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these elationships are fuggin...no joke. How I could even deveop feelings for someone with words on a screen and the sound of a voice does not make sense considering I'm not pathetic and I can get a real date with a real person in real life...and it still seems that these would tend to get more intense than a real relationship and almost move more quickly than a RL one would....and end just like that..over.

I'll never love that way again...terrifying.
 
The problem with e-lationships is the imagination fills in the void of whats missing if it would have been a real life relationship. Most of the time the mind will create unreasonable fantasy stuff to fill in the gaps so when the little e-lationship goes south its a bigger emotional hit than it should have been.
 
cindylou said:
these elationships are fuggin...no joke. How I could even deveop feelings for someone with words on a screen and the sound of a voice does not make sense considering I'm not pathetic and I can get a real date with a real person in real life...and it still seems that these would tend to get more intense than a real relationship and almost move more quickly than a RL one would....and end just like that..over.

I'll never love that way again...terrifying.
Click to expand...

Must be like reading a book is better than the movie. I guess our imagination is always better than the real thing.
 
I know I'm gonna get railed on by a few fellas here for this, but once the door is open again I highly recommend dating someone with similar faith background to you. My longest relationships were with two guys who were athiests and it never bothered me at the time (well, it didn't bother me MUCH), but it also made it a lot easier for me to not live a godly life. Dating someone who grew up in a VERY faith centered home, being with someone who encouraged me to rely on God first, him second, showed me exactly how much I need that in a partner.
 
superdave said:
The problem with e-lationships is the imagination fills in the void of whats missing if it would have been a real life relationship. Most of the time the mind will create unreasonable fantasy stuff to fill in the gaps so when the little e-lationship goes south its a bigger emotional hit than it should have been.
Click to expand...

I know..I was aware of that..and brought that exact point up with javaguru...I was nervous about our first meet up because I know how the mind works and it has no problem filling in the missing information with anything it wants....I know how chemistry works as well and I know how fickle it is....I was thinking all the right things and not overlooking the red flags all while java sweet talked me in blazing right past any red flags promising it would be okay that I had nothing to worry about. "I'll never break up with you, you'll break up with me first" etc etc
 
nefertiti said:
I know I'm gonna get railed on by a few fellas here for this, but once the door is open again I highly recommend dating someone with similar faith background to you. My longest relationships were with two guys who were athiests and it never bothered me at the time (well, it didn't bother me MUCH), but it also made it a lot easier for me to not live a godly life. Dating someone who grew up in a VERY faith centered home, being with someone who encouraged me to rely on God first, him second, showed me exactly how much I need that in a partner.
Click to expand...


yea i agree

and its not even about them being perfect or "good" or whatever. Were all sinners. But even just to have that "background" is a nice thing. It shows stability because they can (and are supposed to) rely on someone in time of need.
 
the.gladiator1987 said:
yea i agree

and its not even about them being perfect or "good" or whatever. Were all sinners. But even just to have that "background" is a nice thing. It shows stability because they can (and are supposed to) rely on someone in time of need.
Click to expand...

Dude - we're

you are never going to get a pass on that one.
 
nefertiti said:
I know I'm gonna get railed on by a few fellas here for this, but once the door is open again I highly recommend dating someone with similar faith background to you. My longest relationships were with two guys who were athiests and it never bothered me at the time (well, it didn't bother me MUCH), but it also made it a lot easier for me to not live a godly life. Dating someone who grew up in a VERY faith centered home, being with someone who encouraged me to rely on God first, him second, showed me exactly how much I need that in a partner.
Click to expand...

As an athiest, I dont see what the big deal is about what you suggest. It's no different than dating someone who likes the same music, or who likes going to movies, etc. No shame in dating someone you have something in common with.


the.gladiator1987 said:
yea i agree

and its not even about them being perfect or "good" or whatever. Were all sinners. But even just to have that "background" is a nice thing. It shows stability because they can (and are supposed to) rely on someone in time of need.
Click to expand...

God shut up.
 
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cindylou said:
I don't have anything in common with most Christian men. I know more about the bible than they do and they're boring.
Click to expand...

Date a mooslim? :confused:
 
lol @ thinking anyone needs to punk you. You take care of that on your own.
 
cindylou said:
I don't have anything in common with most Christian men. I know more about the bible than they do and they're boring.
Click to expand...


u gotta find one that doesnt think he has to go to church every sunday. ones that think they are perfect and good are the ones to stay away from imo, church jus makes everything worse
 
cindylou said:
I don't have anything in common with most Christian men. I know more about the bible than they do and they're boring.
Click to expand...

lol....I often don't either. I don't have much in common with a lot of the women at my church either - We interact in church, in small group, in various fellowship and volunteering settings, but not outside of that (except for one girl, who is my closest friend down here). But that's why I emphasized a similar background to you, not necessarily someone who has perfectly walked the walk (or pretends to have) their whole life.

But anyhoo, not something you even need to remotely be worried about right now. You need to take care of yourself and Abbey, that's it.
 
I'm beginning to think our javaguru had no intention of ever meeting me and is one of those guys that just throws out the L word because it means nothing to him. lol.... oh well. Lesson learned.
 
nefertiti said:
lol....I often don't either. I don't have much in common with a lot of the women at my church either - We interact in church, in small group, in various fellowship and volunteering settings, but not outside of that (except for one girl, who is my closest friend down here). But that's why I emphasized a similar background to you, not necessarily someone who has perfectly walked the walk (or pretends to have) their whole life.

But anyhoo, not something you even need to remotely be worried about right now. You need to take care of yourself and Abbey, that's it.
Click to expand...

You're right. I was being reckless with my heart in the first place just giving it to some guy I've never met with serious issues like that. What the fuck is wrong with me? It's like I enjoy tourturing myself...I wasn't ready to get involved in anything..I didn't realize I was so self destructive.
 
cindylou said:
You're right. I was being reckless with my heart in the first place just giving it to some guy I've never met with serious issues like that. What the fuck is wrong with me? It's like I enjoy tourturing myself...I wasn't ready to get involved in anything..I didn't realize I was so self destructive.
Click to expand...


lol nothing is wrong with you, you just like someones company even if its over the internet. ur not the first person to ever do this, theres nothin wrong with meeting someone over the internet and starting to like them IMO. but the way it ended for you makes u think that ur stupid for doing it but really ur not, u criticize urself too much cindy
 
cindylou said:
You're right. I was being reckless with my heart in the first place just giving it to some guy I've never met with serious issues like that. What the fuck is wrong with me? It's like I enjoy tourturing myself...I wasn't ready to get involved in anything..I didn't realize I was so self destructive.
Click to expand...

Beating yourself up like this isn't any good either. The heart does what it will...in spite of the brain knowing better, sometimes. That voice that's beating you up is the same one that will tempt you to break your promise to stop drinking, so the best thing you can do for yourself right this minute is let go of any anger directed at yourself. Forgive yourself for falling, for the mistakes you made while drunk, give yourself a clean slate to start putting one foot in front of the other and move on. All that ugliness directed at yourself will only slow you down.
 
cindylou said:
You're right. I was being reckless with my heart in the first place just giving it to some guy I've never met with serious issues like that. What the fuck is wrong with me? It's like I enjoy tourturing myself...I wasn't ready to get involved in anything..I didn't realize I was so self destructive.
Click to expand...

There is nothing wrong with you. The "what if's" or "could be's" are extremely seductive. Even if you think you have a handle on it, reality hits and you realize that you have a handle on nothing.
 
cindylou said:
lol@ me meeting teh man of my dreams at an AA meeting :p

I'm cool with not dating until my divorce is final...and not dating for a long time after that...if I ever date again. I can't possibly see how I could trust someone right now.
Click to expand...

Well at least there people are trying to improve themselves.

I got a big LOL @ meeting the man of your dreams on a steroid board.
 
nefertiti said:
Beating yourself up like this isn't any good either. The heart does what it will...in spite of the brain knowing better, sometimes. That voice that's beating you up is the same one that will tempt you to break your promise to stop drinking, so the best thing you can do for yourself right this minute is let go of any anger directed at yourself. Forgive yourself for falling, for the mistakes you made while drunk, give yourself a clean slate to start putting one foot in front of the other and move on. All that ugliness directed at yourself will only slow you down.
Click to expand...

You are so smart and wise beyond your years. This board is a much better place with your input.
 
iggy said:
cindy, i think you're being too critical and hard on yourself.

as long as drinking doesn't get in the way of any work/things you want to get done, it's not a problem.
You're only addicted if you're dependent on it.
figure out why you drink.

I drink because it's a fucking blast. Only for events/special occasions/weekends.

One time freshman year of college, I went 6 months without drinking just to see if i could do it. And I did it easily.

jigga - i'm probably the nicest drunk in the world. Funny thing is, when i'm wasted, no one can really even tell i'm drunk. I've never even been in a fight drunk, but have broken up dozens of them. Of course, I joke around a lot. But I've only gotten angry drunk twice in my life.
And one of those times was when i had a beer in my pocket at 20 and my drunken buddy told the cops. they tackled me and i got a misdemeanor even though it was expunged from my record.

My only problem with drinking, is a few of my friends and I can drink nonstop till we pass out. We'll have over 20 drinks in an 8 hour span sometimes. Lately I try to stick around 6-10 drinks 2-4 times a month. 6-10 drinks then cutting yourself off makes for the perfect buzz.
Click to expand...

It's not wrong to take an honest, hard look at yourself.

Drinking is part or our culture and school is a training ground for those with a predisposition to alcoholism.

I never lost a job or missed a day of work (full day) because of drinking. What some call a "functional alcoholic". There are a lot more than you might think.
Alcoholism is progressive. What once was a "blast" just wasn't any longer. In my twenties, there was no way I would have stopped although looking back, I knew I had a problem and should have. I could not have done it without the help of AA.
Finding out why you drink (honestly) is a key. You're right about that.
 
BBR100 said:
It's not wrong to take an honest, hard look at yourself.

Drinking is part or our culture and school is a training ground for those with a predisposition to alcoholism.

I never lost a job or missed a day of work (full day) because of drinking. What some call a "functional alcoholic". There are a lot more than you might think.
Alcoholism is progressive. What once was a "blast" just wasn't any longer. In my twenties, there was no way I would have stopped although looking back, I knew I had a problem and should have. I could not have done it without the help of AA.
Finding out why you drink (honestly) is a key. You're right about that.
Click to expand...

here, here! well spoken. As the Big Book says, "Alcohol is only a symptom of a deeper trouble". I fought it for 30 yesrs, been sober for 10. Only by the grace of God, my family, my sponsor and the AA people who were generous enough to give me thier time, am I here to irritate the fine folks on EF.
 
OK so I just went through 24 pages (clearly I'm busy at work ;)) and have a couple fo things to say, they are quoted in chronological order:

cindylou said:
Good news! My fortune cookie said that any troubles I may have will pass very shortly.
Click to expand...
LIES, no one ever understands those cookie messages!

cindylou said:
no that's fine..I've just been talking on the phone w/ so many members of EF lately...its fun to get to hear everyone's voice...
Click to expand...
I see how it is... we've never talked... :( it's not like you have to call me to Costa Rica or something :(

superdave said:
Damn i should have never made teh youtoob vids now no one will want to talk to me since everyone knows what i sound/look like (idiot)
Click to expand...
I still wanted to talk to you :heart:

the.gladiator1987 said:
I like cindy cuz shes real, i like girls that are OK with having downfalls tho, Cindy would be the best and easiest e-relationship to have with on this site

and everytime i think of java i think of old man lol idk why maybe cuz half his posts contain words i dont even know.. but were in 2011 now, i mean kids are havin sex in 5th grade so i think im doin OK
Click to expand...
WTF did that come from and how does that make you ok? :confused:

the.gladiator1987 said:
but cindy we have so much in common

we have a kid
were christian
were young
were good looking
we both have jobs
we both like to cuddle and shit
Click to expand...
OMG we are = we're not were... please learn the difference


On a side note, I'm not into the erelationships, my sister met her husband like that (car racing/mod forums) sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt, personally I would never even consider having feelings towards someone I've never met or touched, I guess I'm too physical maybe... but how can I trust someone who wont even see me? anyone can pick up a phone, anyone, even free on skype... but face to face, that shows attention and interest, sorry this happened Cindy, I am not one to judge you because I barely know what happened, I can only piece information and assume based on this thread and if there is something I hate it is to assume... the point isnt why it happened so dont dwell on it, just move on...
 
PuddleMonkey said:
I wanna hear him admit to using the L word.
Click to expand...


Anybody can use it, but, did he mean it?

To truly Love someone, you love or accept their flaws as well.

I'm pretty sure Java felt something for Cindy or it was infatuation-which is perfectly fine.
It just didn't work out that's all, it happens in real life as well. You just move on...
 
princesa said:
Anybody can use it, but, did he mean it?

To truly Love someone, you love or accept their flaws as well.

I'm pretty sure Java felt something for Cindy or it was infatuation-which is perfectly fine.
It just didn't work out that's all, it happens in real life as well. You just move on...
Click to expand...

christ woman, can you just let me humiliate java a little bit first?
 
princesa said:
Anybody can use it, but, did he mean it?

To truly Love someone, you love or accept their flaws as well.

I'm pretty sure Java felt something for Cindy or it was infatuation-which is perfectly fine.
It just didn't work out that's all, it happens in real life as well. You just move on...
Click to expand...

My momma always told me that men usually mean it when they say it, but then they walk around the corner and find something they love more.


Lol
 
princesa said:
Anybody can use it, but, did he mean it?

To truly Love someone, you love or accept their flaws as well.

I'm pretty sure Java felt something for Cindy or it was infatuation-which is perfectly fine.
It just didn't work out that's all, it happens in real life as well. You just move on...
Click to expand...

:heart:
 
cindylou said:
these elationships are fuggin...no joke. How I could even deveop feelings for someone with words on a screen and the sound of a voice does not make sense considering I'm not pathetic and I can get a real date with a real person in real life...and it still seems that these would tend to get more intense than a real relationship and almost move more quickly than a RL one would....and end just like that..over.

I'll never love that way again...terrifying.
Click to expand...

Cindy I think you need to know that you didn't "love". You're going through what's possibly the most traumatic time of your life. When the ex and I split (after 12 years together) I was a mess. I didn't know up from down, we had our baby that she was threatening to take away, she was banging some pill head douchebag, my dog just died, and my industry was in shambles. I shut myself down completely and didn't talk to wimmons. If I didn't do that, I guarantee I'd have found someone that was as codependent as I'd have been, fallen in "love" and then had reality hit. If you're anything like I was, you're not feeling like there's anything solid in life, that you failed as a spouse and possibly a parent, and that there's no light at the end of the tunnel. I know it's cliche, but time will heal this wound. Fuck, it's been 2 years for me and I'm kinda seeing soulballs and she's been nothing short of amazing. I still can't really let her in. You just need to focus on positive things (liquid depressants aren't in that equation, fyi) and do all you can be to take care of YOURSELF. Don't do things just because you think you should for Abby. Being good to yourself is the best thing you can do for her.

You're going to have a hard time, but you got this. Plus, you're going to learn a ton about yourself on the way. Good and bad, but if you keep yourself open you'll end up stronger than hell.
 
AT-mixed-pictures82.jpg
 
jnevin said:
Cindy I think you need to know that you didn't "love". You're going through what's possibly the most traumatic time of your life. When the ex and I split (after 12 years together) I was a mess. I didn't know up from down, we had our baby that she was threatening to take away, she was banging some pill head douchebag, my dog just died, and my industry was in shambles. I shut myself down completely and didn't talk to wimmons. If I didn't do that, I guarantee I'd have found someone that was as codependent as I'd have been, fallen in "love" and then had reality hit. If you're anything like I was, you're not feeling like there's anything solid in life, that you failed as a spouse and possibly a parent, and that there's no light at the end of the tunnel. I know it's cliche, but time will heal this wound. Fuck, it's been 2 years for me and I'm kinda seeing soulballs and she's been nothing short of amazing. I still can't really let her in. You just need to focus on positive things (liquid depressants aren't in that equation, fyi) and do all you can be to take care of YOURSELF. Don't do things just because you think you should for Abby. Being good to yourself is the best thing you can do for her.

You're going to have a hard time, but you got this. Plus, you're going to learn a ton about yourself on the way. Good and bad, but if you keep yourself open you'll end up stronger than hell.
Click to expand...

I love this dude - no homo.
 
jnevin said:
When the ex and I split (after 12 years together) I was a mess. I didn't know up from down, we had our baby that she was threatening to take away, she was banging some pill head douchebag, my dog just died, and my industry was in shambles. I shut myself down completely and didn't talk to wimmons.
Click to expand...

Been there. REPEATPOST.

Someone once crushed me and to this day, I still cannot figure out why it screwed with me so badly. In college, I romped my way thru cheerleaders, med students, etc and for some reason, this one girl fugged with my head so badly. Three years of actually not that great times and she cheated on me while drunk.

Had to drive like 800 miles overnight in the act to catch her. Then fugging ended up in Mecklinberg County jail because I threw the dood thru the front door.

Then I made myself worse by heavily drinking to the point where I took out a telephone pole at 88 mph with a BAL of 3.1. My flux capacitor did not kick in.

Then to make myself feel "better", I fugged some really ugly troll.

I wasted a few years of my life hurting myself until I realized what a POS I had been with.
 
gotmilk said:
Been there. REPEATPOST.

Someone once crushed me and to this day, I still cannot figure out why it screwed with me so badly. In college, I romped my way thru cheerleaders, med students, etc and for some reason, this one girl fugged with my head so badly. Three years of actually not that great times and she cheated on me while drunk.

Had to drive like 800 miles overnight in the act to catch her. Then fugging ended up in Mecklinberg County jail because I threw the dood thru the front door.

Then I made myself worse by heavily drinking to the point where I took out a telephone pole at 88 mph with a BAL of 3.1. My flux capacitor did not kick in.Then to make myself feel "better", I fugged some really ugly troll.

I wasted a few years of my life hurting myself until I realized what a POS I had been with.
Click to expand...

Sorry dude - that made me laugh.

My sister escaped from rehab and tried to kill herself by running into a telephone pole. Bad news for her was she had airbags. She just ended up with a totaled car and a bill from the city for the pole.
 
billfred said:
Sorry dude - that made me laugh.

My sister escaped from rehab and tried to kill herself by running into a telephone pole. Bad news for her was she had airbags. She just ended up with a totaled car and a bill from the city for the pole.
Click to expand...


seriously?

lmfao
 
That capaciter that people say they have, I wasn't born with one.... Did I ever mention the New Beginings group here... LMAO
 
jnevin said:
Cindy I think you need to know that you didn't "love". You're going through what's possibly the most traumatic time of your life. When the ex and I split (after 12 years together) I was a mess. I didn't know up from down, we had our baby that she was threatening to take away, she was banging some pill head douchebag, my dog just died, and my industry was in shambles. I shut myself down completely and didn't talk to wimmons. If I didn't do that, I guarantee I'd have found someone that was as codependent as I'd have been, fallen in "love" and then had reality hit. If you're anything like I was, you're not feeling like there's anything solid in life, that you failed as a spouse and possibly a parent, and that there's no light at the end of the tunnel. I know it's cliche, but time will heal this wound. Fuck, it's been 2 years for me and I'm kinda seeing soulballs and she's been nothing short of amazing. I still can't really let her in. You just need to focus on positive things (liquid depressants aren't in that equation, fyi) and do all you can be to take care of YOURSELF. Don't do things just because you think you should for Abby. Being good to yourself is the best thing you can do for her.

You're going to have a hard time, but you got this. Plus, you're going to learn a ton about yourself on the way. Good and bad, but if you keep yourself open you'll end up stronger than hell.
Click to expand...

I wrote out a super long post...but deleted it....thanks..you're right.
 
lol I wanted to acknowledge that I read it.....I dont have any energy left to share anything else lol...maybe later :) lol...I've already shared waaaaay too much with the board anyway lol....
 
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