need some advice! (marriage/divorce)

[kroddy_man]

In a nutshell:

My wife and I are separated and we have filed for a divorce. We have a month before its final. We don't have any kids and it was a mutual decision.

It is pretty amicable, we have had problems in the past-mostly financial stress, communication issues.

We have remained friendly and see each other frequently. We both have started seeing other people too.

The problem is there is still ALOT of love between us and we are really having a hard go of it. Lots of regrets about the split, but still frustrations and resentment over our relationship. We do not want to lose contact with each other but I think we are hurting each other by seeing each other.

Has anyone ever dealt with this kind of thing before? I am really confused and feel ill over the situation. We know there is no way we could go back to what we had before, but I suspect we are both wondering if we should just call off the divorce and go to counselling.

Just looking for some words of wisdom to give me something to cling to!!

-km

 

[kronk]

Make an appointment at a marriage counselor, then call your ex and ask her out for lunch or coffee.

Sit down and tel her that you love her and before you end the marriage you would like to try and stay separated while going to counseling.

That way, you can try and see what happens and yet stay seperate.

 

[kroddy_man]

Thanks for the quick reply kronk!

I have been thinking of the marriage counselor thing...any tips on how to find a good one?

 

[kronk]

Thanks for the quick reply kronk!

I have been thinking of the marriage counselor thing...any tips on how to find a good one?

Well, I would just check the phone book or make a few calls and see if you can get a recommendation. Some employers even offer it for free to employees. If you have insurance, call them and get a referral.

I truly think this is a great idea as it sounds like you are both in love, but you simply fell out of "like" with each other. You just need to figure each other out again.

Good luck.

 

[Heahy Minister]

Hey there! Sorry to hear about your marriage problems.

I recommend you checkout this website for marriage problems. Very good info and there is a message board as well.

www.marriagebuilders.com

Good luck!

 

[Jimsbbc]

Make an appointment at a marriage counselor, then call your ex and ask her out for lunch or coffee.

Sit down and tel her that you love her and before you end the marriage you would like to try and stay separated while going to counseling.

That way, you can try and see what happens and yet stay seperate.

Solid advice.

 

[FitFossil]

If the first counselor doesn't help, try another (and possibly another). If there is still love between you, the marriage deserves every chance you can give it. The only time to end it is when there are no longer any alternatives and no more lingering what-ifs. Don't worry about going back to what you had before. A marriage is like a living thing - growing and changing all the time, and requiring regular nourishment and maintenance. Good luck!

 

[THeMaCHinE]

Hey there! Sorry to hear about your marriage problems.

I recommend you checkout this website for marriage problems. Very good info and there is a message board as well.

www.marriagebuilders.com

Good luck!

Precisely what I was going to recommend... glad to see other people getting the word out on them...

The site is much more than info though, it is a counseling resource with a lot of different tools, opportunities to sign up for their EXCELLENT weekend marriage retreat (with a follow-up 18-week home study course that you turn in "assignments" for) and top-notch relationship books. Their methodology is very practical and easy to follow.

MarriageBuilders made an incredibly huge contribution to my marriage.

 

[THeMaCHinE]

As an aside, insurance won't generally cover couples counseling (yeah, fucked up huh?). What you do (and this is really for the best anyway) is go through individual counseling first and have them diagnose you with adjustment disorder and recommend couples counseling. Then, insurance will cover it.

If you are looking for counseling, I'd start at the bookstore, read some books and choose those with a message that makes sense to you. Follow to the Web sites associated with the book's author(s) and see if they can refer you to somebody in your area.

A couple books to get you started: His Needs, Her Needs (Willard Harley Jr. of MarriageBuilders), Love Busters (same author), Give & Take (same author), Love Must be Tough (Dobbins), Relationship Rescue (Dr. Phil)

Here's a link for some of them: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html

 

[-SD-]

Why didnt you try couples counseling to begin with before you seperated?