What to do when you know someone is lying to you

[nefertiti]

But you haven't caught them in a lie?

I have this sixth sense about people lying....I don't know if I am super sensitive to change in voice tone, body language, or what, but every time I've acted on a gut feeling that someone was lying to me, I've been right.

One of my closest friends is doing this song and dance with me now. I'm 90% sure she's full of crap, but the 10% makes me not want to hurt her feelings if I'm wrong...and it makes me sick on my stomach because I feel like I'm sitting there listening to her dig the hole deeper, and it feels like disrespect slapping me in the face with every word.

I honestly am at a loss here. The subject matter is so sensitive that it would be horrifible if I were to say something and be wrong, but at the same time...deep down...I'm SURE that I'm not. Any advice on how to handle this would be great.

 

[vixensghost]

You can be tactful in how you approach this "touchy" subject with her. Tell her that you're feeling uneasy with the situation. IF she is as good a friend to you, SHE WILL understand your feelings on the subject. IF she HAS NOTHING to hide, then she'll be open to conversation with you about it.

I have to say;, IF your gut is telling you something ain't right-SOMETHING ain't right!

It sounds like you've known her for awhile?? I know my pals well enough to know when something is "off" or troubling them, soooo, tread LIGHTLY and TALK with her.

Good luck. I hope you can work it out with her.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Other than an infidelity I don't know what could be THAT BIG of a deal. But you're smart so I will trust your judgment on assessing the situation (not to mention it's your life and I am just a figment of the internet! )

I think Vixen has the proper tack. Just start out with, "I know how hard this must be but I have to tell you, if there is ANYTHING that you left out or are keeping from me, changing the facts because you think I will judge you or you are embarrassed PLEASE TELL ME. You are my friend and I love you. I am not here to judge or degrade. I am here to support you. How can I possibly do that effectively if I am not privy to reality?"

...or something to that effect.

You must also remember that there is no such thing as truth, but only perception. Her perception is her reality. She may be deceiving herself and not deceiving you AT ALL.

 

[velvett]

I'm getting old and impatient so I just stopping giving them the time of day.

Life is too short to waste on someone that doesn't have the decency to be honest with you.

 

[musclemom]

You just described a major problem in my first marriage. My first husband would bend the truth, I would know he was lying, I'd call him on it, he'd deny it, and I knew he was lying. Big fight would ensue. I eventually stopped accusing him of lying, just mentally stored the incident away and sooner or later the truth had a funny way of coming out.

Frankly, sometimes a lie is justified. If you can SEE a reason why she might lie about it, and it's a reasonable decision, let it go. If it's a major thing, that's going to impact you, I say use the store and snoop method, confirm your suspicions.

It's been my observation that when people are lying to your face and you're working on gut instinct and you call them on it, they'll lie to cover up the lie. They won't fess up, so it serves no purpose to confront them with it.

 

[Bikini Mod]

You just described a major problem in my first marriage. My first husband would bend the truth, I would know he was lying, I'd call him on it, he'd deny it, and I knew he was lying. Big fight would ensue. I eventually stopped accusing him of lying, just mentally stored the incident away and sooner or later the truth had a funny way of coming out.

Frankly, sometimes a lie is justified. If you can SEE a reason why she might lie about it, and it's a reasonable decision, let it go. If it's a major thing, that's going to impact you, I say use the store and snoop method, confirm your suspicions.

It's been my observation that when people are lying to your face and you're working on gut instinct and you call them on it, they'll lie to cover up the lie. They won't fess up, so it serves no purpose to confront them with it.

Yup... deny, Deny, DENY