Cindy I think you need to know that you didn't "love". You're going through what's possibly the most traumatic time of your life. When the ex and I split (after 12 years together) I was a mess. I didn't know up from down, we had our baby that she was threatening to take away, she was banging some pill head douchebag, my dog just died, and my industry was in shambles. I shut myself down completely and didn't talk to wimmons. If I didn't do that, I guarantee I'd have found someone that was as codependent as I'd have been, fallen in "love" and then had reality hit. If you're anything like I was, you're not feeling like there's anything solid in life, that you failed as a spouse and possibly a parent, and that there's no light at the end of the tunnel. I know it's cliche, but time will heal this wound. Fuck, it's been 2 years for me and I'm kinda seeing soulballs and she's been nothing short of amazing. I still can't really let her in. You just need to focus on positive things (liquid depressants aren't in that equation, fyi) and do all you can be to take care of YOURSELF. Don't do things just because you think you should for Abby. Being good to yourself is the best thing you can do for her.
You're going to have a hard time, but you got this. Plus, you're going to learn a ton about yourself on the way. Good and bad, but if you keep yourself open you'll end up stronger than hell.
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