Being a single

[HiDnGoD]

The same could be said about you, darlin'.
Something that MOST AMERICANS do not prepare their children for....

I get where Java is coming from. When most people think of a stay at home Mom, it's a mother that stays home & her primary duties are to care for the household & kids & "make their father feel like a king.", while said father went out & slayed dragons sll day.
Yours was not traditional, because while you did the abovementioned, you also did half the work of running a business. I can see how it would be easier to be a single parent, than have to do the same thing minus babysitting the "King".
I'm not sure, but I think i recall your oldest is 13. Whatever has been said or done to you by your kids, up to this point, is automatically forgiven. But as they become young adults, they take on more responsibility for their actions. And kowing this, when they do something hurtful, it will hurt you more. I mentioned Bitme, because he is seeing this now. It almost seems (and it's probably partly true) that they go out of their way to hurt you. They will find your trigger points & dig at them. The best advice I can give when dealing with teens is sell them. No it's, while really listening to everything they say, don't take the hurtful stuff seriously. They are taking it out on you because they believe they can, because you will forgive them. While that is true, you won't forget & that will eat at you. If you can maintain the face of stoicism in front of them, and stick by your principles, they will seem to really hate you. Pick your battles. Let some things slide (they have to learn the ramifications of their decisions), while standing firm on the ones that are really important.
Going to the gym to work out your frustrations is one way of dealing with it. & having a friend who you can scream at & cry on their shoulder would help too.
I can't emphasize enough, as bad as it will seem when they are teens, they will come out all right as adults, around 22 or so.
And for all you people reading this who are under 22, yes, this is the hell you are putting your parents through.

 

[HiDnGoD]

BTW, where's the bikini pics?

 

[Bikini Mod]

LOL @ bikini pics - look at my gallery.

My oldest is 13 1/2 and her behavior has been beyond just the run-of-the-mill "let's see how I can mess with mom because she is an evil nazi dictator". We have been in the midst of a custody nightmare... remember? If I posted up just 1/2 the stuff that she has done, she would most likely make anything that your daughter or Biteme's daughter did look like shooting a rubber band across the room hitting their sibling in the back of the head. All except my second have done and said things that have screwed us to some extent but it is ok. I have an excellent friend (a single dad who went through the same custody nightmare for the last 15 years until his exwife FINALLY died and the bitch screwed him even in death!) who has helped me to understand the children's behavior especially in light of out situation.

He has helped me in ways that I can't begin to impart - with his time and wisdom/patience and understanding. I have called him countless times drunk or sobbing. Emailed him countless more expressing fear and frustration. He always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. He doesn't tell me what to do or give me "the answer". But he doesnt judge and he, of all people, understands EXACTLY what I am going through and comforts me... always. He is a good friend to me.... and exceptional friend. The guy's plate is megafull between struggling with a teen that is fucked up pretty badly by a meanspirited mother who died without making her peace with the child and big-money business in a few regions of the world - he ALWAYS answers his cell when I call. I mean ALWAYS...

He is a dear friend.

Thank you HidnGod - I KNOW YOU ARE CORRECT!

 

[swolenole]

LOL @ bikini pics - look at my gallery.

My oldest is 13 1/2 and her behavior has been beyond just the run-of-the-mill "let's see how I can mess with mom because she is an evil nazi dictator". We have been in the midst of a custody nightmare... remember? If I posted up just 1/2 the stuff that she has done, she would most likely make anything that your daughter or Biteme's daughter did look like shooting a rubber band across the room hitting their sibling in the back of the head. All except my second have done and said things that have screwed us to some extent but it is ok. I have an excellent friend (a single dad who went through the same custody nightmare for the last 15 years until his exwife FINALLY died and the bitch screwed him even in death!) who has helped me to understand the children's behavior especially in light of out situation.

He has helped me in ways that I can't begin to impart - with his time and wisdom/patience and understanding. I have called him countless times drunk or sobbing. Emailed him countless more expressing fear and frustration. He always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. He doesn't tell me what to do or give me "the answer". But he doesnt judge and he, of all people, understands EXACTLY what I am going through and comforts me... always. He is a good friend to me.... and exceptional friend. The guy's plate is megafull between struggling with a teen that is fucked up pretty badly by a meanspirited mother who died without making her peace with the child and big-money business in a few regions of the world - he ALWAYS answers his cell when I call. I mean ALWAYS...

He is a dear friend.

Thank you HidnGod - I KNOW YOU ARE CORRECT!

Bikinimom....Are you in Europe?? Just curious because you refer to Americans as if they are foreiners and some of the guys in your gallery are wearing grape smugglers......they don't wear those much in the US for swimming trunks...

 

[Bikini Mod]

Bikinimom....Are you in Europe?? Just curious because you refer to Americans as if they are foreiners and some of the guys in your gallery are wearing grape smugglers......they don't wear those much in the US for swimming trunks...

I am only American because it was where I was born. I didn't learn to speak English until I was 5 and have lived abroad, spent many summers growing up in Magyarorszàg - the country of my parents' birth, of which I also maintain citizenship. The only part of me that is all-American is my fierce sense of independence... that is it. I have been VERY disappointed in this country. VERY...

The guys in my gallery were part of a thread from a looooooooong time ago. I asked why on EARTH men would post pics of themselves like that on an online dating site? Did they think that women would fall all over themselves to go out with them? LOL

 

[swolenole]

I am only American because it was where I was born. I didn't learn to speak English until I was 5 and have lived abroad, spent many summers growing up in Magyarorszàg - the country of my parents' birth, of which I also maintain citizenship. The only part of me that is all-American is my fierce sense of independence... that is it. I have been VERY disappointed in this country. VERY...

The guys in my gallery were part of a thread from a looooooooong time ago. I asked why on EARTH men would post pics of themselves like that on an online dating site? Did they think that women would fall all over themselves to go out with them? LOL

Do you have an accent? wear leather?? I have this reacurring fantasy about a muscular leather clad woman with a Slavic accent spanking me with a riding crop..

 

[Tytan]

The answers are not always there and your kids need to know that as well....Just spend some time doing research the topic and show them that there are things you are discovering as well. I learn something new everyday and my kids should too. Love those kidos girl.....

 

[covergrl80]

Being a single mother is a tough thing to do. However I would not want it any other way. When the day is over and I see her sleeping in her nice cozy bed,that is because of me,when I see her school work & Art,that is beacuse of me. When she tells me she loves me and gives me hugs and kisses,that is because I do a great job and she sees it.

There is no one out there that can do my job lke I do. I many not get paid cash to do it but all the love at the end will be worth more then millions.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Do you have an accent? wear leather?? I have this reacurring fantasy about a muscular leather clad woman with a Slavic accent spanking me with a riding crop..

LOL God no! heheheheheee

None of that.... But that IS a funny image. Soooooooo not like me.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Being a single mother is a tough thing to do. However I would not want it any other way. When the day is over and I see her sleeping in her nice cozy bed,that is because of me,when I see her school work & Art,that is beacuse of me. When she tells me she loves me and gives me hugs and kisses,that is because I do a great job and she sees it.

There is no one out there that can do my job lke I do. I many not get paid cash to do it but all the love at the end will be worth more then millions.

WERD

 

[javaguru]

The same could be said about you, darlin'.

And no - I had a job that was 24/7 whether it was mothering, "mechanical duties" or WORKING WHILE doing any of those duties - AND paid attention to an adult relationship.

And where do you get this "if you split the work 50/50" bulllshit? My ex was an electrician and I ran the office. WTF?

Now I work (just like I did before - only now I actually earn money LOL)

and

take care of household and social obligations (of which I have less because 1/2 of the bullshit family is now no longer aggravating me directly).

and

take care of my children.

NO Bullshit with a husband.... so my life is exponentially EASIER.

No arguing about anything. It is MY house. They are MY BILLS. and they are MY KIDS.

There is peace and quiet so how could my life be any more difficult?


MY LIFE IS EASIER.

When you have been a stayathome parent or a single parent you can tell me which was easier. Until then, I am not remotely interested in what someone else told you what it was like for them.

And please dont come at me with "cottage" bullshit... My parents were from waaaaaaaay humble beginnings - cows, pigs, chickens and outhouses in a land and time where there were still separate social classes and ne'er the two met. Something that NO AMERICAN can possibly fathom.

Spare me, please.

I guess that my mother just raised me to expect a difficult life when I married and raised children.

Something that MOST AMERICANS do not prepare their children for....

Well, perhaps I should let my best friend type the exact same responses I made, since he is a single parent. We've discussed it extensively and our conclusions are based on our mutual experiences as well as those of our female friends. You are the first single mother I've EVER had claim their life was easier (didn't say better) as a single mother. You're directly contradicting dozens of single mother's I've known or dated over the years. I can interview one hundred people in a similar situation and if 99 of 100 claim the same thing I'll tend to believe the 99 over the one as a general statement of the situation.

Well, if you took care of the administrative duties and billing then you were more than a "stay at home mom." I'm sorry, "cottage industry" was over your head. It means that until the 1950's, most families in this country didn't have a mother who was just responsible for domestic chores. She would take care of the chores and work the loom or sell the excess farm production at the local market. It amazes me how stay at home moms complain when their sole resposibility is domestic chores. Women worked the loom, washed clothes, made meals, raised the kids and ran the house hold under the most primitive conditions. Consider the fact modern stay at home mom's have washing machines, cars, dish washers, modern stoves, refrigerators, vacuums and microwaves. Really, how hard is it compared to the single mom who does everything they do and works 40+ hours a week; Yet they want an award. I'll say it again, take someone who does all the household chores and child rearing as compared to someone who does EXACTLY the same thing plus works 40+ hours a week, who has it easier?

As far as dealing with family, as a single mom dating seriously you have THREE families to deal with. You have yours, your ex and his family as well as the new family. Regardless of what you claim, you still deal with your ex and his family's bullshit, you've posted enough threads about it. Now add the family of the guy you're dating. Last time I checked, dealing with two things and adding a third is harder than dealing with the two originals. Also, any new guy has to deal with all these things which makes it that much harder to find a partner. Logic and reason are a bitch to overcome but I know you'll try.

 

[chesty]

parent is the hardest thing i've ever done in my entire life.

sometimes i just don't know how to deal with situations... i have so much laid on my back and i sometimes have no answeres. My kids rely on me to have the answers to everything.. yet sometimes i fall short. Most depressing thing in the world is to have to tell your child that you have no answer.

At first it was hard, but then all I do is look forward to it. I think it is cool, tough yes, when the mother doesnt' help or is always crying to me about something they did, but while I have them it is way cool and they listen to me (most of the time)

Sometimes telling the you have no answer is okay, a lot of the time (well, most of the time) they don't expect you to have an answer, just the fact that you listened to them is all they want or a simple hug or just holding them at night.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Well, perhaps I should let my best friend type the exact same responses I made, since he is a single parent. We've discussed it extensively and our conclusions are based on our mutual experiences as well as those of our female friends. You are the first single mother I've EVER had claim their life was easier (didn't say better) as a single mother. You're directly contradicting dozens of single mother's I've known or dated over the years. I can interview one hundred people in a similar situation and if 99 of 100 claim the same thing I'll tend to believe the 99 over the one as a general statement of the situation.

Well, if you took care of the administrative duties and billing then you were more than a "stay at home mom." I'm sorry, "cottage industry" was over your head. It means that until the 1950's, most families in this country didn't have a mother who was just responsible for domestic chores. She would take care of the chores and work the loom or sell the excess farm production at the local market. It amazes me how stay at home moms complain when their sole resposibility is domestic chores. Women worked the loom, washed clothes, made meals, raised the kids and ran the house hold under the most primitive conditions. Consider the fact modern stay at home mom's have washing machines, cars, dish washers, modern stoves, refrigerators, vacuums and microwaves. Really, how hard is it compared to the single mom who does everything they do and works 40+ hours a week; Yet they want an award. I'll say it again, take someone who does all the household chores and child rearing as compared to someone who does EXACTLY the same thing plus works 40+ hours a week, who has it easier?

As far as dealing with family, as a single mom dating seriously you have THREE families to deal with. You have yours, your ex and his family as well as the new family. Regardless of what you claim, you still deal with your ex and his family's bullshit, you've posted enough threads about it. Now add the family of the guy you're dating. Last time I checked, dealing with two things and adding a third is harder than dealing with the two originals. Also, any new guy has to deal with all these things which makes it that much harder to find a partner. Logic and reason are a bitch to overcome but I know you'll try.

*yawn*

I was not the only single parent to claim that it was easier than the way we had it before. (No one said "better" although in many cases it is.)

(But you seemed to have glossed over those posts.)

It's ok - YOU are right (because the millions of others that you have surveyed SAID SO) and I am wrong because I am delusional and haven't a clue about my own life.

 

[Bikini Mod]

a lot of the time (well, most of the time) they don't expect you to have an answer, just the fact that you listened to them is all they want or a simple hug or just holding them at night.

100% on the money

 

[javaguru]

*yawn*

I was not the only single parent to claim that it was easier than the way we had it before. (No one said "better" although in many cases it is.)

(But you seemed to have glossed over those posts.)

It's ok - YOU are right (because the millions of others that you have surveyed SAID SO) and I am wrong because I am delusional and haven't a clue about my own life.

I think many people confuse better for easier and it's good to see you can admit when you're wrong and acknowledge your emotional shortcomings. Kudos to you, you've come farther than I expected! Keep growing as a person and I'm sure you'll reach enlightenment before your death!

 

[Bikini Mod]

I think many people confuse better for easier and it's good to see you can admit when you're wrong and acknowledge your emotional shortcomings. Kudos to you, you've come farther than I expected! Keep growing as a person and I'm sure you'll reach enlightenment before your death!

Nope... I am just a prostitute... remember? I know this because you told me so.

 

[HiDnGoD]

Nope... I am just a prostitute... remember? I know this because you told me so.

I think Java's joking.
Really, you guys are saying the same things, but it's like you are only seeing every other word of each other's posts.
Now kiss & makeup. I wanna see you in your leather outfit.

 

[javaguru]

I think Java's joking.
Really, you guys are saying the same things, but it's like you are only seeing every other word of each other's posts.
Now kiss & makeup. I wanna see you in your leather outfit.

Honestly, if you love the person, I have no problems. If your primary reason for being with them is what they can give you financially....you are a prostitute.

 

[HiDnGoD]

Honestly, if you love the person, I have no problems. If your primary reason for being with them is what they can give you financially....you are a prostitute.

Hmph. A lotta people turn to this in the latter stages of a long term relationship gone stale. Realistically, people literally prostitute themselves for many things. Every time someone sweet talks someone they don't like, to get what they want, they are in effect prosituting themselves.

 

[javaguru]

Hmph. A lotta people turn to this in the latter stages of a long term relationship gone stale. Realistically, people literally prostitute themselves for many things. Every time someone sweet talks someone they don't like, to get what they want, they are in effect prosituting themselves.

That's why I'm single...

 

[Bikini Mod]

I think Java's joking.
Really, you guys are saying the same things, but it's like you are only seeing every other word of each other's posts.
Now kiss & makeup. I wanna see you in your leather outfit.

His problem is that I wouldn't date him because he is not my type so for that I am a prostitute. LOL

 

[glennds]

oh good an online argument. makes me feel good seeing petty and meaningless quarrels when i have had a rough week.

 

[javaguru]

His problem is that I wouldn't date him because he is not my type so for that I am a prostitute. LOL

No, I wouldn't date you because you're old and jaded.

 

[Bikini Mod]

No, I wouldn't date you because you're old and jaded.

Nope sorry... you are too young and simple. You lack mental prowess, wit, and financial status.

If I gave you the time of day - you would undoubtedly want to fuck me but would have your cock shrivel the second we engaged in conversation. Simply stated: You couldn't BEGIN to hold your own...

 

[javaguru]

Nope sorry... you are too young and simple. You lack mental prowess, wit, and financial status.

If I gave you the time of day - you would undoubtedly want to fuck me but would have your cock shrivel the second we engaged in conversation. Simply stated: You couldn't BEGIN to hold your own...

Your comment shows your stupidity and the reason you had to get naked for men to make a living. I've already shown how you lack the ability to reason or use logic, how could you possibly challenge me mentally? I already have multiple degrees and more importantly, the ability to reason. How do you make these assumptions? That's right, you say it and it must be true because you said it's true? Honestly, I've never called a woman this before but you're the dumbest cunt I've had the misfortune of crossing paths.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Your comment shows your stupidity and the reason you had to get naked for men to make a living. I've already shown how you lack the ability to reason or use logic, how could you possibly challenge me mentally? I already have multiple degrees and more importantly, the ability to reason. How do you make these assumptions? That's right, you say it and it must be true because you said it's true? Honestly, I've never called a woman this before but you're the dumbest cunt I've had the misfortune of crossing paths.

Now you've gone and done it. you REALLY hurt my feelings.

You are a moron pure and simple and you only wish that a woman like me would give you the time of day... but I already told you. Even with all of your "life experience" (sorry but you were never a stayathome OR single parent much as you would like to think you can comment, you cant) and all of your degrees you lack confidence, class OR money. I do not care how young you are or how much "game you THINK you have".

Imagine being bested by an OLD common stripper whore that never even graduate college.

OUCH

 

[swolenole]

Honestly, if you love the person, I have no problems. If your primary reason for being with them is what they can give you financially....you are a prostitute.

I have to comment on this one..I have a 24 year old hot ass wife at home...that I've been married to since she was 21....I'm 38....but I'm not delusional....I know that if I were not in the $100,000 + income bracket..she probably would not be there....Men are attracted to hot females...females are attracted to $$

 

[SlimJim52]

parent is the hardest thing i've ever done in my entire life.

sometimes i just don't know how to deal with situations... i have so much laid on my back and i sometimes have no answeres. My kids rely on me to have the answers to everything.. yet sometimes i fall short. Most depressing thing in the world is to have to tell your child that you have no answer.

Even with 2 you can't alway have the answer. You just have to explain it to them carefully. Maybe you can help them find the answers themselves, or direct them to a good source.

Don't know your situation, but my mom had 5 of us and one in the oven when dad died. At 5'2" and 100 lbs, she kicked our butts into shape for the most part, with help from her family. So, hang in there and I am sure you can manage it. Good luck!

 

[glennds]

I have to comment on this one..I have a 24 year old hot ass wife at home...that I've been married to since she was 21....I'm 38....but I'm not delusional....I know that if I were not in the $100,000 + income bracket..she probably would not be there....Men are attracted to hot females...females are attracted to $$

shallow but true.

 

[Frisky]

Even with 2 you can't alway have the answer. You just have to explain it to them carefully. Maybe you can help them find the answers themselves, or direct them to a good source.

Don't know your situation, but my mom had 5 of us and one in the oven when dad died. At 5'2" and 100 lbs, she kicked our butts into shape for the most part, with help from her family. So, hang in there and I am sure you can manage it. Good luck!

Thanks sugar. Being a mom is by far the most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life. I shouldn't expect it to be all peaches and cream but boy sometimes I wish it were. LOL

 

[javaguru]

I have to comment on this one..I have a 24 year old hot ass wife at home...that I've been married to since she was 21....I'm 38....but I'm not delusional....I know that if I were not in the $100,000 + income bracket..she probably would not be there....Men are attracted to hot females...females are attracted to $$

Are you going to trade her in for a younger model?

 

[javaguru]

Now you've gone and done it. you REALLY hurt my feelings.

You are a moron pure and simple and you only wish that a woman like me would give you the time of day... but I already told you. Even with all of your "life experience" (sorry but you were never a stayathome OR single parent much as you would like to think you can comment, you cant) and all of your degrees you lack confidence, class OR money. I do not care how young you are or how much "game you THINK you have".

Imagine being bested by an OLD common stripper whore that never even graduate college.

OUCH

Hey, I give you credit for knowing where what little game you have lies, much older dudes, your bait is stale. For someone with nothing going for them but physical attractiveness you have limited options. Once again, most American families have two out of the home working parents. These parents do everything you prided yourself on for years AND work 40+ hours a week. Once the kids go to school a stay at home mom doesn't see her children much more than one or two hours a day than a working mom, and the kids get the benefit of early socialization at the daycare. Finally, you haven't bested me intellectually because I have a clearly superior argument, not to mention intellect. You know nothing about my financial status or my "game." I honestly assumed you were an e-personality just seeking attention, if this is your real personality then humanity has reached a new low.

 

[biteme]

May I just say that I love my little one with all my heart. We are talking back and forth and laughing at each other right now. I wish we could do this more often.

 

[javaguru]

May I just say that I love my little one with all my heart. We are talking back and forth and laughing at each other right now. I wish we could do this more often.

These are the memories you'll cherish! Remember, regardless of how hard she tests you she will always have a special place in her heart for you. Don't fall for her "I hate you unless you let me d what I want" manipulations. You're raising a healthy daughter and it ain't easy.

 

[HiDnGoD]

His problem is that I wouldn't date him because he is not my type so for that I am a prostitute. LOL

It's a guy thing. Obviously anybody that won't date me has issues too, LOL.

 

[swolenole]

Are you going to trade her in for a younger model?

Not now since she going to be the Mother of my only child.....I will probably have to deop some cash....to get the new boobs I bought her last year lifted,tummy tuck and lipo.....post pregnancy.....But the bottem line is If your a broke ass bro..you better have some wicked game if you want to pull hotties....or you work your ass of to make serious $$ , you don't need game...they will seek you out....Sad but true..