markshark, first off don't even think about starting a cycle until u have everything, including PCT. 2nd, what are u insane, can't leave the house unless u have test pumping through your body??? i hope you're kidding. what u NEED is to get out of the house to clear your head. go to fucking class u warped fuck. sitting around thinking about it will not do shit except stress yourself out which is not good for muscle growth. 3rd, if u are serious, go see a psychologist. think about getting a new reliable source. don't forget what i said first though.