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People dropping by unannounced

C

cindylou

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I think Im pretty easy going but this is a huge pet peeve of mine. My inlaws and some of my husband's friends and people in the neighborhood come by without calling all the time. I was raised in a home that had a little more privacy and it is (even after 5 years) been a huge culture shock to me since I married into this family.

Everyone has cellhones today. Is it really that big of a deal to call when you are 10 min away and let me know you are coming?
 
are you one of those people that freak out and have to have your house spotless whenever anyone comes over? So that 10 min. phone call gives you enough time to run around the house all frantic picking shit up?
 
cindylou said:
I think Im pretty easy going but this is a huge pet peeve of mine. My inlaws and some of my husband's friends and people in the neighborhood come by without calling all the time. I was raised in a home that had a little more privacy and it is (even after 5 years) been a huge culture shock to me since I married into this family.

Everyone has cellhones today. Is it really that big of a deal to call when you are 10 min away and let me know you are coming?
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just always have your makeup done and hair ready and you wont mind people dropping in
 
I grew up in an environment where that is encouraged. I suppose Italians are a hospitable people. yesterday I headed to my friend's house to finish making some limoncello. his godfather was outside grilling. i ended up staying about 8 hours.
 
KillahBee said:
I grew up in an environment where that is encouraged. I suppose Italians are a hospitable people. yesterday I headed to my friend's house to finish making some limoncello. his godfather was outside grilling. i ended up staying about 8 hours.
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I understand that. At least Im trying. lol My husband's family has the same mindset. Its been hard for me to get used to. Plus now all the neighborhood people stop by just whenever too. So now my house feels like an open house 24-7. I cant relax.
 
cindylou said:
I understand that. At least Im trying. lol My husband's family has the same mindset. Its been hard for me to get used to. Plus now all the neighborhood people stop by just whenever too. So now my house feels like an open house 24-7. I cant relax.
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thats a beautiful thing. enjoy it. embrace it. show us your titties.
 
Im not introverted in general, but Im more introverted than my husband who is super social.....so I guess I just need to adapt. It still annoys me though.
 
It don't bother me, but if my wife doesn't know your coming your ass will be spending your visit in the yard. She flat refuses to let people who drop by inside.
 
It happened all the time when I was growing up so it doesn't really bug me. It gets on my nerves when I have friends just pop into my office in their gym clothes. I have 3 that keep doing it no matter how many times I ask them not to.
 
Strongbow said:
It don't bother me, but if my wife doesn't know your coming your ass will be spending your visit in the yard. She flat refuses to let people who drop by inside.
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lol how does she get away with that without seeming like a huge bitch? Or does she not care? I really dont want to be a bitch, but I like to have some reasonable boundries.
 
jnevin said:
It happened all the time when I was growing up so it doesn't really bug me. It gets on my nerves when I have friends just pop into my office in their gym clothes. I have 3 that keep doing it no matter how many times I ask them not to.
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right now my shoes are kicked off underneath my desk and my desk is a mess. lol I would be embarrassed
 
cindylou said:
right now my shoes are kicked off underneath my desk and my desk is a mess. lol I would be embarrassed
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They always seem to do it when I'm getting ready to have a meeting or when I have customers. Then they seem to think it's ok to wait. I especially loved it when I was managing and then these dirtballs would just come in and hang out.
 
cindylou said:
lol how does she get away with that without seeming like a huge bitch? Or does she not care? I really dont want to be a bitch, but I like to have some reasonable boundries.
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Well basically she's a HUGE Bitch, LOL, naw she just says and I have heard this a couple of diffrent times, especially to my friends and I quote, "Do you not have a phone, cause if you would have called I would maybe have let you in, but Strongbow will be here in a second and ya'll can play in the yard. ANd then proceeds to shut door in their face. And Im like geeeesssshhh come the fuck on, but in all honesty it is prolly for the best, cause most of my friends are not yet House Trained, and I would prolly end up beating their ass and rubbing their noses in some shit they dropped on my carpet.LOL
 
It didn't bother me when I was younger, but in the past ten years I want a call in advance for some warning or a chance to shoot you down.

The simple way to solve it, Cindy, is the next time they pull this shit you answer the door, and politely tell them this isn't a good time could they come back again XYZ and in the future just give you a call in advance? Some days you're just not up to company. You've got the ultimate excuse for not wanting people over, girl, YOU'RE PREG!!! You should be able to lay around on your sofa and not feel like you have to play the happy homemaker and hostess.

Cindy, I'm telling you, you better get these people trained ASAP or you're going to be in a real jam when that kid is a few months old. You'll be tearing your hair out.
 
musclemom said:
It didn't bother me when I was younger, but in the past ten years I want a call in advance for some warning or a chance to shoot you down.

The simple way to solve it, Cindy, is the next time they pull this shit you answer the door, and politely tell them this isn't a good time could they come back again XYZ and in the future just give you a call in advance? Some days you're just not up to company. You've got the ultimate excuse for not wanting people over, girl, YOU'RE PREG!!! You should be able to lay around on your sofa and not feel like you have to play the happy homemaker and hostess.

Cindy, I'm telling you, you better get these people trained ASAP or you're going to be in a real jam when that kid is a few months old. You'll be tearing your hair out.
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Thanks MM. I know I have to deal with it and I like your advice because its not unkind. I dont want to appear bitchy or unfriendly because I know my husband needs lots of people in his life to really thrive....I just need a way to set some sort of boundries for these people. I also think it really is two different kinds of families coming together, mine was small and private and his was huge and loud...they just do things different. I know when I buy my next house it wont be so close to everyone. That way they will call for their own sake just to make sure we are there. We moved back to his hometown and alot of his friends are still there, and his family is 5 minutes away :worried: Plus he made friends with every single freaking person in the neighborhood...lol.

If they show up when the baby's here maybe I should just show up to the door with my boob in the baby's mouth?? Think they'll call next time?!?! lol!
 
cindylou said:
Thanks MM. I know I have to deal with it and I like your advice because its not unkind. I dont want to appear bitchy or unfriendly because I know my husband needs lots of people in his life to really thrive....I just need a way to set some sort of boundries for these people. I also think it really is two different kinds of families coming together, mine was small and private and his was huge and loud...they just do things different. I know when I buy my next house it wont be so close to everyone. That way they will call for their own sake just to make sure we are there. We moved back to his hometown and alot of his friends are still there, and his family is 5 minutes away :worried: Plus he made friends with every single freaking person in the neighborhood...lol.

If they show up when the baby's here maybe I should just show up to the door with my boob in the baby's mouth?? Think they'll call next time?!?! lol!
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That will not work, the boob thang. I would be over everyday for some reason, LOL. Prolly need to find a diffrent way of running them off, lots of pervs in the world.:biggrin:
 
ortiz34 said:
Nope, in fact next time I'd bring my camera
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Good Idea, she opens the door and BOOB SHot for all the hommies to see. Sweet.:biggrin:
 
cindylou said:
lol I figured it would make them uncomfortable. I thought wrong!
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Would make me HAPPY and want more and more, causing me to come over at all times of the day and nite in hopes of another BOOB shot or maybe if I'm lucky something better, LOL. Its not wrong or bitchy of you to want people to respest your privacy. And the best way to make them stay away is for them to think that Cindylou is one hateful BItch, but she has a bOob hanging out once in awhile, so its worth the trip.LOL My wife is not thought of as a Bitch, I don't think, just someone who you had better call if its not comfortable outside.
 
When i lived in austin I always had people doing that. If I wasn't up for company I just didn't open the door LOL. They didn't know I was not asleep or didn't go for a walk. I did enjoy the sense of community, and probably would have been annoyed if I didn't have that easy out. But for me, a lot of the time that I don't feel like having company is also the time i really should drag myself out and make myself be social.

That said, you're pregnant and entitled to some boundaries.
 
I can understand what you are saying especially knowing that you are so anal about your home "looking a certain way". But if the people that are "dropping by" love you then it won't matter to them if your home is something right out of a magazine or if you are up to your underarms in spit-up, haven't bathed for 3 days, your hair is matted to your head, you have dust-bunnies that could devour a doberman and the baby will NOT shut the heck up.

When the baby comes EVERYONE will be up in your business ANNOYING THE CRAP OUT OF YOU "wanting to help." Heed my words. You will be posting up about this in a few months.

When you have one baby, NO ONE NEEDS that kind of "help and attention". I mean, not unless you are literally an invalid.

The cure for that is to have another baby. Trust me when I tell you that the more children you have the less inclined ANYONE will be to volunteer diddly. LOL
 
BIKINIMOM said:
I can understand what you are saying especially knowing that you are so anal about your home "looking a certain way". But if the people that are "dropping by" love you then it won't matter to them if your home is something right out of a magazine or if you are up to your underarms in spit-up, haven't bathed for 3 days, your hair is matted to your head, you have dust-bunnies that could devour a doberman and the baby will NOT shut the heck up.

When the baby comes EVERYONE will be up in your business ANNOYING THE CRAP OUT OF YOU "wanting to help." Heed my words. You will be posting up about this in a few months.

When you have one baby, NO ONE NEEDS that kind of "help and attention". I mean, not unless you are literally an invalid.

The cure for that is to have another baby. Trust me when I tell you that the more children you have the less inclined ANYONE will be to volunteer diddly. LOL
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lol hilarious! You are probably right... right now the idea of being pregnant again is making my stomach turn.
 
cindylou said:
lol hilarious! You are probably right... right now the idea of being pregnant again is making my stomach turn.
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Don't worry, CindyLou... it gets worse! :lmao:

I am sitting here smiling remembering what it was like to be "you" like it was yesterday. Good times, although when you are living it, it don't exactly feel so good. hehehehe
 
If your husband needs to be around that many people, let him go to their house! The last thing you need is to be stressing over having people showing up unexpectedly, that's not good for you and particularly when the baby is first born you don't need people dropping by on a whim when you, or the baby, may be trying to catch a nap.

You need to set boundaries now. If you're uncomfortable with doing it, then you put your husband up to it but if you don't get them to give you some breathing room and respect your needs now you'll never get it when the kid arrives. They'll just accuse you of trying to keep their grandchild away from them or some shit.

I'm telling you, the one great thing about pregnancy is that this is virtually the only time when a woman's needs are considered first and are respected. Additionally, you're pretty much allowed to go utterly completely batshit if you feel like you aren't being listened to and nobody holds a grudge about it.

For heaven's sake, girl, take advantage of those hormonal perks and stand up for yourself!
 
musclemom said:
If your husband needs to be around that many people, let him go to their house! The last thing you need is to be stressing over having people showing up unexpectedly, that's not good for you and particularly when the baby is first born you don't need people dropping by on a whim when you, or the baby, may be trying to catch a nap.

You need to set boundaries now. If you're uncomfortable with doing it, then you put your husband up to it but if you don't get them to give you some breathing room and respect your needs now you'll never get it when the kid arrives. They'll just accuse you of trying to keep their grandchild away from them or some shit.

I'm telling you, the one great thing about pregnancy is that this is virtually the only time when a woman's needs are considered first and are respected. Additionally, you're pretty much allowed to go utterly completely batshit if you feel like you aren't being listened to and nobody holds a grudge about it.

For heaven's sake, girl, take advantage of those hormonal perks and stand up for yourself!
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Advice taken - thank you. I know that you are right.. If dh cant take care of it, then I guess I need to say something. Its going to be really hard for me to say anything but I know I have to.
 
cindylou said:
Advice taken - thank you. I know that you are right.. If dh cant take care of it, then I guess I need to say something. Its going to be really hard for me to say anything but I know I have to.
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The things that are most difficult for us to do are often the lessons we most need to learn. It's possible to set boundaries and do it in a manner that is firm but polite. The best bet is to get hubby to do it, simply because blood and water and all that, but if you have to confront the in-laws, you can do it. It's easiest if you script something like this in advance. Know what you want to say, say it in front of a mirror if you need to. Saying something to the effect of "I want you to know you're always welcome in our home, I'd just appreciate it if you'd give me a call and check if it's a good time to drop over," is, by no stretch of the immagination, an unreasonable request.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
^^^ MM gives awesome advice.
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Ah, you're too kind :qt:

I just have visions of this poor sweet girl feeling compelled to be a gracious hostess and have the house looking nice when maybe what she really wants to do is spend most of the weekend with her swollen feet up on the couch and take advantage of the last remaining R&R time she may get for the next 18 years :(

Hell, I'll give her inlaws a talking to! And hubby and his buddies, too!
 
cindylou said:
lol I figured it would make them uncomfortable. I thought wrong!
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I'm actually thinking of becoming a lactation consultant. Let me know if you need any help. :D
 
musclemom said:
Ah, you're too kind :qt:

I just have visions of this poor sweet girl feeling compelled to be a gracious hostess and have the house looking nice when maybe what she really wants to do is spend most of the weekend with her swollen feet up on the couch and take advantage of the last remaining R&R time she may get for the next 18 years :(

Hell, I'll give her inlaws a talking to! And hubby and his buddies, too!
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You are so right! All I want to do is it on the couch and read or watch tv most of the time! And I think I get pissed because I cant keep up with the house as much as I'd like to have company

I did good yesterday, the doorbell rang and it was one of the neighbors stopping by. I didnt answer the door but it was obvious I was home. The inlaw talk will be tougher - but if I can just get HALF of the people to call ahead it will be better than nothing. :)
 
cindylou said:
I think Im pretty easy going but this is a huge pet peeve of mine. My inlaws and some of my husband's friends and people in the neighborhood come by without calling all the time. I was raised in a home that had a little more privacy and it is (even after 5 years) been a huge culture shock to me since I married into this family.

Everyone has cellhones today. Is it really that big of a deal to call when you are 10 min away and let me know you are coming?
Click to expand...

I hate it too.
I have neighbors who come over (everyone has to either hike to eachother's houses, ride an ATV, or drive) without calling first and it's NEVER a good time. Sometimes it's just that I'm watching something, but other times i'm BUSY. or i'm not dressed. or want to go to sleep, not talk for an hour.
 
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