how honest are you...

[snacky cake]

about your faults. I vascillate between stages. I find that whenever I open up and share my vulnerabilities/fears/faults people use the information later in less than supportive/constructive ways. Then, I clam up with the next person. Then, it begins to feel dishonest and lacking intimacy.

What say you?

How honest is too honest?

When is too soon to "get real?"

 

[Humble Pride]

I say:

Always be honest, and don't let (1) bad apple spoil the bunch.....

You are always nothing more than a moment away from the "right one"................(would hate to slight that one with former misgivings)

 

[snacky cake]

I say:

Always be honest, and don't let (1) bad apple spoil the bunch.....

You are always nothing more than a moment away from the "right one"................(would hate to slight that one with former misgivings)

okay, but there is a natural progression of things right. For example, I have a pretty "heavy" childhood. That isn't appropriate dinner conversation on a first date even if by some weird chance the conversation gets steered in that direction and the person comes right out and asks. Early on, people tend to discount others as "damaged" even if you are happy and well adjusted if you share too much too soon.

I don't do drugs/alcohol, but let's assume as a hypothetical I'm an alcoholic. You don't exactly post a single's ad saying, "Hi, I'm an alcoholic who will probably steal your money for booze." hahahaha.

On the other hand, I think lying about your pictures/age/occupation/marital status is a big big no no.

Where am I going with this? hmmmm...

Really the question is about how comfortable someone is with real intimacy, not just in romantic relationships but in everyday interactions and in platonic friendships, even.

 

[curvymommy]

On the internet I "go deep" quickly. In real life it's a lot slower. More on this later. Great topic.

 

[walliwalibus]

I try to be who I am. I won't sway when confronted. But I always be up front and honest. Why not. But if a situation is a joking around situation, well that's different.

Why do you ask such question?

 

[Humble Pride]

I "never" hide anything..........that way - I can devote 100% to my significant other and they know what to expect fro me.
"timing" of "when" to spill your most intimate guts is up to you, but when you do - a real man should be able to handle it, and should be able to recoup with some things of his own........

 

[walliwalibus]

+1 right on...... hahahha

 

[snacky cake]

I try to be who I am. I won't sway when confronted. But I always be up front and honest. Why not. But if a situation is a joking around situation, well that's different.

Why do you ask such question?

I ask because it seems to recur VERY OFTEN with me that I'm torn about how much to reveal of myself. My nature is to share in order to feel intimately acquainted, but my experience is that people will more often than not judge you harshly when you do.

For example, everyone here knows about my son, knows what I do, has seen what I look like, even without makeup. I just like being real or I don't feel like anyone KNOWS me. Then, I often regret it because people use these things to label or to stereotype and I regret having shared them.

It happens in real life, too, with me. That was just one example.

what says the rest of EF?

 

[curvymommy]

Real quick I want to add this before I have to retire for the evening.

This is a subject close to my heart because I've learned a lot about it and me in the past couple years. I USED to have a hard time opening up because to do that also means being invested in others. It's easier not to be invested sometimes. Takes less time and you can be more selfish (fun, lol).

Now, I give friends and new people I meet subtle little clues into my life's challenges, my past, my dreams. Many times, this is all it takes for that person to open up to me a little bit too, sometimes a LOT! Then we have more in common and the more I share the more they open up the flood gates. It creates deeper relationships rather than surfacy "top this" relationships. I HATE those. They suck me dry even more than being invested.

Edited to add: I've learned the hard way to only give people information they can "handle" about me. If not, sometimes it can come back to bite you in the butt. More on that later too. I have experience there sadly.

 

[stephen4327]

very honest. hate lying cuz i can never remeber them.
makes me feel good

even brutally honest sometimes