Back to the original topic, I have stress/anxiety/ probably depression.
I've always had anxiety. Since I was 7 but I managed it relatively well until I developed a severe phobia of flying out of nowhere at 22. Other than that, I was okay until 6 years ago it started, I think I developed PP anxiety instead of PP depression. Or maybe I had PP depression and didn't know that's what it was. I know that chemicals have way more of an effect on a person than circumstance after going through that, ANYWAY.. I always rationalized that I just had better survival skills I will think about anything before it happens, I'm a borderline prepper only reason I'm not a full blown prepper is because I refuse to go down that rabbit hole alone lol but it sure would be fun to be crazy with someone else... anyway, I'm rambling, god I sound crazy right now (I'm tired). Anyway I saw a psych got the anxiety and phobias under control with xanax, I can do just about anything with xanax. I take it very rarely, I fill it once a year. Ugh, anyway my point was that I always thought I'd be prepared for anything and that worrying was benefiting me somehow because I think of all the possible scenarios where things go wrong, and I prepare for them, mentally and sometimes physically and emotionally.
Yeah, that's all great and all until something happens you didn't prep for. I was out shopping with Mitch and the kids and Abby was running in flip flops on slick floor in a retail store and she fell and hit her head. Hard. Hard enough to cause a grand mal seizure that lasted for 3 agonizing minutes. I fucking PANICKED. I didn't know what to do, I had a family member fall on a treadmill last year and that small fall caused her brain to bleed and she was in ICU for a month, two brain surgeries later she had to relearn how to button her own buttons and she couldn't swallow or breathe on her own for two months..abby hitting her head and having that seizure after going through the other traumatic brain injury just freaked me the fuck out. I was panicking so bad, it was one of the worst experiences of my life I will never forget that feeling. And I was completely useless. I couldn't think clearly. I was screaming, blood curdling screams.
I think anxiety can be good, but panic is not good, ever. I don't see any positive purpose for it. If I don't know what to do I realize now that I'll panic. So I have to figure out how to remain calm when I don't know what to do, it's gonna be hard I'm not really sure how someone that isn't in the medical field is even able to learn a skill like that when they already have a tendency to panic. FML.
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