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How many chances do you give a man

quoting my father:


(a man will) "never complain, never explain....u do what u gotta do".
 
what in the hell is this all about??
 
covergrl80 said:
to step up to the plate to be a Father.

When do you stand your ground and say no more chances.
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for the sake of your child, you don't.

IMO, of course.
 
vixensghost said:
IF he needs to be asked, YOU have your answer. A real dad WOULD just do it!

Sorry, if you are living this.
Click to expand...

This is the thing. He has been in an out of jail his whole life. When he has been out he has broken so many promises it makes my stomach turn. I just found out that he will be out in 5 MONTHS!! The last time he was out , about a year ago, I set the rules and told him he had 365 days to to prove himself and then I would "think" about letting him in her life. Two months later he was right back in jail. I say enough is enough.

I have full custody so he has to go through me. I have never asked for child support nor do I want it. I understand that every child needs a father but not one like him.

He has not written to her since he was lock up this past time, but has in the past. I will not read the letters to her because it's all pretty much bullshit. I do however keep every letter with intentions of giving them to her when she can understand.
 
Why is he in Jail? The same things each time in jail?
 
covergrl80 said:
This is the thing. He has been in an out of jail his whole life. When he has been out he has broken so many promises it makes my stomach turn. I just found out that he will be out in 5 MONTHS!! The last time he was out , about a year ago, I set the rules and told him he had 365 days to to prove himself and then I would "think" about letting him in her life. Two months later he was right back in jail. I say enough is enough.

I have full custody so he has to go through me. I have never asked for child support nor do I want it. I understand that every child needs a father but not one like him.

He has not written to her since he was lock up this past time, but has in the past. I will not read the letters to her because it's all pretty much bullshit. I do however keep every letter with intentions of giving them to her when she can understand.
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Shoot him,put him out of his misery
 
covergrl80 said:
Yeah pretty much. Drug charges and weapons charges and VOP
Click to expand...

What is VOP?
 
You just gave swole one fucking hell of a heart check. I bet he was already covering his tracks 5 minutes after this shit was posted.
 
covergrl80 said:
This is the thing. He has been in an out of jail his whole life. When he has been out he has broken so many promises it makes my stomach turn. I just found out that he will be out in 5 MONTHS!! The last time he was out , about a year ago, I set the rules and told him he had 365 days to to prove himself and then I would "think" about letting him in her life. Two months later he was right back in jail. I say enough is enough.

I have full custody so he has to go through me. I have never asked for child support nor do I want it. I understand that every child needs a father but not one like him.

He has not written to her since he was lock up this past time, but has in the past. I will not read the letters to her because it's all pretty much bullshit. I do however keep every letter with intentions of giving them to her when she can understand.
Click to expand...


You'd find a better father in the BIG BROTHER program! Christ, he has some serious issues.

I often wonder what it takes for people , like him, to wise up in life. I mean, how much more can you screw up your life and NOT get it? Damn, I guess he's a slow learner.

You can't change him, CG. Don't waste your time. You can only love your child more and be the better example.
 
Jesus..... at some point, and I think you've past it. Having him in her life at this point is destructive.

I'd say he's out. Now if he comes back after being a functioning member of society after a few years then maybe, but now isn't the time to let him back in even a little just to 'see how it goes'.
 
VOP, violation of probation/ parole, if he's already been in the pen ....
MTR, motion to revoke, same thing different name
 
jh1 said:
Jesus..... at some point, and I think you've past it. Having him in her life at this point is destructive.

I'd say he's out. Now if he comes back after being a functioning member of society after a few years then maybe, but now isn't the time to let him back in even a little just to 'see how it goes'.
Click to expand...

I thought I would try to make things work when he was out a few years ago and that back fired in my face big time. He was abusive there for a while until I was fed up. Things got pretty nasty. The thing that breaks my heart is that my little girl saw everything he had ever done to me at that time. At this point she wants nothing to do with him. But if he ever takes me to court he will be able to see her :worried:
 
covergrl80 said:
I thought I would try to make things work when he was out a few years ago and that back fired in my face big time. He was abusive there for a while until I was fed up. Things got pretty nasty. The thing that breaks my heart is that my little girl saw everything he had ever done to me at that time. At this point she wants nothing to do with him. But if he ever takes me to court he will be able to see her :worried:
Click to expand...

And pays child support, AND jumps through all the hoops set up by the court AND AND AND, they seldom ever make it for that long....
bad part is, he does see her a few times and then is gone again, sad.
 
SublimeZM said:
maybe if i commit a bunch of crimes i can get laid
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LOL

I was going to recommend that to healother the next time he says he can't get girls.
 
covergrl80 said:
I thought I would try to make things work when he was out a few years ago and that back fired in my face big time. He was abusive there for a while until I was fed up. Things got pretty nasty. The thing that breaks my heart is that my little girl saw everything he had ever done to me at that time. At this point she wants nothing to do with him. But if he ever takes me to court he will be able to see her :worried:
Click to expand...



Then move on with your daughters life. Just like a woman has to make decisions to move on with her own life when it comes to relationships with posionous people, a child has to have her guardian do that for them since they aren't capable of doing so themselves.

I don't agree with people that say they should have a dad at any cost. Some people are poisonous and if they aren't suitable to themselves, society, other adults they fucking sure as shit ain't suitable to be around children.

Maybe she'll find a dad in someone else one day. Maybe one day he really will clean his shit up and he can be a Dad obviously not anytime soon. I think at this point with her age she's going to have to make that decision for herself when she's 18. That's the way I'd look at it. Sad but true, sometimes the truth sucks.

You know what to do.
 
covergrl80 said:
This is the thing. He has been in an out of jail his whole life. When he has been out he has broken so many promises it makes my stomach turn. I just found out that he will be out in 5 MONTHS!! The last time he was out , about a year ago, I set the rules and told him he had 365 days to to prove himself and then I would "think" about letting him in her life. Two months later he was right back in jail. I say enough is enough.

I have full custody so he has to go through me. I have never asked for child support nor do I want it. I understand that every child needs a father but not one like him.

He has not written to her since he was lock up this past time, but has in the past. I will not read the letters to her because it's all pretty much bullshit. I do however keep every letter with intentions of giving them to her when she can understand.
Click to expand...

You let him in to her life know and it will be nothing but fucking drama ass bullshit...and it will be your fault
 
caligirl said:
if hes abusive in ANY way, asap...

if he's not, never.
Click to expand...


yes. that's more comprehensive than what I said.
unless he is harming your child, don't lock him out of his/her life.

your child will only resent you for it.
 
stilleto said:
yes. that's more comprehensive than what I said.
unless he is harming your child, don't lock him out of his/her life.

your child will only resent you for it.
Click to expand...

i have to deal with this issue everyday.
 
covergrl80 said:
This is the thing. He has been in an out of jail his whole life. When he has been out he has broken so many promises it makes my stomach turn. I just found out that he will be out in 5 MONTHS!! The last time he was out , about a year ago, I set the rules and told him he had 365 days to to prove himself and then I would "think" about letting him in her life. Two months later he was right back in jail. I say enough is enough.

I have full custody so he has to go through me. I have never asked for child support nor do I want it. I understand that every child needs a father but not one like him.

He has not written to her since he was lock up this past time, but has in the past. I will not read the letters to her because it's all pretty much bullshit. I do however keep every letter with intentions of giving them to her when she can understand.
Click to expand...
prob is your doing the wrong thing...he is her father and its not your chose even though you think it is...your using your child as a weapon and in my eyes you lost a lot of respect..

he may be a asshole in your eyes he may be a lot of things but thats up to her to grow up and figure out...she will hate you for this mark my words.
 
needtogetaas said:
prob is your doing the wrong thing...he is her father and its not your chose even though you think it is...your using your child as a weapon and in my eyes you lost a lot of respect..

he may be a asshole in your eyes he may be a lot of things but thats up to her to grow up and figure out...she will hate you for this mark my words.
Click to expand...

She will probably end up stealing skateboard wheels from her moms next man.
 
stilleto said:
yes. that's more comprehensive than what I said.
unless he is harming your child, don't lock him out of his/her life.

your child will only resent you for it.
Click to expand...
some very respectable women in this thread....smart to...save for the thread starter she needs to be schooled.
 
bw1 said:
You let him in to her life know and it will be nothing but fucking drama ass bullshit...and it will be your fault
Click to expand...
dont matter...you cant keep a child from there father no matter what you think of him...
 
needtogetaas said:
dont matter...you cant keep a child from there father no matter what you think of him...
Click to expand...

True.

Needto knows the pain of keeping family away and family secrets.




2a9ocpk-2.jpg
 
all the whey said:
True.

Needto knows the pain of keeping family away and family secrets.




2a9ocpk-2.jpg
Click to expand...
I was so young a suppressed it all till you started shoving the pics in my face.
god I looked like a girl when I was young.
 
covergrl80 said:
to step up to the plate to be a Father.

When do you stand your ground and say no more chances.
Click to expand...


don't procreate with guys like that. there's more to men then looks and money. but women don't care til they're soccer moms. so it's their own fault. yawn.

r
 
covergrl80 said:
I thought I would try to make things work when he was out a few years ago and that back fired in my face big time. He was abusive there for a while until I was fed up. Things got pretty nasty. The thing that breaks my heart is that my little girl saw everything he had ever done to me at that time. At this point she wants nothing to do with him. But if he ever takes me to court he will be able to see her :worried:
Click to expand...

Did everyone on elite read that last part?!?!

HELLO!!! WAKE UP PEOPLE...

Shocking, you say?


NOT EVEN... The law gives scumbags like this guy THE SAME RIGHTS that decent upstanding NORMAL fathers have.

Why do ya'll think that is?

CG - I know you tried to have this asshole sign away his parental rights before. If I were you, I would beg, borrow, lie, cheat, steal - WHATEVER IT TOOK to get him to sign those papers.

NEVER EVER EVER let that motherfucker near YOUR CHILD.

He gave up his sperm, that doesn't make him a father.

Scum like that NEVER change. Take it from someone whose scumbag ex is on THIS side of the bars... they never change.

Go on with YOUR LIFE being the excellent mom you are to your baby. Expect EVERYTHING from any man you let into your life. Once he has proven himself worthy of your goodness then he may be worthy enough to be in your baby's life.

Trust me when I tell you that there are excellent men out there who are NOTHING like your ex, who will love you like no other and love your baby like that child were his... even moreso because they step up and assume the responsibility not because they HAVE TO... BUT BECAUSE THEY WANT TO.

^^^REAL MAN like that are not common, but then again, neither are women like you! :heart:
 
needtogetaas said:
dont matter...you cant keep a child from there father no matter what you think of him...
Click to expand...

See now, I agree with that statement. But *the man* in question is no FATHER.

It isn't that she *thinks* he is an abusive piece of shit.

IT IS PRETTY MUCH A FACT.... no?

I am begging her not to make the same mistakes I did.

This PIECE OF SHIT used up all of his mulligans the last time he was out and abused her IN FRONT OF THEIR CHILD, then upstanding member of society he is, he landed his ass right back in prison.

Her child is a gift.

Tell me that loser piece of shit is capable of understand the magnitude of that statement.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
Did everyone on elite read that last part?!?!

HELLO!!! WAKE UP PEOPLE...

Shocking, you say?


NOT EVEN... The law gives scumbags like this guy THE SAME RIGHTS that decent upstanding NORMAL fathers have.

Why do ya'll think that is?

CG - I know you tried to have this asshole sign away his parental rights before. If I were you, I would beg, borrow, lie, cheat, steal - WHATEVER IT TOOK to get him to sign those papers.

NEVER EVER EVER let that motherfucker near YOUR CHILD.

He gave up his sperm, that doesn't make him a father.

Scum like that NEVER change. Take it from someone whose scumbag ex is on THIS side of the bars... they never change.

Go on with YOUR LIFE being the excellent mom you are to your baby. Expect EVERYTHING from any man you let into your life. Once he has proven himself worthy of your goodness then he may be worthy enough to be in your baby's life.

Trust me when I tell you that there are excellent men out there who are NOTHING like your ex, who will love you like no other and love your baby like that child were his... even moreso because they step up and assume the responsibility not because they HAVE TO... BUT BECAUSE THEY WANT TO.

^^^REAL MAN like that are not common, but then again, neither are women like you! :heart:
Click to expand...

I am thinking he will get locked up again and that will be my only hope.

I know there are some great guys out there,but finding a real good one is the challenge. I have said in the past that I would let another man in my life when my Daughter is 16-17. Let me raise MY daughter and then I will live my life. Not saying that is how it is going to happen but this sounds sooo good. This way I am not getting hurt or my Daughter. Now, Mr. right could sweep me off my feet in a few hours......lol
 
covergrl80 said:
I am thinking he will get locked up again and that will be my only hope.

I know there are some great guys out there,but finding a real good one is the challenge. I have said in the past that I would let another man in my life when my Daughter is 16-17. Let me raise MY daughter and then I will live my life. Not saying that is how it is going to happen but this sounds sooo good. This way I am not getting hurt or my Daughter. Now, Mr. right could sweep me off my feet in a few hours......lol
Click to expand...

I know that feeling, unfortunately mine wised up... not enough to rejoin the human race, mind you. But just enough to beat and USE the system.

And I hear you on wanting to raise your daughter alone, then live YOUR LIFE, but I also want you to realize that it isn't fair to your daughter to deprive her of a father. I dated out the wazoo but NO ONE came near my world. That's how I coped I suppose. But it isn't natural or normal for an adult to go through life without a companion. You seem like SUCH a bright, good-hearted, loyal, strong woman. I know you feel you are protecting your child but you are doing her a disservice. Not saying to let the first guy who *seems* great should have the honor of being in your child's life, but it also isn't healthy to keep ALL guys away. There has to be a balance.

Take your time and use your head, that doesn't mean though, to keep your heart from everyone...

It isn't fair to you and it isn't fair to your daughter.

I know you protect her more than you do your own life, but think about how much BETTER BOTH of your lives will be IF and WHEN a good guy comes along?

Not telling you what to do because you are a woman fully grown, just advising you to keep your options open.
 
Um yeah, bullshit.

You can have someone's parental rights completely terminated. Physical is easy, legal is has tougher standards.

But if someone isn't suitable and you can demonstrate that to a court....


Whateva...
 
jh1 said:
Um yeah, bullshit.

You can have someone's parental rights completely terminated. Physical is easy, legal is has tougher standards.

But if someone isn't suitable and you can demonstrate that to a court....


Whateva...
Click to expand...


The dude has been in and out of jail. How much more proof does she need?

Did you read the post she made about how she got him *this close* to voluntarily signing his rights away and if I remember correctly SOCIAL SERVICES put a monkey wrench in the shit.

It ain't as easy as people think it is to keep an abusive piece of shit out of the life of a child.

Did you know that even when a woman has a Final Order of Protection (like I did against my ex) that the family court system in the state of NJ will STILL FORCE a woman to share custody with her abuser?

I suppose that I am making that up too.

whatevah
 
BIKINIMOM said:
The dude has been in and out of jail. How much more proof does she need?

Did you read the post she made about how she got him *this close* to voluntarily signing his rights away and if I remember correctly SOCIAL SERVICES put a monkey wrench in the shit.

It ain't as easy as people think it is to keep an abusive piece of shit out of the life of a child.

Did you know that even when a woman has a Final Order of Protection (like I did against my ex) that the family court system in the state of NJ will STILL FORCE a woman to share custody with her abuser?

I suppose that I am making that up too.

whatevah
Click to expand...



I didn't say it was easy, retard, I said it is possible.


You're exmple of NJ is amazingly bias. So they only do that to poor 'women'?

Please.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
I know that feeling, unfortunately mine wised up... not enough to rejoin the human race, mind you. But just enough to beat and USE the system.

And I hear you on wanting to raise your daughter alone, then live YOUR LIFE, but I also want you to realize that it isn't fair to your daughter to deprive her of a father. I dated out the wazoo but NO ONE came near my world. That's how I coped I suppose. But it isn't natural or normal for an adult to go through life without a companion. You seem like SUCH a bright, good-hearted, loyal, strong woman. I know you feel you are protecting your child but you are doing her a disservice. Not saying to let the first guy who *seems* great should have the honor of being in your child's life, but it also isn't healthy to keep ALL guys away. There has to be a balance.

Take your time and use your head, that doesn't mean though, to keep your heart from everyone...

It isn't fair to you and it isn't fair to your daughter.

I know you protect her more than you do your own life, but think about how much BETTER BOTH of your lives will be IF and WHEN a good guy comes along?

Not telling you what to do because you are a woman fully grown, just advising you to keep your options open.
Click to expand...

I called it the last time. I said 3 months and I was off by 1. This time I give him 9 months to a year. Lets see if he blows it.

About companionship.....I would love to have it, it's just hard to juggle the two. Take for instance the last relationship I was in. We lived together for 18 months. He was a big part in my Daughters life was there for everything, he was WONDERFUL with her. He loved her and she loved him. We split and he never called her or spoke about her when he called me. Talk about a heart broken little girl. Those are the thing I am trying to avoid! She has my Dad and my brother and a few other men in her life, ones that will never walk out on her.
 
covergrl80 said:
I called it the last time. I said 3 months and I was off by 1. This time I give him 9 months to a year. Lets see if he blows it.

About companionship.....I would love to have it, it's just hard to juggle the two. Take for instance the last relationship I was in. We lived together for 18 months. He was a big part in my Daughters life was there for everything, he was WONDERFUL with her. He loved her and she loved him. We split and he never called her or spoke about her when he called me. Talk about a heart broken little girl. Those are the thing I am trying to avoid! She has my Dad and my brother and a few other men in her life, ones that will never walk out on her.
Click to expand...

then.....Next Time....
 
bw1 said:
then.....Next Time....
Click to expand...

Yeah I sure he will be back in after that as well. I hope you don't think I took him back all those times. I was just calling it!!! I have not been with that man in 5 years.
 
jh1 said:
Then move on with your daughters life. Just like a woman has to make decisions to move on with her own life when it comes to relationships with posionous people, a child has to have her guardian do that for them since they aren't capable of doing so themselves.

I don't agree with people that say they should have a dad at any cost. Some people are poisonous and if they aren't suitable to themselves, society, other adults they fucking sure as shit ain't suitable to be around children.

Maybe she'll find a dad in someone else one day. Maybe one day he really will clean his shit up and he can be a Dad obviously not anytime soon. I think at this point with her age she's going to have to make that decision for herself when she's 18. That's the way I'd look at it. Sad but true, sometimes the truth sucks.

You know what to do.
Click to expand...
Well said.
 
jh1 said:
I didn't say it was easy, retard, I said it is possible.


You're exmple of NJ is amazingly bias. So they only do that to poor 'women'?

Please.
Click to expand...

Do you think that your arguement gains strength or is diminished when you name-call like a grade-schooler?

You gave quite good advice that I agree with, Velvett quoted it.

Your hate will consume and destroy you AND your little girl if you don't find a better way to deal with it.

Please... everyone on this thread is trying to HELP CG.

Don't make this about you. M'kay?

And THE FACTS that I posted about NJ Family courts are not MY BIAS. They are the bias of THE COURTS. Accept it and move on.

CG - you're a smart woman and a good mother. You will know what is right for you and your daughter when that time comes. :) My AMAZINGLY LOVING husband and I are going out for the day... GOOD MEN who are not filled with hatred and bitterness or the need to degrade women REGARDLESS of how they were treated are out there. If I found one with the unbelievably fucked up ex that I have, then you will find one too! :heart:
 
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