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I feel sorry for my kids.......
- Thread starter wootoom
- Start date
all the whey
New member
Just keep being a good dad.
Hopefully she will to.
It's not like they will be the only kids in school who has divorced parents.
Hopefully she will to.
It's not like they will be the only kids in school who has divorced parents.
digimon7068
New member
My heart goes out to you. . .I really have nothing else to offer. . .I can't even imagine. . .
I suppose you gotta be strong for the kids though. . .if they see dad falling apart, that could certainly leave a lasting impression. . .they need to feel safe and secure. . .you gotta make sure that happens. . .
I suppose you gotta be strong for the kids though. . .if they see dad falling apart, that could certainly leave a lasting impression. . .they need to feel safe and secure. . .you gotta make sure that happens. . .
needtogetaas
New member
They have a good dad bro. Thats all they need.
Bikini Mod
New member
My heart breaks for my girls every single day, as it has from the night I picked my head up off the ground.
Find a way to move forward.
It will help you AND your boys.
Find a way to move forward.
It will help you AND your boys.
Bikini Mod
New member
Paul_Allen said:
Believe me, I know... but once you figure it out, you will be fuckin awesome.
Just remember no matter how much you hate your future X, she is your children's mother and YOUR SONS need her.
Don't speak ill of her... (I know you most likely want to punch her in the head and MAYBE she wants to do the same to you.)
Love your sons and find yourself. Bite your tongue when it comes to your soon2B ex.
Please believe me on this one.... PM me if you want and I will get into greater detail. THAT IS REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT.
Money ain't shit.
Your boys growing into strong, healthy productive LOVING men... now THAT IS WORTH SOMETHING.
K
Kano
Guest
just keep being a great dad woot... Ill say a prayer for you
Bro, just think of all the little boys and girls out there with no dads or moms. Your boys are lucky they have a dad who loves them to death. They are rich. They will soon realise this, as they have a lot more than many kids with no parents at all.
Paul_Allen said:
Even your yakht and viper?
K
Kano
Guest
dude has a yaht.. holy
anyway keep your head up .. the sun always comes up .. it does not stay dark 4 ever
anyway keep your head up .. the sun always comes up .. it does not stay dark 4 ever
Paul_Allen said:
Just tryin to cheer you up buddy!
My offer still stands...if you need someone to talk to, there are a lot of good bros here in Canada, probably close to you...including me.
If layinbak can meet Spart, we can meet the wootom!
layinback
New member
wooty,
i have 4 boys. i have custody of my 16 & 17 yr olds
from my first marriage. i was about your age when
we split up. ( 27 ) it was rough......i felt like dying.
i cried everyday and i could barely work.
the boys were one and two and of course they didn't
know what was going on. she took the kids and refused
me visitation for 2 months. i am reliving the pain as i
write about it. man, fuck it hurt. i had lost my whole
family.
2 years later, i got custody of phillip and mike.
i was the happiest person in the world.
bro, you will survive. you love your kids and
they love you. there is nobody or nothing that
can take that from you. this shit will work its
self out. you will meet someone else. time
really does heal all wounds. it seems eternal
when you're in it.......but it will pass. you got
to let go of the resentment. resentment will
hurt YOU!!! use your energy to focus on the
kids. do not give daisy or that kakdiesel fucker
your emotional power. what goes around comes
around.........count on it. they will get theirs.
i have 4 boys. i have custody of my 16 & 17 yr olds
from my first marriage. i was about your age when
we split up. ( 27 ) it was rough......i felt like dying.
i cried everyday and i could barely work.
the boys were one and two and of course they didn't
know what was going on. she took the kids and refused
me visitation for 2 months. i am reliving the pain as i
write about it. man, fuck it hurt. i had lost my whole
family.
2 years later, i got custody of phillip and mike.
i was the happiest person in the world.
bro, you will survive. you love your kids and
they love you. there is nobody or nothing that
can take that from you. this shit will work its
self out. you will meet someone else. time
really does heal all wounds. it seems eternal
when you're in it.......but it will pass. you got
to let go of the resentment. resentment will
hurt YOU!!! use your energy to focus on the
kids. do not give daisy or that kakdiesel fucker
your emotional power. what goes around comes
around.........count on it. they will get theirs.
the_alcatraz said:
it's not all it's cracked up to be! trust me!
haha, I'm just kidding.
Woot, you're definately one of the most real people, I've known period. you're an awesome guy and you totally completely love your sons above everything else. you're an awesome dad. Things are going to work out for you bro, have faith. your passion and love for your children are what they will remember forever, you're thier hero man. LB is right no one can take away the bond you and your sons have and will always have and continue to grow and flourish.
This is all I can really give you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfH9i-C9ico
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InJoCXzzS-k
Shit will get better bro, keep being strong man you'll make it through.
S
silverstar1025
Guest
Hang in there! You seem to be a really great person and a great dad. Just be there for them and your kids will see that. I know it must be hard. I could not imagine being away from mine. Enjoy every minute you have with them!
vixensghost
New member
Paul_Allen said:
You have to cherish every moment you have with the boys and put all other feelings aside.
Have you thought about joint custody? You'll be able to spend more time with them. I'd make that my main goal....
I'm still hoping that she comes to her senses....
mrplunkey
New member
First and foremost, you really seem to be a concerned, compassionate, loving, engaged dad. Congratulations to you and remember... that alone gets you 90% there. Yup, 90% -- so don't sweat it.
Other things to keep in mind:
1) Kids bounce great when they are young (i.e. less than 10) or older (i.e. more than 18). You'd be suprised how well they adapt to a 2-home situation.
2) Never badmouth the ex to them or near them -- and I mean even something very mild. It makes the child think they have to choose between parents and they feel trapped between you guys.
3) Always stay positive near them. This is going to be hard for you during the lowest days of a divorce. When you get them, put-on a happy face and go do something positive. Even on your low days, plan-out a schedule of things they'll enjoy and stick to it. And don't forget the value of renting their favorate DVD and just flopping on the couch together and watching it. Oh, and don't be off doing dishes or paperwork -- get on that couch and crash right there with them.
4) Remember that long-term, your children may be better off. In most cases, the notion of "staying together for the children" is complete bullshit. Children need to see parents that love each other in order to learn how to manage their own relationships when they are older. Dad and mom (even if its step-mom) need to casually kiss in front of them. Dad needs to grab mom and say "I love you" in front of them a lot. As much as this divorce sucks right now, you will find another woman you love -- and your children will watch you two interact and learn from it.
5) Men during divorce also worry about their ex wife remarrying and the new husband usurping their role as father and dad to the children. Guess what? Even with mild interaction with the children, that will never, ever, ever happen. As engaged as you seem to be, you being usurped is completely impossible. Now a word of warning here: (and no, I don't ever think you'd do this) ... don't bail-out on them, even for a few weeks. It is important that you are there for them but again, I see you being all-over your kids.
6) And on a final note: This may be a blessing in disguise. A working dad often falls-back on mom to do a lot of the "little things" with the children. Things like helping them get ready in the mornings, getting them fed, taking them to day care, reading to them before bed, etc. etc. Now that you will get the children on your time -- on your exclusive time, it will force those things to be done by you as well. It will bring you much closer to your children and you'll be suprised at how much you'll enjoy it.
I know it sucks, but you're going to be shocked at how much better your relationship with your children will be when this is all over.
Good luck! -- but as conscienceous as you are, I don't think luck will have anything to do with it.
Other things to keep in mind:
1) Kids bounce great when they are young (i.e. less than 10) or older (i.e. more than 18). You'd be suprised how well they adapt to a 2-home situation.
2) Never badmouth the ex to them or near them -- and I mean even something very mild. It makes the child think they have to choose between parents and they feel trapped between you guys.
3) Always stay positive near them. This is going to be hard for you during the lowest days of a divorce. When you get them, put-on a happy face and go do something positive. Even on your low days, plan-out a schedule of things they'll enjoy and stick to it. And don't forget the value of renting their favorate DVD and just flopping on the couch together and watching it. Oh, and don't be off doing dishes or paperwork -- get on that couch and crash right there with them.
4) Remember that long-term, your children may be better off. In most cases, the notion of "staying together for the children" is complete bullshit. Children need to see parents that love each other in order to learn how to manage their own relationships when they are older. Dad and mom (even if its step-mom) need to casually kiss in front of them. Dad needs to grab mom and say "I love you" in front of them a lot. As much as this divorce sucks right now, you will find another woman you love -- and your children will watch you two interact and learn from it.
5) Men during divorce also worry about their ex wife remarrying and the new husband usurping their role as father and dad to the children. Guess what? Even with mild interaction with the children, that will never, ever, ever happen. As engaged as you seem to be, you being usurped is completely impossible. Now a word of warning here: (and no, I don't ever think you'd do this) ... don't bail-out on them, even for a few weeks. It is important that you are there for them but again, I see you being all-over your kids.
6) And on a final note: This may be a blessing in disguise. A working dad often falls-back on mom to do a lot of the "little things" with the children. Things like helping them get ready in the mornings, getting them fed, taking them to day care, reading to them before bed, etc. etc. Now that you will get the children on your time -- on your exclusive time, it will force those things to be done by you as well. It will bring you much closer to your children and you'll be suprised at how much you'll enjoy it.
I know it sucks, but you're going to be shocked at how much better your relationship with your children will be when this is all over.
Good luck! -- but as conscienceous as you are, I don't think luck will have anything to do with it.
K
Kano
Guest
Its true// What doesnt kill us makes us stronger....
dps1822 said:I've gone through that. It sucks. There are no words to describe the hurt. But the key thing is Happy Dad = Happy Kids! Good Luck!!!
Agreed. Happy dad = happy kidz
yourmomgoestocollege
Banned
mrplunkey said:
These are all great points. I just went through this for 7 months. I can tell you we were able to work our problems out because there was infidelity, but that initial time when she moved out was a disaster. I told myself I would not let my kids see my upset or even give the appearance that anything was wrong. Kids are extremely perceptive at any age and will spot any little thing you do and question it. TRUST ME, don't make her poor choices impact your ability to be a good person and father.
Hate to say this to you because you seem like a great guy, but fuck, man up! I know its early, but just do it. MAN UP and you will feel 10 times better. Each day gets easier and easier. Keep your head up! PM me if you need any advice!
Jay
mrplunkey
New member
Paul_Allen said:
I don't think anyone believes you'd blatantly badmouth her. Its the subtle stuff that's difficult to manage. When they ask why the divorce is happening, it takes discipline to say something like: "Both of us still love you and when it comes to raising you, we are and will always be there for you. But we won't live in the same house anymore" -- and leave it at that. I explained our divorce by saying there are things parents do together to raise a kid and there are things parents do together like a boyfriend/girlfriend pair would do. We're still there when it comes to raising you, but we don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship anymore.
vixensghost
New member
Paul_Allen said:
You are a class act along with being a smart man, PA.
BBR100
New member
Paul_Allen said:
That's really important Woot and not always easy to control when you're feeling all these emotions. It will get better but will take time.
This is between you and Daisy. Fighting in front of the kids will lead them to believe the breakup was their fault.
Take care of yourself and just make sure they feel safe and secure and you both love them. That will never change!
.
Wow man, well one thing I can say is that you are a stand up guy. Caring about your sons and stuff like that instead of saying well shit I will just get them on the weekends and leave them with a sitter while I hit up the bars..yeah my parents separated when I was 4 and it was hard. Real messy and they (my mom mostly) loved making my dad out to be the bad guy so until I was about 20 I fucked hated him.
They are still quite young woot, just stand by their sides and always always let them know that you love them and all will be good.
They are still quite young woot, just stand by their sides and always always let them know that you love them and all will be good.
txbondsman
New member
Woot,
You keep the kids best interest in mind for all your decisions, things will eventually work out. There's a lot of good info here, you have many friends who genuinely care for you and your kids. There is not one answer for everyone, take what you can from all the information, use what will work for you, discard the rest.
Stability and normalcy are the two things that I would suggest that you try and keep at all cost. Try and keep their routines as much like what they are used to as you can...
You keep the kids best interest in mind for all your decisions, things will eventually work out. There's a lot of good info here, you have many friends who genuinely care for you and your kids. There is not one answer for everyone, take what you can from all the information, use what will work for you, discard the rest.
Stability and normalcy are the two things that I would suggest that you try and keep at all cost. Try and keep their routines as much like what they are used to as you can...
root cause
Bikini Mod
New member
Paul_Allen said:
Remember that when you are angriest and most hurt and when lawyers/friends try and feed your hurt by strongly suggesting you fuck with custody. Your sons are young and splitting custody is NOT a good thing. The boys are too young, to expect them to be shuffled back and forth to feed YOUR NEEDS is wrong. Pure and simple (not saying that you are considering that, just voicing my opinion). They are CHILDREN, NOT DOGGIES or personal possessions to "be split".
It will be TWO YEARS soon that I have seen or talked to my oldest. And 18 months since I have seen or touched any of my younger three... several months since I have had nearly all contact cut off with them and weeks since I have been able to have ANY CONTACT.
You can't begin to know what that feels like and I hope you NEVER DO.
There are no words to describe the pain.
If I managed to live all this time and actually excel, not just survive, then you can surely find a way to keep yourself together and move forward with YOUR LIFE separate from your ex but still being a very strong force and a daddy to your boys. As time passes and wounds heal you both will find a way to co-parent peacefully.
Please don't EVER use your kids to hurt their mother. It just isn't fair to the kids. (And this advice would be the same were I talking to a woman.)
Children deserve to grow up in the knowledge that they are loved very deeply by BOTH parents - deeply enough that they will never be used to hurt that other parent.
Last edited:
dawookie
New member
ive been on elite forever.. mostly lurking.. but now more than ever Im seeing that Im going through similar stuff other than cycles(uhh, bicycles of course)...
In my situation we arent married.. we were engaged but she threw the ring back a dozen times and I finally kept it and put it in safe keeping so im not stupid enough to give it back. we have a 8 month old princess.. Both hers and my family tell me to end it, but I cant figure out how, shes got nothing but stripping as a career choice, no documented income, no drivers license, drug problems, and bipolar refusing medicine to boot. What was once a monthly freakout is now a daily freakout.
I dont doubt the courts will grant me full custody but I cant get past the point where she leaves and we move on. All I get is packing and yelling and that followed by crying and apologizing.. I cant put her on the street or let her go live with another crazy stripper chick (or some dumbass customer from the club [although that could be the easiest end])..
All I bank on right now is being the best dad I can, and try to get my daughters mom on her feet so she can take care of herself and our daughter (when she sees her).
Woot, keep being a great dad and show strength to your kids. they see it regardless of their age. you're lucky enough that Dazey actually left and you can move forward. That beats being stuck in a situation where she wont leave and makes sure to ruin every aspect of your life while shes around.
If u need someone to vent to, hit me up. that goes for anyone else too, thats what this place is aboot, doncha know ay. (trying to put the message in canadian for the borly)
-Dawookie
In my situation we arent married.. we were engaged but she threw the ring back a dozen times and I finally kept it and put it in safe keeping so im not stupid enough to give it back. we have a 8 month old princess.. Both hers and my family tell me to end it, but I cant figure out how, shes got nothing but stripping as a career choice, no documented income, no drivers license, drug problems, and bipolar refusing medicine to boot. What was once a monthly freakout is now a daily freakout.
I dont doubt the courts will grant me full custody but I cant get past the point where she leaves and we move on. All I get is packing and yelling and that followed by crying and apologizing.. I cant put her on the street or let her go live with another crazy stripper chick (or some dumbass customer from the club [although that could be the easiest end])..
All I bank on right now is being the best dad I can, and try to get my daughters mom on her feet so she can take care of herself and our daughter (when she sees her).
Woot, keep being a great dad and show strength to your kids. they see it regardless of their age. you're lucky enough that Dazey actually left and you can move forward. That beats being stuck in a situation where she wont leave and makes sure to ruin every aspect of your life while shes around.
If u need someone to vent to, hit me up. that goes for anyone else too, thats what this place is aboot, doncha know ay. (trying to put the message in canadian for the borly)
-Dawookie
You should post more wookie
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