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Things I plan to do when I'm drunk!

flex123

New member
Things you only do when your drunk…

Ask for extra-hot chilli sauce on your kebab

Try and get off with your best mate's girlfriend
Piss in your girlfriend's cupboard/out the window/anywhere except in the bathroom.

Give a running commentary, out loud, on anything you do, even though you're alone (eg. ah'm gonna go into the kitschen, ah'm gonna get myshelf A beer, an' ah'm gonna drink it... thatsh whad am'm gonna do...etc.)

Get a tattoo/try to tattoo yourself

Use classy chat-up lines like: "You've got phemoninal...phemonim.....Great tits. Can I shag you?"

Fall down open manholes

Chuck up in the back of taxis

Climb onto the roof of bus shelters - to get a better view of the stars, Man
Pull a moonie

Think it's really funny to put all your female flatmate's underwear In the freezer compartment

Make "punch" out of half a bottle of vodka, a bottle of red wine, and Some Strongbow then Drink it

Get thrown out of a nightclub for taking all your clothes off

Sing "Beers, beers, we want more beers, all the lads are cheerin', Get the fookin' beers in. Beers beers we want more beers" etc. To your Girlfriend's parents.

Dance as if you are John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. And bump into things. And break them. And not give a flying f*** about it.

Make yourself a delicious snack of English mustard on stale white bread

Decide that the waste bin would look better on your head

Fall asleep on the stairs, with your trousers around your ankles

Decide to walk home, even though it's seven miles away

Fall asleep in a bus shelter

Fall asleep on the night bus and wake up at dawn, in the middle of nowhere, having had your shoes nicked

Fall asleep with a pint glass full of water on your chest, and only spill it when you wake up in the
morning

Steal bottles of milk from doorsteps

Order the hottest curry on the menu

Ring up every woman in your address book at 2am and say, "Hi, I was just thinking about you. Maybe we should meet up. Now-ish..."

Attempt to shag any woman who shows a passing interest in you

Get into a fight with a taxi driver

Say, "You're my best mate, you are", to people you've just met

Decide that you and your ex-girlfriend really should be together

Join the French Foreign Legion

Make a bonfire of photos of your ex-girlfriend

Get really emotional, put on the most morose record in your collection and weep about nothing in particular

Dig out you photo albums, get even more emotional, ring up old friends who've moved abroad and
tell them they're your best mate ever.

Attempt to phone the Pope, the Queen, the Whitehouse, etc

Make lots of inadvisable bets
 
You, my friend, are inexperienced.

It's not things you are planning now while your sober because you'll only have the balls when your drunk.

Pussy!

It's: Make your plans "when you are drunk". These plans will blow away any that you have now, and will bring meaning to the whole fucking ordeal.

Do it right, or don't fucking do it.
 
my drunk stunt double makes all the decisions past 1130 or 12. its better to clock out early and let a trained professional make the call. I would suggest sleeping in the closet or maybe the bathroom when he takes the helm, so you dont wake up next to some nekkid slut he put in your bed while you were sleepin...
word to the wise, drunken stunt doubles are never as smart as they claim to be, and the women they hook up with are never as fine as they should be.

MJ
 
Don't be mean to your friends. Soon you won't have any.
 
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