Is everything forgivable?

[canadianhitman]

So by not bringing them back, does that mean you've forgave or just don't even think about it/them?

In the case of a former friend I cut out of my life, I just don't think about him...it's as if he's dead really. I never forgave him, never will.

 

[blueta2]

and as many of you witnessed, I have a tough time with my ex who posts here. There are days I want to forgive and a time when I tried to forgive, but he's never showed sincere amends or even acknowledge the things he did.
My therapist at the time said "he doesn't even realize what he's doing, you need to forgive that so you can let this anger go"

Won't get too much into that cause don't want to cause trouble, but in all seriousness. I would love the formula to work on forgiving that!
Forgiving doesn't mean that person is omitted from their wrongs, it just means, I don't take that pain personally anymore and can send it off.

 

[blueta2]

I think you're mistaking forgiveness with letting go, and that's the problem. It's very possible to stop dwelling on the incident/person without actually forgiving them...you just cut them out of your life entirely and the whole 'out of sight, out of mind' phenomenon takes over. At least, that's what happens when I do it after awhile. At first, it consumes you several times a day...you can't help but think about the whole mess and get angry...but eventually you think about it:

-once a day, then
-once every few days, then
-once a week, then
-once a month....then less

I've had two betrayals that I have not forgiven.

One was a former friend who talked shit about me behind my back so he could look cool in front of some of his co-workers. I have no need for people lacking loyalty in my life, so I cut him out completely. I was best man at his wedding...had been friends for 10 years...but that didn't matter to me. He tried to apologize a couple of years later through a third party, but by then I was perfectly happy with him not being in my life, so I chose to keep it that way.

One is a little more complicated...my 13yrs younger brother and I haven't really spoken much in the past 2.5 years. Loyalty issue again, plus some shit drama he brought into my parents' lives also. All I ever wanted was for him to get rid of the crazy bitch who started all the chaos, and the heartfelt apology he owes me. The bitch is gone, but the apology never came. He can't man up and admit he was wrong and apologize, so we will remain estranged until he grows a pair and does the right thing.

By not forgiving, you can never let go? If you let it go, you would not even carry the anger for your friend or bro no?

Would you feel free if you could forgive them?
Or would it not make a difference in your life?

 

[wootoom]

sometimes, me too! Do you think it's a Canadian thing?

;-)

For me, I just cannot wrap my head around people who hurt and are not sorry.

Woot, what if your ex came to you and made a sincere amends to you? Would you embrace that?

She denies it, and she also wants me back....i mean, i really don't want to be her friend. We were married, we are civil and that's all i want from her. So maybe i guess i have kind of forgave her you would say...in a way lol

 

[miplank]

She denies it, and she also wants me back....i mean, i really don't want to be her friend. We were married, we are civil and that's all i want from her. So maybe i guess i have kind of forgave her you would say...in a way lol

Post up her noodz

 

[digimon7068]

I think you're mistaking forgiveness with letting go, and that's the problem. It's very possible to stop dwelling on the incident/person without actually forgiving them...you just cut them out of your life entirely and the whole 'out of sight, out of mind' phenomenon takes over. At least, that's what happens when I do it after awhile. At first, it consumes you several times a day...you can't help but think about the whole mess and get angry...but eventually you think about it:

-once a day, then
-once every few days, then
-once a week, then
-once a month....then less

true dat...^^^apathy^^^...and apathy ain't forgiveness.

 

[blueta2]

Woot, well as long as can be civil. Sounds like you're moving in the right direction

 

[wootoom]

ill try to get one from her

 

[miplank]

Fuck yeah!

 

[-SD-]

fuck this thread is depressing
Im pacing