Matt - when I eat upscale, I expect upscale service. A tip is just that... a "tip". Why should I tip her? What did she do?
The maiter showed us our table and seated us.
The bartender fixed our cocktails (I tipped him when I went up there for refills).
The bartender was the one that sent the wine bottles over to other tables.
The chef brought us our food - salad, entree, coffee - in addition to our water glasses.
Come to think of it, she didn't even cook the food or bus the table afterwards, they had bus boys to do that.
What did she do? She wrote down our order and then presented/processed the bill. What was outstanding about that? What service did I get from her? Why should I tip someone for spending time at another table just chatting. She was servicing them, she was socializing with them. Not only that, it wasn't just my table either. She neglected the others in her section. Had I not gone back for refills twice at the bar for our cocktails, we would have had nothing to drink. One glass of table water each is not enough to last a meal.
If I am going to go in and drop over a grand for a meal, I don't care if it is an expense account, I expect service. Good service. And if I am spending more $$ on other people in the resturant that I don't even have at my table, I expect very good service.
Do you tip cashiers at Mcdonalds? I don't. Why? Because all they do is take your order and then ring you up. The exact same function she performed.