Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below
napsgear
genezapharmateuticals
domestic-supply
puritysourcelabs
UGL OZ
UGFREAK
napsgeargenezapharmateuticals domestic-supplypuritysourcelabsUGL OZUGFREAK

What would your internet dating ad say?

  • Thread starter Thread starter the_clockwork
  • Start date Start date
T

the_clockwork

Guest
BM's thread got me thinking.. mine would say this

"Hello sluts and hoes, My name is the_clockwork but my niggas call me 'the clock'.. I make 7 digits a year and hung like a motha fuckin horse. I piss away money and I'm the best lay in the world, if any of you slutty ass hoes want some of this shit, holla at me.. Here's a pic of me and my friends gettin crunked and vandalizing shit"
 
"Looking for slut to wrap my dick in double-stick duct tape & roll it around in glass shards so I can ram it in her anus." (I like to be direct and a true gentleman)
 
Cal_21 said:
"Looking for slut to wrap my dick in double-stick duct tape & roll it around in glass shards so I can ram it in her anus." (I like to be direct and a true gentleman)
Click to expand...

haha good one
 
Ok here ya go...before I was married.

"Good looking guy looking for fun times. Likes to relax, watch movies, take trips, hit the beach, and going out for dinner. Looking for a women to share it with. You see me so I must see a pic of you for a response. Hope to hear from you."

Reasons for this add:
Relax - laid back
Watch movies - home body: women on these site not like the bar meetings anymore
Take trips - who does not like to travle, also travel = money in womens eyes
Beach - good body, she must have the same
Out for dinner - money and they don't have to cook
Pic - is a MUST

Ladies - How does it look?
 
vixensghost said:
Looking for a man who has a 96 foot sail boat!
Click to expand...
Can I come too?!?!

Seriously, you wont even notice I am there....


FOR REAL.




:lmao:



And to answer the question posed I dated online 99% for bout 5 years or so. My ads would change based on what it was that I was looking for. It was definitely a learning process. I actually went through a phase where I didn't really give a shit and was annoyed that most guys wouldn't bother to take the time to read my profile anyways, so I would post up some pretty crazy shit just to see if they were paying attention. 75% of the guys never read past my pics...

*sigh*

Then I realized that most men's attention spans were not capable of doing that. No cheap shot to men just illustrating how I was posting an ad like the ones that I wanted to see, but DUH - I was posting to attract men. See I was clueless too! LOL

My last ads (in the last few months or so) were no more than 5 or six sentences and sometimes NO PIC. Wasn't surprizing that I found my husband shortly thereafter... eh?
 
BIKINIMOM said:
Can I come too?!?!

Seriously, you wont even notice I am there....


FOR REAL.




:lmao:



And to answer the question posed I dated online 99% for bout 5 years or so. My ads would change based on what it was that I was looking for. It was definitely a learning process. I actually went through a phase where I didn't really give a shit and was annoyed that most guys wouldn't bother to take the time to read my profile anyways, so I would post up some pretty crazy shit just to see if they were paying attention. 75% of the guys never read past my pics...

*sigh*

Then I realized that most men's attention spans were not capable of doing that. No cheap shot to men just illustrating how I was posting an ad like the ones that I wanted to see, but DUH - I was posting to attract men. See I was clueless too! LOL

My last ads (in the last few months or so) were no more than 5 or six sentences and sometimes NO PIC. Wasn't surprizing that I found my husband shortly thereafter... eh?
Click to expand...


Sure you could come!

If anything ever happened to my hubby and I was forced to "date" again....I'd really be interested in the man with the 96 footer. I'd really perfer if he had one foot in the grave so I could keep the boat.lol

I shudder at the thought of ever having to "date" again. I'd never find another great guy like the one I have now- FOR REAL!
 
vixensghost said:
Sure you could come!

If anything ever happened to my hubby and I was forced to "date" again....I'd really be interested in the man with the 96 footer. I'd really perfer if he had one foot in the grave so I could keep the boat.lol

I shudder at the thought of ever having to "date" again. I'd never find another great guy like the one I have now- FOR REAL!
Click to expand...

I know the feeling momma... if anything happened between my Old Grump and I would just be satisfied to go about my business alone.

I was THAT *dated out* and he is *that good* to me (that is when he isn't being busy with little fuck-ups here and there being the male that he is. :lmao: )
 
Mine would say :

Stunningly handsome nymphokleptomaniac (read : fucking steal shit) into nudism, watersports, foot bondage, sounding, mirrors (for me, not you), chains, whips and battery grips, but otherwise pretty vanilla. Looking for rich, goodlooking, rich, single, rich, retard. I enjoy role playing. Your Investor is one of my favorites. Please no weirdos or anything. I am looking for a serious, mature, well grounded relationship. Please, no one over 25 either.
 
AAP said:
Mine would say :

Stunningly handsome nymphokleptomaniac (read : fucking steal shit) into nudism, watersports, foot bondage, sounding, mirrors (for me, not you), chains, whips and battery grips, but otherwise pretty vanilla. Looking for rich, goodlooking, rich, single, rich, retard. I enjoy role playing. Your Investor is one of my favorites. Please no weirdos or anything. I am looking for a serious, mature, well grounded relationship. Please, no one over 25 either.
Click to expand...

:worried: GOOF


Seriously, while our surfing to place ads I came across a very specific group of men looking to hook up with one another: gay men who wanted only to give head to straight men and vice versa, straight guys looking for gay dudes from whom they wanted to give or recieve oral.

I dont get that.

What pleasure would a gay man derive from being with a man who claimed to be STRAIGHT?
 
Not as hot as lestat. Not as cool as lestat. Not as well off as lestat. Not as hung as lestat...but all that shit is overrated anyway....COME GET SOME!
 
BIKINIMOM said:
I know the feeling momma... if anything happened between my Old Grump and I would just be satisfied to go about my business alone.

I was THAT *dated out* and he is *that good* to me (that is when he isn't being busy with little fuck-ups here and there being the male that he is. :lmao: )
Click to expand...


lol@ "being the male that he is". It's why we adore them so much, the lil quirks they have grow on us like a lovable fungus we can not get part with without meds or shrinks. lol

I love men..Most men at least.
 
vixensghost said:
lol@ "being the male that he is". It's why we adore them so much, the lil quirks they have grow on us like a lovable fungus we can not get part with without meds or shrinks. lol

I love men..Most men at least.
Click to expand...

:sick: :sick: :sick:
 
Dial_tone said:
Not as hot as lestat. Not as cool as lestat. Not as well off as lestat. Not as hung as lestat...but all that shit is overrated anyway....COME GET SOME!
Click to expand...

OMG... You are killing me over here.
 
AAP said:
Mine would say :

Stunningly handsome nymphokleptomaniac (read : fucking steal shit) into nudism, watersports, foot bondage, sounding, mirrors (for me, not you), chains, whips and battery grips, but otherwise pretty vanilla. Looking for rich, goodlooking, rich, single, rich, retard. I enjoy role playing. Your Investor is one of my favorites. Please no weirdos or anything. I am looking for a serious, mature, well grounded relationship. Please, no one over 25 either.
Click to expand...

haha I'd answer that one!
 
"I film myself wanking wearing female underwear, including bra, panties or nylons. I masturbate with dildos deeply inserted in my butts."

wtf "butts"
 
the_clockwork said:
"I film myself wanking wearing female underwear, including bra, panties or nylons. I masturbate with dildos deeply inserted in my butts."

wtf "butts"
Click to expand...

I have read way too many ads like that too...
 
this guy has multiple anuses.. you girls should be interested in this!
 
the_clockwork said:
this guy has multiple anuses.. you girls should be interested in this!
Click to expand...
:worried:

I once *knew* a man who had two separate openings in his penis... not kidding. The guy could cum like freaky mad...
 
Mine would say:

I'm fat and pregnant, but my mom used to think I had a pretty face. Please take me to dinner. Money is tight from buying baby clothes and stuff, and I am sick of eating canned soup. I'm a good cook. Please bring groceries and I will show you.


:lmao:

That would reel em in by the dozen.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
:worried:

I once *knew* a man who had two separate openings in his penis... not kidding. The guy could cum like freaky mad...
Click to expand...
YUCK. :worried:
 
wut wut yall nukkas, how it goin, this subzm, im lookin for a nice girl to be my summer girlfriend, maybe with a nice lesbo friend us 3 can cuddle all night and fuck too. im 5'7, 205 lbs, i love lifting weights. im looking for a relationship or a fling. the hardest part about meeting women for me, is i havnt quite seemed how to move from talking to having sex. i must be missing a step. my dick bends to the left a little, and is a little small, but other than that i can bust like 47 nuts a day
 
SublimeZM said:
wut wut yall nukkas, how it goin, this subzm, im lookin for a nice girl to be my summer girlfriend, maybe with a nice lesbo friend us 3 can cuddle all night and fuck too. im 5'7, 205 lbs, i love lifting weights. im looking for a relationship or a fling. the hardest part about meeting women for me, is i havnt quite seemed how to move from talking to having sex. i must be missing a step. my dick bends to the left a little, and is a little small, but other than that i can bust like 47 nuts a day
Click to expand...
LOL @ your left bender.
 
heatherrae said:
YUCK. :worried:
Click to expand...

No you wouldn't know it by looking. He said he didn't realize himself until he was like 30 or something, if I remember correctly. He could keep cumming and cumming without ever losing his erection. I timed it once (course I didn't tell him). He came 7 times in 20 some odd minutes, so it was like once every three minutes.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

S
Pick3, I thought of you when I read this (NSFW)
Replies
13
Views
3K
the_alcatraz
the_alcatraz
uamaverick
What % of women would accept your sexual advance?
Replies
30
Views
2K
jiggagold
jiggagold
N
A call to protect what is ours. What is your respect worth to you?
Replies
51
Views
7K
RADAR
RADAR
C
What would you do if your neighbors were
Replies
6
Views
363
Razorguns
Razorguns
chewyxrage
Disturbing as hell email I got from my bud
Replies
90
Views
19K
Ranger11B
Ranger11B
Top Bottom