T-Cake's 2006 Log

[Miss24k]

Sweetheart you don't need to thank us, your mental health is just as improve as your physical. If we didn't care we wouldn't read

I'm so glad you're dad is supportive, and maybe your mother 1 day will come around and realize this isn't about her and it's your life. I can tell it hurts you, but really you can't keep letting her "beat you up" the way she does.

I don't really know you, but from reading your log I can tell you're a sweet, kind and caring person, and it bothers me that she would talk to you like that. And I just wanted you to know you have my support, I understand where you are, I've been there, many many years ago.

 

[takniteasy]

T-Cake, I am sitting here in tears. That is how moved I am by your log. You are a strong, caring and beautiful young woman, who is going to go far in life and you will have huge accomplishments. Do not let your mother or her behavior instill any bitterness in you. As difficult as it is, please try to see what you are to learn from her. My NaNa once told me several years ago that everyone that comes into your life is put there for a lesson to be learned. Be it good or bad, there is always something to grow on.

On another note, you are a huge inspiration to me. I sit here with the utmost respect for you and your courage. You have another cheerleader in your corner!! (and maybe in your soon-to-be neck of the woods. I live in Northwest FL and have folks in Sebring, right outside of Orlando.)

 

[T-Cake]

T-Cake, I am sitting here in tears. That is how moved I am by your log. You are a strong, caring and beautiful young woman, who is going to go far in life and you will have huge accomplishments. Do not let your mother or her behavior instill any bitterness in you. As difficult as it is, please try to see what you are to learn from her. My NaNa once told me several years ago that everyone that comes into your life is put there for a lesson to be learned. Be it good or bad, there is always something to grow on.

On another note, you are a huge inspiration to me. I sit here with the utmost respect for you and your courage. You have another cheerleader in your corner!! (and maybe in your soon-to-be neck of the woods. I live in Northwest FL and have folks in Sebring, right outside of Orlando.)

Now I'M moved that you're moved! I'm really happy that I can help motivate you in some way, and thank you so much for the kind words. You're right -- as is *Bunny* -- that if I feel in my heart this is what I'm supposed to do and where I'm supposed to be -- then I will learn the best lesson possible. I don't want to look back and think, "What would have happened had I just TRIED to go someplace new?" I don't like to regret anything in life.

24k -- you are super sweet yourself. I'm really flattered, honestly, that most of you ladies do take the time to read about me.

 

[que_66]

Sorry to hear about how your mom reacted.

I'm soooooooooo proud of you telling your mom you were moving. It took far more than a regular sh*tload of courage! Bravo for you!

Your mom needs therapy to deal with her own demons. IMO she avoids dealing with them by staying busy controlling your life. You're leaving and now she's scared.

I'm so happy your family was able to be there to support you.

Like Bunny said: ......this is simply MORE than a training board...... (ya gotta luf da Bunny )

....and don't forget these words of wisdom

When roses go dormant in winter it's because they are resting, they are preparing themselves for the next blooming season......So even roses need time to themselves.

 

[Jamie Lynn]

Sweety, when I first read that post I had no idea what to say and then something that my mother always tells me popped into my head. She has put up with my father who sounds much like your mother (verbally abusive and wants what he wants and that is it) for 25 years. She still lives with it but she has come to the realization that it is her life and she is going to live it for her and not let him affect it. She always preaches to me to make sure that I am doing something because I want to and not because someone else wants me to.

I hope that helps in some way.

Things will get better T-Cake, just keep on keepin'

 

[sbt2082]

Awww hun, I'm just now catching up on your log today, and I just wanted to say that I am really sorry about how your mom reacted to the news She should be as happy for you as you are for yourself... but trust me I know how you feel! I'm often scared to tell my mom stuff because I get the same reactions, or lectures on end and blah blah blah. SO I completely feel for you sweet Keep that head up though girl, everything is gonna be ok and you got a great group here behind ya that IS supporting both you and your decisions

 

[curgeo]

I got home a short while ago and felt it was too late to return your call. I am glad I stopped over here before I went to sleep.

Tcake, you have to do what is best for you. The idea that somebody would say that you are not her daughter for doing something that makes you happy is fucked up. I speak from experience on this one. I don't know what the hell drives Polish Mothers to act this way, but it's true in both our cases.

I am going to share something personal about myself here. I told some people on AF this story, but I don't normally speak a lot of my personal matters on here besides my son or vague implications:

My Mother is a lot like yours. She divorced my Father when I was 5 and has never remarried due to her wanting to also be a martyr. Larry knows this story BTW. She and my father used to beat the hell out of me, abuse me mentally (Telling me how stupid I am and also telling me they wish they never would have had me) and basically make me feel like it was my fault for her never finding anybody. My Grandfather took me away from all of that and raised me as his son, which is one of a million reasons why he is my hero.

My Mother is an evil, vile women who when I decided to buy my 1st new vehicle back in 1999, she cried because she didn't have one and made me feel guilty. I worked 40 hours a week during my sophmore, Jr and Sr year of high school and she never let me keep a penny of it. She robbed my savings account more that once and even made me feel gulty when I got student loans and made me half them with her. She wanted me to be a Doctor or Phamacist so I could take care of her.

Mind you, she still lives with my 78 year old Grandmother. She has for the last 17 years. She has never paid her one dime for rent or bills, my Grandmother does her Laundry, cooks and cleans for her and also gives he money each day for work. It disgusts me, but I understand that she will never change. My father is no better as he is an alcoholic who drinks and is ruining his own family due to abuse.

I wanted to share that with you to let you know that I understand how hard it is for you and your desire for a Mother's approval. You will never get it Tcake. She will never be happy with you because she will never be happy with herself. She is jealous, controlling and she fears losing control of the only thing that she has controlled in her life...YOU!

You have to make your own route in life as you are the only one that can make yourself happy and live it. You need to understand that you can't make her happy....that is her own destiny if she wishes....not yours. She is not YOUR responsiblity.

You are one of the most amazing people I know and you are with the other most amazing person I know. I am happy for the both of you and love the hell outta you guys. Make sure you don't let anyone make you feel guilty for bringing happiness to your own life. I moved away from Florida to get away from my Mother. She resented me when I moved at 23 and now she is finally seeing that it was right for me....although it is 10 years later. She will come around. Just understand that you don't have to make her happy or get her approval. She knows that deep down, yet she knows her words can make you unhappy and doubt your motivations.....>DON'T YOU DARE DOUBT YOURSELF after all you have accomplished in life.

I will call you tomorrow. I can't come to the BBQ as I have to work Friday night, but you can bet your ass I will be there on SAT.

I am happy for your move. You should be too. Fuck everybody else!

 

[T-Cake]

I got home a short while ago and felt it was too late to return your call. I am glad I stopped over here before I went to sleep.

Tcake, you have to do what is best for you. The idea that somebody would say that you are not her daughter for doing something that makes you happy is fucked up. I speak from experience on this one. I don't know what the hell drives Polish Mothers to act this way, but it's true in both our cases.

I am going to share something personal about myself here. I told some people on AF this story, but I don't normally speak a lot of my personal matters on here besides my son or vague implications:

My Mother is a lot like yours. She divorced my Father when I was 5 and has never remarried due to her wanting to also be a martyr. Larry knows this story BTW. She and my father used to beat the hell out of me, abuse me mentally (Telling me how stupid I am and also telling me they wish they never would have had me) and basically make me feel like it was my fault for her never finding anybody. My Grandfather took me away from all of that and raised me as his son, which is one of a million reasons why he is my hero.

My Mother is an evil, vile women who when I decided to buy my 1st new vehicle back in 1999, she cried because she didn't have one and made me feel guilty. I worked 40 hours a week during my sophmore, Jr and Sr year of high school and she never let me keep a penny of it. She robbed my savings account more that once and even made me feel gulty when I got student loans and made me half them with her. She wanted me to be a Doctor or Phamacist so I could take care of her.

Mind you, she still lives with my 78 year old Grandmother. She has for the last 17 years. She has never paid her one dime for rent or bills, my Grandmother does her Laundry, cooks and cleans for her and also gives he money each day for work. It disgusts me, but I understand that she will never change. My father is no better as he is an alcoholic who drinks and is ruining his own family due to abuse.

I wanted to share that with you to let you know that I understand how hard it is for you and your desire for a Mother's approval. You will never get it Tcake. She will never be happy with you because she will never be happy with herself. She is jealous, controlling and she fears losing control of the only thing that she has controlled in her life...YOU!

You have to make your own route in life as you are the only one that can make yourself happy and live it. You need to understand that you can't make her happy....that is her own destiny if she wishes....not yours. She is not YOUR responsiblity.

You are one of the most amazing people I know and you are with the other most amazing person I know. I am happy for the both of you and love the hell outta you guys. Make sure you don't let anyone make you feel guilty for bringing happiness to your own life. I moved away from Florida to get away from my Mother. She resented me when I moved at 23 and now she is finally seeing that it was right for me....although it is 10 years later. She will come around. Just understand that you don't have to make her happy or get her approval. She knows that deep down, yet she knows her words can make you unhappy and doubt your motivations.....>DON'T YOU DARE DOUBT YOURSELF after all you have accomplished in life.

I will call you tomorrow. I can't come to the BBQ as I have to work Friday night, but you can bet your ass I will be there on SAT.

I am happy for your move. You should be too. Fuck everybody else!

I you. I am glad we'll all at least get to see e/o next Saturday. Hopefully the movers will come earlier.

Amazing how everyone on here -- you, Miss24k, and certainly others -- all have parent issues that overlap one another and parallel each other. It certainly helps me to feel a lot less alone in all of this (not to mention the great support I get from my friends in my own life and Ulter and my other family members.)

I'm sorry I didn't respond to this earlier -- and thank you to everyone else who has shown support and love to me. For still being a newbie here... it certainly means a lot. Couldn't have come at a better time, that's for damn sure.

My mom wrote me an email and I read it this morning and took about 30 minutes to write her back this essay thing. Oddly enough, I clicked something by accident on my laptop and it vanished from site just as I'd gotten to minute 30... but thank goodness it SENT, and wasn't closed. *sigh* I find that funny in a spiritual way because it was like some higher being saying, "OK, T-Cake, that's a good place to stop."

I had lunch for Father's Day at this Chinese Buffet place -- nearly impossible for me to eat healthfully at -- got in some chicken and broccoli... and some fruit... about 500 calories worth. Ah well. Had to eat, right? I completely avoided rice and high GI fruits and the ice cream and all the sweets and fried stuff -- didn't leave many choices.

REALLY WEIRD FORTUNE COOKIE I YANKED FROM THE FAMILY PILE SAID THIS: "Travel away from nesting space will bring you broader cultural horizon." STRANGE. And no, I didn't eat the cookie.

When I got back to Dad's, I showed him Mom's email and read out loud to him what I wrote back to her. I have to say -- it was REALLY REALLY good, and I am SO PROUD of myself. I wrote the entire email without a single mention of anyone else's mindset or involvement in my move -- it was all about ME, my life, what I want to do with it, how I want to live an adventure, my Grandma's passing -- everything. I can't believe I just hit "send" by accident -- it was just too perfect a letter.

I guess I should make myself some real food now and get some packing done. I still need to post my log from yesterday and today still. *sigh* My head is so foggy this week. Oh well. Understandable, right?

 

[jenscats5]

OMG T-cake I'm so very sorry your mom isnt' supportive of your life changes, moving, etc.....but I'm so very glad that you have support from your dad, step-mom, brother, here, Curgeo, etc......You're not alone in having mother/parent issues - I'm right there with you in having similar experiences....so you're not alone, your feelings are normal & GOOD FOR YOU that you stood up for what you want & need..... We are here for you regardless of training, nutrition, LIFE in general.....we are not just a training board or steroid board by any means....

 

[Miss24k]

You came here just in time Miss Cakes You are now part of our EF little family.

As someone always tells me I'm going to tell you "Everything always works out"

And yes it's understandable.