Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below I just saw the funniest fucking thing at Golds today-this 5'3" long-curly hair blond dude had on black and blue striped pants on (ass huggers)-he wears 80's rock t-shirts with the sleeves cut-off, this takes the cake though-he wears Oakleys with no-glare under his eyes-he beats his head up and down between sets, I try to be as serious as I can in the gym, but this guy cracks me up-do you have any funny fuckers in your gym?
Whats the most ridiculous thing you've seen at the gym
- Thread starter g-dogg
- Start date
strider364
New member
This one dude wears a tank top, but he cuts it half way up or shorter, so it looks like he's wearing a jog bra, then he goes with spandex biker shorts. It's really disgusting.
Rio 2001
New member
- Guys who wear t shirts but soon after a pump start folding the sleeves ;
- Spotters working harder then that little ameba who is trying to bench twice his weight.
- People walking as if they were carrying imaginary cases;
- A guy who kept yelling "you bitch!!!"as he did some heavy reps.And, worst, the spotter yelling "FUCK HER"
- Looking at the mirror with the corner of the eyes, so no one will notice you are checking your pump...
- Myself 10 years ago...
- Spotters working harder then that little ameba who is trying to bench twice his weight.
- People walking as if they were carrying imaginary cases;
- A guy who kept yelling "you bitch!!!"as he did some heavy reps.And, worst, the spotter yelling "FUCK HER"
- Looking at the mirror with the corner of the eyes, so no one will notice you are checking your pump...
- Myself 10 years ago...
markusrules
New member
There's this one guy that show up to the gym wearing 'daisy dukes' and a button-up shirt (unbuttoned of course). Funniest thing I've ever seen.
strider364
New member
GaryWary said:
On the floor LMAO.
Thanks for the karma!
Thing is - I have been a dick in the gym. I guess a lot of us have. 4 years ago - when I got to 15.5 inch arms and 43in chest - I wore this skin tight yellow and black weight-training leotard. I was around 6% bodyfat - so I didn't look fucked up.. but I did look stupid in retrospect. Only pros in magazines can carry that shit off. Don't know what I was thinking. Bloody comfortable to train in though.
That's all I am admitting to.
Thing is - I have been a dick in the gym. I guess a lot of us have. 4 years ago - when I got to 15.5 inch arms and 43in chest - I wore this skin tight yellow and black weight-training leotard. I was around 6% bodyfat - so I didn't look fucked up.. but I did look stupid in retrospect. Only pros in magazines can carry that shit off. Don't know what I was thinking. Bloody comfortable to train in though.
That's all I am admitting to.
ironbarbarian
New member
Have you seen those guys that come in with a t-shirt and inside they are wearing a tank top then half through the work out they take the t-shirt off to reveal the tank-top(assuming they are now pumped)
If you are big thats okay but some of these folks are so small that after a minute they end up putting their t-shirt back on because they feel tiny and reality hits. Now thats fuckin hilarous if you ask me.
IB
If you are big thats okay but some of these folks are so small that after a minute they end up putting their t-shirt back on because they feel tiny and reality hits. Now thats fuckin hilarous if you ask me.
IB
TheGame_620
New member
THeres this one guy that comes in the gym somethimes with a pink sweater
Anaballick
New member
Whats wrong with my sweater?
ironbarbarian
New member
I hate cell phones too!!!
IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE, PLEASE STOP TALKING ON THE CELL-PHONE WHILE AROUND PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO CONCENTRATE.....
GRRRRRR!!!
IB
IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE, PLEASE STOP TALKING ON THE CELL-PHONE WHILE AROUND PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO CONCENTRATE.....
GRRRRRR!!!
IB
G
gilly6993-recreatedbygeorge
Guest
ironbarbarian said:
Try this, drop a fuckin 45 on it when it's sitting on the ground. Apologize real nice and say the gym isn't a place for cell phones.
All with a smile.
Bubba
New member
I go to a 24hr gym. The worst was two drunk guys with thier girlfriends. They got thier after the bar on a friday night in street clothes stinking of beer. They tried picking fights with some of the guys working out. One guy started with me.
The other was a guy who goes to my friends gym. He was an older guy he would always tell me about that would wear a striped singlet. I thought he was exagerating about how funny it was till I went with him one day and the guy showed up. OHHhh, how we laughed about that.
The other was a guy who goes to my friends gym. He was an older guy he would always tell me about that would wear a striped singlet. I thought he was exagerating about how funny it was till I went with him one day and the guy showed up. OHHhh, how we laughed about that.
c3bodybuilding
New member
LOL these are funny. I posted this before, but I'll repost for this thread...
I was doing bench press's one day, and I look over to the side in-between sets. I see olive dress pants. I then look up, and I see this guy wearing a hot pink/purple tank top cut down the chest (making it look like a womans halter top), an 80's 'wave hair do' with blond streaks, and he had a little guy following him around with a towel. I heard him tell him, "I would take roids, but my hiney hole is too small, tee hee tee hee." I laughed very hard. LOL
Then 4 months later, I was working my shoulders, with my fiance. He comes in again. This time stinking of some cheap colonge, or maybe perfume! Probably brute! LOL, pinstripe pants, and one of those train conducter hats from the early 1900's, worn sitting on the top of his head. Sorta like a little boy would wear it. So, he has a few pals with him. He is doing some weird made up version of a lat raise, and he starts yelling to the weights "OH DON'T TEASE ME!" I drop my weights, leave the room and I fall on the floor laughing. My fiance can't stop laughing either. After composing ourselves, we return. This time, he said to his buddy "Oh baby, if you dropped the weight, I would bend over and pick it up" Needless to say, I get a good laugh every time he comes to work out.
Then there is "Thor" about 6'5, 250-260ish. Long blond hair, looks like Thor from the comics. He comes in to workout in sunglasses. In the middle of the night.
HHHmmmm... I also have the tooth pic brigade! Three guys, all friends. Juiced up so heavy that their UPPER bodies only look like pro bodybuilders, and the hair is just falling out by the truck load. Here is the catch, none of them have legs. Well, they do.. but the one guy is at least honest. He has a 15inch thigh! But 21inch arms! His two buddies aren't any better.
Then their is Britney Spears... she comes to the gym with a shit load of make up on, looks more like Helen Hunt than Spears. She brings two guys about her age with her (she must be about 16). She has them look at her, and start to say she looks like spears, but she stops them and says "wait, I know, I look like her".
Then there is lat raise guy. He is an old ass dude, who comes in every day, and just does lat raises. 5 or 6 days a week. He never talks, but one day, one of the fags told him he was using too much weight. He said/yelled "I dont fucking care!" and got real pissed!
Who else do we got? Paranoid german guy! This guy missing all his teeth, who tells everyone he loves chocolate, and when ever he needs a spot, he gets paranoid that people think he is weak. "Can you spot me. I can lift it, really i can! It's just I need help getting it off, but I CAN LIFT IT!!!"
Then retard girl. She puts an ankle weight one.. assumes the dumbbell row position on the bench, but instead spins her ankle around in a circle about 50 times over, does the other, then JUMPS up, and RUNS out of the room. Going to where, I don't know, but is back within seconds.
I guess thats it, oh wait. OIL GUY! This FAT tub of lard, who is about 45, and drives one of those big old white vans from the 80s, the kind that looks like they have a camper on top. Well, he just tells anyone who will listen that he had a bunch of chicks over the weekend. "I was at the beach, and these babes were lining up to rub oil on me." Yes, they sure where, and then he woke up...
I guess that really is all of them. Of course for the two 'abdoer' kids. Really skinny guys, who just work abs. They once asked me for advice on gaining mass, when I told them to use free weights instead of machines, they gave me a blank look, took off, and did ab exercises.
Despite all these fucked up people, I work out at a pretty hard core gym. Has two floors. The top has some cardio equipment and the office. The bottom is the basement, filled with nothing but weights, racks, benches, a dumbbell room, and just a few machines, only ones you really need. And then a few bullshit ones. Chalk is allowed, have a powerlifting team, etc. It's just all these fucks came in after newyears. I'm sure they will go away once the weather gets warm, and return next newyears to 'change their lives'... lololololol
I was doing bench press's one day, and I look over to the side in-between sets. I see olive dress pants. I then look up, and I see this guy wearing a hot pink/purple tank top cut down the chest (making it look like a womans halter top), an 80's 'wave hair do' with blond streaks, and he had a little guy following him around with a towel. I heard him tell him, "I would take roids, but my hiney hole is too small, tee hee tee hee." I laughed very hard. LOL
Then 4 months later, I was working my shoulders, with my fiance. He comes in again. This time stinking of some cheap colonge, or maybe perfume! Probably brute! LOL, pinstripe pants, and one of those train conducter hats from the early 1900's, worn sitting on the top of his head. Sorta like a little boy would wear it. So, he has a few pals with him. He is doing some weird made up version of a lat raise, and he starts yelling to the weights "OH DON'T TEASE ME!" I drop my weights, leave the room and I fall on the floor laughing. My fiance can't stop laughing either. After composing ourselves, we return. This time, he said to his buddy "Oh baby, if you dropped the weight, I would bend over and pick it up" Needless to say, I get a good laugh every time he comes to work out.
Then there is "Thor" about 6'5, 250-260ish. Long blond hair, looks like Thor from the comics. He comes in to workout in sunglasses. In the middle of the night.
HHHmmmm... I also have the tooth pic brigade! Three guys, all friends. Juiced up so heavy that their UPPER bodies only look like pro bodybuilders, and the hair is just falling out by the truck load. Here is the catch, none of them have legs. Well, they do.. but the one guy is at least honest. He has a 15inch thigh! But 21inch arms! His two buddies aren't any better.
Then their is Britney Spears... she comes to the gym with a shit load of make up on, looks more like Helen Hunt than Spears. She brings two guys about her age with her (she must be about 16). She has them look at her, and start to say she looks like spears, but she stops them and says "wait, I know, I look like her".
Then there is lat raise guy. He is an old ass dude, who comes in every day, and just does lat raises. 5 or 6 days a week. He never talks, but one day, one of the fags told him he was using too much weight. He said/yelled "I dont fucking care!" and got real pissed!
Who else do we got? Paranoid german guy! This guy missing all his teeth, who tells everyone he loves chocolate, and when ever he needs a spot, he gets paranoid that people think he is weak. "Can you spot me. I can lift it, really i can! It's just I need help getting it off, but I CAN LIFT IT!!!"
Then retard girl. She puts an ankle weight one.. assumes the dumbbell row position on the bench, but instead spins her ankle around in a circle about 50 times over, does the other, then JUMPS up, and RUNS out of the room. Going to where, I don't know, but is back within seconds.
I guess thats it, oh wait. OIL GUY! This FAT tub of lard, who is about 45, and drives one of those big old white vans from the 80s, the kind that looks like they have a camper on top. Well, he just tells anyone who will listen that he had a bunch of chicks over the weekend. "I was at the beach, and these babes were lining up to rub oil on me." Yes, they sure where, and then he woke up...
I guess that really is all of them. Of course for the two 'abdoer' kids. Really skinny guys, who just work abs. They once asked me for advice on gaining mass, when I told them to use free weights instead of machines, they gave me a blank look, took off, and did ab exercises.
Despite all these fucked up people, I work out at a pretty hard core gym. Has two floors. The top has some cardio equipment and the office. The bottom is the basement, filled with nothing but weights, racks, benches, a dumbbell room, and just a few machines, only ones you really need. And then a few bullshit ones. Chalk is allowed, have a powerlifting team, etc. It's just all these fucks came in after newyears. I'm sure they will go away once the weather gets warm, and return next newyears to 'change their lives'... lololololol
wannaBbuff
New member
there is this little fag at my gym with an obvious case of short mans complex. he's got a lame tribal tattoo that was picked right off of the wall and he rolls his sleeve up so everyone can see it. he brings his wife sometimes and trys to show her what exercises to do, all of them wrong of course. one day he caught me checking out his wifes tits and so he starts practicing some sort of kung-fu or something in the mirror, he starts yelling waaaahaaahhaa and doing the wax on wax off move and looking out of the corner of his eye to see if i am watching.
c3bodybuilding
New member
Damn, I forgot about three weirdo's....
The Special Olympics Team... A group of corkys from Life Goes On, I don't know how they get to the gym, but they do. They all take turns doing bench press on the smith machine, for about two hours, all rotating endlessly. They are friends with that ankle weight spinning chick. Go figure.
Then there is HOLLYWOOD! He comes in around 2:30pm after school. He wears baggy shorts, a baggy fleece, an upside down visor. About 6'2, 160lbs. He carries his cell phone around, doesn't work out but yells to some old dude "yeah it's tough being the star of the football team!" He rested his cell phone on a piece of equipment i needed to use. i threw it on the ground. I just wish he would have told me about it....
Hell, now that I look back on all these weirdo's, I'm surprised I don't laugh so hard I cry when I go to workout. But thankfully there are a lot of good bro's there, who take this lifestyle seriously
The Special Olympics Team... A group of corkys from Life Goes On, I don't know how they get to the gym, but they do. They all take turns doing bench press on the smith machine, for about two hours, all rotating endlessly. They are friends with that ankle weight spinning chick. Go figure.
Then there is HOLLYWOOD! He comes in around 2:30pm after school. He wears baggy shorts, a baggy fleece, an upside down visor. About 6'2, 160lbs. He carries his cell phone around, doesn't work out but yells to some old dude "yeah it's tough being the star of the football team!" He rested his cell phone on a piece of equipment i needed to use. i threw it on the ground. I just wish he would have told me about it....
Hell, now that I look back on all these weirdo's, I'm surprised I don't laugh so hard I cry when I go to workout. But thankfully there are a lot of good bro's there, who take this lifestyle seriously
Enigmaxxx7
New member
IF YOU NEVER READ THIS BEFORE, READ IT NOW.
These 2 guys always train together. They both thought they were some kind of chick magnet hammers when in reality they couldnt get laid in a whore house. Anyway, they come dressed in kinda spandex bicycle shorts and BIG loop muscle shirts where you see everything. They are both about 6 foot tall and weigh about 170. Well one day one of the guys was trying to MACK on this girl at the gym. He is acting all nonchalant while he's talking to her and lays down on the flat bench to do some bench press. His partner/spotter slaps a 45 and 25 on each side. The guy on the bench is struggling at rep 5 when his spotter who is standing over him rips a juicy fart. The guy on the bench now has the full weight of the bar on his chest and can't get it off. His partner is laughing so hard, he can't get it off. Finally he pushes the bar off to the side where it comes crashing to the floor and he falls off the bench. He gets to his knees and starts vomiting. It was fuckin awesome.
These 2 guys always train together. They both thought they were some kind of chick magnet hammers when in reality they couldnt get laid in a whore house. Anyway, they come dressed in kinda spandex bicycle shorts and BIG loop muscle shirts where you see everything. They are both about 6 foot tall and weigh about 170. Well one day one of the guys was trying to MACK on this girl at the gym. He is acting all nonchalant while he's talking to her and lays down on the flat bench to do some bench press. His partner/spotter slaps a 45 and 25 on each side. The guy on the bench is struggling at rep 5 when his spotter who is standing over him rips a juicy fart. The guy on the bench now has the full weight of the bar on his chest and can't get it off. His partner is laughing so hard, he can't get it off. Finally he pushes the bar off to the side where it comes crashing to the floor and he falls off the bench. He gets to his knees and starts vomiting. It was fuckin awesome.
V
Victor
Guest
g-dogg said:
LOL , just by imagining this I am already LMFAO
Victor
3Vandoo
Well-known member
Last year ( Ask O'stanozol, he was there ).
There that big guy, kinda juice head like me and you
, and his beefy Girlfriend.
He was doing some supersetting, and he was doing standing dumbell curls.
I was also doing standing bumbell curls, I was doing 70lbs, and then the guy saw me
he dropped his 35lbs and jump on 80lbs, Im like WTF. So I went to 75 ( 6 times ) and the guy jumped on 85. And he was looking at me and he was forcing like hell, suddenly I turned to him and I said " You are one dumb fucking idiot, who are you crying to impress your 250lbs BEEFY girl, get a life dumbass"
and I left for that floor.
There that big guy, kinda juice head like me and you
, and his beefy Girlfriend.He was doing some supersetting, and he was doing standing dumbell curls.
I was also doing standing bumbell curls, I was doing 70lbs, and then the guy saw me
he dropped his 35lbs and jump on 80lbs, Im like WTF. So I went to 75 ( 6 times ) and the guy jumped on 85. And he was looking at me and he was forcing like hell, suddenly I turned to him and I said " You are one dumb fucking idiot, who are you crying to impress your 250lbs BEEFY girl, get a life dumbass"
and I left for that floor.
One of the funniest guys at my gym is this guy that we call Vic, short for Victory lap. He wears a sweater with cut of sleeves and a huge cutoff at top so it shows his chest. This guy is all upper and no wheels whatsoever. Anyways he will hit a set of about 315, don't get me wrong it is a lot of weight to be pushing, but then he walks around the entire perimeter of the gym to make sure that everyone sees him, just in case they did not hear him while screaming during his set before, and if he is walking in-between equipment he turns his body sideways as if he can not pass thru the 10 foot walkway.
That's some funny shit fellas....
I'm glad we are not all alone!! There are freaks everywhere!! I have these old guys that come into my gym. They kinda look like they're right off of Grumpy old Men!! They come in wearing small boy shorts pulled way up past their belly button almost to the chest. Then they wear black socks pulled all the way to the knees. They wait in the nautilus machine room corner until a young female wearing shorts or something of the sort gets on that leg spreader machine and they work their way over until they get a good shot of the girl's crotch and just stand there holding their balls with their mouths open. Then the female gets discusted with them being perverted and leaves...then they lay in wait again for the next female. By the way the whole time they are walking around wiping their heads with towels like they've been exercising!!
I'm glad we are not all alone!! There are freaks everywhere!! I have these old guys that come into my gym. They kinda look like they're right off of Grumpy old Men!! They come in wearing small boy shorts pulled way up past their belly button almost to the chest. Then they wear black socks pulled all the way to the knees. They wait in the nautilus machine room corner until a young female wearing shorts or something of the sort gets on that leg spreader machine and they work their way over until they get a good shot of the girl's crotch and just stand there holding their balls with their mouths open. Then the female gets discusted with them being perverted and leaves...then they lay in wait again for the next female. By the way the whole time they are walking around wiping their heads with towels like they've been exercising!!
TheGame_620
New member
OK I just thought of one. There is this guy that comes in our gym all the time. Hes a football player, but Im sure that hes never spent a minute in a game. HE comes in the gym goes straght to the squat rack with his lifting partner throughs on 315 and goes down for about 3 half reps and then gets spotted for the next. Meanwhile his sticklegs were shaking and looked like the legs of a barstool when a 375 lb fat ass sits on it. Then to top it off his spotter goes "great set great set" and then they move on to there chest routine which very closely resembled the squat routine exept that he started off with 315 and needed a spot on the first rep. This guy goes on and on like this , he workes every muscle group like this every day that hes in the gym. I think that he is one of the most annoying motherfuckers that Ive ever seen in a gym
argent
New member
We've got some doozies at my fuckin gym back home. This one guy, who we call The Tourrettes Dancer, will break out into Michael Jackson style dancing between his sets. I'm not just talking a little grooving to the music while your waiting to do a set. This is fullblown 1 minute in duration choreographed dancing complete with spin moves and everything. Me, Strider364 and our other bros just lose it everytime he does it. What a weiner that guy is.
aristotle_6
New member
I had not been in the gym for some while due to a shit load of problems, but I decided to start working out again. When I walked in the gym I knew something was just not right, too many people, just walking around smiling. Well I started my work out going light to ease into things. When I saw what everyone was smiling about. 2 guys. One was wearing some daisy dukes, with a sweater, mind you we have 100 degree weather in Texas. Anyway the music was loud but this dude had some earphones, his cellular stuck to his waist, and the mutherfucker was talking to himself, but guess what he wasnt lifting just standing infront of the mirror, this went on for about 20 minutes. Then he pulls up his sleeve and flexes his bicep, and wham the good ole I have never worked out in my life bicep shows up, and the guy gets pumped and starts yelling like a little bitch. Now by this point everyone and I mean everyone in the gym had stopped lifting and starting cracking up. Well we thought it was over, but then Mr. Bruce Lee comes in. He starts doing his martial art moves and screaming "cheeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaa" over and over and over. Again this dude doesnt lift he just shows up to do that bullshit infront of the mirror. Lessons learned, the gym gets freakier by the minute, and if you don't lift please please dont show up.
badazzwhitedude
New member
Enigmaxxx7 said:
That was the funniest shit I've ever read.
Wow....! There a re quite a few freaks at the Worlds here in San Diego. One of the funniest is a trainer who kinda looks like a leprechan (sp?) He's got these chops that look like tumors that grow half way down his face. He has all of his clients do some of the most fucked up training (bowling pinns and spring boards) I don't know why people pay him....everytime I see his clients doing the crazy shit he has them doing all I can think about is rotator cuff damage....ouch!
then there is the guy that sits up at the front counter reading his newspaper and talkin glike he is hot shit (LOSER) Why in the hell do you wake up at 4:30 am to come in the gym and pretend like you work there? Occassioanlly he will bounce from one cardi machine to the next.
then there is the guy that sits up at the front counter reading his newspaper and talkin glike he is hot shit (LOSER) Why in the hell do you wake up at 4:30 am to come in the gym and pretend like you work there? Occassioanlly he will bounce from one cardi machine to the next.
badazzwhitedude
New member
IronKop77 said:
Just make sure you aren't doing deadlifts with one of those hospital gowns on.
strider364
New member
argent said:
That dude is a jackass.
So a couple days ago I saw the semi-homeless late-40's guy at my gym - a Swedish sounding "ex UCLA team mascot" with stick legs - after he had been absent for awhile.
This poor guy has a university library card (I think you can pay $100 for them if you're not a student) which for students doubles as an entry card for the gym. Well it doesn't work at the access desk, so he just says, "well it works downstairs" and they let him go ahead, probably figuring that if a guy needs a shower that bad, let him go in.
This guy used to ask me every time he saw me in my Patriots t-shirt - "so how are your Pats doing" - as an excuse to talk about knowing some 5th string WR from some team and bringing up his glory days wearing a mascot costume at UCLA.
He's asked me that question like 30 times.
So the Pats finally win the Super Bowl, this guy sees me at the gym for the first time in a year, and do you think he asks me how my Pats are doing? NO SIR!
Damn him!
Ok, I'm thru.
This poor guy has a university library card (I think you can pay $100 for them if you're not a student) which for students doubles as an entry card for the gym. Well it doesn't work at the access desk, so he just says, "well it works downstairs" and they let him go ahead, probably figuring that if a guy needs a shower that bad, let him go in.
This guy used to ask me every time he saw me in my Patriots t-shirt - "so how are your Pats doing" - as an excuse to talk about knowing some 5th string WR from some team and bringing up his glory days wearing a mascot costume at UCLA.
He's asked me that question like 30 times.
So the Pats finally win the Super Bowl, this guy sees me at the gym for the first time in a year, and do you think he asks me how my Pats are doing? NO SIR!
Damn him!
Ok, I'm thru.
Two that come to mind ...
A skinny dorky looking guy standing at the squat rack with 3 plates on each side, a full lifting suit, belt, knee wraps, and a gallon of water. He's banging his head on the bar, pacing back and forth, talking to himself. He does this for like 5 minutes, takes the weight off the rack, backs up, does a slight knee bend, racks it and starts the same process over again. Then when the gym was closing down, he leaves the weight on the bar so the girl at the counter can see how much weight he was "lifting".
The other night I'm coming back from the water fountain between sets and I see this middle aged chick setting up one of the aerobics step blocks in the free weight area. She finally gets it together and then immediately starts going up and down extremely fast for like 10 seconds ... like flash dance or something. I 'bout lost it. I wanted to go up and sing to her 'You're a maniac, maniac ... I know'.
Enigmaxxx7: I almost bust a gut everytime I read that story. It is so f'in funny I can't stand it. I would pay big bucks to see that happen in my gym.
A skinny dorky looking guy standing at the squat rack with 3 plates on each side, a full lifting suit, belt, knee wraps, and a gallon of water. He's banging his head on the bar, pacing back and forth, talking to himself. He does this for like 5 minutes, takes the weight off the rack, backs up, does a slight knee bend, racks it and starts the same process over again. Then when the gym was closing down, he leaves the weight on the bar so the girl at the counter can see how much weight he was "lifting".
The other night I'm coming back from the water fountain between sets and I see this middle aged chick setting up one of the aerobics step blocks in the free weight area. She finally gets it together and then immediately starts going up and down extremely fast for like 10 seconds ... like flash dance or something. I 'bout lost it. I wanted to go up and sing to her 'You're a maniac, maniac ... I know'.
Enigmaxxx7: I almost bust a gut everytime I read that story. It is so f'in funny I can't stand it. I would pay big bucks to see that happen in my gym.
c17alkylated
New member
In january there was this new guy that comes walking in, and he is obviously a new years resolution. Anyway this guy comes strutting down the weight room to the power rack which is right by the dumbells where my bro and I were doin flatbench. He has grape smuggling jeans on, rattlesnake boots, and a cutoff shirt that says "American Bad Ass" haha lol this character has a huge puffy jet black mullet he thinks he is lorenzo lamas from renegade or something. This fuckin idiot put 315 on the squat bar and steps back barely goes down 5 inches and re racks the weight. Well then he goes to one side and to be a tough guy he takes off all three plate off at once, and the power rack at the gym is one of the open ones that just has pegs to rack the weight on. The second he pulled the wieghts off the bar flipped over so fuckin fast and smashed out a huge window and made the loudest sound I have ever heard in my life. He was standin there with the plates in his hand and his face was ghost white , and everyone was like pullin thier shirts over thier mouth and tryin not to laugh. Me and my bro's started screaming laughing and goin holy shit WTF is this guy thinkin!!! He never came back
rippedtrojan
New member
gtaman said:
PROOF that UCLA and it's grads are real LOSERS!
USC TROJANS FIGHT ON!
man i couldn't resist, it was too easy
barbell265
New member
ironbarbarian said:
IB you told me that I looked kewl!!
Swoleyoley
New member
This 5 foot mexican that wieghs in at no more than 90 puonds gets on the tredmill and puts it on the highest level, he runs and is so loud and everybody stares at him and laughs but he keeps on, after a couple time of this and a couple good laughs i guess he gets tired and flys backwares and bust his ass on the elipto gliders, everybody in the gym was laughing at him so he runs out crying..
The Ranger
New member
This outa cover a few we all see, and some we'd rather not see....heh heh heh....enjoy...
Compiled by Ranger and his workout partner Stretch...
Let's take a look, shall we...
STEVE STICKFIGURE- Steve goes from gym to gym, and has the remarkable ability to let everyone in the gym know how GREAT his body is. He wears all the latest bodybuilding clothes Crazeewear, Otomix, etc. Steve knows more than anyone about training, and is more than happy to share his knowledge. Of course this generally happens when you're in the middle of a rep. It's to bad Steve weighs 135lbs. cell phone, and gold chains included.
THE PEC-DECK POSSE- They generally move in groups of five, so beware!! No one knows for sure how many teams there are, but they run from gym to gym surrounding the pec-deck machine. A word of caution, DO NOT try to enter their circle!! It's a shame they cannot bench their own body weight.
CARLA COROLLA- Carla is quite the ledgend! No one has bigger balls than Carla when it comes to wearing spandex to smooth out cellulite. You can recognize her by the 1/2 inch of cake she wears on her face to smooth out the divots. Carla's name comes from the famous Toyota Corolla than runs forever, and Carla runs from one gym to the next...forever!
ANNA DROL- Anna is the chick that looks like Chyna, benches more than half the dudes in the gym, and has sexual organs longer than a footlong hot dog. Her voice sounds like Tone Loc when she asks for a spot, and stretch marks accross her pecs that would rival the hardest core lifter. After her workout, she disappears in the locker room, only to emerge looking like a monkey wearing a mini skirt...Stretch really digs this chick!
BILL FLOODGATE- Nerdy looking clown, headphones, popular science magazines, I'm sure you've seen him. Fifteen minutes into his workout, he leaves a puddle of sweat on everything he touches. Towels will not work on Bill, so use caution when approaching him!
RANDY RATCHETJAW- This Bozo never works out, stays in the gym for three hours, greets everyone like he's known them for life, and constantly spews forth babble from that wadgobbling hole under his nose. Randy is easy to overcome, a simple slap usually will suffice, but the best method is to inform him that Bill Floodgate needs a spot...Heh heh heh!
LITTLE COUSIN BOBBY- This is the slightly(mentally) challenged guy who works the front desk. Bobby is VERY intense, and generally foams at the mouth when you forget your membership card. DO NOT make Bobby mad!
AUNT BEE- Aqua Net hairdo, leaves a waif of perfume vapor that lingers for three days, sits on a machine for 1 hour showing pictures of her grandchild Opie that looks like the missing link. I know you've seen her....Never discuss a recipe with this broad!!
THE BENCH BUNCH- I don't need to go into this to much. They are three guys who hog the bench, never do legs, and will pile on three times the weight they can actually bench. Their reps consist of the bar dropping at a rapid rate to their chest, while the other two pop blood vessels in their heads to get the bar back up. Once the rep is complete, there are high fives all the way around. Indented chests, and hockey stick legs identify these clowns!
CANDY CARDIOBUNNY- The absolute treadmill wonder of the gym. One solid hour at warp speed for this chick, and all without a rest. Never lifts weights because she doesn't want to look " Bulky " . Candy can be identified simply because she looks as though she could hang glide from a Dorito Chip!
BEN BACKINTHEDAY- Ben's a hoot. He comes up with long lost exercises, and training methods that have been locked away in the pyramids. Poor Ben suffers from ELS, a very rare disorder for which there is no cure. Around the gym it's known as Exageratted Lat Syndrom, which forces the afflicted to walk around bellowing while the arms are extended at 45 degree angles giving the impression of huge, Coleman-like lats. Wide-grip chins have been reported to reduce the effects of this grossly deforming disease.
BUNNY SPANDEX- Gotta love Bunny. She has the unearthly ability to stop workouts, make older men act 18, and has an ass that could crack walnuts whole! She wears the latest " Show me everything " attire, blonde hair, perky breasts, and has a following that would rival Jesus at the gym. Generally accompanied by Arnold Roidhead, so beware!
ARNOLD ROIDHEAD- No gym is complete without a few Arnolds around. Most of the time, the biggest, loudest, and most obnoxious guy there. He has a following of slaves that worship his every move and slobber over him and his bulging roidgut. Careful with Arnold though, he will swell up to imense proportions when Bunny Spandex walks in, and it's best not to make eye contact with him or her until she leaves. Arnold must see a doctor at least once per month to have new parts placed in his head to maintain bodily functions.
GARY GOATFARMER- Gary is one of the most hated guys in the gym. Comes in straight off the farm, goatshit splattered boots, dirty jeans, and removes his flannel shirt down to a yellow-stained tee shirt to work out in. Gary can simply clear a room by his presence alone. There is no known defense for Gary, but it has been reputed that soap may reduce the after burner qualities he has!
WILLIE WIFEBEATER- They travel in groups of 2 to 12. Pants straight from MC Hammer's wardrobe with ground dragging crotch. White wifebeater shirts, pasty white skin, hats turned backwards, and at least 10 body peircings spread out all over their 110lb. bodies. Their function at the gym remains uknown at this point.
LARRY LOCKERROOM- Most of the time Larry is in his 70's or 80's at least, no one knows for sure. Larry, after his workout, likes to spend at least an hour in the locker room naked, prancing around with elephant like wrinkles, and more chins than a Chinese Resturant. He will use the blow dryer to dry private parts of his body, and feels no shame at striking up a conversation with you at this point in time. I think my training partner Stretch has the best cure for this. He calls it ABC!! Absolute Bowel Control, as he puts it, his squat hardned ass doesn't hit procelin until Larry has cleared the locker room. I feel this is sound advice and should be followed at all times.
FRED FITNESSTRAINER- Fred has all the certifications, and has passed all the written requirements, he just seemed to forget the physical ones. Usually can be seen with 2 to 3 others built like him, and can be heard telling them what everyone is doing wrong. This of course is bewteen bites from his Twinkies while proclaiming he is bulking for some non-existent powerlifting meet he has been training for, for the last 12 years. Need training? Submit application to Stretch or myself, photo's must be included.
JIMMY CHIA-PET- Jimmy can make the most hard core lifters shudder! He seems normal when he walks in and heads to the locker room, but what exits is straight from the jungles of Bangledash!! Very tight onion-skin running shorts left over from the mid 80's, and nipple showing lifting tee's straight from any hard core BB magazine, and with no socks or shoes, Jimmy is awe inspiring!! He has thick, gorilla-coarse hair that covers every inch of his troll like body, it actually grows up his neck, though generally clean shaved, it's still a very scary site. If you've never seen Jimmy at your gym, see the movie Lord of the Rings, he had several parts in that flick I've been told. I cannot bring myself to see it at this point.
GREG GORILLABOY- Greg works out alone, and is the oppisite of the Benchbunch gang. Greg has very short legs, but his arms drag the gound. Greg can be identified by the roller skates he wears on his hands so his knuckles won't scrape the carpet. Never does bench, he just squats. All of Greg's pants must be special ordered from K-mart.
THE GERBIL- " SHUDDER " I'd rather not go into this, but he's the guy that hides back in the corner watching all the big guys pound iron. Looks like Hannible Lecter, and talks with a lisp. Never make eye contact with him, act like he's not there. Avoid at all costs unless you want a 6 foot by 3 foot plot of ground in his back yard!!
SALLY SPREADLEGS- She comes to the gym to pick up Iron Brothers. Never works out, and can ruin a good workout with one Pall Mall voiced sentence. Has the IQ of a cricket, and can be identified when leaving by the eight children she has in tow. Avoid at all costs, or your gym carrer is over!
KENNY KNOWSTHEMALL- Kenny knows everyone, and he's the GREATEST! If you don't believe him, just ask him. His advice starts out with, " Ronnie told me " or the famous, " Flex has said many times " and lest we not forget " King Kamali and I did " These types generally cannot distinguish between fantasy land and the real gym. It's also a known fact they cannot enter any bodybuilding function due to the pending stalking charges. Depending on your physique level, you may wish to avoid, usually gives sound advice to Arnold Roidhead.
MARK MrO- Marks been training for the Mr. O for many years, very much like Stretch and myself. And Mark is the first to let you know he's going this year, of course we did as well, but our tickets had better seats than his did. Harmless, but can be irritating.
PETER POPAZIT- This gym wonder forgot side effects of steroids and has a roadmap atlas of zits accross his back and chest. He gets his name due to the popping noise his zits make when doing heavy bench and bent over rows...For safety reasons, you should wear goggles when working around Peter!
CARLY CAMELTOE- Carly is AMAZING!! Straight off the treadmill, nice sweat going on, and straight to the weight room for the intense workout protion of her day. Face down on the leg curl machine, tight shorts, up the legs go......Need I say more? Heh heh heh....Although Stretch and I enjoy her presence very much I must add!!
HARLOD HOCKEYSTICKS- The upper body wonder of the gym scene people. Upper body is flawlees in every respect, and actually seems to be a nice guy in a way. Wears nice baggies to workout in, decent shoes, good form, what else could you want. When you see him at the beach is when the shock sets in, Harold never works legs, and in the tight swim suit he's wearing his legs look like hockey sticks, or perhaps he's riding a chicken...Stretch and I are undecided at thias point though.
THE HALF-REP GURUGODS- A must for every gym, and not complete without them. Most of the time huddled around the squat rack with 5 plates on each side. The noise they emit from their pie holes is staggering and done to ensure everyone will pause to watch the enormous feat coming up! I must admit Stretch and I have fallen victim to them at least once or twice. The first of the group bangs head off the bar until blood flows from his forehead(a hardcore habit), unracks the bar emitting a Tarzan like scream, lowers 4 inches into a squat, then stands erect once again to complete the awe inspiring rep. We are generally left dumbfounded by the sheer stupidity of this act, yet they precieve it to be God-Like looks of worship...Ignore them and move on!
HAL HALITOSIS- AVOID at all costs. Hal's diet consists of shitburgers for every meal, and his breath reeks of their after effects. If you're caught unaware and he starts a conversation with you, Stretch has the best advice. Take deep breath, turn face to the side, and close one eye, as Stretch puts it, " It's better to be blind in one eye than both eyes! " Truly a nightmare.
DEREK DRUNKGUY- Gibbering to himself, covered in filth, eating his own toenail clippings, curling in the squat rack. There's no end to his perversions!
THE SUPERHERO GANG- Skin tight spandex showing off disgustingly perfect bodies, flying here and there like giant mosquitoes, throwing lightning bolts at each other and saving the world between sets. I hate these guys!
ANGIE DIMPLEKNEES- The self proclaimed Oreo-Cookie Queen of Bodybuilding. Easily spotted due to the fact you'd have to roll her in flour to find a wet spot. She appears out of hibernation January 2nd, but her life is short lived and returns to hibernation Febuary 3rd for another year. Harmless, but a GREAT cook!!
SPOT PUMPKINHEAD- Rather small High School kid with a head so big, it looks like his neck is trying to blow a bubble. He rushes from member to member giving a spot and advice whether it's needed or not. Very irritating, but Stretch cures this snapper-head with a simple growl....Works wonders!!
Stretch and I have tried to cover all the various characters we have seen in our many travels. I know we can in no way cover them all, but we've tried. Please use caution in your gym should you come in contact with one, or several of these types....
Until next time....Bleed Iron my Iron Brothers!
Ranger
Compiled by Ranger and his workout partner Stretch...
Let's take a look, shall we...
STEVE STICKFIGURE- Steve goes from gym to gym, and has the remarkable ability to let everyone in the gym know how GREAT his body is. He wears all the latest bodybuilding clothes Crazeewear, Otomix, etc. Steve knows more than anyone about training, and is more than happy to share his knowledge. Of course this generally happens when you're in the middle of a rep. It's to bad Steve weighs 135lbs. cell phone, and gold chains included.
THE PEC-DECK POSSE- They generally move in groups of five, so beware!! No one knows for sure how many teams there are, but they run from gym to gym surrounding the pec-deck machine. A word of caution, DO NOT try to enter their circle!! It's a shame they cannot bench their own body weight.
CARLA COROLLA- Carla is quite the ledgend! No one has bigger balls than Carla when it comes to wearing spandex to smooth out cellulite. You can recognize her by the 1/2 inch of cake she wears on her face to smooth out the divots. Carla's name comes from the famous Toyota Corolla than runs forever, and Carla runs from one gym to the next...forever!
ANNA DROL- Anna is the chick that looks like Chyna, benches more than half the dudes in the gym, and has sexual organs longer than a footlong hot dog. Her voice sounds like Tone Loc when she asks for a spot, and stretch marks accross her pecs that would rival the hardest core lifter. After her workout, she disappears in the locker room, only to emerge looking like a monkey wearing a mini skirt...Stretch really digs this chick!
BILL FLOODGATE- Nerdy looking clown, headphones, popular science magazines, I'm sure you've seen him. Fifteen minutes into his workout, he leaves a puddle of sweat on everything he touches. Towels will not work on Bill, so use caution when approaching him!
RANDY RATCHETJAW- This Bozo never works out, stays in the gym for three hours, greets everyone like he's known them for life, and constantly spews forth babble from that wadgobbling hole under his nose. Randy is easy to overcome, a simple slap usually will suffice, but the best method is to inform him that Bill Floodgate needs a spot...Heh heh heh!
LITTLE COUSIN BOBBY- This is the slightly(mentally) challenged guy who works the front desk. Bobby is VERY intense, and generally foams at the mouth when you forget your membership card. DO NOT make Bobby mad!
AUNT BEE- Aqua Net hairdo, leaves a waif of perfume vapor that lingers for three days, sits on a machine for 1 hour showing pictures of her grandchild Opie that looks like the missing link. I know you've seen her....Never discuss a recipe with this broad!!
THE BENCH BUNCH- I don't need to go into this to much. They are three guys who hog the bench, never do legs, and will pile on three times the weight they can actually bench. Their reps consist of the bar dropping at a rapid rate to their chest, while the other two pop blood vessels in their heads to get the bar back up. Once the rep is complete, there are high fives all the way around. Indented chests, and hockey stick legs identify these clowns!
CANDY CARDIOBUNNY- The absolute treadmill wonder of the gym. One solid hour at warp speed for this chick, and all without a rest. Never lifts weights because she doesn't want to look " Bulky " . Candy can be identified simply because she looks as though she could hang glide from a Dorito Chip!
BEN BACKINTHEDAY- Ben's a hoot. He comes up with long lost exercises, and training methods that have been locked away in the pyramids. Poor Ben suffers from ELS, a very rare disorder for which there is no cure. Around the gym it's known as Exageratted Lat Syndrom, which forces the afflicted to walk around bellowing while the arms are extended at 45 degree angles giving the impression of huge, Coleman-like lats. Wide-grip chins have been reported to reduce the effects of this grossly deforming disease.
BUNNY SPANDEX- Gotta love Bunny. She has the unearthly ability to stop workouts, make older men act 18, and has an ass that could crack walnuts whole! She wears the latest " Show me everything " attire, blonde hair, perky breasts, and has a following that would rival Jesus at the gym. Generally accompanied by Arnold Roidhead, so beware!
ARNOLD ROIDHEAD- No gym is complete without a few Arnolds around. Most of the time, the biggest, loudest, and most obnoxious guy there. He has a following of slaves that worship his every move and slobber over him and his bulging roidgut. Careful with Arnold though, he will swell up to imense proportions when Bunny Spandex walks in, and it's best not to make eye contact with him or her until she leaves. Arnold must see a doctor at least once per month to have new parts placed in his head to maintain bodily functions.
GARY GOATFARMER- Gary is one of the most hated guys in the gym. Comes in straight off the farm, goatshit splattered boots, dirty jeans, and removes his flannel shirt down to a yellow-stained tee shirt to work out in. Gary can simply clear a room by his presence alone. There is no known defense for Gary, but it has been reputed that soap may reduce the after burner qualities he has!
WILLIE WIFEBEATER- They travel in groups of 2 to 12. Pants straight from MC Hammer's wardrobe with ground dragging crotch. White wifebeater shirts, pasty white skin, hats turned backwards, and at least 10 body peircings spread out all over their 110lb. bodies. Their function at the gym remains uknown at this point.
LARRY LOCKERROOM- Most of the time Larry is in his 70's or 80's at least, no one knows for sure. Larry, after his workout, likes to spend at least an hour in the locker room naked, prancing around with elephant like wrinkles, and more chins than a Chinese Resturant. He will use the blow dryer to dry private parts of his body, and feels no shame at striking up a conversation with you at this point in time. I think my training partner Stretch has the best cure for this. He calls it ABC!! Absolute Bowel Control, as he puts it, his squat hardned ass doesn't hit procelin until Larry has cleared the locker room. I feel this is sound advice and should be followed at all times.
FRED FITNESSTRAINER- Fred has all the certifications, and has passed all the written requirements, he just seemed to forget the physical ones. Usually can be seen with 2 to 3 others built like him, and can be heard telling them what everyone is doing wrong. This of course is bewteen bites from his Twinkies while proclaiming he is bulking for some non-existent powerlifting meet he has been training for, for the last 12 years. Need training? Submit application to Stretch or myself, photo's must be included.
JIMMY CHIA-PET- Jimmy can make the most hard core lifters shudder! He seems normal when he walks in and heads to the locker room, but what exits is straight from the jungles of Bangledash!! Very tight onion-skin running shorts left over from the mid 80's, and nipple showing lifting tee's straight from any hard core BB magazine, and with no socks or shoes, Jimmy is awe inspiring!! He has thick, gorilla-coarse hair that covers every inch of his troll like body, it actually grows up his neck, though generally clean shaved, it's still a very scary site. If you've never seen Jimmy at your gym, see the movie Lord of the Rings, he had several parts in that flick I've been told. I cannot bring myself to see it at this point.
GREG GORILLABOY- Greg works out alone, and is the oppisite of the Benchbunch gang. Greg has very short legs, but his arms drag the gound. Greg can be identified by the roller skates he wears on his hands so his knuckles won't scrape the carpet. Never does bench, he just squats. All of Greg's pants must be special ordered from K-mart.
THE GERBIL- " SHUDDER " I'd rather not go into this, but he's the guy that hides back in the corner watching all the big guys pound iron. Looks like Hannible Lecter, and talks with a lisp. Never make eye contact with him, act like he's not there. Avoid at all costs unless you want a 6 foot by 3 foot plot of ground in his back yard!!
SALLY SPREADLEGS- She comes to the gym to pick up Iron Brothers. Never works out, and can ruin a good workout with one Pall Mall voiced sentence. Has the IQ of a cricket, and can be identified when leaving by the eight children she has in tow. Avoid at all costs, or your gym carrer is over!
KENNY KNOWSTHEMALL- Kenny knows everyone, and he's the GREATEST! If you don't believe him, just ask him. His advice starts out with, " Ronnie told me " or the famous, " Flex has said many times " and lest we not forget " King Kamali and I did " These types generally cannot distinguish between fantasy land and the real gym. It's also a known fact they cannot enter any bodybuilding function due to the pending stalking charges. Depending on your physique level, you may wish to avoid, usually gives sound advice to Arnold Roidhead.
MARK MrO- Marks been training for the Mr. O for many years, very much like Stretch and myself. And Mark is the first to let you know he's going this year, of course we did as well, but our tickets had better seats than his did. Harmless, but can be irritating.
PETER POPAZIT- This gym wonder forgot side effects of steroids and has a roadmap atlas of zits accross his back and chest. He gets his name due to the popping noise his zits make when doing heavy bench and bent over rows...For safety reasons, you should wear goggles when working around Peter!
CARLY CAMELTOE- Carly is AMAZING!! Straight off the treadmill, nice sweat going on, and straight to the weight room for the intense workout protion of her day. Face down on the leg curl machine, tight shorts, up the legs go......Need I say more? Heh heh heh....Although Stretch and I enjoy her presence very much I must add!!
HARLOD HOCKEYSTICKS- The upper body wonder of the gym scene people. Upper body is flawlees in every respect, and actually seems to be a nice guy in a way. Wears nice baggies to workout in, decent shoes, good form, what else could you want. When you see him at the beach is when the shock sets in, Harold never works legs, and in the tight swim suit he's wearing his legs look like hockey sticks, or perhaps he's riding a chicken...Stretch and I are undecided at thias point though.
THE HALF-REP GURUGODS- A must for every gym, and not complete without them. Most of the time huddled around the squat rack with 5 plates on each side. The noise they emit from their pie holes is staggering and done to ensure everyone will pause to watch the enormous feat coming up! I must admit Stretch and I have fallen victim to them at least once or twice. The first of the group bangs head off the bar until blood flows from his forehead(a hardcore habit), unracks the bar emitting a Tarzan like scream, lowers 4 inches into a squat, then stands erect once again to complete the awe inspiring rep. We are generally left dumbfounded by the sheer stupidity of this act, yet they precieve it to be God-Like looks of worship...Ignore them and move on!
HAL HALITOSIS- AVOID at all costs. Hal's diet consists of shitburgers for every meal, and his breath reeks of their after effects. If you're caught unaware and he starts a conversation with you, Stretch has the best advice. Take deep breath, turn face to the side, and close one eye, as Stretch puts it, " It's better to be blind in one eye than both eyes! " Truly a nightmare.
DEREK DRUNKGUY- Gibbering to himself, covered in filth, eating his own toenail clippings, curling in the squat rack. There's no end to his perversions!
THE SUPERHERO GANG- Skin tight spandex showing off disgustingly perfect bodies, flying here and there like giant mosquitoes, throwing lightning bolts at each other and saving the world between sets. I hate these guys!
ANGIE DIMPLEKNEES- The self proclaimed Oreo-Cookie Queen of Bodybuilding. Easily spotted due to the fact you'd have to roll her in flour to find a wet spot. She appears out of hibernation January 2nd, but her life is short lived and returns to hibernation Febuary 3rd for another year. Harmless, but a GREAT cook!!
SPOT PUMPKINHEAD- Rather small High School kid with a head so big, it looks like his neck is trying to blow a bubble. He rushes from member to member giving a spot and advice whether it's needed or not. Very irritating, but Stretch cures this snapper-head with a simple growl....Works wonders!!
Stretch and I have tried to cover all the various characters we have seen in our many travels. I know we can in no way cover them all, but we've tried. Please use caution in your gym should you come in contact with one, or several of these types....
Until next time....Bleed Iron my Iron Brothers!
Ranger
This is sorta like the lat machine asshole...this 60 year old man probably 240lbs of fat wears these horrible aged black slacks, a purple sweaty looking t shirt (same one everyday) and black high tops does the hammer seated high row for about 40 sets and he does this every day.
There's this one fag high school kid who loads up the 45degree leg press with 9 plates each side. He does 3 partial reps for two sets and takes off the weight. This one time the dumbass unloads all the plates on one side and the whole fucking leg press tips over smashes, breaks and knocks over another machine. The owner is right there watching this happen and everyone (except the owner) is laughing.
The "Andre Agassi" This one dude in his early 30's who looks like andre agassi (minus the skill and appeal) does dumbell shoulder press with 30 lbs. Not so bad...EXCEPT he does them extremely slow (20 second up and 20 down) and SCREAMS at the top of his lungs the whole time. What an annoying asshole.
"The Novelist" This one skinny dude..barely breaking 100 lbs does a set on some press machine, sits on it while he rests (about 10-15 minute between sets) and reads a fucking novel? What the hell is the point?
There's this one fag high school kid who loads up the 45degree leg press with 9 plates each side. He does 3 partial reps for two sets and takes off the weight. This one time the dumbass unloads all the plates on one side and the whole fucking leg press tips over smashes, breaks and knocks over another machine. The owner is right there watching this happen and everyone (except the owner) is laughing.
The "Andre Agassi" This one dude in his early 30's who looks like andre agassi (minus the skill and appeal) does dumbell shoulder press with 30 lbs. Not so bad...EXCEPT he does them extremely slow (20 second up and 20 down) and SCREAMS at the top of his lungs the whole time. What an annoying asshole.
"The Novelist" This one skinny dude..barely breaking 100 lbs does a set on some press machine, sits on it while he rests (about 10-15 minute between sets) and reads a fucking novel? What the hell is the point?
i think this is like my 3rd post on this thread but this has got to be said. a fucking trainer in my gym had some girl who said "i bet i can incline 135 if you spot me" so the guy starts talking shit thinking that hes big cause he just cranked out 5 reps with it and gets off the bench to let her assume the position. she gets on, he lifts it off, and lets go. needless to say her arms crumble under the weight and the bar comes crashing to her chest. it should be pointed out that the trainer thought this was hilarious. he let the bar sit there until she started crying and then he lifted it off. i felt like putting that fool through a wall.
The Ranger
New member
Heh heh heh....I hate to be an asshole, but I would have probally laughed my ass off if I'd have been there...God the people we see in da gym....Gotta luv it
Ranger
Ranger
I would have to say and only cause it wasnt me .
this big dude kept messin with this little dude that was a little slow, callin him sissy boy and tellin him to go home to momma
cause he didnt want to wait for his turn on the bench.well when the big guy got the bench he laid under about 270 or so and out of no where came this little dude with a 10 plate and smacked him upside his head (and he hit him good)The little dude just walked out of the gym and did not look back. while the big dude laid pinned with a bench bar across him
and you no at that point i decided i would not fuck with them little guys no more
Graffixx
this big dude kept messin with this little dude that was a little slow, callin him sissy boy and tellin him to go home to momma
cause he didnt want to wait for his turn on the bench.well when the big guy got the bench he laid under about 270 or so and out of no where came this little dude with a 10 plate and smacked him upside his head (and he hit him good)The little dude just walked out of the gym and did not look back. while the big dude laid pinned with a bench bar across him
and you no at that point i decided i would not fuck with them little guys no more
Graffixx
LivinLarger
New member
I have a few guys at my gym who spend most of their time on the gyno machine. I laugh every time I see a guy on that thing.
gyno machine..lol..
I always wonder what the proper ettiquette is when walking past the machine when a woman is using it. I try to keep my eyes on the ground or I just walk around the back of the machine.
I remember once this beautiful girl caught me staring at her ass on the leg curl machine (the one where you lie on your stomach).
I always wonder what the proper ettiquette is when walking past the machine when a woman is using it. I try to keep my eyes on the ground or I just walk around the back of the machine.
I remember once this beautiful girl caught me staring at her ass on the leg curl machine (the one where you lie on your stomach).
a few things
there was a trans sexual..best looking tits Ive ever seen,,now remember they become a women becuase they want to look feminine..but this tranny was pumpin some good weight...
also a guy a train...so someone and said ti me..shit, look at the size of that guy..well with out mentioning names...it was top 10 pro women bodybuilder..he took hes glasses off and said , thats not a women
there was a trans sexual..best looking tits Ive ever seen,,now remember they become a women becuase they want to look feminine..but this tranny was pumpin some good weight...
also a guy a train...so someone and said ti me..shit, look at the size of that guy..well with out mentioning names...it was top 10 pro women bodybuilder..he took hes glasses off and said , thats not a women
sigweed
New member
I just saw this today so I thought I'd post it. Well as I was working out today, this guy came into the gym with a jacket on. After warming up with it on, he took it off an tossed it aside. It was at this point when I noticed that this guy, maybe 185, was single-handely keeping the tensor bandage industry alive. He had dual gloves, wrist tensors, elbow tensors, what looked to be some sort of fucking shoulder tensor, knee tensor, and I didn't see any ankle tensors but it was quite possible. Oh yea, on top of that, he had the gloves, support belt, fanny pack, and spandex pants going. He looked like he just robbed a gym-apparel store!!
ThePolishHammer
New member
funny shit at the gym?
1. Old people, who are there to try and prove that there still young,
2. Asian kids
1. Old people, who are there to try and prove that there still young,
2. Asian kids
Mr_Pincushonass
New member
Most rediculous thing for me was this. After a set of curls I flexed my biceps (I do it after every set to get a bigger pump), and some bloated joke came up to me and flexed in the mirror telling me his arms are 20 1/4 inches (0% definition) then I flexed my 19 1/2 inch arms ripped. He quickly stopped flexing, looked like an idoit and walked away looking humiliated. Me and my buddy just grinned and flexed even more. He is about 30, and im 20, I said wait until im your age. These guys should be hung. LOL.
today i seen this dude that alot of people were laughing at, but the dude couldnt hear. he was wearing a sweater and pants and was sitting at the preacher curl station. he was about 170lbs and was one arm curling a 75lbs weight,except he was useing his free arm to actually pull up and let down the weight. and it looked mass funny cause u could tell that he was haveing a hard time actually bringing the weight back up with both arms,and it looked like his free arm was doing more pulling then the other arm doing the curling, right after he got done doing this 10 times he grabed a 20lbs weight and did 10 more curls. i tell u it was the funniest thing anyone in the gym saw today, and the dude was sweating mass. in a sweater. lol
brown_bomber
New member
A 50 year ol guy(260@40%bf or something I guess) comes in at 6:00 am sharp and picks up these pink dumbells meant for the aerobics POW's and starts doing karate chops with them.With his funny grunts and his HUUUUUGE belly sloshing around it is as good as it can get.THE WORLD'S BEST "IRON JOKER".
Ahhhhh FUNNNY People
I have plenty of them in my gym.. Recently I had a gang - 3 young dudes - of Body for Spring Breakers come in. They all hovered around the bench started yelling at each other "Who's the mean son of a bitch.." "Are you tough enough".. etc and proceded to bounce about 125 off their chests..
To make this sight more entertaining they where all wearing tan dockers & button down shirts??
Later in my workout one of them decided to bother me.. I was in the middle shoulder pressing two 90lb dumb bells when one of them stands right in front of me (I'm seated on an incline). I'm finishing about 9 reps and start to fail and bring them down quickly and almost nail Docker man. I look up at him and say "what?". Docker man leans over and asks me: "What are you taking to get so big?" I tell him diet/exercise (of course nothing else) and he leans over again - "No man, I'm looking for some stuff that will get me big fast, I thought you'd know"
I stand up and get in his face and tell him don't ask shit like that again to me. Also I'm pissed off enough so I tell them that one thing I don't do is dress like a fag when I workout. He gave me a look (like he was going to do something), so I told him to go away and play with his girlfriends (his "Docker Gang")
Unbelievable the kind of morons that push you within inches of losing your Gym membership..
I have plenty of them in my gym.. Recently I had a gang - 3 young dudes - of Body for Spring Breakers come in. They all hovered around the bench started yelling at each other "Who's the mean son of a bitch.." "Are you tough enough".. etc and proceded to bounce about 125 off their chests..
To make this sight more entertaining they where all wearing tan dockers & button down shirts??
Later in my workout one of them decided to bother me.. I was in the middle shoulder pressing two 90lb dumb bells when one of them stands right in front of me (I'm seated on an incline). I'm finishing about 9 reps and start to fail and bring them down quickly and almost nail Docker man. I look up at him and say "what?". Docker man leans over and asks me: "What are you taking to get so big?" I tell him diet/exercise (of course nothing else) and he leans over again - "No man, I'm looking for some stuff that will get me big fast, I thought you'd know"
I stand up and get in his face and tell him don't ask shit like that again to me. Also I'm pissed off enough so I tell them that one thing I don't do is dress like a fag when I workout. He gave me a look (like he was going to do something), so I told him to go away and play with his girlfriends (his "Docker Gang")
Unbelievable the kind of morons that push you within inches of losing your Gym membership..
There is two Old women about 70 years old. One competes an is very muscular but has areas where te skin is hanging every where, she were the least amount of clothes and the tightest she can find. don't get me wrong I admire her her dedication to Bodybuilding but she does not need wear some the things she does. Well the other is just saggy and gross looking. she also wears very little clothes, and likes for her thong to show, yes i said thong. this lady is so gross looking that I have complained to the owners of Golds Gym.
Another funny thing I have seen is this older guy, (aleast older than me) doing concentration curls with 60lb DB and 70ld DB. the funny thing is that he weighs about 130lbs 6' tall arms as big my fingers and he can barley pick the weight up from the floor. It looks like he doing seated Power Cleans. The weight doesn't move but every bone in his body is moving every where. I've asked what muscle is he working, he gives me this look like duh can't you tell. a funny site to witness. 
a funny site to witness. 
DTOX
New member
There's an inbred hick "Alabama Man" that comes to the gym every once in awhile.
He wears dirty workboots, blue jeans and a plaid flannel shirt that he's cut the sleeves off. Around his gut he wears a lifting belt--yet never does squats or dead lifts. This is what he works out in. And it blows me away that nobody at the gym has asked him what the fuck is his problem.
His workout consists of wandering around the gym aimlessly until he randomly finds a machine he likes (he never uses free wieghts) and then to try to do the whole stack by using as much body motion as possible and the worst possible form. He'll do this for a couple of reps until he can't do it anymore, then get up, and wander around the gym aimlessly for another minute until he randomly finds another machine. This goes on for about an hour.
He wears dirty workboots, blue jeans and a plaid flannel shirt that he's cut the sleeves off. Around his gut he wears a lifting belt--yet never does squats or dead lifts. This is what he works out in. And it blows me away that nobody at the gym has asked him what the fuck is his problem.
His workout consists of wandering around the gym aimlessly until he randomly finds a machine he likes (he never uses free wieghts) and then to try to do the whole stack by using as much body motion as possible and the worst possible form. He'll do this for a couple of reps until he can't do it anymore, then get up, and wander around the gym aimlessly for another minute until he randomly finds another machine. This goes on for about an hour.
PURE EXTRACT
New member
I saw something pretty funny. This dumb ass girl walks into the gym. Goes over to the decline bench ok. Me and my boy were doing incline dumbells. So she's there for a few minutes trying to figure out how to get on it...I mean like it was she was trying to discover a new atmospheric compensation method. So me and my boy walk over and are like you need help. She says, "I used to do sit-ups on this bench but...well, i don't ever remember this bar being here." She was talking about the fucking barbell...I just said, "You mean THIS bar??" (as I picked it off the rack)
I wish she was blonde just so I could understand
I wish she was blonde just so I could understand
waterboy
New member
The ridiculous thing I ever seen in my gym was yesterday ...This 5'8 270 pound beef cake asked me to spot him (a guy I never seen before)on a flat bench press ....I look at the weight and it was 185 so im thinking this is the guys first set and he tells me he is going to try and get this for one rep that he is maxing out .....So this guy takes it down gets it up 1/4 of the way and stops so I just look in amazment as the bar drops to his chest then I lift it off him and walk away .... 
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BigDdaGanjalist
New member
ThePolishHammer said:
Wots so funny about that? Im guessing there's an Asian kid at your gym that's more advanced than you and you're just jealous.
Little Rage
New member
Almost every sat morning during the summer, at the gym i workout at, people walk around doing their exercises while drinking coffee and sometimes eating bagels or doughnuts...
primetime21
Banned
there are 2 things:
1- The trainers that have guts and are out of shape giving advice to other people on how to be in shape. Not sure if the irony is funny or the fact that morons actually pay these lardass' money.
2- I have noticed a new trend. Guys who use weightbelts to cover their fat stomachs. Sure, no one will notice the huge fat gut because its so perfectly covered by a weightbelt.
1- The trainers that have guts and are out of shape giving advice to other people on how to be in shape. Not sure if the irony is funny or the fact that morons actually pay these lardass' money.
2- I have noticed a new trend. Guys who use weightbelts to cover their fat stomachs. Sure, no one will notice the huge fat gut because its so perfectly covered by a weightbelt.
Hmmm....
Weirdest thing i saw...
it was about 9 on a Sat morning...this really pale guy...kinda chubby...shorts....t-shirt and SUNGLASSES was sitting in the Hammersmith shoulder machine...i noticed him when i came in to meet my trainer cause he wasn't moving...he was just kinda lying back against the back of the machine...about that time the girl behind the desk asked us to check on him cause he had been in that position on that machine for a while...so my trainer goes over to him and he WAS ASLEEP!!! in the shoulder machine!!! WTF! but at least he was only asleep! cause he looked like he was DEAD!!! and that was what she thought too....but she was too scared to check! lol!
Weirdest thing i saw...
it was about 9 on a Sat morning...this really pale guy...kinda chubby...shorts....t-shirt and SUNGLASSES was sitting in the Hammersmith shoulder machine...i noticed him when i came in to meet my trainer cause he wasn't moving...he was just kinda lying back against the back of the machine...about that time the girl behind the desk asked us to check on him cause he had been in that position on that machine for a while...so my trainer goes over to him and he WAS ASLEEP!!! in the shoulder machine!!! WTF! but at least he was only asleep! cause he looked like he was DEAD!!! and that was what she thought too....but she was too scared to check! lol!
ThePolishHammer
New member
nope
There all about 5'4 125-140lbs not a whole lot to be jealous about.
BigDdaGanjalist said:
There all about 5'4 125-140lbs not a whole lot to be jealous about.
BigDdaGanjalist
New member
Re: nope
ok asian kids at YOUR gym are funny. Hey everyone has to start somewhere.
ThePolishHammer said:
ok asian kids at YOUR gym are funny. Hey everyone has to start somewhere.
FreakMonster
New member
My gym has several freaks. We have this one guy I shit you not who looks like Jerry Springer with a cross earring in one ear. He always wears tight spandex with a colorful tight shirt and weighs about 145. He is totally clueless when it comes to working out.
He usually likes to do his squats using a floor mat on his back to lessen the uncomfortable bar on his back. Then he proceeds to only go halfway down. Funniest fucking thing I've everseen. Anytime this freak gets on a machine he just does his reps like an outcontrol retard. LOL
We also have this one bald guy who wears some kind of weird backpack with a water sipper going to his mouth. This guy is COVERED with Tattoos all over his body. Not cool tattoos but tattoos that just cover his entire arm and shit. He has these 3 inch black circular discs inside the lobe of his ear.
Had this one old guy with a long ass beard and a tiny cap on his head coming up to me and my workout partner asking us 20 questions about how he can get big like us. I swear he looked like he came straight from the Jewish Temple. Not even 1000mg of test a week could make this guy big.
He usually likes to do his squats using a floor mat on his back to lessen the uncomfortable bar on his back. Then he proceeds to only go halfway down. Funniest fucking thing I've everseen. Anytime this freak gets on a machine he just does his reps like an outcontrol retard. LOL
We also have this one bald guy who wears some kind of weird backpack with a water sipper going to his mouth. This guy is COVERED with Tattoos all over his body. Not cool tattoos but tattoos that just cover his entire arm and shit. He has these 3 inch black circular discs inside the lobe of his ear.
Had this one old guy with a long ass beard and a tiny cap on his head coming up to me and my workout partner asking us 20 questions about how he can get big like us. I swear he looked like he came straight from the Jewish Temple. Not even 1000mg of test a week could make this guy big.
I've been working out for over 30 years, and these are the funniest stories I have ever read. George Carlin could make an entire show out of these. Now I know I have seen it all. My story is a sad one, though. When I started out in the early 70's, my dad and I used to work out at a Jewish Community Center. The workout area consisted of a small room with a universal set-up (leg press, leg ext/curl, dip bar, pull-up bar, shoulder press, and bench press). The other, bigger room had a pair of squat stands, free weight, several olympic bars and one flat bench. Well, my father and I arrived about 8:45am to work out, but the facility doesn't open until 9:00 AM typically. Anyway, while we were checking in, the person in front of us rushed like a bat-out-of hell to get to the bench first. After we changed into our workout clothes (T-shirts or tank tops and shorts in those days), we walked to the workout area. As we approached, there were paramedics carrying a body with a sheet, on a gurney. Like WTF?! As it turned out, the early-bird went ahead and benched without a spotter. He failed and dropped the bar on his neck and broke it and died. I have never forgotten this incident. Sorry for the sad story, but all of you already covered the funny stuff.
"behemouth" as we call him, just big and fat does his "sit-ups" as he calls them. He lays on a flat bench without the bar while holding a dumbell on his chest, his feet are up in teh air at the starting position, as he goes to sit completely straight up, he swings his legs down to the ground, I guess it helps him get his fat ass to sit up or something, I just watch and grin. I like it when on his 2nd and 3rd set he gives these little puuh's out, not not blowing out air, but this PUH sound. dumbass
Whiskey
Whiskey
anabolicann
New member
This happened in gym class at school back in the old days when we had the fitness testing well anyway we where doing the situp test. We had three of the finest babes in are class we were all down on the mat the teacher was holding the stop watch. i was holding my friend Boners feet ( we call him Boner cause he is the horniest guy with no shame) anyway the teacher says get ready set go and the whole class starts banging out sit ups right around number 10 Boner lets out a huge fart the three fine babes are right next to us well Boner tries to keep up the pace like it didn't happen problem was not only did everyone hear it and fall out laughing the rancied stench of foul air was so bad the teacher stopped the test and evacuated the gym...we finished the test out side on the lawn in the open air..I still to this day laugh my ass off over it.
ThePolishHammer
New member
Re: Re: nope
This is true, hey most of the time, im the guy giving shit to the guys makin fun of the newbies. You do have to start somewhere thats true. Yeah the azn's in my gym are small, no doubt. And They been there longer then i have. But you gotta see these guys, the little midges roll into the gym all thug'd up, ice, cranked sideways caps, all that shit. 125 lbs and they think there tough. Fuckin goof balls.
BigDdaGanjalist said:
This is true, hey most of the time, im the guy giving shit to the guys makin fun of the newbies. You do have to start somewhere thats true. Yeah the azn's in my gym are small, no doubt. And They been there longer then i have. But you gotta see these guys, the little midges roll into the gym all thug'd up, ice, cranked sideways caps, all that shit. 125 lbs and they think there tough. Fuckin goof balls.
