What is the best toilet paper alternative?

[anabolicmd]

I must confess, Im a typical bachelor. I pee in old water bottles when Im too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom, Im always two weeks late doing laundry, and I always, always run out of toilet paper, and it usually takes me a week or longer to buy more, depending on how busy I am. So I ran out again a few days ago, and although I kept reminding myself to get more, of course I forgot yet again. Of course, Im not some dirty slob, so Im not just going to take a dump and not wipe at all. Ive used paper towels, tissue, even old socks and old towels ripped into pieces. Or old underwear that I dont wear anymore etc. Well, Ive run out of everything. All my socks, underwear and towels are relatively new, as I used up all the old crappy stuff. Im not about to wipe my butt with good socks or nice boxer briefs. What else could I possibly use? Cleanliness is a priority, but so is comfort.

 

[Olsen Twins Banger]

slices of bread

 

[BileStew]

Your two week old laundry or cut your mullet and weave it into some tp.

 

[anabolicmd]

Your two week old laundry or cut your mullet and weave it into some tp.

All my laundry is nice, new stuff with lots of wear left in it. Im not about to waste it. Hair is high and toght now btw, although I sense that was not a serious suggestion.

 

[BileStew]

All my laundry is nice, new stuff with lots of wear left in it. Im not about to waste it. Hair is high and toght now btw, although I sense that was not a serious suggestion.

I'm always serious. You doubt me?

 

[FISHTALES]

poison ivy works wonders

 

[boscoe wilson]

Just curious, but what does your house smell like?

 

[anabolicmd]

Just curious, but what does your house smell like?

Key lime pie, why?

 

[BileStew]

Just curious, but what does your house smell like?

Those New Car Scent tree air freshners are scattered about his place.

 

[boscoe wilson]

Those New Car Scent tree air freshners are scattered about his place.

a bachelor's version of lighting a candle.