Married People!

[gotmojo]

Oh, & one other thing. When you get married, move far far far away from your families.
With us, I left behind my circle of single friends (they never wanted to visit), & My wife left her family & all her friends. We lived in Germany for 2 yrs with no social network except what we developed together. We only had each other 2 depend on, & that made us communicate. it was actually much harder on my wife, than on me.

That's a good thing in alot of ways. I really shouldn't make my ex out to sound like she is just plain nuts, I mean she never had a chance. Her pops left her mom for another woman (I understand why) when she was 2 yrs old and due to that her mom decided she would hate men with every fiber of her being, and pass that on to her daughter. Her mom adopted the attitude (it's just me and you kid) which is fine but this went to a creepy extent. she was raised to hate her father and believe he didn't care for her, although he did. She was taught that men are worthless dirtbag scum that exist for the sole purpose of procreation with the understanding that more girls are born on average than boys. Their bond grew very strong....too strong! When we got engaged and were planning the wedding I was planning to build a "dream home" in the suburbs of our town....well this was out of the question as being 7 min. away from mom was too far. I had to settle for buying a duplex 6 blocks from her moms house. Due to this after the wedding she never really moved in, some of her things were there but kind of in a sleep over way, 99% of her clothes and toiletries were still at her moms as she spent the majority of her time there when I wasn't home during the day. I'm only giving the basics of her psychosis and the situation, lets face it we just don't have that kinda time. But what it boils down to is she started to suffer from separation anxiety to a phenomenal degree and having a Norman Bates type bond with mom really wasn't helping matters as we were so close, I don't know that being farther away would have saved us, but at least it would have given us a fighting chance. Anyhoo, my only advise for anyone is to make sure the F'N umbilical cord is actually cut, cuz it sure sucks if ya have to try and chew through one!


I just wanted to add that it of course wasn't all her, I mean after all, i'm the dumbass that thought he could fix her....

 

[nycgirl]

^^^
I agree 100% with your umbilical cord advise.

 

[bigmann245]

That's a good thing in alot of ways. I really shouldn't make my ex out to sound like she is just plain nuts, I mean she never had a chance. Her pops left her mom for another woman (I understand why) when she was 2 yrs old and due to that her mom decided she would hate men with every fiber of her being, and pass that on to her daughter. Her mom adopted the attitude (it's just me and you kid) which is fine but this went to a creepy extent. she was raised to hate her father and believe he didn't care for her, although he did. She was taught that men are worthless dirtbag scum that exist for the sole purpose of procreation with the understanding that more girls are born on average than boys. Their bond grew very strong....too strong! When we got engaged and were planning the wedding I was planning to build a "dream home" in the suburbs of our town....well this was out of the question as being 7 min. away from mom was too far. I had to settle for buying a duplex 6 blocks from her moms house. Due to this after the wedding she never really moved in, some of her things were there but kind of in a sleep over way, 99% of her clothes and toiletries were still at her moms as she spent the majority of her time there when I wasn't home during the day. I'm only giving the basics of her psychosis and the situation, lets face it we just don't have that kinda time. But what it boils down to is she started to suffer from separation anxiety to a phenomenal degree and having a Norman Bates type bond with mom really wasn't helping matters as we were so close, I don't know that being farther away would have saved us, but at least it would have given us a fighting chance. Anyhoo, my only advise for anyone is to make sure the F'N umbilical cord is actually cut, cuz it sure sucks if ya have to try and chew through one!


I just wanted to add that it of course wasn't all her, I mean after all, i'm the dumbass that thought he could fix her....

i had the same problem when i got married. i lived with my wife at her parents house for 2 years before we got married. then after we were married i got orders with the navy to go to maryland. we had not choice. her mom got so mad. she blamed me for taking her away. i asked her if she thought we were going to live with them forever and she said she didnt see any reason we needed to move out. fuck that. i took my wife and our new born son and hauled ass. i was glad they sent us there. the wife fell into a bad depression and missed home a lot. so we visited every so often since it was about a days drive. but i had to help cut that umbilical cord and i almost lost her. but we loved each other too much and decided to move on. then she realized all the crap her parents were shoving into her head and started to live her own life her own way. i guess i got lucky because now we moved back and live 15 minutes away and we never go over there. we go maybe every 1 or 2 months. mainly due to the fact that her parents never come over here. so i told her they think they are the center of the universe and the road goes both ways. she saw that and found we were better off the way it is right now.

so i was able to get her used to being away from her parents and also she was able to see what i saw. her parents had a choke hold on her while growing up and i broke that. i cant believe they wanted us to live there forever. we are much happier now together than ever before.

 

[HiDnGoD]

^^^
I agree 100% with your umbilical cord advise.

& once it's cut, it's cut.
After I got out of the army, we lived with my parents for 3 months. Drove us crazy, then we lived with her Mom & stepdad for 2 months, drove us crazy. We ended up living with her brother for 2 yrs. He was hardly at home, always working O.T., & G.F.'s. so we were essentially alone again, with our new baby.

 

[gotmojo]

i had the same problem when i got married. i lived with my wife at her parents house for 2 years before we got married. then after we were married i got orders with the navy to go to maryland. we had not choice. her mom got so mad. she blamed me for taking her away. i asked her if she thought we were going to live with them forever and she said she didnt see any reason we needed to move out. fuck that. i took my wife and our new born son and hauled ass. i was glad they sent us there. the wife fell into a bad depression and missed home a lot. so we visited every so often since it was about a days drive. but i had to help cut that umbilical cord and i almost lost her. but we loved each other too much and decided to move on. then she realized all the crap her parents were shoving into her head and started to live her own life her own way. i guess i got lucky because now we moved back and live 15 minutes away and we never go over there. we go maybe every 1 or 2 months. mainly due to the fact that her parents never come over here. so i told her they think they are the center of the universe and the road goes both ways. she saw that and found we were better off the way it is right now.

so i was able to get her used to being away from her parents and also she was able to see what i saw. her parents had a choke hold on her while growing up and i broke that. i cant believe they wanted us to live there forever. we are much happier now together than ever before.

Amen to that....You are a lucky, lucky man. In no way was I that lucky, believe me I tried, I put my career on hold in Los Angeles to open a retail store in our home town while I put her through school, in hopes that that would motivate her enough (career wise) to move back to L.A. with me and live happily ever after..............................NO!..............................her mom was too much in her head. Every positive I put on the table, her mom attached a negative cancer to it, and it just ate the S.O.B. away. Part of the trouble was that her mom convinced her that she either was or will be hurt in some way by everyone in her life but her mom. Oh well, we are better for it.....It forced her to realize something wasn't right and it showed me that I needed to understand myself better before I could hope to understand anyone else. It also let me know exactly what I wanted out of a relationship and what to look for, so now that I am in a much better place, I can treat a woman like an equal and not like a scared lil' bunny with a broken leg. Taking care of it and fixing it then getting pissed when it bites me cuz the scared lil' bunny doesn't know any better.

 

[gonelifting]

LOL We bought a house NEXT DOOR to my MIL. Their whole family does'nt even knock on our front door before walking in. Gone are the days of lounging out in my underwear. We are happily married though, and her mother is cool, but it still can get a little weird.

 

[gotmojo]

LOL We bought a house NEXT DOOR to my MIL. Their whole family does'nt even knock on our front door before walking in. Gone are the days of lounging out in my underwear. We are happily married though, and her mother is cool, but it still can get a little weird.

That can be a cool situation under the right (sane) circumstances. I would actually welcome that situation to an extent. It just doesn't work out so well when ya marry into the flippin' chainsaw family though.

 

[Lumberg]

Marriage is something you must wake up every day and DO. It's not getting married at 26 and telling yourself "I love her just the way she is, I hope she never changes"... and cross your fingers. If you think like that, you WILL get divorced. You MUST WORK every day of a marriage to make it a good one.

I'm not saying the "work" is hard or undesirable, but it IS work. You have to listen, trust, CHANGE, because you WILL change, as your spouse will change as well. How the hell do you know what you'll be doing at 40 when you're 26? You LIVE LIFE WITH your spouse and change together, live together, make compromises together.... Hopefully you chose an understanding, smart, thoughful, generous.... spouse, and YOU better be the same way... or you will get divorced.

Don't even get me started on children.

I'm married 8+ years now, and have changed a ton, so has my wife. We've changed TOGETHER for US and our relationship. Had I been with another woman, I may have changed in a different way to suit and comfort that other person.

Marriage is a bond that two people make to HELP each other grow. It's not a "I hope she does'nt change" race.

MOLD each other for the benefit of both of you..

Do it.

DIN!

As for me, I'm getting married on September 4th, so I guess checak back with me.

So far it's been pretty fun.

 

[Lumberg]

LOL We bought a house NEXT DOOR to my MIL. Their whole family does'nt even knock on our front door before walking in. Gone are the days of lounging out in my underwear. We are happily married though, and her mother is cool, but it still can get a little weird.

LOL!

I'd still ounge however I wanted to. I'm not bashful about my body. If my MIA didn't want to see me then she can just not come over!

 

[Sub-Zero]

LOL We bought a house NEXT DOOR to my MIL. Their whole family does'nt even knock on our front door before walking in. Gone are the days of lounging out in my underwear. We are happily married though, and her mother is cool, but it still can get a little weird.

u forgot the F in MIL