so, remember I said that my son's girlfriend has been staying with us?

[stilleto]

Her mom was in a battered women's shelter and "A" is 18 so she couldn't stay there. She stayed with us until her mom could get a court date, which kept getting held off and held off.

6 weeks go by, and "A's" father hasn't seen his 3 kids that whole time.
Finally, "A's" mom gets back into her house with "A", her 16 year old brother, and her 10 year old brother.

a few days later, the 16 year old brother (my son's close friend) was admitted to the psych ward at the local hospital after he admitted to burning and cutting himself. My son had no idea about it. They get him treatment and he's released.

Yesterday, the 10 year old brother went missing for hours. The police were here (they thought he came to my house), helicopters were all over town, and the town sirens went off. They thought the father took him, but they found him.

Today, I worked from home, and my son and "A" were here. I went for a walk and heard the town sirens again. I thought, 'they've been going off alot lately."
When i back, "A" got a call from a friend who said he heard her 16 year old brother is dead.

no, they say. he's fine (he's been in the psych ward but they don't tell anyone that). They leave here to go to "A's" house... and found out that he was, in fact, dead. ATV accident. There was another boy in the accident, who is in a coma and paralyzed.

sorry this is long. My son never lost anyone before- he's been crying all night and helping his girlfriend's family. Her mother was in family court when the state troopers interrupted and said they had to talk to the two parties privately. The mother just collapsed and has been in shock ever since. The father hadn't seen his kids in 6 weeks. I feel so bad for this family. It's a lot of drama and I keep rolling my eyes at it all, but today it just became reality. I don't know how any family recovers from losing their child.

 

[miplank]

sorry to hear that.

 

[chris302001]

wish there was something I could do........

 

[Bikini Mod]

Her mom was in a battered women's shelter and "A" is 18 so she couldn't stay there. She stayed with us until her mom could get a court date, which kept getting held off and held off.

6 weeks go by, and "A's" father hasn't seen his 3 kids that whole time.
Finally, "A's" mom gets back into her house with "A", her 16 year old brother, and her 10 year old brother.

a few days later, the 16 year old brother (my son's close friend) was admitted to the psych ward at the local hospital after he admitted to burning and cutting himself. My son had no idea about it. They get him treatment and he's released.

Yesterday, the 10 year old brother went missing for hours. The police were here (they thought he came to my house), helicopters were all over town, and the town sirens went off. They thought the father took him, but they found him.

Today, I worked from home, and my son and "A" were here. I went for a walk and heard the town sirens again. I thought, 'they've been going off alot lately."
When i back, "A" got a call from a friend who said he heard her 16 year old brother is dead.

no, they say. he's fine (he's been in the psych ward but they don't tell anyone that). They leave here to go to "A's" house... and found out that he was, in fact, dead. ATV accident. There was another boy in the accident, who is in a coma and paralyzed.

sorry this is long. My son never lost anyone before- he's been crying all night and helping his girlfriend's family. Her mother was in family court when the state troopers interrupted and said they had to talk to the two parties privately. The mother just collapsed and has been in shock ever since. The father hadn't seen his kids in 6 weeks. I feel so bad for this family. It's a lot of drama and I keep rolling my eyes at it all, but today it just became reality. I don't know how any family recovers from losing their child.

You're not the only one who has this reaction... that is, until it hits YOUR HOME.

Countless lives are affected by domestic violence. Just because *it* doesn't live in your home (thank goodness) doesn't mean that your home won't be affected by it.

My heart goes out to that mother.

Your post is not long OR bothersome to me and those like me. I truly am sorry for that mother and her children.

 

[shrimp poboy]

Wow thats horrible im sure the funeral will be brutal as well

 

[Thandie]

I'm so sorry to hear that!

 

[stilleto]

You're not the only one who has this reaction... that is, until it hits YOUR HOME.

Countless lives are affected by domestic violence. Just because *it* doesn't live in your home (thank goodness) doesn't mean that your home won't be affected by it.

My heart goes out to that mother.

Your post is not long OR bothersome to me and those like me. I truly am sorry for that mother and her children.

thanks e.
I really didn't know if the mother was battered or not. My son said he's never seen violence at their house or heard of it, so i thought the mother was making the situation so much worse by going to a shelter and keeping her kids from him.
they've had dyfus at their house and nothing happened, so i thought it was more false drama and it just seemed like it was always something with them.

Today i found out that the father did hit the mother, at least once- he broke her nose a few weeks ago and just before she left, he threatened something pretty bad (don't know what). The 16 year old had been a big part of the problem between them, so he internalized all the problems his mother was now having after leaving- hence the cutting and burning.
Things JUST started to get better, but i have a feeling he was being wreckless today on his quad. he died at the scene.

 

[stilleto]

Wow thats horrible im sure the funeral will be brutal as well

very.
it's always a horrible thing to bury a teenager. He was popular, and so is "A". My son is too- and every friend is going to want to go.

plus, the family is going to be a mess, of course. They can't afford a funeral btw.... their house was in forclosure a few months ago.

 

[Cutiebaby]

Wow, I am sorry to hear this. It sucks, sounds like this family has had way too much on their plates.

Best thing to do is just be there for your son, A, and her mother.

Very sad situation indeed.

 

[Bikini Mod]

thanks e.
I really didn't know if the mother was battered or not. My son said he's never seen violence at their house or heard of it, so i thought the mother was making the situation so much worse by going to a shelter and keeping her kids from him.
they've had dyfus at their house and nothing happened, so i thought it was more false drama and it just seemed like it was always something with them.

Today i found out that the father did hit the mother, at least once- he broke her nose a few weeks ago and just before she left, he threatened something pretty bad (don't know what). The 16 year old had been a big part of the problem between them, so he internalized all the problems his mother was now having after leaving- hence the cutting and burning.
Things JUST started to get better, but i have a feeling he was being wreckless today on his quad. he died at the scene.

Again, your honesty is reflective of how MOST people think about such situations and why I will NEVER stop talking about domestic violence and the system... no matter who shouts me down or who says that surely, I am making this up.

Now you know FIRST HAND how the system REGULARLY fucks families up.

The woman did the right thing by trying to get away from him, but in the end what good did it do her OR her children?

 

[musclemom]

And the worst part is teenagers are such emotional creatures. They think the way they feel today is the way they'll feel forever ... mourning the loss of someone you love as an adult is bad enough and seems like it's going to last forever but you know to keep hanging on and hope it'll pass someday. Teens are so in the moment. There's always a fear of backlash suicides ...

'letto I am so sorry this sorrow has touched your home and those you love

 

[stilleto]

Again, your honesty is reflective of how MOST people think about such situations and why I will NEVER stop talking about domestic violence and the system... no matter who shouts me down or who says that surely, I am making this up.

Now you know FIRST HAND how the system REGULARLY fucks families up.

The woman did the right thing by trying to get away from him, but in the end what good did it do her OR her children?

well really, the system did work for her. She got an order of protection against him (that's why he hadn't seen his kids in 6 weeks), she got him kicked out of the house, and today they were in court again but that got interrupted.

The son's death was a tragic accident. Nobody will know why- i suspect he was riding carelessly, and if so, there's nobody to blame... a 16 year old boy who's parents almost lost their house, who's dad couldn't accept him, who's mom and siblings had to live in a shelter until they got their house back, and who really doesn't know what his future holds... i can understand.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Was it a temporary or a final?

I had a FINAL protective order... *sigh* I don't know about the state that you live in but in NJ a woman that has a final protective order must still SHARE physical custody IF the father wants it. Also, once a divorce is in place NO "women's rights organizations" will help a woman behind the 8ball with an abusive ex.

The whole thing is a tragic mess, no doubt. Just the fact that you doubted anything was wrong because DYFS was there and "nothing happened" tells me that something, somewhere was fucked up. (Maybe I misunderstood your initial post?)

I've heard of women (yes, met them personally) who had lost custody of their children because their husbands would beat them and they refused to put the men out. Interestingly enough, all the women were befuddled because "he NEVER hit the kids." (Sound familiar?)

In any event, the whole thing is horrible. Often times the fixes are not so easy and perhaps more people should learn that the first and quickest judgment isn't always the correct one.

My heart REALLY goes out to the family. I hope the mother and surviving children get a truckload of GOOD counseling. If anyone knows, I do, they are going to need it. You will NEVER KNOW how dearly I regret being talked into dropping that order by my then-attorney.. NEVER.

 

[stilleto]

Was it a temporary or a final?

I had a FINAL protective order... *sigh* I don't know about the state that you live in but in NJ a woman that has a final protective order must still SHARE physical custody IF the father wants it. Also, once a divorce is in place NO "women's rights organizations" will help a woman behind the 8ball with an abusive ex.

The whole thing is a tragic mess, no doubt. Just the fact that you doubted anything was wrong because DYFS was there and "nothing happened" tells me that something, somewhere was fucked up. (Maybe I misunderstood your initial post?)

I've heard of women (yes, met them personally) who had lost custody of their children because their husbands would beat them and they refused to put the men out. Interestingly enough, all the women were befuddled because "he NEVER hit the kids." (Sound familiar?)

In any event, the whole thing is horrible. Often times the fixes are not so easy and perhaps more people should learn that the first and quickest judgment isn't always the correct one.

My heart REALLY goes out to the family. I hope the mother and surviving children get a truckload of GOOD counseling. If anyone knows, I do, they are going to need it. You will NEVER KNOW how dearly I regret being talked into dropping that order by my then-attorney.. NEVER.

well my post really wasn't about family violence, it was more about the fact that it seemed that something dramatic was always happening with this family and I was tired of it (since it had often traveled into my life, via my son), but this is something way more than that.
i'm talking to my friend now- she is going to get the churches in the area to take up a collection for the funeral expenses.

 

[Smurfy]

wow this is a really sad story. gosh.

 

[RADAR]

This is soooo Tragic, my condolences goes out to that whole family and everyone involved.

RADAR

 

[Bikini Mod]

well my post really wasn't about family violence, it was more about the fact that it seemed that something dramatic was always happening with this family and I was tired of it (since it had often traveled into my life, via my son), but this is something way more than that.
i'm talking to my friend now- she is going to get the churches in the area to take up a collection for the funeral expenses.

I see, then I repeat my original sentiments... people seem to think that because domestic violence doesn't live in their house that somehow it is "someone else's problem"... until it ends up in their home regardless of the fact that they aren't directly involved or responsible.

Domestic violence is EVERYONE's problem... eventually.

I am as sorry for the family that had the problem as well as for yours. EVERYONE gets hurt in some way. Don't they?

 

[chris302001]

Was it a temporary or a final?

I had a FINAL protective order... *sigh* I don't know about the state that you live in but in NJ a woman that has a final protective order must still SHARE physical custody IF the father wants it. Also, once a divorce is in place NO "women's rights organizations" will help a woman behind the 8ball with an abusive ex.

The whole thing is a tragic mess, no doubt. Just the fact that you doubted anything was wrong because DYFS was there and "nothing happened" tells me that something, somewhere was fucked up. (Maybe I misunderstood your initial post?)

I've heard of women (yes, met them personally) who had lost custody of their children because their husbands would beat them and they refused to put the men out. Interestingly enough, all the women were befuddled because "he NEVER hit the kids." (Sound familiar?)

In any event, the whole thing is horrible. Often times the fixes are not so easy and perhaps more people should learn that the first and quickest judgment isn't always the correct one.

My heart REALLY goes out to the family. I hope the mother and surviving children get a truckload of GOOD counseling. If anyone knows, I do, they are going to need it. You will NEVER KNOW how dearly I regret being talked into dropping that order by my then-attorney.. NEVER.

I thought this thread was about Stilleto?

 

[Bikini Mod]

I thought this thread was about Stilleto?

Who said any different?

 

[princesa]

Ugh..I'm really sorry! My heart goes out to the family

 

[stilleto]

Was it a temporary or a final?

I had a FINAL protective order... *sigh* I don't know about the state that you live in but in NJ a woman that has a final protective order must still SHARE physical custody IF the father wants it. Also, once a divorce is in place NO "women's rights organizations" will help a woman behind the 8ball with an abusive ex.

i have no idea what the order of protection was- it's not my business and has nothing to do with the death of their son.

 

[Tatyana]

How tragic.

Thank you for being so supportive and compassionate.

 

[ortiz34]

horrible

sending you hugs and support

 

[Bikini Mod]

i have no idea what the order of protection was- it's not my business and has nothing to do with the death of their son.

True, I guess I was getting caught up in a minor detail that really has no bearing on this particular outcome.

 

[stilleto]

True, I guess I was getting caught up in a minor detail that really has no bearing on this particular outcome.

understandable.

 

[nangiggles]

What a bad situation... it kept escalating until the worst happened... it must be so unnatural to bury your own child
Keep a close eye on "A" and an even closer eye on your son, specially since he has never had anyone close to him die...

 

[myway]

Sorry. I hate when this stuff happens. Someone prolly needs to get your son's gf in to talk to someone(like a therapist). A ton has hit her at once and even tha strongest would need some help processing it all. If not, it could cause her some major issues when she is older.

 

[nangiggles]

Sorry. I hate when this stuff happens. Someone prolly needs to get your son's gf in to talk to someone(like a therapist). A ton has hit her at once and even tha strongest would need some help processing it all. If not, it could cause her some major issues when she is older.

+1 Prevention! That is always key in staying well, people ususally going to therapy after talking to their parents, friends, priest, etc when they totally fall apart and cant stand it THEN they seek therapy.... try to get them to talk to someone at least a school counselor....

 

[BBR100]

Sorry. I hate when this stuff happens. Someone prolly needs to get your son's gf in to talk to someone(like a therapist). A ton has hit her at once and even tha strongest would need some help processing it all. If not, it could cause her some major issues when she is older.

+1
all this is overwhelming even from the outside.

I hope your son's able to come and talk to you about his feelings too.

 

[myway]

+1
all this is overwhelming even from the outside.

I hope your son's able to come and talk to you about his feelings too.

I know. Trying to get a jump on it. Reading every book I can find and picking tha brains of every child psychologist I know(I know 3). The process actually starts NOW. Very young.

 

[iggy]

sorry letto. that sucks.
my roommates friend killed himself yesterday so i had to help him out.
death is f#$%ed up, yet inevitable.