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seems like every woman i've met has either been raped or was abused as a child

N00bzNight0ut said:
is'nt heathers baby daddy a multimillionare that was a wife beater?

so it kind of coincist what she is saying


Hookers and Assaulters are meant for each other
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What the fuck is "coincist" and why am I arguing with an alter with such a thin grasp of the English language?

Tell you what, buddy, how about you go learn your parts of speech and get back with me when you are reading at a third grade level?
 
heatherrae said:
What the fuck is "coincist" and why am I arguing with an alter with such a thin grasp of the English language?

Tell you what, buddy, how about you go learn your parts of speech and get back with me when you are reading at a third grade level?
Click to expand...

say that again? lol
 
N00bzNight0ut said:
say that again? lol
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speech /spitʃ/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[speech] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun 1. the faculty or power of speaking; oral communication; ability to express one's thoughts and emotions by speech sounds and gesture: Losing her speech made her feel isolated from humanity.
2. the act of speaking: He expresses himself better in speech than in writing.
3. something that is spoken; an utterance, remark, or declaration: We waited for some speech that would indicate her true feelings.
4. a form of communication in spoken language, made by a speaker before an audience for a given purpose: a fiery speech.
5. any single utterance of an actor in the course of a play, motion picture, etc.
6. the form of utterance characteristic of a particular people or region; a language or dialect.
7. manner of speaking, as of a person: Your slovenly speech is holding back your career.
8. a field of study devoted to the theory and practice of oral communication.
9. Archaic. rumor.


You were saying? God damn. Someone buy him a dictionary, please.
 
jh1 said:
Hey Sally, he pwned himself.

I called that shit right.
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Oh, I thought you were talkin about me. I thought you didn't know how to spell "speech" either...lol.
 
heatherrae said:
Oh, I thought you were talkin about me. I thought you didn't know how to spell "speech" either...lol.
Click to expand...


Double Reverse SelfPwnage: He thought you had self pwned, but it was reversed and double becaue he had...


Eh never mind...
 
jh1 said:
Double Reverse SelfPwnage: He thought you had self pwned, but it was reversed and double becaue he had...


Eh never mind...
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:lmao:

I gotcha, bud. ;-)
 
there should be a pill for women to take right before the 50% of them get raped that makes their vadge go dry (like sandy dry) so the rape bro's will get chaffed n such
 
N00bzNight0ut said:
there should be a pill for women to take right before the 50% of them get raped that makes their vadge go dry (like sandy dry) so the rape bro's will get chaffed n such
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There should be a pill to do away with dumb alters.
 
heatherrae said:
With your attitude, I would pick you as the probable one...lol.

However, your logic is so stupidly flawed that it doesn't even merit comment.
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so hes a dick and youd pin him as a rapist?

thats what im talking about, a girl doesnt like a guy and would pin him as a rapist, fucked up shit.

my mom always told me that the ones you least suspect are the ones you should be careful of
 
jh1 said:
Double Reverse SelfPwnage: He thought you had self pwned, but it was reversed and double becaue he had...


Eh never mind...
Click to expand...

Shouldn't that be triple reverse?

Wait, no... self-pwnage implies another negating, so double reverse self-pwnage should be TCR...



:cow:
 
N00bzNight0ut said:
there's a pill for you heather, its called DNP
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I think you've already PWND yourself enough in this thread. If I were you, I would slink off and lick my wounds.


Are there any vocabulary words in the above that you need explained to you? I know this book doesn't have pictures, sweetie.
 
heatherrae said:
I think you've already PWND yourself enough in this thread. If I were you, I would slink off and lick my wounds.


Are there any vocabulary words in the above that you need explained to you? I know this book doesn't have pictures, sweetie.
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can i lick your machette wound?
 
In college we were a group of five girls, from 3 different states that stuck together through the 4 years - one was molested by her uncle as a child, her mother died when she was very young and she lived with her father and younger brother prior to going to college.

1 out of 5

The 1 out of 4 stat seems possible to me.


That said, I think people lie - men and women everyday, about anything.
These lies destroy truth - it seem to me just another flaw of us humans.
 
I was never raped or abused, but out of group of 5 girlfriends, 3 were.
It's not our fault, it's you pig bastard men's fault.......... just kidding.......but seriously!
 
blueta2 said:
I was never raped or abused, but out of group of 5 girlfriends, 3 were.
It's not our fault, it's you pig bastard men's fault.......... just kidding.......but seriously!
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You shoulda encouraged them to speak up to authorities. If I had known better when I was 7 years old I would have turned in my evil stepmother in a heartbeat.
 
velvett said:
In college we were a group of five girls, from 3 different states that stuck together through the 4 years - one was molested by her uncle as a child, her mother died when she was very young and she lived with her father and younger brother prior to going to college.

1 out of 5

The 1 out of 4 stat seems possible to me.


That said, I think people lie - men and women everyday, about anything.
These lies destroy truth - it seem to me just another flaw of us humans.
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there are people every day that i must help, no matter that they're unworthy or undeserving, just because they're there with their hand out. and then there are people who i know who are dying inside, who need help in the worse way and will never ask or allow me to do a thing for them.....i wish equality existed....
 
HumanTarget said:
there are people every day that i must help, no matter that they're unworthy or undeserving, just because they're there with their hand out. and then there are people who i know who are dying inside, who need help in the worse way and will never ask or allow me to do a thing for them.....i wish equality existed....
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yes.
 
dannomight said:
You shoulda encouraged them to speak up to authorities. If I had known better when I was 7 years old I would have turned in my evil stepmother in a heartbeat.
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speaking to the authorities often does nothing except make numerous people give the victim the third degree and make her relive the experience over and over and defend herself. If it happened to me today, I wouldn't tell a soul.
 
dannomight said:
You shoulda encouraged them to speak up to authorities. If I had known better when I was 7 years old I would have turned in my evil stepmother in a heartbeat.
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Well one friends was raped by her Dad and he died of Liver Cancer. My other friend Karen was raped by her Step Dad and her Dad (her mom would watch). My should have went to the cops and maybe she would have, but she died in a house fire last April
My third friend was beated by her Dad with knives and shoes. She is Italian and this is what they do and they do not go to the cops.

My Dad hit me once with a hockey stick, but I deserved it....haha ! I was blessed, I was never abused. I am fucked up with baggage about other things ;-)
 
heatherrae said:
speaking to the authorities often does nothing except make numerous people give the victim the third degree and make her relive the experience over and over and defend herself. If it happened to me today, I wouldn't tell a soul.
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oh, but you would tell everyone about how your ex husband beat you after he came home drunk :rolleyes:
 
notanalter said:
oh, but you would tell everyone about how your ex husband beat you after he came home drunk :rolleyes:
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truth is what it is. He was nasty and rotten but not as bad a person as you are.
 
when i worked in the bar, i knew a lot of the dancers had been messed with and mistreated at some point in their younger lives. one was a roomate of mine for a while. she told me she started having sex when she was 6 years old. and this all came out because i had remarked on her "unselectiveness" when it came to guys. she told me that she'd been having sex for over 20 years, & how are you supposed to stop something you been doing for so long? 200+ was the number she dropped on me...
 
blueta2 said:
Well one friends was raped by her Dad and he died of Liver Cancer. My other friend Karen was raped by her Step Dad and her Dad (her mom would watch). My should have went to the cops and maybe she would have, but she died in a house fire last April
My third friend was beated by her Dad with knives and shoes. She is Italian and this is what they do and they do not go to the cops.

My Dad hit me once with a hockey stick, but I deserved it....haha ! I was blessed, I was never abused. I am fucked up with baggage about other things ;-)
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Thats just fuggin sick. I knew this girl was raped by her stepdad when she was 13 and she treid to tell her mother but her mom didn't believer her.
 
HumanTarget said:
when i worked in the bar, i knew a lot of the dancers had been messed with and mistreated at some point in their younger lives. one was a roomate of mine for a while. she told me she started having sex when she was 6 years old. and this all came out because i had remarked on her "unselectiveness" when it came to guys. she told me that she'd been having sex for over 20 years, & how are you supposed to stop something you been doing for so long? 200+ was the number she dropped on me...
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That is very sad. She is probably destined to live a very sad existence unless someone helps her, if that is at all even possible.
 
dannomight said:
Thats just fuggin sick. I knew this girl was raped by her stepdad when she was 13 and she treid to tell her mother but her mom didn't believer her.
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Yeah Denial is all the rage with enablers.

The first friend I spoke about turned out great. She worked hard on her pain. Lots of therapy and good friends and a strong sister. She is now 40 and one year away from being a Doc. A Cancer researcher actually.
Not all ppl who have been abused need to have a bad life. Life is what you make it. Some ppl have an easier time get over their past that others.
 
heatherrae said:
speaking to the authorities often does nothing except make numerous people give the victim the third degree and make her relive the experience over and over and defend herself. If it happened to me today, I wouldn't tell a soul.
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Lame.

Just lame.
 
jh1 said:
Lame.

Just lame.
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I suppose, maybe to a man who will most likely never have to worry about anything like that ever happening to him.
 
heatherrae said:
I suppose, maybe to a man who will most likely never have to worry about anything like that ever happening to him.
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Here you are fervently speaking out against rape / molestation, yet you practically advocating, justifying and rationalizing not reporting legitimate assaults - because, OMG, you have to tell someone about it?

The fact that I am a man and most likey will never have to worry about that happening to me has nothing to to with it. Most women will never experience this either. As a man I am more likely to be the victim of a very violent crime, and you can bet your ass I would report it. That is part of reporting a crime - telling the story.. sometimes over and over and over and over - and yes, some people may be scepticle of your story. So what? That's part of it.

The people that question the stories of the fakes are the champions of the real victims, who's experiences of horror are dilluted by fakes that cry wolf. These are crimes that have to be prosecuted, the facts have to be discovered, these people have to ask the tough quesitons.

You should be advocating courage, not cowardess... that's just pathetic.

You should also hate the liars as much as the perpertrators.
 
heatherrae said:
Was a stat that I read a few years back. It was based on self reporting in questionaires. How else would one come up with that stat. Not all molestations are reported to the police or prosecuted. Of course, if you believe all these women are lying, then I guess you are free to believe that.

Frankly, I don't really bother myself too much with your opinions on the topic.
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I've always heard 1/8-1/4, but 1/2 is realistic. Sadly like you said most of it is due to trusted friends and family members, making the violation even more mentally damaging.
 
jh1 said:
Here you are fervently speaking out against rape / molestation, yet you practically advocating, justifying and rationalizing not reporting legitimate assaults - because, OMG, you have to tell someone about it?

The fact that I am a man and most likey will never have to worry about that happening to me has nothing to to with it. Most women will never experience this either. As a man I am more likely to be the victim of a very violent crime, and you can bet your ass I would report it. That is part of reporting a crime - telling the story.. sometimes over and over and over and over - and yes, some people may be scepticle of your story. So what? That's part of it.

The people that question the stories of the fakes are the champions of the real victims, who's experiences of horror are dilluted by fakes that cry wolf. These are crimes that have to be prosecuted, the facts have to be discovered, these people have to ask the tough quesitons.

You should be advocating courage, not cowardess... that's just pathetic.

You should also hate the liars as much as the perpertrators.
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I didn't say I advocate non-reporting. I said that as things stand in my life right now, I probably would not report because it isn't worth what a victim has to go through.
 
heatherrae said:
I didn't say I advocate non-reporting. I said that as things stand in my life right now, I probably would not report because it isn't worth what a victim has to go through.
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Lame.
 
heatherrae said:
I didn't say I advocate non-reporting. I said that as things stand in my life right now, I probably would not report because it isn't worth what a victim has to go through.
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but you will tell on a site with a half a million online users publically that your Ex beat you. I'm confused, can you illiterate


how do you spell E Ten shion simpathy
 
heatherrae said:
I didn't say I advocate non-reporting. I said that as things stand in my life right now, I probably would not report because it isn't worth what a victim has to go through.
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I'm not sure how it is in the Us, but in Canada, abuse is taken VERY seriously. No cop or lawyer would ever tear a victim apart.
 
heatherrae said:
I didn't say I advocate non-reporting. I said that as things stand in my life right now, I probably would not report because it isn't worth what a victim has to go through.
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it's true. multiple court appearances. reciting the story ad nauseum. having to re-degrade yourself with every person that hears or finds out about it. the skeptics, etc...
 
HumanTarget said:
it's true. multiple court appearances. reciting the story ad nauseum. having to re-degrade yourself with every person that hears or finds out about it. the skeptics, etc...
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maybe, but that is certainly no reason not to report it! Life is a fucking struggle, if someone violates you, you fight, and fight like a bitch!
 
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notanalter said:
but you will tell on a site with a half a million online users publically that your Ex beat you. I'm confused, can you illiterate


how do you spell E Ten shion simpathy
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Can I "illiterate?" :lmao: No, you have the market cornered on illiteracy, TR.

I think you mean "elaborate." I take back everything I said about your criminal record keeping you out of law school. Your illiteracy has that locked up, regardless.
 
blueta2 said:
maybe, but that is certainly no reason not to report it! Life is a fucking struggle, if someone violates you, you fight, and fight like a bitch!
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Words to live by.
 
HumanTarget said:
it's true. multiple court appearances. reciting the story ad nauseum. having to re-degrade yourself with every person that hears or finds out about it. the skeptics, etc...
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I think HT gets it because he has walked a mile in those shoes.
 
heatherrae said:
Can I "illiterate?" :lmao: No, you have the market cornered on illiteracy, TR.

I think you mean "elaborate." I take back everything I said about your criminal record keeping you out of law school. Your illiteracy has that locked up, regardless.
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well than elaborate heather, tell us why you talk about your Ex hubby beating your ass coming home drunk to everyone but you won't go to the police if you got raped?


i'm sure everyone here can figure that out
 
notanalter said:
well than elaborate heather, tell us why you talk about your Ex hubby beating your ass coming home drunk to everyone but you won't go to the police if you got raped?


i'm sure everyone here can figure that out
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It's "well then elaborate." Jesus Christ, can't you form one correct sentence, man?

One has nothing to do with the other. He wasn't my ex-hubby. My ex-hubby was a saint and is a very dear friend of mine. My ex-bf was a psycho, and I talked about it. Had I been a man talking about a psycho ex, I'm sure you would have high fived about it.

I'm not sure why you think one has anything to do with the other? If I got raped I may not report it as things are today. I don't need the added hassle. Does that mean I would never speak of it? No, I never said that.

Really, there is nothing I could say to you that you would not attack. It really isn't any skin off my back. I know why you attack, and I find you very sad and pathetic.
 
heatherrae said:
I think HT gets it because he has walked a mile in those shoes.
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yeah. but not molestered. or raped. what happened with me has a certain bravado to it, i'm sure some fools aspire to it. the others have a lot of self appointed shame. which, makes me understand why the sentences for commiting those crimes can be life....
 
heatherrae said:
It's

Really, there is nothing I could say to you that you would not attack. It really isn't any skin off my back. I know why you attack, and I find you very sad and pathetic.
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lol...... please elaborate on this......
 
HumanTarget said:
yeah. but not molestered. or raped. what happened with me has a certain bravado to it, i'm sure some fools aspire to it. the others have a lot of self appointed shame. which, makes me understand why the sentences for commiting those crimes can be life....
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Yeah, you get it. You are good deep down in that big tough exterior of yours. Very good.
 
heatherrae said:
I didn't say I advocate non-reporting. I said that as things stand in my life right now, I probably would not report because it isn't worth what a victim has to go through.
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What if it was multiple times? And the person is also likely to assault others.
It could be like pringles, once they pop they can't stop.
 
Island Son said:
What if it was multiple times? And the person is also likely to assault others.
It could be like pringles, once they pop they can't stop.
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true. which weighs in favor of reporting...

I'm just stating how i feel about it from an emotional standpoint. I just would not feel like going through any more crap.
 
heatherrae said:
true. which weighs in favor of reporting...

I'm just stating how i feel about it from an emotional standpoint. I just would not feel like going through any more crap.
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if it was rape, it would be wise to report it though so the rapist does not do this to another woman!
 
blueta2 said:
if it was rape, it would be wise to report it though so the rapist does not do this to another woman!
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Well, if the prosecutor dismisses it because it is he said/she said after you have been drug through the mud for 6 months and asked a million questions, nothing is going to happen to them, anyway, and they will be free to do it again and again. That shit happens all the time. The only one who suffers is the victim. They are the ones hassled by it.
 
heatherrae said:
Well, if the prosecutor dismisses it because it is he said/she said after you have been drug through the mud for 6 months and asked a million questions, nothing is going to happen to them, anyway, and they will be free to do it again and again. That shit happens all the time. The only one who suffers is the victim. They are the ones hassled by it.
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possibly, but ya still have to try. You owe it to the other women.
It's not about "you" at that point, it's about the next 12 yr old he may do it to.
It would suck to be dragged through the mud when u are suffering from rape, but the regret of not trying certainly would outweigh the suffering of fighting for your rights?!
 
blueta2 said:
possibly, but ya still have to try. You owe it to the other women.
It's not about "you" at that point, it's about the next 12 yr old he may do it to.
It would suck to be dragged through the mud when u are suffering from rape, but the regret of not trying certainly would outweigh the suffering of fighting for your rights?!
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meh
 
I just remembered that I apparently already posted about this, though I was trying to leave personal shit out of it and argue objectively (after patsfan's thread) but I really need to speak up for a second about the not reporting it thing.

When I was 13, I was violently raped. I'm not going to get into the details because they are completely irrelevant but needless to say most of my injuries were in places where I could hide it, and I already had a good excuse for staying in bed for a few days (the very same thing that left me in a position of vulnerability to be attacked). My attacker told me that if I ever told anyone, even if he went to jail, when he got out he'd find me and do it again.

I was terrified, traumatized and a child. I don't even think I had my period yet.

Even three years later when my life was spiraling out of control because I was haunted by nightmares and flashbacks that left me unable to cope with day to day life, I didn't tell anyone. I still remember clear as day being in a counseling session with my parents, my mother in tears, asking me if I had been raped. She had been molested as a child and I guess picked up on things in my behavior. I started crying, nodded, and thus began the healing.

People who come down on victims for not reporting it don't really grasp how deep the shame is. It's not just how much you would have to go through, though it's certainly part of it. It's just that you feel so dirty and used, you blame yourself, and you fear like nothing else that if you tell someone, anyone, they will see you the same way. I had had a crush on the guy who raped me (he was 22). I'd never kissed a guy at that point let alone think about sex, but because I'd thought he was "cute," I took all of it onto myself.

I honestly almost never tell anyone about this. Not because of the shame anymore, I've worked through it, but because I hate the idea of anyone feeling sorry for me or treating me like a victim. Sure, I mourn those years of HS that essentially were lost to having this secret rule my life. I wish I'd never had to go through hyperventilating to the point of throwing up because a guy asked me out. But I like to think I came out of it ok, all around. I don't see it as relevant to the person I am today and I certainly wouldn't want someone else to see it as relevant. That's why in part I understand the original post.

But anyone coming down on a rape victim for not reporting it...You really have no idea. It's easy to say "fight like a bitch"...but it took all I had not to just give up on life in general at one point. Every emotional resource was focused on fighting like a bitch not to let the fucker kill me inside and out. Expecting me or any other victim to have the ADDITIONAL strength to actually take an aggressive position...some have it, some don't. But the ones who don't aren't lame or weak. There might be a million little things that seperate them from the ones who report it. They might not have the same support. They might already have depression issues that make the task even harder. Circumstances might be different where they might blame themselves more than another victim. Who the attacker is could be the difference (father, as opposed to a stranger - who do you think is going to cause more shame and secrecy?). It took me years to forgive myself for not reporting him, years to forgive myself for how desperate I let things get before I even told my mother, who is one of the most wonderful people on the planet in my opinion. So I'm not going to see this kind of thing and just let it slide.
 
what were the criteria for sexual assault as per the 50% study?

some studies will class a sexual assault as having your ass pinched or having been touched someplace innappropriate (underwear zones) in a club. others will classify a rape as being unable to consent dur to having binged on alcohol.

that being said, im amazed that rape is so common. i know many, many women whose drink has been spiked, sometimes more than once (i know these women personally and have intimate knowledge of their drug taking habits. these do not include the benzodiazepines found in their bodies at the hospital) and know from the security footage taht there are men doing these sorts of things in groups. what was once something done in isolation (youd assume) has become so accepted in some parts of society that men are actually doing it in groups.

the fact that men find each other and help one another do this speaks for itself - finding an accomplice in rape is a pretty risky endeavour in itself.

the girl i was with last night most likely would have been raped last week had it not been for her friends literally carrying her out of the club to her waiting mother.

with the sexualization of our culture (people are fucking a lot more these days) i think its going to get worse and worse.

fucken sharpen your knives :mad:
 
It seems that way to me too..About 95 percent of the girls i know were either raped or molested as a child.
 
ok you bunch of jackass men
when i was a kid i know of 2 girls that were raped or molested by family members
ones grandfather would get her out of her bed and take her to his room
the other one, i remmeber in 5th grade, we were having a break and she was telling us that her dad would tell her to pretend his penis was a banana...at the time (yes then 5th grade was innocent) we would just go ewwww and yuck but i wish i had said someting to my mom back then but i didnt

and im sure alot of guys have been molested but women are more likely to talk about it than guys are
Guys dont want people to think they were weak at any time in their life for someone else to take advantage of them in that way
 
Sorry but A whole lot of women lie about it. I've known several that have lied and finally came clean about it.

Think about it....crying rape is the ultimate in attention seeking behavior.

I personally think raping someone deserves the death penalty, but accusing an innocent person of it deserves it also.
 
nefertiti said:
Holy long post batman!
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thanks for sharing that story.
I would and can understand how a little girl would not report it or tell an adult, but if you were raped as an adult, I don't think it would be about shame. An adult can use reason in a situation like this as where a child cannot.
I think any adult woman who is raped or attacked has a duty to report it.

I've never been abused, but I can tell you there is no doubt that I would report it and fight. That is my character.

Did your parents ever report your rape? or was this dirtbag ever convicted?

My ex's sister was brutally raped by their gardner, and they never went to the cops, they fired the guy after 6 months of fidning out and sent thieir daughter to therapy. She was 8 or 9 yrs old and today she is a VERY FUCKED up 30 yr old.
My ex was a sick druggie sex addict which leads me to believe he was also raped by the same guy but the family chose to deny and ignore. No one wins when it's not reported!
 
TC2 said:
I personally think raping someone deserves the death penalty, but accusing an innocent person of it deserves it also.
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......


No true victim would ever disagree. Lying about something so horrific is the most dispicable behavior ever.

That type of horseshit is a HUGE part of what has made it so hard for the real victims to report the crimes.

Nefer -

I can't imagine how difficult, horrible, etc your situation was. Especially being that you were a little girl at the time. It's a given that a girl that age wouldn't report - I am not even sure that every girl that age fully understands what occurred.

That's exactly why an adult with full faculties should be advocating courageously reporting these crimes so that the sick asses that do this don't end up victimizing someone practically helpless.

I understand it's not easy for anyone no matter the age, but certainly there needs to be someone standing up saying it's not only okay to report, but it's the right thing to do - it's your duty. Someone to stand up for what's right using stories of courage, perseverance, etc to set examples for those that are questioning their fortitude or that may one day face such a dilemma.
 
jh1 said:
......


No true victim would ever disagree. Lying about something so horrific is the most dispicable behavior ever.

That type of horseshit is a HUGE part of what has made it so hard for the real victims to report the crimes.

Nefer -

I can't imagine how difficult, horrible, etc your situation was. Especially being that you were a little girl at the time. It's a given that a girl that age wouldn't report - I am not even sure that every girl that age fully understands what occurred.

That's exactly why an adult with full faculties should be advocating courageously reporting these crimes so that the sick asses that do this don't end up victimizing someone practically helpless.

I understand it's not easy for anyone no matter the age, but certainly there needs to be someone standing up saying it's not only okay to report, but it's the right thing to do - it's your duty. Someone to stand up for what's right using stories of courage, perseverance, etc to set examples for those that are questioning their fortitude or that may one day face such a dilemma.
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we're in sync ;-)
 
blueta2 said:
thanks for sharing that story.
I would and can understand how a little girl would not report it or tell an adult, but if you were raped as an adult, I don't think it would be about shame. An adult can use reason in a situation like this as where a child cannot.
I think any adult woman who is raped or attacked has a duty to report it.

I've never been abused, but I can tell you there is no doubt that I would report it and fight. That is my character.

Did your parents ever report your rape? or was this dirtbag ever convicted?

My ex's sister was brutally raped by their gardner, and they never went to the cops, they fired the guy after 6 months of fidning out and sent thieir daughter to therapy. She was 8 or 9 yrs old and today she is a VERY FUCKED up 30 yr old.
My ex was a sick druggie sex addict which leads me to believe he was also raped by the same guy but the family chose to deny and ignore. No one wins when it's not reported!
Click to expand...

I don't ever even remember it being brought up. I was in a bad way at the time and I think their only concern was me. They might have asked me if I wanted to...and I probably said there was no proof three years later and it would be worthless.

I honestly can't say if it's (it being the motivations for secrecy) different as an adult, because obviously I have no experience with that. I do understand where you are coming from...I suppose I just have a bias on that particular niche of the issue.
 
nefertiti said:
I don't ever even remember it being brought up. I was in a bad way at the time and I think their only concern was me. They might have asked me if I wanted to...and I probably said there was no proof three years later and it would be worthless.

I honestly can't say if it's (it being the motivations for secrecy) different as an adult, because obviously I have no experience with that. I do understand where you are coming from...I suppose I just have a bias on that particular niche of the issue.
Click to expand...

After 3 yrs it is hard to prove.
You seem like your life is on the right track so your parents must have done a great job :-)
 
nefertiti said:
I just remembered that I apparently already posted about this, though I was trying to leave personal shit out of it and argue objectively (after patsfan's thread) but I really need to speak up for a second about the not reporting it thing.

When I was 13, I was violently raped. I'm not going to get into the details because they are completely irrelevant but needless to say most of my injuries were in places where I could hide it, and I already had a good excuse for staying in bed for a few days (the very same thing that left me in a position of vulnerability to be attacked). My attacker told me that if I ever told anyone, even if he went to jail, when he got out he'd find me and do it again.

I was terrified, traumatized and a child. I don't even think I had my period yet.

Even three years later when my life was spiraling out of control because I was haunted by nightmares and flashbacks that left me unable to cope with day to day life, I didn't tell anyone. I still remember clear as day being in a counseling session with my parents, my mother in tears, asking me if I had been raped. She had been molested as a child and I guess picked up on things in my behavior. I started crying, nodded, and thus began the healing.

People who come down on victims for not reporting it don't really grasp how deep the shame is. It's not just how much you would have to go through, though it's certainly part of it. It's just that you feel so dirty and used, you blame yourself, and you fear like nothing else that if you tell someone, anyone, they will see you the same way. I had had a crush on the guy who raped me (he was 22). I'd never kissed a guy at that point let alone think about sex, but because I'd thought he was "cute," I took all of it onto myself.

I honestly almost never tell anyone about this. Not because of the shame anymore, I've worked through it, but because I hate the idea of anyone feeling sorry for me or treating me like a victim. Sure, I mourn those years of HS that essentially were lost to having this secret rule my life. I wish I'd never had to go through hyperventilating to the point of throwing up because a guy asked me out. But I like to think I came out of it ok, all around. I don't see it as relevant to the person I am today and I certainly wouldn't want someone else to see it as relevant. That's why in part I understand the original post.

But anyone coming down on a rape victim for not reporting it...You really have no idea. It's easy to say "fight like a bitch"...but it took all I had not to just give up on life in general at one point. Every emotional resource was focused on fighting like a bitch not to let the fucker kill me inside and out. Expecting me or any other victim to have the ADDITIONAL strength to actually take an aggressive position...some have it, some don't. But the ones who don't aren't lame or weak. There might be a million little things that seperate them from the ones who report it. They might not have the same support. They might already have depression issues that make the task even harder. Circumstances might be different where they might blame themselves more than another victim. Who the attacker is could be the difference (father, as opposed to a stranger - who do you think is going to cause more shame and secrecy?). It took me years to forgive myself for not reporting him, years to forgive myself for how desperate I let things get before I even told my mother, who is one of the most wonderful people on the planet in my opinion. So I'm not going to see this kind of thing and just let it slide.
Click to expand...
I know exactly what you are talking about. My mother died without me EVER telling a soul, even her, some things. I'll go to my grave with it.

The obnoxiousness that I found of the original poster and those who agreed with him or wanted to argue about statistics is that someone entrusted them with that pain enough to tell them, and they treat them like they are less than nothing -- liars, attention whores, whores, or weak. I find that reprehensible.
 
GoldenDelicious said:
what were the criteria for sexual assault as per the 50% study?

some studies will class a sexual assault as having your ass pinched or having been touched someplace innappropriate (underwear zones) in a club. others will classify a rape as being unable to consent dur to having binged on alcohol.

that being said, im amazed that rape is so common. i know many, many women whose drink has been spiked, sometimes more than once (i know these women personally and have intimate knowledge of their drug taking habits. these do not include the benzodiazepines found in their bodies at the hospital) and know from the security footage taht there are men doing these sorts of things in groups. what was once something done in isolation (youd assume) has become so accepted in some parts of society that men are actually doing it in groups.

the fact that men find each other and help one another do this speaks for itself - finding an accomplice in rape is a pretty risky endeavour in itself.

the girl i was with last night most likely would have been raped last week had it not been for her friends literally carrying her out of the club to her waiting mother.

with the sexualization of our culture (people are fucking a lot more these days) i think its going to get worse and worse.

fucken sharpen your knives :mad:
Click to expand...
The 50% study included unwanted sexual touching. So, I guess it would depend on a girl's feelings about where that line was.
 
heatherrae said:
The obnoxiousness that I found of the original poster and those who agreed with him or wanted to argue about statistics is that someone entrusted them with that pain enough to tell them, and they treat them like they are less than nothing -- liars, attention whores, whores, or weak. I find that reprehensible.
Click to expand...


You find questioning statistics.... 'Reprehensible'???


It's a difficult subject, but debating reality and statistics doesn't bring that person down to the level of the perpertrators. Finding truth, filtering frauds, questioning motives, etc is all part of this. Real victims should be the first to stand up to denounce any fraud. They are just as disgusting of aninmals as the perps themselves.
 
jh1 said:
You find questioning statistics.... 'Reprehensible'???


It's a difficult subject, but debating reality and statistics doesn't bring that person down to the level of the perpertrators. Finding truth, filtering frauds, questioning motives, etc is all part of this. Real victims should be the first to stand up to denounce any fraud. They are just as disgusting of aninmals as the perps themselves.
Click to expand...
I don't find the mere debate of statistics reprehensible. What I find reprehensible is the behavior of some of the men on this thread. I don't have a study that I saw 3 years ago, so I am a liar. All these women are liars who want attention, etc. If women are telling you these things from their past, they are very likely really trusting you. The truth of the matter is that you guys were probably only acting half-way decent to get in their pants since you have such a low regard for their veracity.
 
heatherrae said:
I don't find the mere debate of statistics reprehensible. What I find reprehensible is the behavior of some of the men on this thread. I don't have a study that I saw 3 years ago, so I am a liar. All these women are liars who want attention, etc. If women are telling you these things from their past, they are very likely really trusting you. The truth of the matter is that you guys were probably only acting half-way decent to get in their pants since you have such a low regard for their veracity.
Click to expand...


:confused: ????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????!?!???!?!?!?!??!


WTF & LOL @ 'You Guys'
 
TC2 said:
Sorry but A whole lot of women lie about it. I've known several that have lied and finally came clean about it.

Think about it....crying rape is the ultimate in attention seeking behavior.

I personally think raping someone deserves the death penalty, but accusing an innocent person of it deserves it also.
Click to expand...
agreed
 
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
 
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