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Where did it all go wrong?

KillahBee

KillahBee

New member
Ever go back and analyze your early years to try to determine from where all your issues/behaviors/rapistways first developed? Yeah, me too/die.

I think my misogynistic over/undertones come from a combo of my pops (old school Italian head of family type) and the string of chicks I first dated. The structure of all those relationships was "girl finds herself with help from boy". That shit gets tiring and eventually makes you lose respect for the girls.

My view on marriage probably came from the fact that, altho they are still married, my parents' relationship ain't exactly healthy. Lots and lots of fighting, pops punching thru walls and breaking large objects, tons and tons of little daily verbal sparring back and forth that, in the end, is worse than any quick one-time only physical violent act (IMO).

My sexual deviancy probably started in 7th/8th grade. Didn't know it at the time, but we were an abnormally sexual group. Small class (like 16 kids), all very close. I remember fingering chicks on the bus. I also remember getting a friggin double handjob on the bus ride back from our NYC field trip (with my mom and nuns in the front). Then, the first girl I ever slept with was easily the horniest, most sexual being I have ever encountered. Just woke up every day aching for dick. All went downhill from there.

My pretty aggressive and probably sociopathic need to be independent (to the point where I get pissed if someone asks me where I am going or where I went and where I might go) must come from growing up around pops, who was/is a complete control freak. Never had crazy curfews or anything, but it was just always there.

Anywho.
 
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KillahBee said:
Ever go back and analyze your early years to try to determine from where all your issues/behaviors ... first developed?
Click to expand...


Often. Not solely "early years", but rather just earlier years. One gets a better understanding of oneself by analyzing the influences and motivating factors in life. This allows one to mold their constant change and development throughout life. It also explains how people come to be/feel/think as they do presently. This, too, can be used to mold others in their choices and decisions.



:cow:
 
I have been told by my best friend of 36 years that I definately should write my own memoire.
I do in fact think back and wonder what if I had left Tamara and went to Ashley? Where would I be? PRISON!
Where would I be if Tamara hadn't left me? Probably PRISON.
I have done alot of shit in my life and I mean ALOT. I think when I turned 18 and when my fiance left 3 years ago were the two biggest turning points in my life and I wonder what if they had not happened.
 
nothing out of the ordinary.

I'm a conditioned deviant from the perverse land of the internet and I intend to do terrible things sometimes.
 
I use reflection with caution. Today I am, Tomorrow I will be.

LOL at your concern for your deviant ways. Are you feeling okay?
 
KillahBee said:
my parents' relationship ain't exactly healthy. Lots and lots of fighting, pops punching thru walls and breaking large objects, tons and tons of little daily verbal sparring back and forth that, in the end, is worse than any quick one-time only physical violent act (IMO).
Click to expand...

You know you're to blame, right?
 
inkspot said:
I use reflection with caution. Today I am, Tomorrow I will be.

LOL at your concern for your deviant ways. Are you feeling okay?
Click to expand...

Oh it's far from concern. My self reflection is extremely healthy. I think I'm one of the few who actually has enough self awareness to realize my issues/flaws, determine where they come from and identify ways to overcome them. Shit, I think I've done a really good job of being a better version of my father. Took a while to reprogram myself out of those learned behavioral patterns (especially the temper), but I'm getting there.
 
i don't usually analyze where my behavior came from. it seems to always become apparent to me on it's own. more importantly, i try to figure out if it's working for me, and how to change it.
 
ortiz34 said:
ololololol that is a riot
Click to expand...

she was like a baby without a bottle when she didn't have some form of meat stuffed in her mouth. it was nirvana for a 16yo kid. we couldn't stop fucking around. in line for the movies, in the back seat of her parents' car (whilst they were driving), walking down the friggin street. she was a maniac. i was truly blessed.

fast forward 15 years - she's got two kids, a rap sheet, a divorce, a beat up body and meth lungs to match.

shocking.
 
I have to confess I don't understand people who move through life without taking the time to understand why they do what they do or how they ended up where they are (although I do understand some folks are just not wired to be introspective). That's why people like therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists exist, for those who can't be bothered to analyze their own motives, there exists a professional somewhere willing to take $175/hr. to analyze your life for you.

Additionally, our culture almost seems to consciously prevent personal contemplation. Gods forbid people should just allow their minds to be filled with their own thoughts for an hour or two, they're told they should either be plugged into a cell phone or ipod or PDA or having their mind occupied by the t.v. or internet. If you aren't doing something you're wasting your life.

Anyway, understanding why you do something is the first step. Having the objectivity to decide whether this behavior or attitude is beneficial to your life and then taking steps to change yourself if you find things you don't like is a whole other ball of wax.
 
musclemom said:
I have to confess I don't understand people who move through life without taking the time to understand why they do what they do or how they ended up where they are (although I do understand some folks are just not wired to be introspective). That's why people like therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists exist, for those who can't be bothered to analyze their own motives, there exists a professional somewhere willing to take $175/hr. to analyze your life for you.

Additionally, our culture almost seems to consciously prevent personal contemplation. Gods forbid people should just allow their minds to be filled with their own thoughts for an hour or two, they're told they should either be plugged into a cell phone or ipod or PDA or having their mind occupied by the t.v. or internet. If you aren't doing something you're wasting your life.

Anyway, understanding why you do something is the first step. Having the objectivity to decide whether this behavior or attitude is beneficial to your life and then taking steps to change yourself if you find things you don't like is a whole other ball of wax.
Click to expand...

perhaps for some people, it doesnt take that much time to figure out what is going on. i would think most people in their own way, are a work in progress. everyone goes about self-actualization in their own way.. in addition, some people get it and some people are slow on the uptake.
 
Smurfy said:
perhaps for some people, it doesnt take that much time to figure out what is going on. i would think most people in their own way, are a work in progress. everyone goes about self-actualization in their own way.. in addition, some people get it and some people are slow on the uptake.
Click to expand...
Smurfy, you surprise me. I certainly can't argue with you, but it's an unusually optimistic statement coming from you. Some people live their lives much like leaves carried upon a current, giving no more thought to their actions than a bee in the hive.
 
musclemom- for me it doesn't matter why i'm a certain way, just knowing that I am.

I used to be promiscuious. i could analyze why and cry about not having a father or needing affirmation, or waaaaaaaaaaaaaa, but the more important issue is if the behavior was making me happy and satisfied. It was not, so i tried a different approach and that worked.
 
stilleto said:
I used to be promiscuious. i could analyze why and cry about not having a father or needing affirmation, or waaaaaaaaaaaaaa, but the more important issue is if the behavior was making me happy and satisfied. It was not, so i tried a different approach and that worked.
Click to expand...

Maybe like most young women at the time you just like the boaby? It's not a sin!!1
 
musclemom said:
Smurfy, you surprise me. I certainly can't argue with you, but it's an unusually optimistic statement coming from you. Some people live their lives much like leaves carried upon a current, giving no more thought to their actions than a bee in the hive.
Click to expand...

right. and what I'm saying is, that's their way. i'm not saying it works for them necessarily, but we are all a work in progress, no?
 
The other face of Janus looks constantly to the past - though not to remember past hurts or bear grudges. That would only curb your power. Half of the game is learning how to forget those events in the past that eat away at you and cloud your reason. The real purpose of the backward glancing eye is to educate yourself constantly - you look to the past to learn from those who came before you.
 
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