Wish me luck, I got volunteered...

[puddlemonkey]

So my buddy calls me at work and I ignore it as usual because I am busy posting on EF. Well, he calls over and over again because he knows I'm screening my calls and he has something important to tell me. I finally answer and it turns out he volunteered me for a one night stand tonight. Apparently his girlfriends cousin has been separated from her husband for a few months and is in need of affection but does not want to date anyone right now. All I've been told is she got married young, has been married for 10 years, and is short and cute. I have no pics, no name, nothing else. His girlfriend told him this hinting towards me and he went ahead and signed me up without approval. Not really fair considering his girlfriend knows me so she has the inside scoop but my buddy has never even seen this cousin of hers so we're taking her word for it. I usually don't get nervous in any sexual situation, but then again I've never agreed to have sex with a girl I've never even met or seen.

 

[gotmilk]

so...you get the troll?

 

[puddlemonkey]

Crap, I just realized I need to race home after work and wash the bedsheets before I head out. And maybe hide anything thats out in the open that shouldn't be out in the open.

 

[puddlemonkey]

so...you get the troll?

I hope not

 

[gotmilk]

short and cute is code for fat and stuck in loveless marriage

 

[jh1]

That's pretty ferking nasty bro... I'd have to see pics first.

 

[puddlemonkey]

short and cute is code for fat and stuck in loveless marriage

I was told 5'2" and 100lbs. I'm not good with women weight, what is this gonna look like?

 

[vixensghost]

Wrap your wang.....OR the statement of needing "affection" might turn into "infection"...

 

[resqguy]

Good to go. Hopefully she's a hottie.

 

[puddlemonkey]

That's pretty ferking nasty bro... I'd have to see pics first.

I'm skured, hold me

 

[puddlemonkey]

Wrap your wang.....OR the statement of needing "affection" might turn into "infection"...

lol, always! I buy the Durex "Natural Feeling" condoms in bulk.

 

[Sub-Zero]

So my buddy calls me at work and I ignore it as usual because I am busy posting on EF. Well, he calls over and over again because he knows I'm screening my calls and he has something important to tell me. I finally answer and it turns out he volunteered me for a one night stand tonight. Apparently his girlfriends cousin has been separated from her husband for a few months and is in need of affection but does not want to date anyone right now. All I've been told is she got married young, has been married for 10 years, and is short and cute. I have no pics, no name, nothing else. His girlfriend told him this hinting towards me and he went ahead and signed me up without approval. Not really fair considering his girlfriend knows me so she has the inside scoop but my buddy has never even seen this cousin of hers so we're taking her word for it. I usually don't get nervous in any sexual situation, but then again I've never agreed to have sex with a girl I've never even met or seen.

fuck you, ill do it

 

[Sub-Zero]

you get to bang a girl without having to talk to her or know her first, whats the problem?

 

[puddlemonkey]

fuck you, ill do it

Hey! Maybe bino wants to do it, he's in town still!

 

[vixensghost]

lol, always! I buy the Durex "Natural Feeling" condoms in bulk.

Looks like you got crabs...The lil bug moving on the screen is making me itch already.

 

[pbasquine]

testoderm-d

I want to try out testoderm-d, i got two boxes which contains 6 of the tubes i need some advice on how to take it?

 

[jh1]

you get to bang a girl without having to talk to her or know her first, whats the problem?

No Way.

 

[puddlemonkey]

you get to bang a girl without having to talk to her or know her first, whats the problem?

lol There will be some talk, I agreed to take her out to eat first. I just text my buddy to let him know we need to set up some sort of secret abort code in case of trouble.

 

[jh1]

If you don't come with the cell phone pics tomorrow, you're a shameless fatty banger.

 

[resqguy]

you get to bang a girl without having to talk to her or know her first, whats the problem?

Because she could turn out to be a..."raging pigslut."

(raging pigslut courtesy of killahbee)

 

[puddlemonkey]

If you don't come with the cell phone pics tomorrow, you're a shameless fatty banger.

Cell pics wont do me any good without a way to transfer them to the computer. I guess I could text them to someone trustworthy to upload.

 

[Sub-Zero]

Because she could turn out to be a..."raging pigslut."

(raging pigslut courtesy of killahbee)

then you just walk out on her...

if i was in this situation it would be

1) bang her and it would be awsome, since she wants it u know its set up easy entry

2) you dont want it and you just leave and never see her again and cause a fight between your buddy and his wife...


either way you have fun which means winning

 

[bw1]

So my buddy calls me at work and I ignore it as usual because I am busy posting on EF. Well, he calls over and over again because he knows I'm screening my calls and he has something important to tell me. I finally answer and it turns out he volunteered me for a one night stand tonight. Apparently his girlfriends cousin has been separated from her husband for a few months and is in need of affection but does not want to date anyone right now. All I've been told is she got married young, has been married for 10 years, and is short and cute. I have no pics, no name, nothing else. His girlfriend told him this hinting towards me and he went ahead and signed me up without approval. Not really fair considering his girlfriend knows me so she has the inside scoop but my buddy has never even seen this cousin of hers so we're taking her word for it. I usually don't get nervous in any sexual situation, but then again I've never agreed to have sex with a girl I've never even met or seen.

She's a dood

 

[puddlemonkey]

2) you dont want it and you just leave and never see her again and cause a fight between your buddy and his wife...

Its his girlfriend, not wife. And I see her on occasion too, so the walk out plan isn't as easy as it seems.

 

[Sub-Zero]

Its his girlfriend, not wife. And I see her on occasion too, so the walk out plan isn't as easy as it seems.

fucking pussy. is she gunna shoot you? make you cry? wtf. grow some balls and either go home after dinner or fuck her. its open. ill wear a mask of your face if you want and handle bidness

 

[puddlemonkey]

fucking pussy. is she gunna shoot you? make you cry? wtf. grow some balls and either go home after dinner or fuck her. its open. ill wear a mask of your face if you want and handle bidness

I could take offense had this not come from a virgin lol

 

[jh1]

Cell pics wont do me any good without a way to transfer them to the computer. I guess I could text them to someone trustworthy to upload.

Doche fucking bag. You send them in a message to your email address....


Fucking retards.

 

[resqguy]

Worst case senario: she's busted and you're forced into having dinner with her. After, politely tell her good-nite and roll out. No big deal.

 

[puddlemonkey]

Doche fucking bag. You send them in a message to your email address....


Fucking retards.

wtf? How do you send a text message to an e-mail address? Do the first gen razor phones do that?

 

[puddlemonkey]

Worst case senario: she's busted and you're forced into having dinner with her. After, politely tell her good-nite and roll out. No big deal.

Sounds so easy, but I'd still feel like shit after agreeing to it.

 

[KillahBee]

now you know how momma and daddy puddlemonkey felt

 

[i-Supplements]

Just brutalize that snatch!

 

[resqguy]

Sounds so easy, but I'd still feel like shit after agreeing to it.

Maybe I misunderstood. You've already OBLIGATED yourself to fuck this chick?

 

[puddlemonkey]

Maybe I misunderstood. You've already OBLIGATED yourself to fuck this chick?

My buddy said I would, she told her cousin its a go, so in a way yes.

 

[redtopp06]

just hit it bro. try to get a pic of and post it. 5'2'' 100 is perfect for that height. how tall are you?

 

[resqguy]

My buddy said I would, she told her cousin its a go, so in a way yes.

I find it hard to believe that your friend would knowingly set you up with a sea donkey. She's probably pretty good looking, or at least fuckable. I'm sure you'll be fine. Make sure you let us know...

 

[puddlemonkey]

just hit it bro. try to get a pic of and post it. 5'2'' 100 is perfect for that height. how tall are you?

According to my myspace I'm only 2'4"

 

[Sub-Zero]

I could take offense had this not come from a virgin lol

stop acting like one and ill believe it, pussy.

 

[puddlemonkey]

I find it hard to believe that your friend would knowingly set you up with a sea donkey. She's probably pretty good looking, or at least fuckable. I'm sure you'll be fine. Make sure you let us know...

We've known each other for a loooooooooooong time, we rarely pass on an opportunity to throw one another under the bus. Thats why I'm a little worried, but it would be a new low for him to lie about a girls looks. Certain boundaries shouldn't be crossed, and setting your good buddy up with a fugly is one of them.

 

[resqguy]

We've known each other for a loooooooooooong time, we rarely pass on an opportunity to throw one another under the bus. Thats why I'm a little worried, but it would be a new low for him to lie about a girls looks. Certain boundaries shouldn't be crossed, and setting your good buddy up with a fugly is one of them.

Agreed.

 

[puddlemonkey]

Ok, I'm about to leave work. I probably wont have time to post again until tomorrow. My spidey senses will pick up on anyone wishing bad things for me tonight!

 

[samoth]

wtf? How do you send a text message to an e-mail address? Do the first gen razor phones do that?

Ditto. JH seems to think everyone phone can do this for some reason.

 

[resqguy]

Ditto. JH seems to think everyone phone can do this for some reason.

Can't they?

 

[samoth]

Can't they?

I can't email or use the internet without getting the internet-on-phone package for $x/month. And I can't upload without buying some stupid cord from Sprint.

I never got into the do-everything-on-your-cell-phone trend. I use it for calling people and recieving calls only, as wierd as that may sound.

 

[Sassy69]

At a min I'd make her sign a waiver absolving you of all fatherly obligations, should any result as well as making her financially responsible for all of your medical bills and pain & suffering, should any result. I would also make your buddy sign something saying he owes you for ANYTHING you need him to do at any time, anywhere in return for this service.

 

[resqguy]

I can't email or use the internet without getting the internet-on-phone package for $x/month. And I can't upload without buying some stupid cord from Sprint.

I never got into the do-everything-on-your-cell-phone trend. I use it for calling people and recieving calls only, as wierd as that may sound.

I know you have to have the internet package to browse, but I was under the assumption that any phone could text to an email address.

 

[puddlemonkey]

Meeting an hour later than originally planned, got some time to kill now. All showered up and ready to roll.

 

[puddlemonkey]

Ditto. JH seems to think everyone phone can do this for some reason.

If my phone can do it its news to me.

 

[resqguy]

This should be interesting.

 

[puddlemonkey]

At a min I'd make her sign a waiver absolving you of all fatherly obligations, should any result as well as making her financially responsible for all of your medical bills and pain & suffering, should any result. I would also make your buddy sign something saying he owes you for ANYTHING you need him to do at any time, anywhere in return for this service.

I would if I thought for a second it would actually hold up in court. Hell, courts are making non-fathers pay child support after tests show the child isn't theirs, didn't you see that article?


If she's cute I'll owe my buddy, if she isn't he'll owe me

 

[Sub-Zero]

goodluck dude

 

[Cal_21]

If she's ugly just pretend to fall asleep...lol...or punt her in the cunt, grab her by the hair & throw her out your place...just my 2 cents. Good luck Brolee!

 

[jestro]

Just drink until she's pretty. It works for me!

 

[puddlemonkey]

Let the ephedrine kick in and then you guys can make fun of me for being a swv.

 

[Faizakafez]

I didnt read this thread...

but i will continue to red you!

 

[puddlemonkey]

She was as advertised, short and cute, total take mom to mom type. I didn't follow through on my end of the deal, I think I started to like her a little. We got to talking so much that there wasn't really much of an opportunity for the one night stand. Getting 4 hours sleep sucks. Also got pulled over and dude made me take the sobriety test.


I feel like a total clit, go ahead and take your shots at me, I deserve it

 

[puddlemonkey]

I didnt read this thread...

but i will continue to red you!

You misspelled "I'll continue to be your bitch".

 

[Faizakafez]

i just red the thread, and apprently my previous post was right ( i should be a fortune teller)

*shakes head*

fucking virgin monkeys these days! talking all night

 

[jestro]

Doood! WTF? You don't want to get in a relationship with this chick. She may be cool, but she's in rebound mode. Which means she'll be wackier than a normal woman.

Did you have to give the cop a puffer to get out of the DUI?

 

[Creepusmaximus]

i just red the thread, and apprently my previous post was right ( i should be a fortune teller)

*shakes head*

fucking virgin monkeys these days! talking all night
/QUOTE]


Some guys dream of a situation like that while those who get in the situation fail to deliver. LOL. How it always works.

 

[jnevin]

Swv

 

[puddlemonkey]

Doood! WTF? You don't want to get in a relationship with this chick. She may be cool, but she's in rebound mode. Which means she'll be wackier than a normal woman.

I know I don't, I don't want to be in a relationship with ANY woman. This one would clearly be bad for me, I need to stick to ones I can use without remorse (strippers, scandalous bishes, etc).

Did you have to give the cop a puffer to get out of the DUI?

No DUI, I wasn't even drunk. Why he even pulled me out of the car I don't know, but he stopped the tests after the first one (follow my finger) because I think he could tell he was wasting both of our time.

 

[puddlemonkey]

Some guys dream of a situation like that while those who get in the situation fail to deliver. LOL. How it always works.

I deserve that


I don't know why I couldn't use this girl, but I just couldn't.

 

[puddlemonkey]

Wasted a Cialis too

 

[Faizakafez]

i just red the thread, and apprently my previous post was right ( i should be a fortune teller)

*shakes head*

fucking virgin monkeys these days! talking all night

worse then amatuer night at the apollo

 

[the_clockwork]

You have failed me puddle.

 

[puddlemonkey]

Virgins are now banned from this thread.

 

[heatherrae]

What the hell? If I knew that someone got volunteered to screw me like a darned Habitat for Humanity project I would be

It's okay though because underneath his furry and smelly exterior the monkey is a good guy...lol.

 

[Faizakafez]

Virgins are now banned from this thread.

fuck man, this story reminds me of ( subz, me and healother)
all wrapped in one.. pathetic

 

[puddlemonkey]

You have failed me puddle.

This is all about 5 hours old, I can't imagine the shit my buddy is gonna throw my way when he wakes up and hears what happened (or didn't happen).

 

[Creepusmaximus]

Wasted a Cialis too

Are you kidding me? rotflol.

 

[Faizakafez]

i would pm digger and asked to be bannded!!!

 

[puddlemonkey]

fuck man, this story reminds me of ( subz, me and healother)
all wrapped in one.. pathetic

I'm so tired I can't even think of anything to come back with. I'm a dead horse, please kick me

 

[heatherrae]

She is calling all her friends today and complaining that she got set up with a monkey who couldn't deliver...lol.

 

[puddlemonkey]

i would pm digger and asked to be bannded!!!

No shit, at least a temp banning.

 

[Faizakafez]

i use to look up to you with my bobble head...

but now fuck i have more game then you

and that my friend is .....

 

[puddlemonkey]

Are you kidding me? rotflol.

Whuuuut? I don't "need" it, I just like em!

 

[puddlemonkey]

She is calling all her friends today and complaining that she got set up with a monkey who couldn't deliver...lol.

lol no way, I have a pretty good feeling we'll be seeing each other again.

Unfortunately

I just need to focus on not getting emotionally attached to her and I should be ok.

 

[heatherrae]

lol no way, I have a pretty good feeling we'll be seeing each other again.

Unfortunately

I just need to focus on not getting emotionally attached to her and I should be ok.

Why can't you get emotionally attached? Is she terminally ill or something?

Men are so strange. They make things overly complicated.

 

[puddlemonkey]

i use to look up to you with my bobble head...

but now fuck i have more game then you

and that my friend is .....

Don't you find it sad that healother has gotten more play than you?

 

[puddlemonkey]

Why can't you get emotionally attached? Is she terminally ill or something?

Men are so strange. They make things overly complicated.

Cause a guy turns into a swv when he gets emotionally involved. I like to be in control of my emotions at all times, I like to know I can dump a girl and not think twice about her after that. Its just easier that way.

 

[Faizakafez]

Don't you find it sad that healother has gotten more play than you?

Dont you find it sad that a horny/desperate chick was spreading her legs for you.. yet you decided to take cilais and talk?

now please, does cialis by chance increase ones ability to hold a conversation or pay attention? if so i may need some for boring lectures!

 

[heatherrae]

Cause a guy turns into a swv when he gets emotionally involved. I like to be in control of my emotions at all times, I like to know I can dump a girl and not think twice about her after that. Its just easier that way.

What about when you are 70 and no one is around to hold hands with or share a good laugh?

 

[puddlemonkey]

Cause a guy turns into a swv when he gets emotionally involved. I like to be in control of my emotions at all times, I like to know I can dump a girl and not think twice about her after that. Its just easier that way.

Plus I don't want to lose half my stuffs!

 

[puddlemonkey]

Dont you find it sad that a horny/desperate chick was spreading her legs for you.. yet you decided to take cilais and talk?

Don't you find it sad that even horny/desperate chicks wont even spread their legs for you?

 

[puddlemonkey]

What about when you are 70 and no one is around to hold hands with or share a good laugh?

Jebus! What is with everyone telling me I don't want to be alone when I'm old? What is so bad about being alone? I get to do whatever the fuck I want, when I want, and where I want. Its awesome!

Plus I only plan on living til 53.

 

[jnevin]

This thread should be deleted.

 

[Faizakafez]

This thread should be deleted.

agreed!

gameless monkey up in this bitch

 

[Faizakafez]

i think on your next date if she gives you one.. your gonna get LBF'd

 

[puddlemonkey]

This thread should be deleted.

So true, would save me some embarrassment when the afternoon crew shows up.

 

[heatherrae]

Jebus! What is with everyone telling me I don't want to be alone when I'm old? What is so bad about being alone? I get to do whatever the fuck I want, when I want, and where I want. Its awesome!

Plus I only plan on living til 53.

You can do whatever you want but you wont have anyone to do it with. Plus, no kiddos or grandkiddos. I don't know. I just think all that stuff is the good stuff.

 

[puddlemonkey]

i think on your next date if she gives you one.. your gonna get LBF'd

LBF?

 

[Faizakafez]

Lets be friends = LBF

 

[puddlemonkey]

Lets be friends

Pass, but thanks for the offer.

 

[jnevin]

LOL at the birgin pwnagery.

 

[heatherrae]

i think on your next date if she gives you one.. your gonna get LBF'd

Yeah, probably. Then some other dude will be pulling her hair and smacking her butt before nightfall.

LOL.

 

[puddlemonkey]

You can do whatever you want but you wont have anyone to do it with. Plus, no kiddos or grandkiddos. I don't know. I just think all that stuff is the good stuff.

Relationships just don't last these days, odds are the person you're with now wont be the same one you're with 20 years from now. So why even stress about that stuff?

 

[Faizakafez]

Yeah, probably. Then some other dude will be pulling her hair and smacking her butt before nightfall.

LOL.

you kinky mofo

 

[heatherrae]

Relationships just don't last these days, odds are the person you're with now wont be the same one you're with 20 years from now. So why even stress about that stuff?

That isn't what I was told. My mom took me to Disney as a kid and I saw the Princess Parade. See, how it works is that when life gets you down, you meet a man who is handsome, kind, generous, and head over heels in love with you. You marry and have no problems of any kind, ever. The End.

That is how it works, right?

 

[heatherrae]

you kinky mofo