Thank you all so very much!
First off THANK YOU Jersey!
He was so sweet coming to see me in the ER and stayed with me till I was settled in my room, came to visit and called and started this thread. You all can't begin to know how good this made me feel. I miss you Jersey. Hope that all is well for you.
Dawg - thanks for the calls and the concern and the comfort. You're a good friend indeed. And thank you for giving QT my number. It was so good to hear from you both. I can't wait to beat both your girlie behinds in person soon!!!
To everyone who posted and wished me well and for those that did it privately:
MY SINCEREST THANKS
When they hung that damned liquid food bag on Saturday it really REALLY depressed me. I was all but resigned to the fact that I wouldn't be eating solid food again any time soon. Then I heard the words, "Irregularities" and "Biopsy" - you all can't know what that did to me. Terror and depression don't begin to touch it.
I just got out of the hospital today - spent 8 days there, most of the time either high from painkillers or in the bathroom. Most of you who have been on EF for a few years know all about my history of GI troubles. I've had them since I was little. They just got to the point where I could no longer ignore or live with them.
Good news and bad news:
bad news - they still aren't completely sure what is wrong with my GI tract and I have no health insurance (one of the main reasons why I put off seeking medical treatment for so long - 2 years - and one of the reasons why I moved out of the US).
now for the good news - the tests they have done have eliminated many causes but they are waiting on some results that may reveal what is. They believe that is either a permanent complication of a corrective surgery I had 2 years ago that was supposed to alleviate my severe GERD or it is some other either inflamatory disease of the bowels or a malabsorption disorder. Either way it might take some time to figure out exactly what is wrong.
I had been given a new painkiller that is NOT a narcotic. I was given Dilaudid (sp?) and asked for something different. I can't take percocets either and take good care of my kids or work as I had been doing in the past (another reason why I made the fateful mistake in choosing to trust their dad to care for them). They gave me a drug called Ultram (got a script for Ultracet). They give it to patients who have open heart surgery. The doc explained that it is more than Tylenol but not a narcotic. It seems to hold my pain at bay for now. I had been doing all sorts of "notsogoodforme" things to try and cope with pain.
The only good thing about having been totally impoverished by my "wonderful" ex is that I am (I believe) entitled to charity care. Which means that I will not be responsible to for any of the hospital bill (no insurance, no assets, kids and a low-paying job) and will be entitled to treatment through the hospital's clinic. These are the same private practise doctors that treat everybody else so it isn't like I will get second rate treatment, it is just that I will have to wait on line... Which often times I would have to do in the past with good insurance anyways. I will also apply for medicaid and disability if I will need it. The hospital social workers were very helpful and ALL of the staff was very kind and gave me good care. I have had a job since I was 14 years old and pay taxes. At first I felt very ashamed that I would not be able to pay for the bill, but EVERYONE was so sympathetic, especially when they saw the physical state I was in when I came in. I was severely dehydrated, all my electrolytes totally fucked up, blood pressure REALLY low and in severe pain, constantly running to the bathroom with some dry heaves for added effect LOL. All they kept saying was, "You mean you have been living like this for TWO YEARS?!?!" I answered, "What could I do? My ex cut me off of health insurance the day the divorce was final and even though my last job offered some benefits, I still could not afford a doctor or perscriptions. And when I went through periods of a remission of sorts, the symptoms were tolerable and frankly I would keep hoping that it would just go away." EVERYONE bent over backwards to try and help me.
Now back to you all here at elite.
Some of you know all about the tabloid trash bullshit that was slung at me for the last two years or so - how my so-called "friends" abandoned me when I needed them most and even went to other sites and had some laughs at my expense. It hurt me very deeply. Yes, I know I posted up some personal drama, that is true. But many have done the same - we all are afforded the anonymity of the web, or so we think. Yes, they are only words on a screen and fuck those who don't know you or the truth, right? Still, it hurt me very deeply... especially when those that were once very close to me in real life attacked me on another board - saying that I was faking my illness to get attention, that I got everything that I deserved, that I had mental problems, that I was no better than my ex, etc.... I know that none of those "people" (because anyone that knows me even just a little bit knows that I do not have a hurtful bone in my body - I just can not tolerate liars - they are not human - they are hurtful ASSHOLES) will ever have the guts to apologize to me (as so many of my worst critics on this board had as soon as I gave them the real scoop - not the manufactured tabloid BULLSHIT) so I am trying to let it go.
All of you here on elite who have given me positive messages all along or realized after I explained more in depth what REALLY went on whether it was for my divorce/custody issues or my striving to get my career off the ground or my health issues I can not thank you enough. NONE OF YOU ARE "JUST WORDS ON A SCREEN."
YOU HAVE ALL BEEN POSITIVE THOUGHTS... And that is what I need most when I am down.
Everything will be 100% some day. That is a promise. Now that I know who loves me, what makes up a REAL FRIEND, and that all the negative bullshit drama that used to be part of my daily life is totally just a state of mind... if I don't mind, none of the haters matter.
Soon we go to court, I will get my health issues resolved or at least controlled and will continue to plug away with my career.
Yes, I know I talk too much LOL But I wanted to thank you all so much again, for choosing not to proliferate hate. Thank you for choosing to use your energy for something that helped a total stranger keep her mental status focused on good things when she needed it most.
Again, thank you very kindly.
I get my kids tonite (until my ex gets pissed off at something else and decides to have a police escort in order to take them from me until we go to court soon to have this matter resolved) for the next several days so I won't really be online much. But I'll be back in full force soon.
Again, I can't thank you all enough for your kindness.
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