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I was "defriended" after 21 years - email included

Rachel...lol

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Okay - so here is the email I received:

ok i have made a choice. after i asked you twice about what you wrote on sara's page you had nothing to say to me. but u ask me about the girls... kinda fucked up. i am tired of always trying to figure out what i did wrong that you aren't atlking to me or want to hang out. you say u are busy but u always have time for everyone else. but that's ok. as long as ur happy. i do appreciate everything you have done for me and blake but i don't wanna do this anymore. i put so much into trying to figure out why u don't talk to me and its not fair. and it bothers the hell out of me that what i told you in confidence you went and told mike. that isn't what a real friend does, especially one who says i will always be there for you. all the time i put thinking of and trying to figure it all out i can use for other things in my life. i am sorry if that hurts you or if you say im being a drama queen but im not. i have thought a lot about this. i am sorry that after 21
yrs i am ending our friendship and im sorry. just not something i want to do anymore. i hope ur birthday and everything else goes well for you. i wish nothing but the best for you
Love, Joanna


And here is my response. I am not a very nice person am I.

You ARE being a drama queen - and I did intend on writing you back, and yes I did forget. Here is the thing: I have no idea why you get upset and weird about random things that you shouldn't be bothered about. Facebook comments are facebook comments, one thing that I have learned, and a lot of it comes from experience in the business world, is that you cannot glean a person's tone or intentions from reading emails, texts, or other messages as such, and making assumptions or interpretations about a person's intentions from messages is not a smart thing to do. There is a big difference between asking me to explain a facebook comment, and me wanting to know about the health of your sister's baby. All things cannot be created equal.

Go to http://.safetextlife.com - the message of this site isReal Friends Practice Safe Text!

Safe what?

Safe texting! That means reading and sending text messages at appropriate times and being socially responsible so we don't hurt friendships. This website is devoted to helping raise awareness of Textual Safety practices, in the hopes that everyone can enjoy a safe and fun Text Life.

I did some consulting work for this website and some of her marketing, so this isn't just a random website I pulled up. I believe in the message.

Other resources talking about making the mistake of misinterpreting email communications:



Misinterpreting email
What Can be Misunderstood Will be Misunderstood - About Email

You do not act mature, the way you present yourself online is that of a small child. Stop talking about frogs and unicorns and shit - how old are you? None of your time is spent doing anything productive. You need to grow up, you need to stop obsessing about trivial things. There are more important things in life than constantly crying out on facebook about who is your friend this day and who is your friend that day, and emailing me messages like this.

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things." DO THIS

Focus on bettering yourself and improving your life for yourself and for blake. Stop drawing other people into your personal relationship with Mike. Stop lying about things.

I've copied both your parents on this email; this way, when they want to know why I'm not around - they'll be able to see that it was your fault and not mine. As far as I'm concerned I'm still a part of the family - if you don't want to be my "sister" so to speak anymore, fine. But it doesn't mean I won't care about everybody else.
 
If my friend told me I was a drama queen, I wouldnt be friends with her anymore. You can do lots of things to convey tone in text and email and people need to learn how to do that so they dont lose friends. You are quoting the bible to her, do you realize that? Is this your real sister?
 
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she and I have been over this over and over again. She's really emotionally needy and has some serious problems. It's not like this is out of the blue...
It's hard to explain everything - but she's a total whackjob. Everybody knows it, her parents, my parents...
 
If my friend told me I was a drama queen, I wouldnt be friends with her anymore. You can do lots of things to convey tone in text and email and people need to learn how to do that so they dont lose friends. You are quoting the bible to her, do you realize that? Is this your real sister?

Yes, I know this - if you'll notice included in the email response was commentary about how she overreacts about emails and facebook communication, and that you can't rely on the tone or think you understand what they mean. So - yes I do know this, and she's the one that sent me the kiss off email... I was replying to her.

And she is the one that first said... "I know you think I'm being a drama queen"... and I said, well yes you are. When I say drama queen... she is a sever ehypochondriac and will put herself in the hospital for weeks at a time, doesn't admit she's a hypochondriac... She's been married twice already, she doesn't work, she is always crying out for attention, which ... after so many "wolf cries" ... it's deadening, nothing I have ever tried to do has helped her in any manner. She wanted me to sign for custody of her son last year - just give him to me. I've helped her get inpatient and outpatient psychotherapy help.


No, we are not sisters - rather "friends" since 1st grade or so, and in the past 10 yrs I have viewed the relationship more like family, as in - helping her and doing things for her and being there not because I like her or we have anything in common, but because it's like we're family.
 
It takes effort and time to maintain relationships.. people come and go in your life, take what you like from each experience..

only family are there for you and they'll screw u over everytime..

CC her parents?? dude, move on, life is too short..
 
Yes, I know this - if you'll notice included in the email response was commentary about how she overreacts about emails and facebook communication, and that you can't rely on the tone or think you understand what they mean. So - yes I do know this, and she's the one that sent me the kiss off email... I was replying to her.

And she is the one that first said... "I know you think I'm being a drama queen"... and I said, well yes you are. When I say drama queen... she is a sever ehypochondriac and will put herself in the hospital for weeks at a time, doesn't admit she's a hypochondriac... She's been married twice already, she doesn't work, she is always crying out for attention, which ... after so many "wolf cries" ... it's deadening, nothing I have ever tried to do has helped her in any manner. She wanted me to sign for custody of her son last year - just give him to me. I've helped her get inpatient and outpatient psychotherapy help.


No, we are not sisters - rather "friends" since 1st grade or so, and in the past 10 yrs I have viewed the relationship more like family, as in - helping her and doing things for her and being there not because I like her or we have anything in common, but because it's like we're family.

Yikes.
 
she and I have been over this over and over again. She's really emotionally needy and has some serious problems. It's not like this is out of the blue...
It's hard to explain everything - but she's a total whackjob. Everybody knows it, her parents, my parents...

If she's emotionally needy and a "total whackjob" (and you know it) then you have to expect this stuff.

The defriending won't last.
 
If she's emotionally needy and a "total whackjob" (and you know it) then you have to expect this stuff.

The defriending won't last.

I understand that, but she also needs somebody to stop sugarcoating things and tell her to get her shit together.

Incidently I was home at lunch and her dad caught me online on facebook (the chat), and he said "nice email"... I was like... "sorry"
and he said "don't be sorry, Julie and I salute you, and you're always a part of this family"

so..
 
It takes effort and time to maintain relationships.. people come and go in your life, take what you like from each experience..

only family are there for you and they'll screw u over everytime..

CC her parents?? dude, move on, life is too short..

i would physically assault over this
 
rachel is so hawt that nothing she does is wrong....However, that being said, perhaps some girl on girl actual might make your friend feel better.... We would need video evidence as well... :)
 
she and I have been over this over and over again. She's really emotionally needy and has some serious problems. It's not like this is out of the blue...
It's hard to explain everything - but she's a total whackjob. Everybody knows it, her parents, my parents...

Is she good looking? Post some pics. Really, that is all we care about.
 
rach, i have a friend just like this....

everything always has to be about her and its like she lives in her own little world. if you don't attend to her needs on time or listen to her, she gets very very angry. she always threatens to never talk to you again, or end the friendship, but usually she gets over it in a week or two.

the thing to do with this, is be a friend, but don't let her get in the way of what you do. if she goes batshit crazy, ignore her. otherwise she'll just drag you down to her levels.
 
I understand that, but she also needs somebody to stop sugarcoating things and tell her to get her shit together.

Incidently I was home at lunch and her dad caught me online on facebook (the chat), and he said "nice email"... I was like... "sorry"
and he said "don't be sorry, Julie and I salute you, and you're always a part of this family"

so..

It's too bad Velvett isn't around here anymore. Problem would'a probably already been solved.
 
This is why I dont have female friends.... I have ONE I've been friends with since seventh grade (13 years) I dont have her on facebook (she doesnt have one) and when I was in CR we only spoke once every month or so, however we both knew if we needed anything from each other we could always count on it, I dont get people who have to be all touchy feely and email and talk all the time....
 
This is why I dont have female friends.... I have ONE I've been friends with since seventh grade (13 years) I dont have her on facebook (she doesnt have one) and when I was in CR we only spoke once every month or so, however we both knew if we needed anything from each other we could always count on it, I dont get people who have to be all touchy feely and email and talk all the time....

female relationships between women are tricky. Not all women are in that cliche, but many are. Try having a really good friend send suggestive texts to your husband and then when you call her on it, she tells you that you are being too sensitive and that she was just playing around. Imagine how much that would hurt. Try being close to another woman after shit like that happens.

If a friend of mine is hurt by something I say or write or do, even if I think they are being a drama queen or sensitive, I apologize and understand I have to be careful them them. Its really easy, if you know someone takes your texts or emails the wrong way, just put a smiley at the end. It takes two seconds and can change the whole tone of the message :)

I happen to be one of those women who does not have to have contact every single freakin second - but I do get butthurt if you no show at a bday party if we have done nothing but text for 6 months. You gotta do SOMETHING or it just feels one sided.
 
seriously? You CCed her parents? I don't care what she did, that's a low fucking move. Jesus, not acceptable at all to me. The rest of the email I get, but that's just terrible on a completely unnecessary level.
 
seriously? You CCed her parents? I don't care what she did, that's a low fucking move. Jesus, not acceptable at all to me. The rest of the email I get, but that's just terrible on a completely unnecessary level.

Yeah!



you should have BCC'd her parents!

What were you thinking Rachel??!?!??!?!?!??!??!?!?!??!?!#E1321@#
 
srsly though. Involving her folks is straight up fucked imo. I don't care if you are "part of the family", it's still HER parents. Them agreeing only makes it more fucked up.
 
I don't even think what she said was all that bad. She doesn't want to be friends anymore, cool, you're off the hook. You say 'have a nice life' and stop talking to her. You don't forward a private message between two life long friends to her parents. You completely shit on any trust the two of you had. And seeing as you have been friends for so long, I'm guessing she knows a lot about you. I wouldn't be surprised if she airs out some of your dirty laundry now that she knows that trust is a one way street with you.
 
srsly though. Involving her folks is straight up fucked imo. I don't care if you are "part of the family", it's still HER parents. Them agreeing only makes it more fucked up.

I'd have been BALLS DEEP!!!!! in that crazy bish!

:D
 
female relationships between women are tricky. Not all women are in that cliche, but many are. Try having a really good friend send suggestive texts to your husband and then when you call her on it, she tells you that you are being too sensitive and that she was just playing around. Imagine how much that would hurt. Try being close to another woman after shit like that happens.

If a friend of mine is hurt by something I say or write or do, even if I think they are being a drama queen or sensitive, I apologize and understand I have to be careful them them. Its really easy, if you know someone takes your texts or emails the wrong way, just put a smiley at the end. It takes two seconds and can change the whole tone of the message :)

I happen to be one of those women who does not have to have contact every single freakin second - but I do get butthurt if you no show at a bday party if we have done nothing but text for 6 months. You gotta do SOMETHING or it just feels one sided.

Look at me! I'm on a pedestal! ;)

And I wanted to the tone to be exactly how it was. Ridiculously crazy and direct - shit I supported it with sources.
 
Look at me! I'm on a pedestal! ;)

And I wanted to the tone to be exactly how it was. Ridiculously crazy and direct - shit I supported it with sources.

lol @ me not being a total bitch to my friends as putting myself on a pedestal

lol I do have a friend who is super sensitive and I just dont say certain things to her. It does not piss me off to treat her different, she's just really sensitive to what people say. I still like her.
 
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rach gets worried from time to time that EF peeps might start respecting her somehow, but she takes care of
all that shit with an occasional thread like this.

oololololol
 
lol @ me not being a total bitch to my friends as putting myself on a pedestal

lol I do have a friend who is super sensitive and I just dont say certain things to her. It does not piss me off to treat her different, she's just really sensitive to what people say. I still like her.

I pretty much say what I say to just about everyone. People that are too sensitive don't stick around long.

Some people are offended easily...I easily offend.

Just comes natural.

:)
(smiley included)
 
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