F*&^!!!

[heatherrae]

My parents are trying to set me up by inviting this moron friend of theirs over here and are asking me to come out and talk to him. He is the same age as me and recently got a divorce. He is very unattractive, about 80lbs overweight, talks like a hick about hunting and crap incessantly, and has this annoying fucking laugh. I sneaked out of the room and am back here talking to you guys. Damn!

 

[Gambino]

don't blow it yet sista
he may have a decent package

 

[ortiz34]

I'd hit it

 

[heatherrae]

Good replies Bino and Ortiz. Made me giggle.

 

[H_T_]

lo-fucking-l. he's a suitor!

 

[chilidog0425]

fat dudes need luuuuuuv too!

 

[heatherrae]

lo-fucking-l. he's a suitor!

Fucking shoot me, PLEASE. My life has sunk to a new low. I never could tolerate this guy, but my dad thinks he is so damn funny. Low-brow stupid humor. Now he is in there talking incessantly about his ex-wife and how bad she messed up by cheating on him and leaving him. Kill me now.

 

[H_T_]

Fucking shoot me, PLEASE. My life has sunk to a new low. I never could tolerate this guy, but my dad thinks he is so damn funny. Low-brow stupid humor. Now he is in there talking incessantly about his ex-wife and how bad she messed up by cheating on him and leaving him. Kill me now.

is he bona-fide?

 

[heatherrae]

fat dudes need luuuuuuv too!

The big hunting cap and orange vest are so damn exciting to me. WTF? Is he planning on tagging a deer in our living room tonight?

 

[manny78]

Cant be worse than your ex AKA "State trooper lookalike".

 

[heatherrae]

is he bona-fide?

I've made up my mind and have counted to three!

 

[Smurfy]

 

[H_T_]

Fucking shoot me, PLEASE. My life has sunk to a new low. I never could tolerate this guy, but my dad thinks he is so damn funny. Low-brow stupid humor. Now he is in there talking incessantly about his ex-wife and how bad she messed up by cheating on him and leaving him. Kill me now.

do me a favor, too. act like a decent human being for 10 seconds and don't be such an aloof .....uh, i wanna swear at you. you should be happy someone'll take up for you and your illegitimate children.

 

[heatherrae]

Cant be worse than your ex AKA "State trooper lookalike".

OH SHIT! I have never laughed so hard at anything anyone has ever said on here. My ex does sort of look like a state trooped. Damn that is FUNNY!

 

[chilidog0425]

woah, he seriously wore taht shitzzz over to your house?

that man knows how to win over the ladies!!!

sorry HR, parents are pretty damn stupid sometimes. hopefully you can learn from their mistakes.

maybe you should just get so tanked you can't see straight...then liquid courage will kick in and you can tell him how you feel

 

[H_T_]

I've made up my mind and have counted to three!

go sit next to him.

 

[H_T_]

what are you wearing, Princess? even if it has an elite colleges name on it, they're still sweats.

 

[heatherrae]

woah, he seriously wore taht shitzzz over to your house?

that man knows how to win over the ladies!!!

sorry HR, parents are pretty damn stupid sometimes. hopefully you can learn from their mistakes.

maybe you should just get so tanked you can't see straight...then liquid courage will kick in and you can tell him how you feel

LOL...nah, I actually was nice and walked in and said, "Hey Biggie, it is nice to see you again. I'm not feeling great and am going to go to my room, but it is nice seeing you."

What the f#*k? Would you try to set your daughter up with a guy whose nickname is "Biggie"? Dang.

Now he is in there talking about how his ex is late paying him child support for their 3 kids and how when she comes to beg him back what he is going to say to her. He came over here in hunting gear. I should pour deer scent on myself to make him feel at home.

 

[H_T_]

LOL...nah, I actually was nice and walked in and said, "Hey Biggie, it is nice to see you again. I'm not feeling great and am going to go to my room, but it is nice seeing you."

What the f#*k? Would you try to set your daughter up with a guy whose nickname is "Biggie"? Dang.

Now he is in there talking about how his ex is late paying him child support for their 3 kids and how when she comes to beg him back what he is going to say to her. He came over here in hunting gear. I should pour deer scent on myself to make him feel at home.

you'll be like Goldie Hawn in Overboard. but without Kurt Russel. it'll be Farva...

 

[heatherrae]

what are you wearing, Princess? even if it has an elite colleges name on it, they're still sweats.

I had taken a shower and put on PJ's and a robe. My parents told me "Hey Biggie is going to swing by. Hope you don't mind." I said, "No I don't mind." I didnt mind because I didn't realize it was some crazy set up. Sheesh. Here I am in my jammies and wet hair.

 

[heatherrae]

LOL

 

[H_T_]

I had taken a shower and put on PJ's and a robe. My parents told me "Hey Biggie is going to swing by. Hope you don't mind." I said, "No I don't mind." I didnt mind because I didn't realize it was some crazy set up. Sheesh. Here I am in my jammies and wet hair.

bath her & bring her to me. that's exactly what he thought when he saw you.

 

[heatherrae]

you'll be like Goldie Hawn in Overboard. but without Kurt Russel. it'll be Farva...

I know that would be funny if I could figure out what you mean.

 

[H_T_]

I know that would be funny if I could figure out what you mean.

i give up. give Biggie my best.

 

[Gambino]

what are you wearing, Princess? even if it has an elite colleges name on it, they're still sweats.

tri lamb/ delta moo mixer tee/with duke sweats lol

 

[heatherrae]

bath her & bring her to me. that's exactly what he thought when he saw you.

ROFL...truly he is a very nice person and I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings, but he is so repulsive to me. Even if he was great looking, I hate his dull conversation and pedestrian life view. ugh.

I was nice, though

 

[jh1]

Lmao....

 

[velvett]

Dear God,

you poor thing - I'm sorry

I have no good advice but I can remind you that this too will be order soon.


Like going to a new gyno - it's not as bad in retrospect.

















well, ok not always as bad.

Smile, pee often.
And excuse yourself - you're a pregnant women in need of rest.

 

[heatherrae]

Dear God,

you poor thing - I'm sorry

I have no good advice but I can remind you that this too will be order soon.


Like going to a new gyno - it's not as bad in retrospect.

















well, ok not always as bad.

Smile, pee often.
And excuse yourself - you're a pregnant women in need of rest.

LOL.

I know I will laugh at it tomorrow.

 

[H_T_]

ROFL...truly he is a very nice person and I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings, but he is so repulsive to me. Even if he was great looking, I hate his dull conversation and pedestrian life view. ugh.

I was nice, though

baby, you were Ginger. now you're Mary Ann. and you're still stranded. so, it's the Skipper, Mr. Howell or Gilligan. those are your choices. and be grateful...

 

[heatherrae]

baby, you were Ginger. now you're Mary Ann. and you're still stranded. so, it's the Skipper, Mr. Howell or Gilligan. those are your choices. and be grateful...

LOL...I can't have the professor? He always got my mojo going.

 

[chilidog0425]

i'll take the professor thank you very much

oh...i mean, ginger was hot!

 

[heavy_duty]

I hope he does not mind riding the hump for a few months.

 

[Gambino]

 

[H_T_]

lol @ Penelope Pitstop.

 

[caligirl]

My parents are trying to set me up by inviting this moron friend of theirs over here and are asking me to come out and talk to him. He is the same age as me and recently got a divorce. He is very unattractive, about 80lbs overweight, talks like a hick about hunting and crap incessantly, and has this annoying fucking laugh. I sneaked out of the room and am back here talking to you guys. Damn!

you live at your parents?? lucky!

 

[heatherrae]

Except add hunting gear and 100 lbs onto the suiter.

 

[H_T_]

you live at your parents?? lucky!

this is their only chance at a grandchild.

 

[gotmilk]

I had taken a shower and put on PJ's and a robe. My parents told me "Hey Biggie is going to swing by. Hope you don't mind." I said, "No I don't mind." I didnt mind because I didn't realize it was some crazy set up. Sheesh. Here I am in my jammies and wet hair.

It's not like he can knock you up and expand his gene pool

 

[heatherrae]

you live at your parents?? lucky!

Yeah, since X-mas. Hopefully I will be out of here soon. I have lived on my own since I was 17, so this is quite annoying.

 

[caligirl]

this is their only chance at a grandchild.

I'd love to llive with my Mom... nice huge house, nice property, good food, killer stereos... besides my Mom is my best friend, so good convo too.

 

[heatherrae]

I'd love to llive with my Mom... nice huge house, nice property, good food, killer stereos... besides my Mom is my best friend, so good convo too.

mine keep trying to feed me deer meat and watch either the hunting channel or lifetime movies 24 hours a day. Oh yeah, they also invite obnoxious people over on blind dates. LOL.

 

[H_T_]

mine keep trying to feed me deer meat and watch either the hunting channel or lifetime movies 24 hours a day. Oh yeah, they also invite obnoxious people over on blind dates. LOL.

i think it's fucking hilarious.

 

[heatherrae]

i think it's fucking hilarious.

In a past life, I must have been very, very bad.

 

[H_T_]

In a past life, I must have been very, very bad.

this isn't funny. let's talk more about Dudley.

 

[heatherrae]

this isn't funny. let's talk more about Dudley.

Dudley?

 

[H_T_]

Dudley?

that clod your parents want you to marry.

 

[heatherrae]

Okay, let me paint a picture for you of this guy. He has been invited to my parents' christmas parties and other parties for the past few years. He never turns down an invitation but, until just recently, always brought his dumpy little wife. She usually wore a "Cosby sweater" and some horrible stretch pants and would attack the buffet and not talk to a soul, and he would wear something that looked like he was going to go hunting.

He always brought a video camera and would get in my face and say, "Tell your father how you feel about his retirement party" or "What did Santa bring you" or some other obnoxious shit. He always put the camera WAY TOO CLOSE so everyone appeared to have noses the size of mountains. Then, he would show us all the edited videos from past parties and hunting trips that he had put in CUTESY damn captions and MUSIC.

F@cking guy! My dad has no taste in friends. I only hooked up with one of his friends once (guy was about 4 years older than me) and he had premature ejaculation. don't ever let your dad set you up, ever!

 

[H_T_]

Okay, let me paint a picture for you of this guy. He has been invited to my parents' christmas parties and other parties for the past few years. He never turns down an invitation but, until just recently, always brought his dumpy little wife. She usually wore a "Cosby sweater" and some horrible stretch pants and would attack the buffet and not talk to a soul, and he would wear something that looked like he was going to go hunting.

He always brought a video camera and would get in my face and say, "Tell your father how you feel about his retirement party" or "What did Santa bring you" or some other obnoxious shit. He always put the camera WAY TOO CLOSE so everyone appeared to have noses the size of mountains. Then, he would show us all the edited videos from past parties and hunting trips that he had put in CUTESY damn captions and MUSIC.

F@cking guy! My dad has no taste in friends. I only hooked up with one of his friends once (guy was about 4 years older than me) and he had premature ejaculation. don't ever let your dad set you up, ever!

you fuck your dads friends? wtf. i have to take a nap and mull this over. this is rich with jokes and insults.

 

[velvett]

Okay, let me paint a picture for you of this guy. He has been invited to my parents' christmas parties and other parties for the past few years. He never turns down an invitation but, until just recently, always brought his dumpy little wife. She usually wore a "Cosby sweater" and some horrible stretch pants and would attack the buffet and not talk to a soul, and he would wear something that looked like he was going to go hunting.

He always brought a video camera and would get in my face and say, "Tell your father how you feel about his retirement party" or "What did Santa bring you" or some other obnoxious shit. He always put the camera WAY TOO CLOSE so everyone appeared to have noses the size of mountains. Then, he would show us all the edited videos from past parties and hunting trips that he had put in CUTESY damn captions and MUSIC.

F@cking guy! My dad has no taste in friends. I only hooked up with one of his friends once (guy was about 4 years older than me) and he had premature ejaculation. don't ever let your dad set you up, ever!

HHAHHAHAHA

Reminds me of the movie Bridget Jones

 

[heatherrae]

you fuck your dads friends? wtf. i have to take a nap and mull this over. this is rich with jokes and insults.

Just once and he was my age, or close to it. Guy was good looking, great body, well-hung, nice, but unfortunately came in 2 strokes.

 

[heatherrae]

HHAHHAHAHA

Reminds me of the movie Bridget Jones

I so relate to Bridget at this moment...lol.

 

[H_T_]

Just once and he was my age, or close to it. Guy was good looking, great body, hung like a mule, nice, crazy about me, but unfortunately came in 2 strokes.

ya know, i think that window of yours is a bit too small. you do know that a dick gets hard again is 10-15 minutes?

 

[heatherrae]

ya know, i think that window of yours is a bit too small. you do know that a dick gets hard again is 10-15 minutes?

Ummmmm....his didn't . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. No lickey lickey or anything.

 

[chilidog0425]

Just once and he was my age, or close to it. Guy was good looking, great body, well-hung, nice, but unfortunately came in 2 strokes.

he apparently never saw
There's Something About Mary


what a dimtwit

 

[H_T_]

Ummmmm....his didn't . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. No lickey lickey or anything.

maybe you're a horrid lay. do you know what to do?

 

[GoldenDelicious]

and yet, a part of you likes the attention

(i dare you to disagree )

and since when were you preggers?!?! omg im so out of the loop

 

[heatherrae]

he apparently never saw
There's Something About Mary


what a dimtwit

Yeah, he was really bad. I had kissed him and made out once before and he suddenly got embarassed and went to the bathroom. In retrospect, I think he came just from a little fooling around. When we had sex that time, he just apologized and said he was "rusty" and that it had been a while. 2 stokes! I kid you not!

 

[heatherrae]

maybe you're a horrid lay. do you know what to do?

hehehe...I never had any complaints, but that time I didn't have TIME to do anything. He pretty much jumped on top of me and came in one second flat.

 

[chilidog0425]

i could do better....

 

[heatherrae]

and yet, a part of you likes the attention

(i dare you to disagree )

and since when were you preggers?!?! omg im so out of the loop

I'm 11 weeks pregnant.

No, I'm not really enjoying this attention. Trust me. I'm actually in here praying that they don't decide to come in here. Dad NEVER knocks...lol. They are talking about the upstairs thermostat needing to be moved into this bedroom. GEE!

 

[H_T_]

hehehe...I never had any complaints, but that time I didn't have TIME to do anything. He pretty much jumped on top of me and came in one second flat.

guys rarely complain about whats for dinner, either. and we still clean our plates. anyway, trying being nice to ........Biff? or whatever...

 

[heatherrae]

i could do better....

 

[heatherrae]

guys rarely complain about whats for dinner, either. and we still clean our plates. anyway, trying being nice to ........Biff? or whatever...

LOL...yeah, had i been a sexier gal or a better lover he may have lasted twice as long -- four strokes. ;-)

 

[chilidog0425]

.....at least 5 seconds !!

 

[heatherrae]

OH SHUCKS! I had almost forgotten one other! My dad did the same thing once when I was home on Christmas break in undergraduate school. He just invited some shmo over who he wanted me to date without even telling me he was coming over. I answer the door, and a guy with a BIG MULLET and FLOWERS is standing there. I said, "Who are you?" He said, "your date." FUCK!

So I was stuck and had to go. It was terrible as you can imagine. Later that week he just dropped by and brought me food in a tupperware dish. I wasn't home. I called him a couple days later and left a nice message on his voicemail thanking hi for the food and saying he could come get his tupperware dish at a time that I knew I wouldn't be home.

He called back and left a message on my parents' voicemail that said that I had better stop stalking him because his FIANCE was going to kick my ass! Rednecks, I swear!

Seems my dad didn't know he was ENGAGED!

My dad is the suckiest matchmaker ever.

 

[H_T_]

maybe you don't deserve 4 pumps. i'd give you 2 pumps & a grind. that's it.

 

[UA_Iron]

I'm fucken dangerous.

You better watch out for my type. seriously.

 

[heatherrae]

I'm fucken dangerous.

You better watch out for my type. seriously.

LOL @ the hostility with which you drink your beer.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

I'm 11 weeks pregnant.

No, I'm not really enjoying this attention. Trust me. I'm actually in here praying that they don't decide to come in here. Dad NEVER knocks...lol. They are talking about the upstairs thermostat needing to be moved into this bedroom. GEE!

"im NOT REALLY enjoying this attention..."

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

anyway which guy got you pregnant? peter parkers editor guy? or the pool guy (let it be the pool guy, editor guy was a twat)

 

[heatherrae]

maybe you don't deserve 4 pumps. i'd give you 2 pumps & a grind. that's it.

It has been so long since I had sex now that would probably do the trick these days. Well, if it was any primate except you, that is.

 

[gotmilk]

My dad is the suckiest matchmaker ever.

 

[heatherrae]

"im NOT REALLY enjoying this attention..."

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

anyway which guy got you pregnant? peter parkers editor guy? or the pool guy (let it be the pool guy, editor guy was a twat)

the twat. Oh how I wish I hadn't been such a ninny and had actually cheated on him.

 

[gotmilk]

but unfortunately came in 2 strokes.

My college roommate was a 10=pump chump. He would make the girls sleep on the floor after giving them the best 8 seconds of their lives

 

[heatherrae]

My college roommate was a 10=pump chump. He would make the girls sleep on the floor after giving them the best 8 seconds of their lives

LOL...ten strokes was 5 times better than the guy I was with...sad, sad, sad.



I've dropped the F bomb lots in this thread. I must be frustrated...lol.

 

[heavy_duty]

Many customers don't complain they just don't come back.

How many compliments have you had on your fucknique?

remember, its not the absence of complaints but the presence of compliments
that tells the story

hehehe...I never had any complaints, but that time I didn't have TIME to do anything. He pretty much jumped on top of me and came in one second flat.

 

[UA_Iron]

It's been my experience that Heathers generally fuck pretty well

 

[heatherrae]

Many customers don't complain they just don't come back.

How many compliments have you had on your fucknique?

remember, its not the absence of complaints but the presence of compliments
that tells the story

I can't sit here and brag about pillow talk. It would just sound like silly boasting. Let's just say, I don't think it was me.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

LOL...nah, I actually was nice and walked in and said, "Hey Biggie, it is nice to see you again. I'm not feeling great and am going to go to my room, but it is nice seeing you."

What the f#*k? Would you try to set your daughter up with a guy whose nickname is "Biggie"? Dang.

Now he is in there talking about how his ex is late paying him child support for their 3 kids and how when she comes to beg him back what he is going to say to her. He came over here in hunting gear. I should pour deer scent on myself to make him feel at home.

I'll date you wanna see my pic?

 

[heatherrae]

I'll date you wanna see my pic?

heehehe...sure. Send naked photos, please and sexual references. lol...just teasing.

 

[H_T_]

heathers are clingy. just let me fucking breathe, will you?

 

[jackangel]

make sure he wraps that shit before plundering you

 

[heatherrae]

You guys are not right.

lol.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

Many customers don't complain they just don't come back.

How many compliments have you had on your fucknique?

remember, its not the absence of complaints but the presence of compliments
that tells the story

im stealing that word lol

 

[UA_Iron]

im stealing that word lol

yeah, I lol'd at fucknique.

Consider it stolen.

 

[heatherrae]

gosh, he is still here. i feel like a prisoner in my room now. I need a soft drink, damn it.

 

[caligirl]

It has been so long since I had sex now that would probably do the trick these days. Well, if it was any primate except you, that is.

OMG HR, 11 weeks you said? geez Try going 4 years with no sex!! I concieved my son, then didn't have sex till he was over 3 years old. I still don't know how I did it.

 

[heatherrae]

OMG HR, 11 weeks you said? geez Try going 4 years with no sex!! I concieved my son, then didn't have sex till he was over 3 years old. I still don't know how I did it.

I would DIE. I'm sure of it.

 

[BBR100]

OMG HR, 11 weeks you said? geez Try going 4 years with no sex!! I concieved my son, then didn't have sex till he was over 3 years old. I still don't know how I did it.

why? A terrible thing to waste.

 

[caligirl]

why? A terrible thing to waste.

It takes quite a bit to get my panties off.

 

[-SD-]

Hes cheating on you in the living room with a girl your dad invited over for him.

 

[heatherrae]

Hes cheating on you in the living room with a girl your dad invited over for him.

I could only pray so....lol.

 

[BBR100]

It takes quite a bit to get my panties off.

4 Yrs?
I'm sure you're worth the effort
Sorry, back to you Heather...date still there?

 

[heatherrae]

4 Yrs?
I'm sure you're worth the effort
Sorry, back to you Heather...date still there?

Actually, he just left. Wowzers, that was painful. Tomorrow I'm going to have the "don't set me up" speech to my dad again. He doesn't even ask me. He just has people drop by. Geez.

 

[gotmilk]

It takes quite a bit to get my panties off.

try scissors

 

[rubberneck]

My parents are trying to set me up by inviting this moron friend of theirs over here and are asking me to come out and talk to him. He is the same age as me and recently got a divorce. He is very unattractive, about 80lbs overweight, talks like a hick about hunting and crap incessantly, and has this annoying fucking laugh. I sneaked out of the room and am back here talking to you guys. Damn!

your parents are pimping you out!!!! lol

 

[heatherrae]

your parents are pimping you out!!!! lol

LOL...This morning they said, "Why didn't you come out and talk." I said, "because that person BORES THE SHIT OUT OF ME." They said that he was asking where I was and they had said I was busy doing something. He asked them what I was doing and if it would be okay if he came and asked me to come out. GEEZ LOUISE!

 

[jimi3times]

Fucking shoot me, PLEASE. My life has sunk to a new low. I never could tolerate this guy, but my dad thinks he is so damn funny. Low-brow stupid humor. Now he is in there talking incessantly about his ex-wife and how bad she messed up by cheating on him and leaving him. Kill me now.

Ill fly down and get you out of there. Help is on the way dear!!!

 

[heatherrae]

Ill fly down and get you out of there. Help is on the way dear!!!

Yeah, bring a tommy gun. ;-)

 

[jimi3times]

Yeah, bring a tommy gun. ;-)

That f*&^er is lucky he left or i would kiss his ass right off the fuckin planet!

Just let me know if this happens again. I'll have a long talk with your dad and then ill fly you up here for the week. I'll be your sugar daddy!