WTF do men want?

[jerseyart]

Um no I never said that I was politely returning it. I was crying when I left it. I said it was a strong statement but not one that was intentionally mean.

And actually all the peeps that have all the facts (and I am not upset with anyone who isn't in possession of them - there are just some parts of this story that I do not wish to have out in the open. I posted that previously) agree... THERE IS SOMETHING REALLY WRONG HERE.... and though I am not lilly-white - THE SOMETHING REALLY WRONG AINT ME.

I only posted the small part about the gift because I truly did not understand this point of view about how it could have hurt him so badly. Many many peeps have articulated how this could have been the case and because of these posts I admitted that his hurt was understandable for my having returned the gift, as was MY behavior. Given the circumstances, neither of these actions were "right" certainly but there WERE understandable. The larger problem is how this all came to pass and what the end result was. This is the part that I will not post up as it serves no usefull purpose.

All I wanted to understand was how he could have been so hurt over me returning a gift. Because so many people gave me insight as to how this could be, I now do.

So how is it that I do not listen to advice or that I need to grow up?

You do realize your discussing this topic with a high school virgin?

 

[Ulcasterdropout]

I'd be upset

 

[Nathan]

I'm just gonna chime in with my opinion because, frankly, it's every bit as valid as the rest of yours and you guys fucking know it. Anyways, my advice, in all its fallibility, is to RELAX. Why don't you just sit down and talk with the guy? Start the whole thing off by saying something positive about him and your relationship that will make him want to listen and then take it from there. If the dude still wants to fight about shit, then he's a dick. If he's a nice guy and all that jazz, then he probably wants to talk things through rationally and calmly, just like you do. He would be willing to do what it takes to make you happy, and you should be willing to do the same thing. Not to be rude, but this whole thing sounds really fucking stupid. I don't blame you for not wanting extravagant gifts - it would make me uncomfortable personally if some dude bought me something pretty (unless it was flowers because I LOVE flowers). But it's not like he's lying to you or fucking your best friend or anything. I barely qualify as an adult (as far as I'm concerned) and I'd feel like a complete retard if I fucked a relationship up over something as stupid as someone buying me something because they care about me. I don't know the whole story though, so I could be way off here. The unfortunate thing is, however, that he is not here to defend himself which makes painting an accurate picture even more difficult.

 

[supersizeme]

who broke the nathan??

 

[Werd]

I'm just gonna chime in with my opinion because, frankly, it's every bit as valid as the rest of yours and you guys fucking know it. Anyways, my advice, in all its fallibility, is to RELAX. Why don't you just sit down and talk with the guy? Start the whole thing off by saying something positive about him and your relationship that will make him want to listen and then take it from there. If the dude still wants to fight about shit, then he's a dick. If he's a nice guy and all that jazz, then he probably wants to talk things through rationally and calmly, just like you do. He would be willing to do what it takes to make you happy, and you should be willing to do the same thing. Not to be rude, but this whole thing sounds really fucking stupid. I don't blame you for not wanting extravagant gifts - it would make me uncomfortable personally if some dude bought me something pretty (unless it was flowers because I LOVE flowers). But it's not like he's lying to you or fucking your best friend or anything. I barely qualify as an adult (as far as I'm concerned) and I'd feel like a complete retard if I fucked a relationship up over something as stupid as someone buying me something because they care about me. I don't know the whole story though, so I could be way off here. The unfortunate thing is, however, that he is not here to defend himself which makes painting an accurate picture even more difficult.

Nathan, I agree with everything you said. That is what makes this all the more bizaare.

If we can work it out - GREAT.

If not,

C'est la vie.

I think we both need several days to cool off. I just dont want to make the mistake of ignoring somehting that could be a potentially HYUGE problem (and no, I am not talking about someone "being mean" to me for fucks sake) nor do I want to let something amazing slip away because of stubborn stupidity.

What will be, will be.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

I have never met a girl who doesn't like material things. On top of the physical love a man wants to give a girl, he knows she likes material possessions as well, and wants to provide her with them(when she's been good ); so refusing it either means

A. You know better than he that he can't afford it and that he doesn't need to do this for you for the time being. IE, you're looking out for his well being, showing you care about him and where the two of you are going in the relationship,

or

B. You have something to hide, and feel guilty accepting this gift.

A. He should understand
B. You should fess up, lest you really want to hurt his feelings. He'll think more of you in the end(provided he's not one of those crazy fucks).
Hope this helped.

 

[Forge]

This is about way more than just a bit of someone raising their voice and the other person returning a gift.

Well, it sounds like there is more to the situation than you've posted here, maybe if I had the full story I would change my opinion and agree with you. But from what I've read here I still think you over-reacted.

In any case, you've been in bad situations before and toughed it out, you know how to handle yourself, I'd say go with your gut feeling and do what you have to. If you really think the relationship is in danger over this then you must have a good reason.

Good luck.

 

[Nathan]

who broke the nathan??

I also don't know what the hell happened.

 

[spongebob]

Your girl returns an extremely expensive gift to you because she felt you hurt her feelings (no drama involved - she just left it on your nightstand) and when she tells you about it later she only keeps repeating that she loves and wants YOU and not "expensive stuff".

How would you, as the man feel about this?

id be like, "hell yea" the bitch isnt materialistic. she would immediately get put to the front of the rotation.

 

[Werd]

I have never met a girl who doesn't like material things. On top of the physical love a man wants to give a girl, he knows she likes material possessions as well, and wants to provide her with them(when she's been good ); so refusing it either means

A. You know better than he that he can't afford it and that he doesn't need to do this for you for the time being. IE, you're looking out for his well being, showing you care about him and where the two of you are going in the relationship,

or

B. You have something to hide, and feel guilty accepting this gift.

A. He should understand
B. You should fess up, lest you really want to hurt his feelings. He'll think more of you in the end(provided he's not one of those crazy fucks).
Hope this helped.

A - He can BEYOND afford it. To him it was pennies spent. But I didnt ask for nor do I NEED "things". I constantly praise and thank him for how good he is to me - ie - HOW HE TREATS ME WITH HIS WORDS AND DEEDS. It was just as easy for him to buy the "thing" as it was for me to return it. But at the end of the day how difficult is it to admit you were wrong and swallow your pride and say you are sorry.... or to put the needs of another before your own needs. It is the thoughts and deed and words that I value - NOT THINGS.

B - Though I am not perfect I do not make a habit of "wronging" people (male or female) maliciously. We are all human and many of us have suffered through moments that in retrospect we are anything but proud of.

When I realize that I hurt another, the pain of knowing that someone is suffering because of something that I did or said whether it was intentional or just plain a misunderstanding IT KILLS ME. Even if my enemy is suffering it brings me ZERO PLEASURE. I just dont work that way. I am an extremely empathetic and compassionate person.

I am human and I make mistakes and have feelings often times that I am not proud of but in the end I always just wish for my enemies to leave me be. I take no pleasure in the suffering of others... As a matter of fact, I even feel badly when I find it does happen.

This thread has been most helpful to me. Thanks so much to everyone for bouncing ideas at me. Though I am grown I am relatively inexperienced when it comes to relationships as I married so young.