Accepting who we are.....

[CrazyRussian]

My opinion:

Peopel are WAY too easy on themselves. Like, all of them. You SAY you are hard on yourselves but if that were true, you'd be working harder to change things. If you are REALLY unhappy wiht yourself, you won't let it stand. Otherwise, you are just talking.

What happens in most cases is people are being SUPER easy on themselves, want to be even easier and give themselves an excuse to be lazier, and so they somehow convince themselves they're being hard on themselves. Um...dude, it's true. You're fat. You could do better. If you don't care, cool move on. But don't sit there fat as a fool and tell me it really bothers you. It clearly doesn't bother you all that much or you wouldn't let yourself get away with it.

I don't mean to sound like a Nazi, but nothing bothers me more than a whole lot of talking concluded by a pat on the back. Way to never accomplish a god damn thing in life.

I will die alone because I think like this.

Let me preface this by saying I agree with you...

but I dont really. In terms of your body, you're right. But there are other things you can be too hard on yourself about. For example, if I am introduced to a girl and fail to make an impression on her, I'm pretty much depressed for the next few days. I keep telling myself how much I suck, how I'll never get with a decent girl again, how I'm not even a real man, how much life sucks and is pointless. I hope that at least one of those isn't true...but I can't help but thinking it. So i think thats an example ofo ne being too hard on themselves that is pretty valid...and happens to a lot of people methinks

 

[lil_brah]

I dunno but for me, self esteem always seemed like the kind of thing you had to earn. How the fuck do you know if you're worth a damn thing if you've never done anything?

Bet you don't have kids eh Nathan?
It is tough as heck trying to build up their self confidence some times.

 

[jerkbox]

People who are hard on themselves accomplish things, people who aren't do not. It's that black and white.

I see it like this: You can divide people into two types. Those who are able to acquire self-esteem without ever having to do anything (good at lyiong to themselves), and those who gain self-esteem by living through experiences, testing themselves and learning from their experiences. The interesting thing about the latter category is that most of those people, for whatever reason, never test themselves enough to gain a sizeable amount of self esteem. The former type of person is typically full of shit and past a certain age usually has trouble selling it to the rest of the population anymore since people wise-up.

I dunno but for me, self esteem always seemed like the kind of thing you had to earn. How the fuck do you know if you're worth a damn thing if you've never done anything?

i don't think being hard on one's self equates to self hatred though....2 different things in my opinion. I think it's healthy to push yourself, but that can turn into punishing yourself if you don't learn to deal with failures, because everyone fails.

and i think that people who are truly happy with themselves have no desire to sell that to anyone....they just are. The one's that are always selling it....well, they're the ones who the most unhappy....a few of those around here.

 

[velvett]

I think there's a difference between making a goal, reaching it and setting a new one.

When it is a (let's be honest here) a mental isssue - it's because that particular person does not know when the have reached their goal and can not make a logical step to achieve another. They also do not set a realistic goal that they can achieve in x time or at all so they have failed before they even get started.

 

[EnderJE]

I think that you all need to get fucked to get off this train.

 

[layinback]

well being darwinian and all......this is it. its not very romantic or mysterious but ALL human behavior can be explained via the evolutionary route. down to those god-awful shiny rims ppl put on there vehicles. (status: i got $$$ for rims fuck me) my body is good i make lots of $$$ my jaw is square my legs are long= your genes are safe with me. we have to invent gods, ufo's, romance, conspiracy theories, esp and afterlives because the reality of physics and evolution just aint enough for most folks. the irony here is if you have the intellectual prerequisites and you study these subjects you will be more than satisfied with the TRUE mysteries of life and the pursuit of them. we are like we are to propagate the species. also see GESTALT THEORY. ok flame away.......

 

[Nathan]

Let me preface this by saying I agree with you...

but I dont really. In terms of your body, you're right. But there are other things you can be too hard on yourself about. For example, if I am introduced to a girl and fail to make an impression on her, I'm pretty much depressed for the next few days. I keep telling myself how much I suck, how I'll never get with a decent girl again, how I'm not even a real man, how much life sucks and is pointless. I hope that at least one of those isn't true...but I can't help but thinking it. So i think thats an example ofo ne being too hard on themselves that is pretty valid...and happens to a lot of people methinks

I think you take it too far though. I say I used to think more like that and then after I tried certain things I was less-than-confident about a few times I started to have other things to tell myself - "Yeah, but you accomplished this..." and "Sure, but you got through that whole debacle alright..."

I try to think more about what it was that I did that resulted in me fucking shit up - then try not to do that again. You can be hard on yourself but try to guide yourself with a strong hand at the same time. It's weird I guess. I can't always get it right but when I do I know a big part of it was because I was hard on myself and demanded better. Had I let myself off the hook I never would have tried.

This needs to be moved to the motivational speaking board.

 

[blueta2]

well being darwinian and all......this is it. its not very romantic or mysterious but ALL human behavior can be explained via the evolutionary route. down to those god-awful shiny rims ppl put on there vehicles. (status: i got $$$ for rims fuck me) my body is good i make lots of $$$ my jaw is square my legs are long= your genes are safe with me. we have to invent gods, ufo's, romance, conspiracy theories, esp and afterlives because the reality of physics and evolution just aint enough for most folks. the irony here is if you have the intellectual prerequisites and you study these subjects you will be more than satisfied with the TRUE mysteries of life and the pursuit of them. we are like we are to propagate the species. also see GESTALT THEORY. ok flame away.......

hey Nathan, looks like you're not the only one who will die alone...haha!

kidding......good post, but I still believe in UFO's and ESP

 

[velvett]

My opinion:

Peopel are WAY too easy on themselves. Like, all of them. You SAY you are hard on yourselves but if that were true, you'd be working harder to change things. If you are REALLY unhappy wiht yourself, you won't let it stand. Otherwise, you are just talking.

What happens in most cases is people are being SUPER easy on themselves, want to be even easier and give themselves an excuse to be lazier, and so they somehow convince themselves they're being hard on themselves. Um...dude, it's true. You're fat. You could do better. If you don't care, cool move on. But don't sit there fat as a fool and tell me it really bothers you. It clearly doesn't bother you all that much or you wouldn't let yourself get away with it.

I don't mean to sound like a Nazi, but nothing bothers me more than a whole lot of talking concluded by a pat on the back. Way to never accomplish a god damn thing in life.

I will die alone because I think like this.

God, if I were younger and single...

 

[PBR]

We are never good enough, thin enough, big enough, smart enough, rich enough etc?
I, for one, am always crucifying myself to do better.
This site a perfect place to ask this b/c many here strive for perfection.
I'm not saying we should lose perspective on our goals, but why the need to always be better when what we have is really ok??!
Why can't we just accept who we are and what we have?

we live thru our "ego", of the physical and material world...it is when we transcend spiritually these things we live for- become less of a focus...when the majority of the people that surround us are living thru the "ego" it is a most difficult endeavor to be "removed" from it, so we join in to be acceptable and competitive...we are bombarded from all directions of "how" and "what" to be, 24/7...its a constant battle for some who are more aware of the alternative world, others simply go along and flow with traffic.