we are always attracting people to validate what we already believe about ourselves. "victims" need "big bad wolves" and big bad wolves need victims. lots of ppl look around at the life they CREATED and blame everyone else. yes these people grew up in some kind of dysfunction and they are recreating a semblance of their childhood. it is not always so overt. listen for the spouse bashing an abusive ex. dead give away. this person attracted that abusive spouse. dig a little deeper and you will see the cracks in the "victim". these ppl need each other. the insanity lies in their lack of perspective and inability to change."oh you dont understand, i had nothing to do with this. i had no idea he was abusive" is a commonplace statement with these types. indeed they didnt know anything at a conscious level because ALL of this is happening subconsciously. this will be offensive to some folks but it is true.