WTF do men want?

[strongsmartsexy]

Oh, and one other thought occurs to me. There is a thing called "Getting burned by the dragon in the cave".

Men will do something called "caving". Women who follow a man into the cave are going to get burned. Understand what it is and why you shouldn't follow the man into the cave, or stand outside the cave trying to coax him to come out of the cave instead of whining about getting flamed when you do violate the cave.

 

[glennds]

returning a gift is an insult. that's all.

 

[help4john]

There are two evils in this world....lack of money and lack of nookie! Return the gift for a refund. Spend the money on strawberries, whip cream, and a leather whip! Make-up sex is always the best!

Good luck!

 

[Werd]

I'm going to describe something that has been useful with my current relationship. If this doesn't apply to you, just pass on by.

Think of moving along a relationship as walking along a path that you're building as you go. Each time you put down a paver, you can now walk on that paver. Falling off the path is a bad thing. So, you're doing your best to keep one another on the relational path.

Often instead of laying down a paver with me, my wife will dig a hole, which I have to fill back up again in order for us to lay down a paver. I call these things TESTS. I'm not often aware I'm taking a test until I've failed the test I wasn't aware I was taking to begin with. Fight occurs here. So, now that I know I've not only taken the test and failed, but now I'm expected to FILL in the hole that she dug to begin with before we can lay down the paver. Note that this cycle can occur many times. At some point she'll even go back to a previous paver, remove it and redig the hole. This I often refer to as drama.

It's very difficult to keep placing pavers to move relationships forward if one of the parties is constantly digging holes that have to be filled again before placing the paver. You also have to make sure that the pavers you're laying down don't run you around in circles. This is better known as picking up old baggage/garbage. It's a bit like tossing out food after dinner that you're not going to eat, only to dig it back up again and have it the next day for breakfast/lunch/dinner.

You can spend time growing a relationship and extending the path, or you can spend time running in circles, replacing pavers, tearing up pavers that have to be replaced again. At some point one or the other goes elsewhere to start building a path with a more suitable companion for path building...

Now I KNOW that hell is freezing over...

Extremely sound advice. Thank you for taking the time to type it.

 

[Werd]

Good thoughts, SSS.
Werd- people here only know what you tell us, so if someone calls you a drama queen (i can't remember if it was on this thread or another one as i type this), please keep in mind that most of your posts for the past few weeks have mentioned how in love you are, what a wonderful, caring man you now have, how your kids want you to marry him, how you feel like a princess and how sexually satisfying he is. Those things are great, and you should be happy and i'm glad you are. this recent incident- all you've said is that 'he was mean to me' and that he seems to have barked at you, or gotten a little short because he was busy. nobody here knows what he said, but you did say he barely raised his voice at you, while he was trying to work and your children were bothering him apparently (as kids do- not their fault obviously). In response, you returned a gift he gave you the previous week and although you said there was no drama involved, you also said you were crying when you returned it and that you wanted to show him you can't be 'owned'. As far as what people read here, thats overreaction and drama. a lot of it.
obviously you know more to the situation than anyone, but if thats all you allow people to read about- thats the reaction you're going to get. maybe chef and jersey don't see it as overly dramatic because they know more to the story, but nobody else does.
you were obviously so in love with this man that you could barely post without saying it. and maybe he was a real pig for a few minutes- stressed, overworked, tired, whatever. you haven't had a man treat you as well as he had in a long time, according to you... maybe he deserved some slack and not this dramatic ending of the relationship?

LOL Of course I only put the bits and pieces up that I am comfortable with. I have been on these boards for a loooooooong time and many know me in real life, there have been endless smear campaigns about my real life all over the web. So you will understand if while I still continue to share some bits and pieces I edit out the REAL "drama". That what goes on behind the scenes is NEVER shared... only the silly little bits that one chooses to show.... as w/everyone here.

I am not remotely put off or upset with anyone who has this opinion. I can see how they could make that assumption.

Chefwide and Jersey and Code have been privy to some key elements that I am not comfortable publicly sharing. Honestly if anyone believes that I would end an amazing relationship with a wonderful loving man over him "raising his voice *a tad*" or "by him being mean to me" then one must be of the opinion that I am a total idiot and not simply a drama queen.

Drama is making him sleep on the couch for a few days because he WAS mean to me LOL.

 

[Werd]

Oh, and one other thought occurs to me. There is a thing called "Getting burned by the dragon in the cave".

Men will do something called "caving". Women who follow a man into the cave are going to get burned. Understand what it is and why you shouldn't follow the man into the cave, or stand outside the cave trying to coax him to come out of the cave instead of whining about getting flamed when you do violate the cave.

Thank you again - VERY sound advice.

I tried to reply to a VERY nasty email he sent me with a kind gentle but firmly reassuring email and I got another nasty email. I TOTALLY backed off. We spoke on the phone the evening before and he was actually chuckling at me for what I did. I was in tears because of a VERY UPSETTING personal sitch that didn't involve him and then I began to tell him how I was hurt that day and how much I loved him and not things he gives me, that I only wanted him. He chuckled and replied, "It's a gift you CANT return it... you HAVE ME AND THE STUFF... now go to sleep you ugly old broad." LOL The next am I get the most cutting email I had EVER gotten... He had NEVER spoken to me that way. His language was VERY STRONG - totally not like him and TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE.

The future of the relationship is in question because of THE REASON for his caving and not for something as silly as him "being mean" to me. LOL On the one hand backing off has been very difficult. But on the other hand I KNOW that it is the right thing to do.

I'll give it a week at least maybe up to one month... See how I feel about things before I ask to retrieve my personal belongings or have them sent to me.