Anyone date someone with an Ex wife/husband and kids

[spongebob]

I've been seeing this woman for a little while, she's awesome and we have a great time together. The thing that worries me is that she has 2 kids.....one is 15 and the other is 12. I never dated anyone that has an ex-husband and kids. So im not sure how to handle them and what would be in store for me if/when I meet them and our relationship goes to that level. For those who have experienced this how difficult is it or can it be fun as well. I have a 3 year old too.

im getting a divorce and the hardest part was my emotions over the kids. im thier father, always have been and always will be, i got up in the middle of the night when they were hungry, i potty trained them, ive always been there. so when the ex got a boyfriend it was hard to see another male in my 2 girls lives.

and my ex had no idea how to handle it, i had to find out she was having him over and he had already met my kids from my 6yr old.

its tough, but i had to set it straight, im the dad. my ex has finally had it sink her head that there are certain things you do, as far as im concerned.

ive chosen to be single most of the time because i didnt want to introduce another mother figure of even any kind of figure. my kids have never met one girl ive dated. but thats my choice, when the time is right and i find the right women, then they will. but first my ex will meet her. has what should have happened with her boyfriend. its only appropriate.

and if this women has kids then i will not meet them till i have met thier father, if he is around. i will not invade on his role at all.

its extremely difficult to go thru, i know, thats why i have too much respect for everyone involved, ive had my feelings hurt too many times, and now i have to learn how to deal with them having a male figure in thier lives as a role model. so thats how i choose to handle it.

my kids are 16 and 7 and we split out time with them.

good luck and just take everyones feelings into consideration.

 

[mrplunkey]

My GF has done a better job managing my kids than I've ever see anyone do before.

1) Don't try to parent or tell them what do to. Now if they are trying to paint the walls or burn down the house, say something. But as far as "parenting" discipline goes, simply walk-over to your GF and quietly say: "Please tell ABC to stop XYZ".

2) Don't try to be their BFF or new chat buddy either. Be engaging. Be interesting. But don't pursue them even in the slightest.

3) Given (1) and (2), do be polite and respectable to them. Also, just be a tad careful early-on when it comes to their mom and anything affectionate. And no, I'm not talking about screwing mom near them or putting your tounge down her throat. Those are obvious. Just be careful with things like her sitting on your knee, you rubbing her back, etc. etc. You can do it, just go slowly and be respectful.

4) Make sure when you are around her and her children you pour attention on her. Know what your key to making her kids (and you) comfortable? Make sure her kids know you are allllll about her. Mom's probably been through some tough times so someone who's clearly looking out for her = teh win.

 

[ironwings]

your kids spending time with another man....

I know, I know. My former spouse felt the same way. We both have respect for each other (earned not given) and have come to realize that the more people my son has loving him the better. I hope that your ex wife will be respectful that you are the father and will facilitate the relationship between she, the boyfriend, and your children. Have these discussions with her if you can. My former spouse and I spent a LOT of time talking once we separated. I will be honest though...it is tough. No matter how tough though always speak politely about your ex's friends. My ex dated and moved in with a girl shortly after our separation. I hated that he brought her into my sons life so quickly without being sure but boy I put a smile on when I saw her and would encourage my son to openly talk about her or things that they had done. We would even see her out and he would go running to her with a big hug. BUT, I quickly came to realize from the help of someone very special to me that it was amazing that he had that additional attention and love. At the same time my stomach turned a little when I called one night and she was giving him a bath I rethought things time and time again but I also know from my own childhood that the relationship I had with my ex was no role model for my son. My former spouse and I made awesome parents....and we still do. You guys will too..

 

[Smurfy]

i think every parent should feel confident in their relationship with their child(ren) and not feel threatened that some other person is going to come in and take your place. it wont happen. not if youve been a good parent and loved your children like no tomorrow. and Id rather that my son feel good about whomever his Dad is in a relationship with (he hasnt been in a relationship with anyone in years though). Its better than my son hating his Dad's gf. that's just harder on the child.
but i think its normal, especially when the separation is fresh, to feel insecure or even possible guilty about the breakup and putting your kids in that situation, and so we get these feelings of being threatened by another person in our child's life. its not easy by any stretch of the imagination.

 

[Bikini Mod]

i think every parent should feel confident in their relationship with their child(ren) and not feel threatened that some other person is going to come in and take your place. it wont happen. not if youve been a good parent and loved your children like no tomorrow. and Id rather that my son feel good about whomever his Dad is in a relationship with (he hasnt been in a relationship with anyone in years though). Its better than my son hating his Dad's gf. that's just harder on the child.
but i think its normal, especially when the separation is fresh, to feel insecure or even possible guilty about the breakup and putting your kids in that situation, and so we get these feelings of being threatened by another person in our child's life. its not easy by any stretch of the imagination.

+1

I had always hoped when I divorced my ex that he would find a nice woman so that my girls could have more people to love them. I know 100% that there will NEVER be another woman that could even come close to replacing me as their mother... regardless of the fact that I haven't been able to BE a mother for over 2 years.

It's hard in the beginning, true. But you learn to put your feelings aside when you see that your child is happy.

If you are the type of parent that you should be then there is NOTHING that another man/woman can do to take your place.

 

[heatherrae]

I think that unless they are your kids, you should let the parent discipline/raise/praise/feed the kid in the way that they feel is best.

I recently had to break up with someone because he came right into our lives bossing me around about our sleeping arrangements and discipline. He obviously didn't even understand childhood developmental stages for a one year old and was a strong proponent of the "cry it out" method, which I feel leaves kids insecure and needy for attention. I feel it leads to problems later in life. He also was haranguing me about disciplining Devin. Yeah, disciplining a one year old. Anyway, the dude wouldn't take a hint that I didn't want/need his constant parenting advice and demands. In retrospect, I think he was jealous of the baby.

Parenting issues, especially when your parenting styles are very different, are hard to overcome.

 

[Smurfy]

I think that unless they are your kids, you should let the parent discipline/raise/praise/feed the kid in the way that they feel is best.

I recently had to break up with someone because he came right into our lives bossing me around about our sleeping arrangements and discipline. He obviously didn't even understand childhood developmental stages for a one year old and was a strong proponent of the "cry it out" method, which I feel leaves kids insecure and needy for attention. I feel it leads to problems later in life. He also was haranguing me about disciplining Devin. Yeah, disciplining a one year old. Anyway, the dude wouldn't take a hint that I didn't want/need his constant parenting advice and demands. In retrospect, I think he was jealous of the baby.

Parenting issues, especially when your parenting styles are very different, are hard to overcome.

is this the guy who told you to pick up the quarter off the floor and make your bed?

 

[Bikini Mod]

I think that unless they are your kids, you should let the parent discipline/raise/praise/feed the kid in the way that they feel is best.

I recently had to break up with someone because he came right into our lives bossing me around about our sleeping arrangements and discipline. He obviously didn't even understand childhood developmental stages for a one year old and was a strong proponent of the "cry it out" method, which I feel leaves kids insecure and needy for attention. I feel it leads to problems later in life. He also was haranguing me about disciplining Devin. Yeah, disciplining a one year old. Anyway, the dude wouldn't take a hint that I didn't want/need his constant parenting advice and demands. In retrospect, I think he was jealous of the baby.

Parenting issues, especially when your parenting styles are very different, are hard to overcome.

+1

Actually, I believe they are IMPOSSIBLE to overcome.

My Old Grump and I are both very old-school and the rules are simple:

1. Self-respect above all. If you respect yourself, then you will, of course, respect others.

2. School work is YOUR JOB.

After that everything else is negotiable. He will never have to discipline the girls because my ass always was and always will be all over that. Interestingly enough, I believe in spanking, my husband does not. Our children are old enough though where that is not an issue. No yelling, screaming, cussing, door-slamming and no putting your hands on anybody else unless it is to show affection, above all self-control and I do believe that parents should lead by EXAMPLE.

PERIOD.

 

[heatherrae]

is this the guy who told you to pick up the quarter off the floor and make your bed?

nah, this is the guy from here on ef.

 

[miplank]

nah, this is the guy from here on ef.

the guy that cleans your house?