Too many retarded responses on this thread to even begin with. Most of the male responses sound like they should be coming from women or Democrats; all emotion, no thought.
First, all major events in life are events that demand reflection, i.e. marriage, children, career, etc. Usually we take these ideas for granted and never consider them prior to stepping into them, at least not real contemplation. We only step back and evaluate them after a problem has occurred. If we are true, if we are only searching for truth and not mental masturbation or emotional placation, then we objectively assess all sides. A relationship takes two, as simplistic as this sounds, it is true. We can tell ourselves, "well I never cheated", or "I was always there", "or "I always told you I love you", etc., but the question remains, "What did I DO to demonstrate my feelings and commitments". You may have "been" there, but doing nothing produces nothing, you cannot remain neutral in a relationship and expect it to work.
Second, women are not men, and never the tween shall meet. We are not wired the same. Our actions are ours alone and gender is no excuse for actions, since they require conscious thought, but gender does affect the way one "looks" at situations. Words have little meaning unless there is action to demonstrate their convictions. This is a failing of men. We think that words are actions and women know it is not. Women desire the action of "value", the conscious expression of the emotion of "love", not the spoken idea. Thus the idea of romance. The idea that one thinks about another and wants to demonstrate his thoughts of her. Men, being too stupid, do not understand this concept, and do not realize that this concept is key to their happiness also. Doing "good" produces "good" emotions. We feed off of the emotions of others. If we make our spouse happy, we become happy. If our spouse is upset, we are upset.
Finally, Spectre "values" his wife and marriage, since he voices his desire not to see it fail. Even though there is a breach of trust, he still values the idea, the concept, of what his wife and marriage means to him. His wife has forgotten this idea, but she may be regretful and full of guilt. If so, then it will work. Guilt and regret are good, they are the emotions created when we let down our value system. We don't feel regret about things that we don't care about, only those that we value. Guilt and regret will last your whole life and act as a guide for future actions, they remind us what not to do, what makes us "feel" bad, what we don't like about ourselves.
You must understand the word "value" to determine your actions. Value denotes scarcity and loss. We value those things that we desire and is in limited quantity. As humans, we have a limited time on earth, so we don't want to live it in search of the "one true love", which is a fantasy, because there are thousands if not more people who we could easily "love". We fall in love with another when we find a person who meets our image of "self", a culmination of characteristics that we hold dear in our mind: beauty, morals, desires, passions, etc. When we meet a person, and we realize that this person reflects our inner self, the emotion of "love" develops, it is a direct result of our mind, the center of our value system. We love things that we value.
Spectre must take into consideration all the aspects of marriage that he values and those that he does not and determine if he should stay. Does he value his wife, is she a reflection of himself, does she hold the same values as he? Does he value the idea of being with her, even though he has no control over her actions? Is control more valuable than the happiness he derives from her and his marriage? She cannot hurt him anymore, he knows the situation, so nothing will shock him. You are not shocked by that which you know.
People make mistakes, big mistakes, but if they are truly regretful about their actions, then they deserve forgiveness, they don't deserve trust, which they must earn, but forgiveness to make good for their failings. Regret and restitution for a mistake is a major value that is limited in people, do not brush it to the side. Man values one who holds himself to his word and stands to judgement when he fails. Spectre should not give up before his wife has chance to make amends, it will let him decide if his wife truly is a reflection of his morals.
From what you have stated it is obvious that your wife is not a whore. A whore has no care for her actions, she could care less if one knows that she is a whore. One who hides their actions, although they personally deny it to themselves and make rationalizations and excuses for their actions, knows deep inside that what they are doing is wrong. Actions tell the story, not the words. She is also the mother of your children, which I hope has the utmost importance to you. You decided that this woman was to be your companion in life until death, even in hard times. Now are the hard times, your wife has failed in the test of commitment, now test yourself as well.
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