wise person once said to me, "Who do you think you are? God?". He's the only one to earn that expectation. All the rest of us can do is try.

 

[mrplunkey]

Anyone else get that chain e-mail about the stay at home mom who "teaches her husband a lesson" by showing what her day is like? My best friend, who is a single father of two girls, wrote a reply to the sender and everyone she sent it too. Basic premise, most of what they claimed to do happens irregularly and the point I added was that all the single moms I know do all that AND work 40+ hours a week. The stay at home mom has no place to whine. I wish I could remember the famous writer who stated,"The difference between a good housewife and a bad housewife is about two hours a day."

I've done the corporate CEO thing in a 2.6K person company.

I've done the single dad (part time) thing with three kids, 15, 12 and 7.

Earning big money in a big job is a MUCH MUCH MUCH harder, stressful, taxing job. My temples grayed in my mid 20's.

Being a stay-at-home dad is a MUCH MUCH MUCH more important job.

Just please don't confuse 'important' with 'difficult'. There is a difference.

 

[mrplunkey]

parent is the hardest thing i've ever done in my entire life.

sometimes i just don't know how to deal with situations... i have so much laid on my back and i sometimes have no answeres. My kids rely on me to have the answers to everything.. yet sometimes i fall short. Most depressing thing in the world is to have to tell your child that you have no answer.

If you love your children, close counts. Don't stress over not having all the answers and for God's sake, don't "over parent". When in doubt, just chill and focus on what's good for your kids. Don't get hung-up on what's "best" for your kids either, because that can lead you to a stressful decision making process.

Remember... "good" and "close" counts when you love them.

 

[Bikini Mod]

So, you claim that adoptive parents don't love their children like biological parent's? I've dated women where the biological father didn't WANT to see their children and just paid support. Don't claim that biology overcomes the desire to nurture because I can attest that's false. So, having not to worry about finances is easier than worrying about supporting your children plus doing all the household chores yourself? Perhaps you had a bad husband because I don't know a single mother who didn't take on more stress and responsibility after the divorce. They've stated it was so much easier when they had a partner. Logically, it doesn't make sense.

Please reread my posts.

You were a BABYSITTER - NOT A PARENT. THERE IS A VAST DIFFERENCE. I all but raised my baby sister, but it was not like raising my own kids because though I functioned much like a mother to her - I WAS NOT HER MOTHER - I WAS HER OVER-BURDENED OLDER SISTER - HYUGE DIFFERENCE.

And yes, my ex was a selfish asshole that didnt do fuckall to help out with the kids. I was partner in our business, took care of all the household responsibilities, our social obligations AND the kids. So being a single parent is waaaaaaaaaay easier in comparison. I got rid of dead wood and he has to learn how to parent... something that I have been doing since before my children were born.

And Mr Plunkey - you are sooooooooooo right on the money.

"Difficult" is NOT to be confused with "important".

There is no comparison.

 

[javaguru]

I've done the corporate CEO thing in a 2.6K person company.

I've done the single dad (part time) thing with three kids, 15, 12 and 7.

Earning big money in a big job is a MUCH MUCH MUCH harder, stressful, taxing job. My temples grayed in my mid 20's.

Being a stay-at-home dad is a MUCH MUCH MUCH more important job.

Just please don't confuse 'important' with 'difficult'. There is a difference.

The sad part is that after the age of nine their friends have more impact on their development than the parents, no matter how involved. My point is that a father busting his ass has to balance his time better with the kids to have the same impact as a stay at home mom. My father busted his ass working six or seven days a week to support me and my mother but it wasn't until I was in college that i realized who he was or even said "I love you." He was just some guy who came and went with zero impact on my life.

 

[javaguru]

Please reread my posts.

You were a BABYSITTER - NOT A PARENT. THERE IS A VAST DIFFERENCE. I all but raised my baby sister, but it was not like raising my own kids because though I functioned much like a mother to her - I WAS NOT HER MOTHER - I WAS HER OVER-BURDENED OLDER SISTER - HYUGE DIFFERENCE.

And yes, my ex was a selfish asshole that didnt do fuckall to help out with the kids. I was partner in our business, took care of all the household responsibilities, our social obligations AND the kids. So being a single parent is waaaaaaaaaay easier in comparison. I got rid of dead wood and he has to learn how to parent... something that I have been doing since before my children were born.

And Mr Plunkey - you are sooooooooooo right on the money.

"Difficult" is NOT to be confused with "important".

There is no comparison.

Please read where I was engaged and living with a mother of two children. Who do you think performed the daily father duties? Her ex-husband actually commented he was happy I provided a stabilizing influence. Read again where her daughter comes to me when she has problems. Based on your responses I'm assuming you think adoptive parents and stepfathers are incapable of "loving" like "real" parents. Please read again where sperm donors pay their support but want no interaction with their children. It does shoot a hole in you genetic parent theory of child rearing.

 

[Cutiebaby]

friskers i am not a single mom and there are moments where i dont have the answers that my son is looking for.
Parenting in general is a hard task.Yes of course it is harder when you are single i am not saying that it is not..When need2 went off to training and went ahead on to italy for a few months without me it was surely a bitch.....But even though he is here now it is still hard...
If only kids came with manuals!!!!!!! maybe a mute button too LOL

 

[Bikini Mod]

Please read where I was engaged and living with a mother of two children. Who do you think performed the daily father duties? Her ex-husband actually commented he was happy I provided a stabilizing influence. Read again where her daughter comes to me when she has problems. Based on your responses I'm assuming you think adoptive parents and stepfathers are incapable of "loving" like "real" parents. Please read again where sperm donors pay their support but want no interaction with their children. It does shoot a hole in you genetic parent theory of child rearing.

Who said anything about genetics?

All I saw was your post about you babysitting children while their parents worked. Didnt see anything about you assuming parental responsibilities. You are a wonderful man, I am sure.

But you still have not been in both boats. So you can not comment but only imagine.

Were you ever a stay-at-home parent?

Were you ever a single parent?

I have been both... so I CAN. Not saying my opinion is the only opinion. I am only commenting on MY situation.

The comparisons were clear - stayathome as opposed to single parent. Who has the more difficult job?

My life as a single mother is waaaaaaaaay easier than my life was when I was a stayathome mom (that also fucking worked - yes, I was nursing one baby, while keeping the oldest entertained, pregnant - throwing up with the baby - answering phones, typing proposals, making sure health insurance/business insurances were in order, etc, etc, etc - cooking, cleaning, potty-training, birthday presents, christmas cards, blah, blah, blah AND made sure my exhusband was the king of the world.)

Now I only have to be a mom to four challenging but amazing kids and try to provide for us.

Which is easier? You decide.

 

[javaguru]

Who said anything about genetics?

All I saw was your post about you babysitting children while their parents worked. Didnt see anything about you assuming parental responsibilities. You are a wonderful man, I am sure.

But you still have not been in both boats. So you can not comment but only imagine.

Were you ever a stay-at-home parent?

Were you ever a single parent?

I have been both... so I CAN. Not saying my opinion is the only opinion. I am only commenting on MY situation.

The comparisons were clear - stayathome as opposed to single parent. Who has the more difficult job?

My life as a single mother is waaaaaaaaay easier than my life was when I was a stayathome mom (that also fucking worked - yes, I was nursing one baby, while keeping the oldest entertained, pregnant - throwing up with the baby - answering phones, typing proposals, making sure health insurance/business insurances were in order, etc, etc, etc - cooking, cleaning, potty-training, birthday presents, christmas cards, blah, blah, blah AND made sure my exhusband was the king of the world.)

Now I only have to be a mom to four challenging but amazing kids and try to provide for us.

Which is easier? You decide.

Your response, based on what every single parent has told me is diametrically opposed. You can attack my credentials but not those of every single parent I have known. Admittedly, I have limited experience with stay at home moms but I can tell you the ones who worked 40+ hours a week and were moms claimed it was harder when they lost their partner, which is logical. Why are you making sure your ex-husband is "king of the world" that's his job? Nobody, from a standpoint of logic, can say it's easier going from taking care of all the domestic duties to taking care of all the domestic duties plus working 40+ hours a week is easier than just taking care of the domestic duties.

 

[Frisky]

It has nothing to do with dealing with a partner, single mom's do that all the time as well as dealing with an ex. It has to do with the fact stay at home mother's want an award for doing the same work as a single working mother who does the same thing and has a job 40+ hours a week. My friend has his daughters, does all those chores and works his ass off.

hell yea

i work 40+ hours a week ... plus i have my own home business doing residental house plans. And i find the time to fit in choir, guitar lessons, religion classes, study's etc..;... sometimes i dolnt' even get 4 hours sleep a night so that i can make sure that my kids have everything they need the next day.

 

[needtogetaas]

hell yea

i work 40+ hours a week ... plus i have my own home business doing residental house plans. And i find the time to fit in choir, guitar lessons, religion classes, study's etc..;... sometimes i dolnt' even get 4 hours sleep a night so that i can make sure that my kids have everything they need the next day.

well youre kids one day will say thank you.and even if they dont they are.

 

[Frisky]

oh man... ive parented so much tonight. my siblings look to me as the voice of reason when push comes to shove.... and of course i do everything in my beings to help them out... i now know why im single and loving it!

 

[Frisky]

well youre kids one day will say thank you.and even if they dont they are.

i love knowing i provide... and i know they appreciate it. I didn't have what they have, sometimes i go above and beyond because i know what it feels like to do with out.. both emotionally and physically.

 

[EnderJE]

Your response, based on what every single parent has told me is diametrically opposed. You can attack my credentials but not those of every single parent I have known. Admittedly, I have limited experience with stay at home moms but I can tell you the ones who worked 40+ hours a week and were moms claimed it was harder when they lost their partner, which is logical. Why are you making sure your ex-husband is "king of the world" that's his job? Nobody, from a standpoint of logic, can say it's easier going from taking care of all the domestic duties to taking care of all the domestic duties plus working 40+ hours a week is easier than just taking care of the domestic duties.

There you go with your logic and rational thought again. Dude, this IS the Internet.

 

[EnderJE]

i love knowing i provide... and i know they appreciate it. I didn't have what they have, sometimes i go above and beyond because i know what it feels like to do with out.. both emotionally and physically.

But if your sacrifice yourself...well...that's you.

I wouldn't do that. I tried spending every waking minute when them to ensure that they had "everything I didn't". I ended up with happy kids, but I started to hate them for it.

 

[HumorMe]

Is this about not knowing some of the answers to their homework problems?

 

[Kakdiesel]

Is this about not knowing some of the answers to their homework problems?

lol ya know, lets be honest, it would take me about two hours of review before i could help a kid out with his geometry or trig right now.

 

[HumorMe]

lol ya know, lets be honest, it would take me about two hours of review before i could help a kid out with his geometry or trig right now.

lol. I would do what every other helpful parent out there would do. I would post it on a message board and ask how to work them.

 

[EnderJE]

lol. I would do what every other helpful parent out there would do. I would post it on a message board and ask how to work them.

Hmm. So my plan to burn the kid's books over a campfire...all the while yelling out "Math is the new satan!" isn't a good idea?

 

[HumorMe]

Hmm. So my plan to burn the kid's books over a campfire...all the while yelling out "Math is the new satan!" isn't a good idea?

 

[Bikini Mod]

Your response, based on what every single parent has told me is diametrically opposed. You can attack my credentials but not those of every single parent I have known. Admittedly, I have limited experience with stay at home moms but I can tell you the ones who worked 40+ hours a week and were moms claimed it was harder when they lost their partner, which is logical. Why are you making sure your ex-husband is "king of the world" that's his job? Nobody, from a standpoint of logic, can say it's easier going from taking care of all the domestic duties to taking care of all the domestic duties plus working 40+ hours a week is easier than just taking care of the domestic duties.

Ummmmmmmmm I was a stayathome mom -

THAT WAS EQUAL PARTNER AND WORKED IN OUR OWN BUSINESS...

Get it?

We were self-employed! So I worked, I just didn't leave my home for the "office work" (well not unless I worked with my ex or had to get supplies or file permits n' such. then I loaded up the kids and did all of that WITH THEM IN TOW) - my kids were with me 24/7 - I took care of domestic duties - all social obligations - ALL WHILE EITHER BEING PREGNANT/NURSING A BABY - HAD FOUR OF THEM IN FIVE YEARS WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A CLEANING LADY UNTIL I DEMANDED ONE WHEN I WAS 7 MONTHS PREGNANT WITH OUR 4TH

AND

I still had time for a relationship with my ex. (This is where a lot of marriages fail - no one makes anytime for their partner. I did - for that I got beaten.)

What is different now?

I STILL WORK

I STILL TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS - Hell, I fucking claw for every second with them.

I have far less social obligations (1/2 the family gone praise God)

and

NO HUSBAND to maintain a relationship with. (Hence the silly thread about "needing some ass" LOL)


Who attacked your credentials?

I was stating facts.

Your arguement was clear:

Single parenthood as opposed to being a stayathome parent. You have been neither. You based your arguements on second hand information. I have based mine on personal life experience.

Internet or not please read the responsibilities I had when married and the resposibilities I have now. Where are there less?

 

[Bikini Mod]

There you go with your logic and rational thought again. Dude, this IS the Internet.

Too bad his logic and rational thought is miguided.

 

[Gymgurl]

Being a mom is the hardest job you will ever have...pretty much thankless...but if your kids turn out well then you did a good job...I can't imagine doing this alone. I have 3 and I can't even pretend to think that I could handle Erzulie's life...and that chick trained on top of verything else..you are my hero girl LOL

 

[mrdeeznuts]

what did they ask?

 

[Bikini Mod]

I still need to get some ass.... Wednesday cant come soon enough. I hope the submitted proposal will be such that I will be able to get my swerve on. LOL

 

[Frisky]

But if your sacrifice yourself...well...that's you.

I wouldn't do that. I tried spending every waking minute when them to ensure that they had "everything I didn't". I ended up with happy kids, but I started to hate them for it.

I would NEVER hate my kids for any sacrifice i make! My childhood wasn't all peaches and cream, I had a rough one and I know my kids deserve so much better. They are my world, my entire life revolves around them and thats the way it should be. When you make that choice to bring innocent lives into this world then its your responsibilty to take care of them no matter what you have to sacrifice!

 

[Frisky]

what did they ask?

its what they don't ask!

 

[Cutiebaby]

I would NEVER hate my kids for any sacrifice i make! My childhood wasn't all peaches and cream, I had a rough one and I know my kids deserve so much better. They are my world, my entire life revolves around them and thats the way it should be. When you make that choice to bring innocent lives into this world then its your responsibilty to take care of them no matter what you have to sacrifice!

exactly.....I know the feeling. If you bring a child into the world it is your job to provide them with the best that you can give.Hating your own child or being jealous and envious is all hoopla.....That there is called selfishness and jealousy..

 

[mrdeeznuts]

its what they don't ask!

what didn't they ask

 

[Bikini Mod]

I would NEVER hate my kids for any sacrifice i make! My childhood wasn't all peaches and cream, I had a rough one and I know my kids deserve so much better. They are my world, my entire life revolves around them and thats the way it should be. When you make that choice to bring innocent lives into this world then its your responsibilty to take care of them no matter what you have to sacrifice!

WERD

 

[MattTheSkywalker]

All you can do Erz is the best you can.

Don't beat yourself up if you've done your best.

 

[Frisky]

All you can do Erz is the best you can.

Don't beat yourself up if you've done your best.

 

[Cutiebaby]

friskers how old are your children and how long have you been on your own with them?

 

[Frisky]

friskers how old are your children and how long have you been on your own with them?

son is 11 Daughter is 9 I've been on my own for 2-1/2 years now.

 

[MattTheSkywalker]

son is 11 Daughter is 9 I've been on my own for 2-1/2 years now.

Just be a good example to them, don't give up, and prepare them for their own futures as best you can.

 

[swolenole]

Not at all darlin'... shows that you are human.

I will tell you something that another single mom told me a few years back when I was really down on myself and totally down and out - matter of fact I was homeless at the time and far from them while they were being mistreated here.

She told me, "Your children will love you no matter what.... "

Think about that....

That's not true....I don't love my Mom....can't stand her....she was a failure as a mother and a failure as a person...she doesn't merit love only distain.....

 

[swolenole]

That's not true....I don't love my Mom....can't stand her....she was a failure as a mother and a failure as a person...she doesn't merit love only distain.....

But she was horrible...no sacrifices from her.......I think chicldren want to love their parents...she left before I can remember much....she left my older brother with strangers...when she left......

 

[MattTheSkywalker]

But she was horrible...no sacrifices from her.......I think chicldren want to love their parents...she left before I can remember much....she left my older brother with strangers...when she left......

easy for me to say...but I hope you've let those demons go...

the past is past and never comes back around.

 

[Frisky]

easy for me to say...but I hope you've let those demons go...

the past is past and never comes back around.

I agree matty.. Despite every slump i've gone thru with my mom.. (and there are some horrid stories) I still love her. there are times I don't like her... I've been working constantly on letting the past stay in the past. Shutting the door to all the demons that haunt me and working on my future.

 

[swolenole]

I agree matty.. Despite every slump i've gone thru with my mom.. (and there are some horrid stories) I still love her. there are times I don't like her... I've been working constantly on letting the past stay in the past. Shutting the door to all the demons that haunt me and working on my future.

No big deal...I'm just done with her like a dead horse is a wagon...I haven't talked to her in 25 years she's 1/2 way across the country as far as I know.....Never even crosses my mind untill I read a dumbass post that says your children will love you no matter what...and I think about the kids left in dumpsters,with strangers or alone in Hotel rooms and such.....If you try..your kids will know...but love is not compleatly unconditional...

 

[Frisky]

No big deal...I'm just done with her like a dead horse is a wagon...I haven't talked to her in 25 years she's 1/2 way across the country as far as I know.....Never even crosses my mind untill I read a dumbass post that says your children will love you no matter what...and I think about the kids left in dumpsters,with strangers or alone in Hotel rooms and such.....If you try..your kids will know...but love is not compleatly unconditional...

I know that uncondtional love is a crock of shit in certain circumstances. I don't know what your's are but it must have been really bad for you to feel this way.

I do right by my kids all the time... I am not perfect, I don't claim to be. I make mistakes everday when it comes to choices and such. But my kids know I love them and I do the best I can for them.

 

[swolenole]

I know that uncondtional love is a crock of shit in certain circumstances. I don't know what your's are but it must have been really bad for you to feel this way.

I do right by my kids all the time... I am not perfect, I don't claim to be. I make mistakes everday when it comes to choices and such. But my kids know I love them and I do the best I can for them.

Kids are smart...they will love you...because you try to do your best for them..because you love them....I have my first child on the way into the world...he or she will be making it's debut in September......I hope that I can be a good father and give them everything the world has to offer...You must of had your children preety early?.....I'm 38 and it took me all these years just to feel confident enough to bring a kid into this world...But I have been blessed to marry the most wonderful girl in the world...she's 24 and we have been married for 3 1/2 years.....It seems young..but I've taken her to Vegas,Snow sking to Maine{SugurLoaf}......(she is a Floida girl and had never seen snow),Jamaica,Brazil & Costa Rica...I didn't want her to feel like she missed something by having a kid...I'm excited but still worry that I might fail as a parent....

 

[Smurfy]

I havent read this thread (sorry Erz) but yeah whomever said that being a single parent is not easy, I agree with them on that. Been there. Done that. SOME things about being the only adult in the house are better - no need to compromise with other adults etc

I always see eye to eye with myself LOL not always with other adults tho.

but yeah, all in all, not a desirable predicament for parents or children. I have a lot more support now.

 

[Frisky]

I havent read this thread (sorry Erz) but yeah whomever said that being a single parent is not easy, I agree with them on that. Been there. Done that. SOME things about being the only adult in the house are better - no need to compromise with other adults etc

I always see eye to eye with myself LOL not always with other adults tho.

but yeah, all in all, not a desirable predicament for parents or children. I have a lot more support now.

Im starting to slowly get used to it. Just the being single part took some time for me. There are sometimes when i'd like to have the sit down with their dad to discuss major decisions though.

There is a lot going on as of late which puts a huge emotional strain on me constantly. That and the fact that my son is on the brink of puberty and my daughter sometimes tries to push my buttons.. LOL (girls i tell ya)

 

[Smurfy]

I can totally relate when it comes to huge emotional strain, especialy lately with my own son. it's enough to almost push me over the edge. Gotta keep it together though girl, and never let them see you sweat. I have had plenty of breakdowns, but only ever behind closed doors. Cant let my son know Im anything but a rock for him. I dont think he's even ever seen me cry, except at a funeral.

 

[Bikini Mod]

But she was horrible...no sacrifices from her.......I think chicldren want to love their parents...she left before I can remember much....she left my older brother with strangers...when she left......

I am so very sorry to hear it.

My mother is still around to torture me. So I just dont talk to her. It is sad, but easier this way.

I was speaking from the perspective of a mom that is trying her best to do everything in her power to have a good future for their children, as Erzulie clearly is.

All you can do, is do your best.... and then some.

Guilt is a useless emotion Erz darlin'. Reflection is excellent, but beating yourself up over not knowing all the "right" answers doesn't help you OR your kids.

Breathe and give them a hug... Tell them, you dont know which end is up but two things you know for sure:

They love you.

And

You love them.

What else matters in this life?

 

[Frisky]

I am so very sorry to hear it.

My mother is still around to torture me. So I just dont talk to her. It is sad, but easier this way.

I was speaking from the perspective of a mom that is trying her best to do everything in her power to have a good future for their children, as Erzulie clearly is.

All you can do, is do your best.... and then some.

I would die for them, do anything in my power... my beings to give them the life that they deserve. Everything else can wait.. relationships etc.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Funny, people keep asking my sister why I am so stubborn and "wanting to do it on my own". They keep saying, "Your sister is a smart, attractive woman. Why doesn't she just get married?"

As if getting married again would solve anything.

MY ONLY PRIORITY IS TAKING CARE OF MY KIDS.

Any one who thinks that someone's "life" is defined by what is posted on EF is either dumb... or well....

dumb.

 

[Daisy_Girl]

I would NEVER hate my kids for any sacrifice i make! My childhood wasn't all peaches and cream, I had a rough one and I know my kids deserve so much better. They are my world, my entire life revolves around them and thats the way it should be. When you make that choice to bring innocent lives into this world then its your responsibilty to take care of them no matter what you have to sacrifice!

WIth this attitude, I do not see how anyone (including yourself) could see you as a deficient parent. This sounds like you have your ducks i na row, and know what is important.

That is what matters. You DO NOT have all the answers - nobody does, even families with TWO parents. It is okay to just not know something. It is okay to tell a child "let's figure it out together" or "when I get the answer, I will let you know" or even just "I don't know".

As a parent, you WANT to have the answers, and you know your kids EXPECT you to have the answers. But they will not love you less if you are unsure about something.

 

[Frisky]

WIth this attitude, I do not see how anyone (including yourself) could see you as a deficient parent. This sounds like you have your ducks i na row, and know what is important.

That is what matters. You DO NOT have all the answers - nobody does, even families with TWO parents. It is okay to just not know something. It is okay to tell a child "let's figure it out together" or "when I get the answer, I will let you know" or even just "I don't know".

As a parent, you WANT to have the answers, and you know your kids EXPECT you to have the answers. But they will not love you less if you are unsure about something.

First off... OMG I love the ava! Makes me smile and cry all at the same time.. gosh I remember those days with my kids.

I know my kids appreciate all that I do, They tell me all the time how great I am and vise versa. I think the entire battle right now is an outside force that second guesses my opinions and decisions yet doesn't stand up to the plate and devote more time to their lives.

I feel I will always find a way to improve my parenting skills... I know no one is perfect, though I'd love to be... its impossible to know everything and have all the right words at all the right times.

I'm gifted with the fact that my children can actually come to me with anyting, no matter the problem or question. They know they can talk to me! Thats one thing I didn't have growing up with my mom or dad. Something I strived for and put alot of work into gaining their trust. Its not always a comfortable conversation and I don't always have the answers but I know they are coming to me first! That makes me the proudest mother alive

 

[Bikini Mod]

I'm gifted with the fact that my children can actually come to me with anyting, no matter the problem or question. They know they can talk to me! Thats one thing I didn't have growing up with my mom or dad. Something I strived for and put alot of work into gaining their trust. Its not always a comfortable conversation and I don't always have the answers but I know they are coming to me first! That makes me the proudest mother alive

You will all be fine!

During all this custody nonsense that we have had to endure "all the grown-ups who were SUPPOSED to care" about what was in the best interest of my kids asked what it was like in our separate households. Throughout all the skewed gobbly-gook TWO FACTS rang out loud and was all I needed to hear in order to keep going. ALL OF MY CHILDREN said that the discipline in my household was fair and even-handed AND that when they talked to me - I LISTENED.

The rest is all just window dressing...

I grew up with NO ONE to trust, one of the reasons why I made such poor choices early in my life.

My girls KNOW that they can come to me with anything, that there is nothing they could ever do that would make me love them any less. Maybe I will hate the things they do - but I will always love them... forever, till breath leaves my body and long thereafter. They have ALWAYS KNOWN this and THEY ALWAYS WILL.

I have given my life on more than one occasion and will do it again and again.

That is a mother's job... or as I like to call it - "happy obligation."

You and your kids will be just fine, Erz.

 

[Bikini Mod]

For you Erzulie:

"Oh My Most Wonderful Mami... is there NOTHING then that lasts forever?!"

"Yes, Little One... there is one thing that DOES last forever. It will never wilt. It will never change. It will shine on forever and will survive even after death grwoing stronger with each passing day. And it will remain with you always."

"Tell me Mami, what is it?"

"My most precious child... IT IS MY LOVE FOR YOU."

 

[Sub-Zero]

try killing them, see if that helps

 

[Frisky]

For you Erzulie:

"Oh My Most Wonderful Mami... is there NOTHING then that lasts forever?!"

"Yes, Little One... there is one thing that DOES last forever. It will never wilt. It will never change. It will shine on forever and will survive even after death grwoing stronger with each passing day. And it will remain with you always."

"Tell me Mami, what is it?"

"My most precious child... IT IS MY LOVE FOR YOU."

thank you BM... gave me chills and watery eyes

 

[swolenole]

I would die for them, do anything in my power... my beings to give them the life that they deserve. Everything else can wait.. relationships etc.

Girl-The way I see it that's 100% what more can you ever do?

 

[Bikini Mod]

thank you BM... gave me chills and watery eyes

Your welcome darlin'... it's the conclusion of one of my books. Should be getting a rejection letter from yet another publisher any day now! LOL

 

[Sub-Zero]

Actually I beg to differ.

Being a single mom is incredibly easier than when I was a stay-at-home-mom.
Even with the bullshit drama that my ex puts us through - I can still cook and clean and do homework, etc, etc, etc... Bringing home money is EASY.

PARENTING IS FUCKING HARD. Just ask my ex when any number of our kids screams, "Asshole" to his face while throwing the nearest object at his head. In my home they are not even allowed to call each other jerk or raise their voices for any reason. But hey, a judge said that he is the better parent because I was a bikini model. Go figure.

Whether it is the man or the woman that is the primary caregiver is wholely irrelevant and silly to argue.

A man changes a diaper and he gets an award.

A woman goes and busts her ass in and OUT of the home and is labeled "selfish".

PUH-LEASE.

your socially and biologically programmed to be better at parenting, dont even deny it. the dad has to worry about the child loving them, but the mother doesnt, because all creatures are predisposed to loving and fearing where they came from. dont deny it.

im not saying its easy for yall tho, i give credit where credit is due.

btw, u got pics of said bikini modelings?

 

[Sub-Zero]

a fucken men brotha.we finaly agry.couldent have said it,and a dame shore couldent have spelled it anny better my self.

haha nice

 

[HiDnGoD]

One thing y'all must remember. As your kids grow up, they develope personalities of their own. Especially through the teen years. Sometimes they will do something & you'll think "where the hell did they think of that", when you've provided the most exquisite example for them to emulate. That's one of the difficult times, because you won't/can't understand them. So you must have communication. Communication is key, even when things are going wrong.
And if you do too much for them, & don't expect much in return, they'll grow to expect your sacrifice. Although this sounds crass, your hard work has to cost them, either in chores, acting responsibly when you need them to, or in academics. Can't be Iron fisted all the time, but you should expect something in return from them. It is your right, & your duty.

 

[Bikini Mod]

One thing y'all must remember. As your kids grow up, they develope personalities of their own. Especially through the teen years. Sometimes they will do something & you'll think "where the hell did they think of that", when you've provided the most exquisite example for them to emulate. That's one of the difficult times, because you won't/can't understand them. So you must have communication. Communication is key, even when things are going wrong.
And if you do too much for them, & don't expect much in return, they'll grow to expect your sacrifice. Although this sounds crass, your hard work has to cost them, either in chores, acting responsibly when you need them to, or in academics. Can't be Iron fisted all the time, but you should expect something in return from them. It is your right, & your duty.

Could not have said it better myself.

 

[HiDnGoD]

Could not have said it better myself.

I learned form painful experience. My daughter, through her teen years, was the most ungrateful, hurtful little creature, I'd ever met.
She now works with my wife, & is the only thing keeping wifey sane at work.
They learn, & they do grow out of it.
I really hate to say it, but, all of you, your worst years with the kids are yet to come. Ask Biteme.
get a book called Th Primal Teen, by Barbara Strauch. It helps you understand, & in understanding, you can tolerate & deal with teens.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I learned form painful experience. My daughter, through her teen years, was the most ungrateful, hurtful little creature, I'd ever met.
She now works with my wife, & is the only thing keeping wifey sane at work.
They learn, & they do grow out of it.
I really hate to say it, but, all of you, your worst years with the kids are yet to come. Ask Biteme.
get a book called Th Primal Teen, by Barbara Strauch. It helps you understand, & in understanding, you can tolerate & deal with teens.

I dont need to ask Biteme darlin'... just because I dont post up, does not mean that my kids have not put me through hell.

But I understand and do forgive. My hurt comes from the future. One day my oldest will realize the depth of all the hurt she put us through and it will take A LOT of therapy for her to wreckon with it I am afraid.

But just as she didn't wait for me to finish the phrase, "I'm sorry." before she put her hand on my arm and said, "That's ok Mami.. I know you are tired and didn't mean what you said. I forgive you." (The child was barely 5 years old at the time - I have remembered it like it was yesterday every day since.) I will do the same... She won't even get to the "s" in the word "sorry" before I put my arms around her and whisper in her ear, "That's ok baby, I know that you were just a kid and didn't understand... You didn't mean it. I FORGIVE YOU."

I am blessed with the best kids on the planet, so lucky that I have had the opportunity to mother them and have them grow me up.

 

[javaguru]

Ummmmmmmmm I was a stayathome mom -

THAT WAS EQUAL PARTNER AND WORKED IN OUR OWN BUSINESS...

Get it?

We were self-employed! So I worked, I just didn't leave my home for the "office work" (well not unless I worked with my ex or had to get supplies or file permits n' such. then I loaded up the kids and did all of that WITH THEM IN TOW) - my kids were with me 24/7 - I took care of domestic duties - all social obligations - ALL WHILE EITHER BEING PREGNANT/NURSING A BABY - HAD FOUR OF THEM IN FIVE YEARS WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A CLEANING LADY UNTIL I DEMANDED ONE WHEN I WAS 7 MONTHS PREGNANT WITH OUR 4TH

AND

I still had time for a relationship with my ex. (This is where a lot of marriages fail - no one makes anytime for their partner. I did - for that I got beaten.)

What is different now?

I STILL WORK

I STILL TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS - Hell, I fucking claw for every second with them.

I have far less social obligations (1/2 the family gone praise God)

and

NO HUSBAND to maintain a relationship with. (Hence the silly thread about "needing some ass" LOL)


Who attacked your credentials?

I was stating facts.

Your arguement was clear:

Single parenthood as opposed to being a stayathome parent. You have been neither. You based your arguements on second hand information. I have based mine on personal life experience.

Internet or not please read the responsibilities I had when married and the resposibilities I have now. Where are there less?

If you split the business work 50/50 then you weren't a "stay at home mom." You were more like the traditional mother. Most don't realize that until the 20th century women did all their normal domestic duties and engaged in "cottage industry", just taking care of the children and domestic chores is a recent development. I think you're confusing the mechanical duties of a mother with the "nuturing aspect." I've done the mechanical duties and it ain't that hard. I've also "nurtured" children by being a confidant, tutor and more involved in their life than their biological father. There is no second hand information involved, unless you stand by your position only biological parents can love their children?

I have dozens of primary sources claiming how hard it is as a single mother Vs. being married. Just because you claim something different doesn't make them wrong; It makes you an anomoly. If you were worse off married then it was probably a good idea to get divorced. I'm sorry you had such a shitty life but it was your choice.

 

[Sassy69]

As I recall, growing up w/ 2 parents, the answers to my questions was occassionally "Go ask your father." And then when I did, I got "Go ask your mother."

Good thing I didnt' have the internet back then. I'd be more screwed up than I am now.

 

[Bikini Mod]

If you split the business work 50/50 then you weren't a "stay at home mom." You were more like the traditional mother. Most don't realize that until the 20th century women did all their normal domestic duties and engaged in "cottage industry", just taking care of the children and domestic chores is a recent development. I think you're confusing the mechanical duties of a mother with the "nuturing aspect." I've done the mechanical duties and it ain't that hard. I've also "nurtured" children by being a confidant, tutor and more involved in their life than their biological father. There is no second hand information involved, unless you stand by your position only biological parents can love their children?

I have dozens of primary sources claiming how hard it is as a single mother Vs. being married. Just because you claim something different doesn't make them wrong; It makes you an anomoly. If you were worse off married then it was probably a good idea to get divorced. I'm sorry you had such a shitty life but it was your choice.

The same could be said about you, darlin'.

And no - I had a job that was 24/7 whether it was mothering, "mechanical duties" or WORKING WHILE doing any of those duties - AND paid attention to an adult relationship.

And where do you get this "if you split the work 50/50" bulllshit? My ex was an electrician and I ran the office. WTF?

Now I work (just like I did before - only now I actually earn money LOL)

and

take care of household and social obligations (of which I have less because 1/2 of the bullshit family is now no longer aggravating me directly).

and

take care of my children.

NO Bullshit with a husband.... so my life is exponentially EASIER.

No arguing about anything. It is MY house. They are MY BILLS. and they are MY KIDS.

There is peace and quiet so how could my life be any more difficult?


MY LIFE IS EASIER.

When you have been a stayathome parent or a single parent you can tell me which was easier. Until then, I am not remotely interested in what someone else told you what it was like for them.

And please dont come at me with "cottage" bullshit... My parents were from waaaaaaaay humble beginnings - cows, pigs, chickens and outhouses in a land and time where there were still separate social classes and ne'er the two met. Something that NO AMERICAN can possibly fathom.

Spare me, please.

I guess that my mother just raised me to expect a difficult life when I married and raised children.

Something that MOST AMERICANS do not prepare their children for....

 

[samoth]

Hey, there's nothing wrong with saying, "I don't know the answer to that right now, but let me think about it ..."

Then you come to EF and find ALL the answers to the most important questions of life, death, physics and religion

 

[glennds]

Being a mom is the hardest job you will ever have...pretty much thankless...but if your kids turn out well then you did a good job...I can't imagine doing this alone. I have 3 and I can't even pretend to think that I could handle Erzulie's life...and that chick trained on top of verything else..you are my hero girl LOL

honest.