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So, my brother is getting engaged

princesa

princesa

Elite Mentor
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I've always thought that this would be a happy moment for all of us (family). Unfortunately, I can't even get myself to congratulate him.
I love him to death but I think that he is making a huge mistake.

He is 26 and she is 23 yrs old, they've been dating for six/seven years. I could understand her (his gf). They are just soooo young and immature. I could also see that he is not ready, he is being pressured into it. :(:(:( I'm really hurting.
 
PuddleMonkey said:
Bit jealous? Just maybe?


We could always beat him to the punch.
Click to expand...



Jealous?? Not at all. I'm No way near ready.


His best friend is getting married next month. So, I think that his gf planned this out, she wants to go to the wedding engaged. I believe that she gave him an ultimatum, All the wrong reasons. I'm not a type of person to give a shit what other people think. The way they are doing it, all of a sudden..i think it's wrong.

I've always hated women who push men into getting a commitment. In the back of their mind they have to wonder if he really wanted it. I can't live like that.
 
So are they planning a speedy wedding? Mabye they are just engaged but are not setting a date for awhile. Dont get too upset unless they start booking vendors. Many couples are engaged but never end up getting married. You might talk to him about it. What do your parents think about all of this?
 
cindylou said:
So are they planning a speedy wedding? Mabye they are just engaged but are not setting a date for awhile. Dont get too upset unless they start booking vendors. Many couples are engaged but never end up getting married. You might talk to him about it. What do your parents think about all of this?
Click to expand...


No, they haven't talked about wedding plans yet. I do hope they wait at least 2yrs, also hope that they are a bit more mature by then.

My parents feel the same way I do. We like the girl, nothing against her. They are just way too young.
 
princesa said:
No, they haven't talked about wedding plans yet. I do hope they wait at least 2yrs, also hope that they are a bit more mature by then.

My parents feel the same way I do. We like the girl, nothing against her. They are just way too young.
Click to expand...

I guess it depends on the couple, 26 seems like a legit age to me, though she's pretty young at 23, if they were both 26.......

Sorry princesa :hug:
 
bino said:
meh, i see no problem here...dating for 6 yrs, in their 20s, why the hate?
Click to expand...

Yea as much as Im against marriage as a whole I dont see that much of a problem with their situation. If It were me I would get behind them with support or else they wont let you forget it, if they make it work and it lasts. Think how much of an idiot you would look like then.
They will hat you.
 
at least they're just getting engaged, and no wedding date set.

i agree 100% they're too young. but at the end of the day your brother is going to make his own decision regardless of what other people say.

hopefully it turns out to be one of those engaged for years things and by then he'll be about 30 and it's not as bad. or he realizes he made a mistake
 
Our parents mostly married young
26 and 23 isn't that bad. Although most women don't know what they want till 25-28ish IMO
Wish em good luck, I'm sure they'd support you no matter what if the shoe was on the other foot
 
its not too bad IMO. i was turning 27 and my wife was turning 30 when we got married. we were also engaged for 2 years. mid twenties is better than late teens who got knocked up and hurried into a marraige. but if she's pressuring him then.....
 
more importantly p,
how much money does your bro and his fiance make per yr?
do they have enough saved up to support themselves?

if so and they are happy, I say they aren't doing too bad.
 
ortiz34 said:
Our parents mostly married young
26 and 23 isn't that bad. Although most women don't know what they want till 25-28ish IMO
Wish em good luck, I'm sure they'd support you no matter what if the shoe was on the other foot
Click to expand...

yeah but those days marriages were sacred and divorces were frowned upon no matter what religion you were. these days everyone jumps to divorce before jumping to "lets work it out." these days the victims of divorce are some jaded mofo's its pretty sad!

i was raised old school and taught to take marriage as serious as a heart attack but that doesn't mean my S.O would. the fear of being a divorce zombie is enough to make me not wanna get married. i live by a no title life and it honestly works for me!
 
bino said:
meh, i see no problem here...dating for 6 yrs, in their 20s, why the hate?
Click to expand...

agreed...also, not that it should rule the day but...

"A woman's fertility begins to decline in her late 20s, but her overall chances of becoming pregnant do not start to slide so soon, a new study concludes. According to a report published in the journal Human Reproduction, female fertility starts to fall off gradually around age 27 before dropping more dramatically after age 35."

If they both want to have kids...AND they would like to have a little fun (without kids) during the first couple/few years that they are married, like it or not, this is a very big and very real deal and, to not give it any weight or consideration is just silly.
 
if they had been dating for that long it might be fine

if shes just saying "I love you please commit to me or I have to move on" thats fine

if she saying something else evil, its red flag
 
digimon7068 said:
If they both want to have kids...AND they would like to have a little fun (without kids) during the first couple/few years that they are married, like it or not, this is a very big and very real deal and, to not give it any weight or consideration is just silly.
Click to expand...

I was going to say this, but I didnt know how it would sound coming from another woman. I didnt want to rush into having kids right away. Honestly a wedding ring changes nothing about a relationship. Kids do. I wanted to be married and be free for awhile before I started a family. After 30 you've lost most of your eggs, After 34 it gets worse, I know how weird that sounds, but its life.
 
this is fukn stupid, if anything u should be mad if he stayed with a girl for 6-7 years that he didn't intend to marry wtf is goin on with this bullshit only a girl would get butt hurt over some stupid shit like "oh my lil brother i think he's immature and wah wah i think his gf is pressurin him they've only been together like a decade wah wah im not married yet and im way more mature wah wah wah" GTFO
 
superdave said:
Yea as much as Im against marriage as a whole I dont see that much of a problem with their situation. If It were me I would get behind them with support or else they wont let you forget it, if they make it work and it lasts. Think how much of an idiot you would look like then.
They will hat you.
Click to expand...


Thank you for honest advice. The bold part hit home. I don't want to be that person. I certainly wouldn't want my brother to resent me, I've always been the one to support him on Anything he's ever wanted to do. Because I love him so much, I can't help but worry for him. I don't know..isn't that what big sisters do?

I'm not trying to shield him or anything, he does have to learn on his own...hope that it's not one of those lessons where his heart gets broken. Maybe It's me, I tend to overthink things.

Being that they are so young, they don't think about years down the road much. It's always lovey dovey when you are young and don't have much responsibility...the real test is when things get hard. And they Will get much harder. Why not enjoy these days now?!
 
mustang_00 said:
yeah but those days marriages were sacred and divorces were frowned upon no matter what religion you were. these days everyone jumps to divorce before jumping to "lets work it out." these days the victims of divorce are some jaded mofo's its pretty sad!

i was raised old school and taught to take marriage as serious as a heart attack but that doesn't mean my S.O would. the fear of being a divorce zombie is enough to make me not wanna get married. i live by a no title life and it honestly works for me!
Click to expand...



I agree 100%. Those days are over. MOst people don't take commitment seriously, or, they marry for the wrong reasons. I was also brought up old school and I don't see anything wrong with it.

Which is what I'm saying, imo you should get married because you love someone and are ready to make that commitment...not because my friend is getting married so I have to..or her ring is 2ct, mine definitely has to be bigger. I think that those things irrelevant.
 
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calveless wonder said:
at least they're just getting engaged, and no wedding date set.

i agree 100% they're too young. but at the end of the day your brother is going to make his own decision regardless of what other people say.

hopefully it turns out to be one of those engaged for years things and by then he'll be about 30 and it's not as bad. or he realizes he made a mistake
Click to expand...


thank you!

I really hope it works out for them and they are both happy 60yrs from now.
 
digimon7068 said:
agreed...also, not that it should rule the day but...

"A woman's fertility begins to decline in her late 20s, but her overall chances of becoming pregnant do not start to slide so soon, a new study concludes. According to a report published in the journal Human Reproduction, female fertility starts to fall off gradually around age 27 before dropping more dramatically after age 35."

If they both want to have kids...AND they would like to have a little fun (without kids) during the first couple/few years that they are married, like it or not, this is a very big and very real deal and, to not give it any weight or consideration is just silly.
Click to expand...


She is only 23, she has plenty of time.

I have friends who rushed to get married because their clock was ticking, and they are miserable right now. This is going back to getting married for the wrong reasons...
 
princesa said:
Thank you for honest advice. The bold part hit home. I don't want to be that person. I certainly wouldn't want my brother to resent me, I've always been the one to support him on Anything he's ever wanted to do. Because I love him so much, I can't help but worry for him. I don't know..isn't that what big sisters do?

I'm not trying to shield him or anything, he does have to learn on his own...hope that it's not one of those lessons where his heart gets broken. Maybe It's me, I tend to overthink things.

Being that they are so young, they don't think about years down the road much. It's always lovey dovey when you are young and don't have much responsibility...the real test is when things get hard. And they Will get much harder. Why not enjoy these days now?!
Click to expand...


why not them married tho too, ya know?
idk...its a tough call w/o knowing the players personally you know? so who are any of us to judge
 
princesa said:
I agree 100%. Those days are over. MOst people don't take commitment seriously, or, they marry for the wrong reasons. I was also brought up old school and I don't see anything wrong with it.

Which is what I'm saying, imo you should get married because you love someone and are ready to make that commitment...not because my friend is getting married so I have to..or her ring is 2ct, mine definitely has to be bigger. I think that those things irrelevant.
Click to expand...

HA my cousin is going through that right now. he clearly explained to his gf of 6 years that he knows she's the one. but, he doesn't want to rush into things because there's a lot he wants to do with his life and there's a lot he knows that SHE wants to do with hers.

she's going through a phase where all her friends are getting married/having kids and she feels that it's "her time"

in all honesty my cousin (he's a douche sometimes) manned up and was honest with her at least. instead of being every other guy out there and leading her on. chix do that too though.

i vote you steal their thunder and announce that i knocked you up! people seem to get more happy over a baby than a wedding.

we were both raised old school so we got that goin for us ;)
 
shirlene29 said:
why not them married tho too, ya know?
idk...its a tough call w/o knowing the players personally you know? so who are any of us to judge
Click to expand...



Married @ 23 yrs old??? What does anybody know about marriage/family/commitment/mortgage/kids/respect at 23?
I think it's ridiculous.


I'm just venting here. He knows how I feel about anybody getting married in their early 20's. I did congratulate him, and we had a good talk today. He said he was gonna wait 2 yrs. I'm a little relieved.
 
princesa said:
MOst people don't take commitment seriously, or, they marry for the wrong reasons.

imo you should get married because you love someone and are ready to make that commitment...not because my friend is getting married so I have to..or her ring is 2ct, mine definitely has to be bigger.
Click to expand...

you're describing the typical white american female!!@

:D
 
mustang_00 said:
HA my cousin is going through that right now. he clearly explained to his gf of 6 years that he knows she's the one. but, he doesn't want to rush into things because there's a lot he wants to do with his life and there's a lot he knows that SHE wants to do with hers.

she's going through a phase where all her friends are getting married/having kids and she feels that it's "her time"

in all honesty my cousin (he's a douche sometimes) manned up and was honest with her at least. instead of being every other guy out there and leading her on. chix do that too though.

i vote you steal their thunder and announce that i knocked you up! people seem to get more happy over a baby than a wedding.

we were both raised old school so we got that goin for us ;)
Click to expand...



Good for him. He did the right thing.

ahaha I could see my mom saying " what did I do wrong?" "Everything I've done went to waste" "I've never thought you'd do this to me" lmaoooo priceless
 
princesa said:
you mean getting married for all the wrong reasons?
competing with other people...

it's bs, that's why marriages don't last
Click to expand...

yes. and not taking commitment seriously.
 
ceo said:
yes. and not taking commitment seriously.
Click to expand...

Yeah, there are bad apples in every culture.

I dated an Asian because I thought they were family oriented, smart and ambitious etc...He had some good traits but turned out to be a bit of a dick lol...loved him still though. In your case, it worked out. It's like playing the lottery, you never know.
 
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princesa said:
Yeah, there are bad apples in every culture.

I dated an Asian because I thought they were family oriented, smart and ambitious etc...He had some good traits but turned out to be a bit of a dick lol...loved him still though. In your case, it worked out. It's like playing the lottery, you never know.
Click to expand...

lolol what about the main asian male stereotype, true yes or no
 
I've learned that age and time being together means nothing.... example:
mom has like 5 sisters, all dated their husbands several years and got grandma's blessing for the union... mom met dad (her 16 him 24) the ran off 15 days after knowing each other and grandma forever hated him accusing him of being a hippie marrying mom just to get US citizenship, they were married almost 30 years (til death did them part and he NEVER even got a US residency, refused to do so... stuck to his visa) and he was the ONLY of all the husbands in the family that didnt drink, beat or cheat on his wife...
 
princesa said:
She is only 23, she has plenty of time.

I have friends who rushed to get married because their clock was ticking, and they are miserable right now. This is going back to getting married for the wrong reasons...
Click to expand...

i didn't say it should be the controlling issue...but the fact is, most people like to have kid-less fun for a few years after they get married.

23 is pretty young, though.
 
princesa said:
Thank you for honest advice. The bold part hit home. I don't want to be that person. I certainly wouldn't want my brother to resent me, I've always been the one to support him on Anything he's ever wanted to do. Because I love him so much, I can't help but worry for him. I don't know..isn't that what big sisters do?

I'm not trying to shield him or anything, he does have to learn on his own...hope that it's not one of those lessons where his heart gets broken. Maybe It's me, I tend to overthink things.

Being that they are so young, they don't think about years down the road much. It's always lovey dovey when you are young and don't have much responsibility...the real test is when things get hard. And they Will get much harder. Why not enjoy these days now?!
Click to expand...

it's not, you're right.

it's a mistake, period. as far as him being resentful, why support something you don't really believe will be good for him?
I mean,at some point it'll just be an acceptance of it. But nothing wrong with saying your peace. Like I said, he's going to do waht he's going to do regardless. Doesn't mean you have to stay quiet about it though

if he values your input and doesn't have the blinders on, he'll listen. If not, you hope that he has between now and the proposed wedding date to make the right decision and see things for himself
 
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