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Something awful happened - advice please.

I've wrote about my relationship situation before, but for those who haven't seen those threads here's a background summary: boyfriend is away at ranger school for 2 months (done Dec 20), and I haven't been able to speak to him at all except for 2x for 5 mins each time, and we write letters a couple times a week. The relationship is very long distance, we see eachother about every 6 weeks to 2 months. It has always been long distance. It used to be an open relationship meaning we used to allow eachother to hook up with other people, but that ended because of trust issues. He is the most amazing person I have ever met, and I am deeply in love with him. We've spoken about marriage, a lot.

These 2 months were supposed to be time that I was proving to him my devotion, because his career path almost guarantees him being away from me for long periods of time. The last night we were together he quoted Red Dragon, which we'd just seen, "Scars remind us that the past really happened." Because we are apart more than we are together, and when we are together it feels like a dream - very surreal - and when we are apart sometimes its hard to remember that the other person really exists outside of a voice.

Well, something awful happened. I got stranded up at school a few nights ago, due to weather, and I stayed over my guy friend's (we'll call him "A") place. I had slept there before, and we're pretty close friends. In fact, we were supposed to be roommates. He knows all about my boyfriend because I talk about him constantly. So this wasn't an unreasonable thing to do. Anyways, there was no place to sleep but his bed (with him). Well, he started carressing me and at first I tried to resist but he totally seduced me. We didn't kiss because I kept refusing it and telling him I couldn't because it would be cheating. In the morning, he told me it was probably the hottest night he ever had, even though technically we didn't do anything (no more than anyone could do on a dance floor at a club). He said he was really impressed that I was able to resist my impulses. I let it go in my head at that. At first...

Last night I smoked up with some friends and then we went and saw "Empire" in the theater, which is probably the most depressing fucking movie I have ever seen besides Requiem for a Dream. After that movie I totally broke down and got hysterical because i realized it didn't matter that I didn't kiss A. I still cheated on my boyfriend. I canceled my plans to move in with A, and I still haven't stopped bawling my eyeballs out. After all the shit we've been through, I know that this is going to be the last straw. No matter how much he loves me, there's no way he'll be able to trust me again. And honestly, he probably shouldn't. I'm obviously incapable of controlling myself when temptation hits.

The knowledge that I'm going to lose the most wonderful person in my life, that i'm going to hurt him so badly, is ripping my heart apart. I want to kill myself. I've thought of it so many times. I want to slice my wrists and let the blood drain out of my body. This pain is unbearable. The only reason I haven't done this yet is because I feel like I owe it to him to tell him first. I think it would be horribly cruel and cowardly of me to let him finally finish the 2 hardest most grueling months of his life, which he only got through because he kept thinking of me, only to find that I was dead. I owe him a goodbye at least.

I've thought about not telling him about it because the consequences will be so catastrophic, but I can't do that. I respect him too much to lie to him.
 
Killing yourself over some guy is just about the dumbest thing in the world.

I'm so shocked you posted a whole paragraph about it and I seriously hope you aren't seriously thinking about.
 
If this is truthful. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are human. Which means you are weak. When you put yourself in those kind of situations those things can happen. You don't have to tell him. If you do with no way of him finding out, that shows your honesty. Of course he will be hurt and he may break it off. If it were me, I would give you another chance because of your honesty. I wouldn't have to worry whether or not you were cheating on me after that because I would believe you would tell me if you were. It might even bring the 2 of you closer together in the long run.
 
Pink Space Biscuit said:
Killing yourself over some guy is just about the dumbest thing in the world.

I'm so shocked you posted a whole paragraph about it and I seriously hope you aren't seriously thinking about.

He isn't just "some guy." He is the love of my life.
 
biteme said:
If this is truthful. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are human. Which means you are weak. When you put yourself in those kind of situations those things can happen. You don't have to tell him. If you do with no way of him finding out, that shows your honesty. Of course he will be hurt and he may break it off. If it were me, I would give you another chance because of your honesty. I wouldn't have to worry whether or not you were cheating on me after that because I would believe you would tell me if you were. It might even bring the 2 of you closer together in the long run.

The problem is, this isn't the first time I've done something like this to him. When we were allowing eachother to hook up with other people, I overstepped an agreed boundary - twice. This was basically my last chance.
 
Pink Space Biscuit said:
Killing yourself over some guy is just about the dumbest thing in the world.

I'm so shocked you posted a whole paragraph about it and I seriously hope you aren't seriously thinking about.

Yeah, I believe this is the way the majority of women think. But this one is different. She sounds like a keeper to me.
 
Fuck it, don't tell him and don't fuck around with that other guy again. End of story.

Women have to be soooo fucking dramatic sometimes!
 
I DIDN'T FUCK HIM. It was just carressing and cuddling and brushing our lips over eachother without kissing. At one point we did dry fuck though. That's why i'm saying its no more than what could happen at a club.
 
I don't like to quote the bible being an agnostic but it does contain some good wisdom. Let he who has never sinned cast the first stone.
 
I repeat, don't tell him. End of story. And...sounds like you are not old or mature enough to have a long distance relationship.
 
I've got to run with PSB on this one, as usual... my sister is correct.

Killing yourself over this is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard. It's people that think like that, which give suicide a bad name. You think YOU have problems? You think you have everything figured out? You just caressed him? Dry fucked him?? What kind of broad does that if you love someone???

Jesus.... Kill yourself? Well... overpopulation would be solved if we get rid of wack-jobs like you.

C-ditty
 
i could play "citruscide" and be all anti woman and hateful with things like "once a cheater always a cheater" or "wandering eyes lead to wandering mates" but i wont.

instead, I will say this. If you feel guilty about this and your boyfriend does not know, be upfront if you care about him, because if it comes out later it will only hurt more and you still have plenty of oppurtunity to salvage the relationship from the abominable hell you see it going toward. Distance is hard and thats something you knew going into this and it is now the crippling factor.

If you love him as much as you say you do then none of this should have happened. But we are humans and humans make mistakes, costly mistakes. He must find it in his heart to forgive you without a shadow of a doubt because if he cannot wholeheartdly do so then there is no point in moving forward.

Live and Learn.

im on aim if you need to talk: Natty Anabolic.
 
MP5 said:
I repeat, don't tell him. End of story. And...sounds like you are not old or mature enough to have a long distance relationship.

You're right, I'm obviously not old enough nor mature enough to have a long distance relationship. For that reason I've thought about transferring to a school near where he'll be stationed and living with him. That is, of course, in some fantasy world where he would forgive me and be able to trust me again.
 
I believe most people that cheat have no conscience about it whatsoever. They might feel a little guilty but being self-serving people they will quickly get over it. I was married to one. She is feeling very bad about this. That says something about her character to me.
 
I had some broad come and see me from out of state once and all she would do is dry fuck me, even got her down to her panties. Dumb bitch, never did get to bang her cause i never called her back.

Veggie, there is no forgiveness needed if he never finds out.
 
naturally anabolic said:
i could play "citruscide" and be all anti woman and hateful with things like "once a cheater always a cheater" or "wandering eyes lead to wandering mates" but i wont.


Or, you could play Citruscide and say that anyone who thinks about killing themselves for any reason is a total-and complete wack-job... end of story. It makes no difference that she is a slut...

I could care a less that she grinded with some guy... but killing yourself is retarded.

C-ditty
 
supernav said:
>It was just carressing and cuddling and brushing our lips over >eachother without kissing.

That's IT? Good god, that's like a real elongated hug. I've seen people do more on the dance floor than that!

I agree, you're getting WAY over-dramatic. Chill out and go get a beer. Stop thinking so much into it. You didn't do squat.

-= nav =-

That's it?????? I have to totally disagree here. No woman in a committed relationship should allow themselves to be carressed, cuddled, their lips "brushed" or dry fucked. That's all pretty disrespectful.
 
Telling someone is the dumbist most selfish thing a person could do. What possible good can come out of it? He will be upset, she will still feel like shit. People think if they spill their guts then they won't feel guilty anymore and feel better. Thus it is a selfish act to do so.
 
Yeah, if a girl I dated grinded and made out and caressed another dude... oh wait, a girl I dated did do that... I'd probably dump them and then go cut my wrists with razor blades...

C-ditty
 
MP5 said:
Telling someone is the dumbist most selfish thing a person could do. What possible good can come out of it? He will be upset, she will still feel like shit. People think if they spill their guts then they won't feel guilty anymore and feel better. Thus it is a selfish act to do so.

That's an interesting point; one that I've considered. Why is honesty valued so damn much? Sometimes it does seem entirely self-serving. One would think guilt is enough fucking torture on its own to feel like I got what I deserved. WHy make him suffer too?

But then again it seems like crap, because how I could I lie to someone I respect so much?
 
There is not a human out there that wouldn't cheat if the right person presented the offer. I don't care who i am with, if a chick like Salma Hayek got naked on my bed and started fingering herself begging me to fuck her, she would get fucked.
 
Pink Space Biscuit said:


That's it?????? I have to totally disagree here. No woman in a committed relationship should allow themselves to be carressed, cuddled, their lips "brushed" or dry fucked. That's all pretty disrespectful.

actually i think it is a lil worse... the things she did were intimate... i think it would have been better had she just fucked him... people don't share fucking with each other... they share intimacy... that being said... suicide isn't an option here... i believe you just need to think about how much you love him... if you love him as much as you say you do then would this have ever happened?
 
I have a friend who told me that things seem to be "out of sight, out of mind" for him. That;s kind of how it is for me sometimes....I have been totally cut off from communicating with him, and it makes it hard not to forget after awhile. I was saying to A, "DOnt kiss me, it will ruin my life" so I knew I shouldnt be doing it but honestly with him so far away and out of sight, with some hot ass guy who i am friends with carressing me and shit in bed, its not so easy.....
 
VeggieLifterChick said:
I have a friend who told me that things seem to be "out of sight, out of mind" for him. That;s kind of how it is for me sometimes....I have been totally cut off from communicating with him, and it makes it hard not to forget after awhile. I was saying to A, "DOnt kiss me, it will ruin my life" so I knew I shouldnt be doing it but honestly with him so far away and out of sight, with some hot ass guy who i am friends with carressing me and shit in bed, its not so easy.....

They let people like you into Rutgers University?

C-ditty
 
VeggieLifterChick said:
I have a friend who told me that things seem to be "out of sight, out of mind" for him. That;s kind of how it is for me sometimes....I have been totally cut off from communicating with him, and it makes it hard not to forget after awhile. I was saying to A, "DOnt kiss me, it will ruin my life" so I knew I shouldnt be doing it but honestly with him so far away and out of sight, with some hot ass guy who i am friends with carressing me and shit in bed, its not so easy.....

that makes it ok?
 
VeggieLifterChick said:


That's an interesting point; one that I've considered. Why is honesty valued so damn much? Sometimes it does seem entirely self-serving. One would think guilt is enough fucking torture on its own to feel like I got what I deserved. WHy make him suffer too?

But then again it seems like crap, because how I could I lie to someone I respect so much?

Why is honesty valued so much? Because of trust. There is hardly anyone you can trust these days. I told you how I would feel if it were me. I would have more respect for you and be able to trust you that you would not keep things from me. Not everyone feels like that though. Just imagine, the divorce rate is supposedly around 50%. If everything we say or do out of sight of our significant other was recorded and they saw it, the divorce rate might be 90%.
 
No it doesn't make it ok. Obviously I wouldnt be reacting how I am if I thought it was ok. I was responding to saint808, who was questioning my love for my boyfriend.
 
VeggieLifterChick said:
No it doesn't make it ok. Obviously I wouldnt be reacting how I am if I thought it was ok. I was responding to saint808, who was questioning my love for my boyfriend.

i just think you need to seriously reconsider your relationship. personally if i love someone then no matter how hot a chick is i am gonna be faithful. hot chicks come and go... love is a rarity.
 
I'm not trying to justify or even mitigate my actions here, Saint808, but you're talking like a guy who has never experienced a long distance relationship. I have no problem being faithful with him around. Or even just being able to talk to him.
 
VeggieLifterChick said:
I'm not trying to justify or even mitigate my actions here, Saint808, but you're talking like a guy who has never experienced a long distance relationship. I have no problem being faithful with him around. Or even just being able to talk to him.

i'm experiencing it right now... and i still stand by my convictions... seriously... love is so rare and i guess a lot of people throw that word around too much... when it happens it is rare... i still don't think you should kill yourself over it but i think you should tell him and find out how he feels... if it doesn't bothr him then you are fine... and if he finds out later... well that will just wreck anything you try and build.
 
VeggieLifterChick said:
Is this definitely cheating?

In all seriousness... if you have to ask, you know the answer. Telling a guy he has a nice ass, isn't cheating... caressing the ass... is cheating.

If you are mature enough to be in a long distance relationship, then you should be mature enough to not make out with 'hot ass guys' while he is gone.

Ahh well... what's good for the goose, is good for the gander I suppose... he's probably "caressing" women as we speak.

C-ditty
 
The only way to really resist temptation is to remove yourself from
it. Everyone can be tempted, but when you are committed, you have to make the good choices to keep yourself out of those situations. You made a bad choice on spending the night in a tempting situation, but you didn't wreck your relationship, so if you want to stay in your current relationship, don't say anything,
count your blessings you didn't do too much, and don't put yourself into that bad of a situation again.

But definately re-evaluate things a little.
 
MP5 said:
There is not a human out there that wouldn't cheat if the right person presented the offer. I don't care who i am with, if a chick like Salma Hayek got naked on my bed and started fingering herself begging me to fuck her, she would get fucked.

This is why the world is so fucked up... There is someone out there that wouldn't do that. ME! Sorry, but I have a little more respect for both myself and the person I am with. What does that say about you as a person if you are that weak? If you could drop everything for a piece of ass? Personally, I don't believe you have to be having sex to cheat. If you are mentally set on or thinking even without the act of, you are breaking the trust and the oath in a relationship. Everyone will fantasize, but acting is different, and if you are touching or even coming into contact with... you are acting. I live by one simple rule: anything I can do with or think about with my grandmother is fine, anything else is cheating. Rationalize it as much as your want to yourself, you still know you fucked up because if you didn't you wouldn't be posting this.
 
to me that shit you "did" anit cheating, dont beat yourself up over it. i cant believe you could NOT do anything...thats not cheating at all.
 
what the FUCK were u doing with your guy friend "A" anyway? There's no such thing as just friends u STUPID girl.

and yeah, your boyfriend deserves better than a slut like u.

fuck it, I'm telling it like it is.
 
Oh ya...and this "love of my life" shit? He ain't it and u probably unconsciously feel it too. Otherwise u would not even let yourself get into the situation with this "A" guy.


Admit that u had fun, wanna fuck other guys, are pissed with your boyfriend for being in ranger school or whatever and break it off with him.

Do this and then u are labelled "cool" and "independent" and other such nice terms...rather than being the SLUT which u are now.
 
I can't belive this is for real....I hope the way your talking about your man that he's in a Ranger Battalion...cause all this "oh his job he's going to be gone alot"

Crap-o-la....ask all the other military guys especially the other army guys here...Most people in aren't gone very much

As for what you "did" I'm sorry your having emotional pains with this but I really did have a good laugh at the responses here...honestly take shit as it comes...dont worry about how he might hate you...you did what you did. Accept that it's happened and over....Most adults can do this

dont know the details of your relationship but if he's going to a Ranger Battalion he's probably got a Few Rangerettes waiting for him back where he's stationed...If he's at Ft Benning Oh yeah they are around every afternoon...I hear the same being said about Hunter Army Airfield and Ft Lewis Washington

Then again he could be a straight fwd guy and not have the need for such things
 
didnt read the whole thread but lay off the mellowdrama, i say good job for not totally fucking the guy, im surprised. i was ready to flame and everything
 
There's no such thing as a "bad" experience, so long as you learn from it. Don't say shit to the Ranger... you certainly didn't cheat on him, you just had some bad judgement that all. You will be making a big mistake if you tell him... deal with the guilt yourself. The reason you feel compelled to tell him is because you think it'll make you feel better. Fuck that... take the pain. Don't project your guilt onto him.

Fuck around, I WISH I could say that dry fucking was the worst thing I've done to someone I cared about. Just LEARN from this situation and have the forsight to not put yourself in a similar set of circumstances again. Look at it this way: What happened between you and your prospective roommate will help prevent a much more serious situation from happening down the road... if you learn from it.

And don't act all weird around your boyfriend either, he needs you acting freaky like he needs a bag on his hip. Business as usual VLC.
 
dont kill yourself... fucking deal with it, be a typical chick and start dating "A"..

you fucked up... you did this, dont kill yourself and make the ranger dude be all fucked up for life and have him think it's his fault some nutjob killed herself....

by the way, you put yourself in that situation.. kudos for not fucking him??? hahahaha.
 
Ummm no offense, but do you honestly believe this dude got through Ranger school BECAUSE OF YOU? Sweet Jesus, love of your life? Suicide because you were making out with some other dude?

Listen, you need to get a grip. I can understand the whole long distance relationship thing better than you know. But you have to understand something - NEITHER ONE OF YOU IS READY FOR MARRIAGE - SO WHY ARE YOU SWEATING THIS?

I know that you were just feeling all emotional when you posted this stuff, sort of thinking out loud and that is cool, but I certainly hope that you have come back to reality since you first posted this stuff.

My guy is a whole lot further than yours - TRUST ME and guess what? Does it hurt like hell that I can't see and touch him for months at a time? YES. Will I die? NO. Do I socialize with other men? YES. They all know about my guy and have respected my wishes to not engage in anything other than a friendship. Does my guy socialize with other women? He says no, but whether that is true or not I will NEVER know - he is THAT far.

But the way that I look at it, if I find that another man will hold my attention and affection then perhaps "my guy" shouldn't be. Or if another woman holds my guy's attention then I would WANT HIM TO BE WITH HER. Why? Because I want to be happy and I want him to be happy. If another woman will make my man happy, then I would expect him to me that this distance thing between us just isn't working and that we should just remain friends.

Would it hurt? Maybe, but then again, I never EVER want a guy to feel obligated to me. If he wants to be with me, then he will be with ME.

That is how love, trust and a marriage are built...

I was faithfull to one man for over 12 years - even in my dreams. And it was EASY.

"My guy" is not my husband or my fiancee and he does not pay my bills. I didn't ask him for a commitment or a proposal so the way that I see it we are both free to do as we wish on our own time.

You are WAY TOO YOUNG and immature to even consider a committed relationship by YOUR OWN ADMISSION.

Stop beating yourself up, get a grip and live a little. :)
 
To be truthful, I don't see HIM running on the board in tears cause he slept with another girl.

My advice is to go ahead and fuck this guy, I bet your boyfriend is not losing any sleep over his little affairs. And I bet he is having some.

So you really have three options at this point....

#1 Kill yourself. Then you won't see him EVER again.
#2 Mutiliate yourself for attention (and post some pics for us.) and then you won't ever see him again either.
#3 Start having fun. Relax, stop looking at the day to day drama and focus on the big picture. Namely your future. Your future may not involve him at all. I don't think it will outside of 2 years.
 
Veggie,

You're too immature to even think about wanting to get married yet. That's not a criticism, it's just an observation of your behaviour through your posts. There's nothing wrong with that per se, you're young and you need to experience life more, much more before you consider settling down wiht the your current boyfriend or anyone else for that matter.
 
VeggieLifterChick said:


That's an interesting point; one that I've considered. Why is honesty valued so damn much? Sometimes it does seem entirely self-serving. One would think guilt is enough fucking torture on its own to feel like I got what I deserved. WHy make him suffer too?

But then again it seems like crap, because how I could I lie to someone I respect so much?

what a bunch of shit. you are trying to justify your own shitty actions in a pathetic attempt to make yourself feel better. just admit you fucked up, and tell him, so he can move on to a girl that wont fuck up 3 times in a relationship. if you dont tell him, everything will be based on a lie. he may not know it, but you will.

the part that bothers me the most about this (well, besides you fucking up 3 times), is the fact that while this guy is out doing something for people besides himself, you cant control yourself for a few hours of one night. way to go.
 
and the guys here siding with her, come on.

would you really be all 'fine' with it, if your pig of a girlfriend was pulling shit like that? hell no, you wouldnt.
 
VeggieLifterChick said:


The problem is, this isn't the first time I've done something like this to him. When we were allowing eachother to hook up with other people, I overstepped an agreed boundary - twice. This was basically my last chance.

I'm also in a long distance relationship. But I do see my GF for longer than you see your BF.

"This is basically my last chance"

Hmmm........thats you doing the talking there.

Tell him what happenned, and let him decide.

Don't make it an utimatum kind of thing. Just tell him.

And, you seriously need to have few words with that "A" person

He knew of your situation and took advantage.

You were lonely and he used it to his advantage.

Not exactly what real friends do.

Fonz
 
And I find it funny how people on this thread are dissing her when THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.

EVER.

The rules are different than in a normal one.

You get lonely sometimes. And the younger you are the more diffcult it is to control those impulses to be with someone.

Did she do something wrong?

Yes. But not INCREDIBLY wrong. Just wrong.

Everyhting is not black and white(Well, except if you had sex with him and then...its over), its more like different shades of grey.

I'm with MP5 on this(Changed my mind)

Don't tell him. Period.
Secondly, DO NOT MOVE IN WITH this "A" person.
If your BF matters anyhting to you, you will not. If he's tried it once with you, he'll definately try again.

Furthermore, you have to learn to control yourself. Yes, being lonely sucks sometimes, but its definately better than feeling guilty(Like you are now).

Fonz
 
MkZk said:
what the FUCK were u doing with your guy friend "A" anyway? There's no such thing as just friends u STUPID girl.

and yeah, your boyfriend deserves better than a slut like u.

fuck it, I'm telling it like it is.
:laugh2:
 
Fonz said:
And I find it funny how people on this thread are dissing her when THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.

EVER.

The rules are different than in a normal one.

You get lonely sometimes. And the younger you are the more diffcult it is to control those impulses to be with someone.

Did she do something wrong?

Yes. But not INCREDIBLY wrong. Just wrong.

Everyhting is not black and white(Well, except if you had sex with him and then...its over), its more like different shades of grey.

I'm with MP5 on this(Changed my mind)

Don't tell him. Period.
Secondly, DO NOT MOVE IN WITH this "A" person.
If your BF matters anyhting to you, you will not. If he's tried it once with you, he'll definately try again.

Furthermore, you have to learn to control yourself. Yes, being lonely sucks sometimes, but its definately better than feeling guilty(Like you are now).

Fonz



I have fonz under trying circumstances and did not cheat. (yes I could have)
 
Define "cheating". As far as I am concerned unless there is a spoken verbal commitment (like engagement) it AIN'T cheating.

Sorry, but that is my opinion.

If you find some one else that is closer and you really end up wanting to be with that person or vice versa then you should end the long distance relationship.

Why ON EARTH should she tell her bf? She didn't have sex with the guy. And if she did - yea, so? - what the bf don't know won't hurt. She is only trying to make herself feel better by trying to alleviate a guilty conscience.

I have had TWO long distance relationships and THEY CAN SUCK LIKE A MOTHER, but it is something that the two that enter into it know from the getco.

I have heard of not one but two trans-continental relationships that worked ie ended up in a very happy marriage.

But that is EXTREMELY RARE.

The way I look at it. While you are apart, what the other don't know won't hurt. But if for some reason you keep returning to the person that is far away and you both decide that you truly want to make it work, then someone will eventually have to move. Until then - it is different than a relationship where two people can see each other often.

I was talking to a good friend about this and he told me something that made A LOT OF SENSE. He said that from now on he is not going to worry too much about what a woman "promises" or "tells" him. His attitude is... Damn, now I forgot his exact words. It was something like, "Bring it and I will believe it." In other words - don't just bump your gums - PROVE IT TO ME.

Until then I will no longer stress over a man lying to me. I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride and see if he truly can put his money where his mouth is. Until then it will all be good.

So VLChick - JUST FREAKING CHILL.
 
Great fucking morals there Em, you lost some of my respect... what the hell happened to you
 
bikinimom said:
Define "cheating". As far as I am concerned unless there is a spoken verbal commitment (like engagement) it AIN'T cheating.

Sorry, but that is my opinion.

If you find some one else that is closer and you really end up wanting to be with that person or vice versa then you should end the long distance relationship.

Why ON EARTH should she tell her bf? She didn't have sex with the guy. And if she did - yea, so? - what the bf don't know won't hurt. She is only trying to make herself feel better by trying to alleviate a guilty conscience.

I have had TWO long distance relationships and THEY CAN SUCK LIKE A MOTHER, but it is something that the two that enter into it know from the getco.

I have heard of not one but two trans-continental relationships that worked ie ended up in a very happy marriage.

But that is EXTREMELY RARE.

The way I look at it. While you are apart, what the other don't know won't hurt. But if for some reason you keep returning to the person that is far away and you both decide that you truly want to make it work, then someone will eventually have to move. Until then - it is different than a relationship where two people can see each other often.

I was talking to a good friend about this and he told me something that made A LOT OF SENSE. He said that from now on he is not going to worry too much about what a woman "promises" or "tells" him. His attitude is... Damn, now I forgot his exact words. It was something like, "Bring it and I will believe it." In other words - don't just bump your gums - PROVE IT TO ME.

Until then I will no longer stress over a man lying to me. I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride and see if he truly can put his money where his mouth is. Until then it will all be good.

So VLChick - JUST FREAKING CHILL.

E, I'm not sure if you've read her other threads a few weeks back, but she's actually 'cheated' on him before by fucking another guy, so it's an ongoing thing with her.

I think she just needs time to enjoy the single life and sew her wild oats so to speak for a few years. No point hurting others.
 
You have no idea what I am saying. It seems one way, but it isn't.

You can only be fed a line of BS by just so many men before you start to realize that you are being played for a chump.

I am not advocating "cheating". I have no trouble or issue with being FAITHFUL. I am only saying that as adult relationships go, until I am actually ENGAGED I will talk to who I want, WHEN I WANT. He should also do the same.

I never ever want a man to be with me out of obligation. I want him to be with me because no matter who he is with or what he is doing I AM THE ONLY ONE ON HIS MIND.

I can't tell you how many times I was in the company of a man who was attractive, succesfull, witty and a nice man but the whole time I was with him someone else was on my mind.

I made the mistake of marrying much too young and settling for so much less than what I or my children deserve. I will never EVER make that mistake again.
 
Wow this cunt HAS fucked another guy behind his back before? Nice, veggie girl, you are one pathetic fucking moron...with your 'oh why me ill just kill myself' attention whore crap... I'll tell you what, there are only about 3-4 chicks on here that I really respect. I have to say the two biggest disappointments of my growing older has been the selfish way people will hurt each other for personal gain, and the disgusting, sick minds of most women...I truly do not understand it. But I see it everyday so it must be true.
 
vinylgroover said:


E, I'm not sure if you've read her other threads a few weeks back, but she's actually 'cheated' on him before by fucking another guy, so it's an ongoing thing with her.

I think she just needs time to enjoy the single life and sew her wild oats so to speak for a few years. No point hurting others.

Oh no I have not read the other threads. I didn't realize that she has had sex with other guys in the past. And her boyfriend took her back?

OK, correct me if I am wrong here, but who is the chump?

The ranger kid is getting exactly what he is willing to settle for. Trust me on this one. I KNOW ABOUT SETTLING.
 
Bikinimom I see your point there, but if this what she calls her boyfriend, and unless he has verbally agreed that it is OK for her to sleep around, then she is a cheating whore as usual.

Dont blame this kid totally ...sometimes you grow to care about someone and want to try with them...its not just a matter of settling...just as you love a child, you dont just say, 'well my kid fucked up, im trading him in becuase I dont settle..' ... if you love a person, the same sort of thing can be true....veggie is an idiot. I cannot tell you how many women ive seen with her warped personality model...
 
Frackal said:
Wow this cunt HAS fucked another guy behind his back before? Nice, veggie girl, you are one pathetic fucking moron...with your 'oh why me ill just kill myself' attention whore crap... I'll tell you what, there are only about 3-4 chicks on here that I really respect. I have to say the two biggest disappointments of my growing older has been the selfish way people will hurt each other for personal gain, and the disgusting, sick minds of most women...I truly do not understand it. But I see it everyday so it must be true.

Frack it isn't all black and white. (Well in this case IT IS.)

But in general, I have been dissed by more than one "nice guy" and I survived. I do not think that all men are dogs. But I do believe that MOST MEN LIE. Women used to say that it was to get into a chick's pants. I say that isn't so.

I believe that a man feeds this whole "I love you" bs to a woman who is not into getting into a real intense relationship because HE DOESN'T WANT HER TO SLEEP WITH OTHER GUYS. As soon as she falls in love with him, HIS TUNE CHANGES. Why? So that he can sleep at night knowing that though he is dissing this girl SHE LOVES HIM (and I am not talking about the way VLChick defines love LOL) so she won't "be" with other guys.

To that I say - a big ole FUCK U. Until I am engaged to be married I will go where I want and do what I want and I WHOLEHEARTEDLY expect him to do the same.
 
Frackal said:
Bikinimom I see your point there, but if this what she calls her boyfriend, and unless he has verbally agreed that it is OK for her to sleep around, then she is a cheating whore as usual.

Dont blame this kid totally ...sometimes you grow to care about someone and want to try with them...its not just a matter of settling...just as you love a child, you dont just say, 'well my kid fucked up, im trading him in becuase I dont settle..' ... if you love a person, the same sort of thing can be true....veggie is an idiot. I cannot tell you how many women ive seen with her warped personality model...

Frack I feel you more than you know, but the bottom line is the relationship that a man and woman share is not the same as the parent/child relationship. Case in point: my divorce. I will not always be my ex's wife (although God knows it SEEMS THAT WAY) but I will be my children's mother until the day I die and even thereafter.

I have been hung out to dry more than once and trust me, it won't happen again. Do I blame the guys totally? NO - I ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN.

Shit on me once, shame on you.

Shit on me twice, SHAME ON ME.

And yea, from you guys are telling me, this girl is VERY immature and has ZERO idea about love, commitment or marriage.
 
Pink Space Biscuit said:


That's it?????? I have to totally disagree here. No woman in a committed relationship should allow themselves to be carressed, cuddled, their lips "brushed" or dry fucked. That's all pretty disrespectful.

Exactly. I'm sorry that you are so torn by what happened, I really am, but you SHOULD feel bad because if you didn't think you could refrain yourself from messing around on the "love of your life", you should let him go. Have you ever *truly* been in love? Because when you are truly in love with someone, being with someone else, or even being tempted by anyone else is gonna be the very last thing on your mind.
 
I swear to God, I wish that you could hear me laughing!

I have tears in my eyes. Thanks C-ditty. I really needed that. You have no idea just how badly I did.

:kiss:
 
Frackal said:
Wow this cunt HAS fucked another guy behind his back before? Nice, veggie girl, you are one pathetic fucking moron...with your 'oh why me ill just kill myself' attention whore crap... I'll tell you what, there are only about 3-4 chicks on here that I really respect. I have to say the two biggest disappointments of my growing older has been the selfish way people will hurt each other for personal gain, and the disgusting, sick minds of most women...I truly do not understand it. But I see it everyday so it must be true.

If she's already had sex with another guy during the relationship then I am with Frackal here.

Its over. period.

And btw, emptying your feelings on the internet for personal redemption won't change the fact that you cheated on him.

Tell him its over and move on. Just hope you haven't scarred the poor guy for life.

Fonz
 
Woah. Some of you are harsh. First off, I dont think cheating necessarily ends the relationship. Lets face it, how many guys cheat on their girls? Out of my close personal friends I would say I am the only one who has not cheated. That doesn't mean they have no morals or dont love their girls- it is just something that is accepted and actually expected in some social circles. Now, women are doing the same, it seems pretty commmon nowadays. That is why everyone gets divorced. They cant keep it in their pants and dont want to work to make things exciting.

Instead of getting advice from a message board this girl needs to go to the bookstore and get a self help book on this very subject, see what the shrinks say to do. If you really love him you can make it work. I can tell you that if your guy has no way of finding out then DO NOT tell him. Deal with the guilt as you should. That is your punishment for doing the wrong thing. You are one of those young girls who still think that guy "friends" are just friends. Well wake up call! Guys wanna fuck ya! Simple as that, the quicker you realize it the better. DO NOT get into a situation where you are laying next to some "hot guy"- that is absurd, what did you think would happen? If you move in with this "A" then forget your Ranger, its over. If not, then you have a chance.

You can repair this damage and you can start by not fucking doing it again. Be a decent person because karma has a way with biting you when you least expect it. Everyone makes mistakes and some people make allot, its not the end of the world but if you want to be able to look yourself in the mirror then you need counseling or at the bare minimum you need to read some books on infidelity.
 
If our relationship is so distant that either he or I would be fucking someone else on Nov 8th then why on EARTH would he be asking me to marry him on Nov 9th?

You reasoning is faulty. If I choose not to fuck somebody else it will not be because I am "not allowed". It will be because I DON'T WANT TO.

I know all about being faithful and committed. This girl obviously DOES NOT.

My problem is with "dating" as I still am naive enough to believe a man's "you are the only perfect woman for me and I want to be with only you" rhetoric while the SECOND you give in, put your reservations aside and think "he must be telling the truth" - fall in love and then the next thing you know he is like, "Um hey! This is moving a bit too quickly for me."

REALLY?

I was not the one who started with the LOVE bullshit or the "When you will be my wife" crap.

So WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT - HUH?
 
SHE HAS NOT BEEN BACK ON YET. DOES THAT MEAN SHE IS LIKE.... UH....DEAD?
 
VeggieLifterChick said:
Is this definitely cheating?


Ah yup, pretty much.

All is not lost, this should force you to think about you, your beau and your future with each other.


Next time I would take the a sofa as a place to sleep.


Experiences are for learning and you'll learn from this and while ending your life over it is not wise, learning from a less than desirable choice IS wise.



:)
 
BigRedCat said:
Analassplorer, why are you so mean?

I AIN'T BEING MEAN. SHIT, IF SHE GONNA COME ON HERE AND PROMISE US SOME DRAMA, I WANT IT DELIVERED.


THIS IS JUST A WATERED DOWN VERSION OF GEORGIE24. HE STARTS A THREAD, ASKS FOR ADVICE/HELP, EVERYONE "TRIES" TO GIVE HIM ADVICE, BUT HE NEVER SHOWS BACK UP ON THE THREAD.

SHE DISAPPEARED. I GUESS SHE IS, LIKE, DEADING RIGHT NOW.
 
um, this bitch was either ran out of town... or killed herself... or is out fucking half the city...

i'm guessing c.
 
I just got home and I read all but the last page so far, and i realize I need to clear a few things up. NO, I DID NOT FUCK ANOTHER GUY BEHIND MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK.

We had agreed upon an unexclusive relationship. I called him up and told him I wanted to get with this guy I worked with, because the guy had invited me over after work. My boyfriend said that was cool, as long as I made up my mind ahead of time what I was going to do. I told him I wasnt planning on having sex with the guy and not to worry about it. Well shit went its way and I couldn't resist and we fucked.

DOES THAT CHANGE YOUR CRITICAL TUNE, ANY, FRACKAL AND BMOM?
 
VeggieLifterChick said:
I just got home and I read all but the last page so far, and i realize I need to clear a few things up. NO, I DID NOT FUCK ANOTHER GUY BEHIND MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK.

We had agreed upon an unexclusive relationship. I called him up and told him I wanted to get with this guy I worked with, because the guy had invited me over after work. My boyfriend said that was cool, as long as I made up my mind ahead of time what I was going to do. I told him I wasnt planning on having sex with the guy and not to worry about it. Well shit went its way and I couldn't resist and we fucked.

DOES THAT CHANGE YOUR CRITICAL TUNE, ANY, FRACKAL AND BMOM?

That contradicts EVERYTHING you said in your original post.
 
Veggie lifter,

In that case i should apologise, because Frack and Bmom were responding to my post.

In your previous threads, i had clearly thought that you said you were on 'probation' with your boyfriend because you had cheated on him with another guy, which is why i wrote that post.

I wasn't aware of the how and why's of that encounter, but did your boyfriend consider what you did to be cheating?
 
madbomber31 said:
um, this bitch was either ran out of town... or killed herself... or is out fucking half the city...

i'm guessing c.

Are you so addicted to Elite chat that you don't go a day without posting? SHIT! Damn I was online until 6 am last night and then I went to work today and I got home around like 10:30. LOL I did not kill myself. I was in really horrible anguish about things when I wrote that and I felt like there was no way I could handle it. Nice to see that you're so fucking compassionate.

**by the way, I realize that last post was unclear. We HAD an open relationship at the time when I fucked that other guy, but this latest incident happened when things were exclusive. Totally different circumstances**

**Also, yes this is going to be long distance for a few years at least because he lives in New Mexico when not in the army, and I am in school in NJ.**


Anyways, I had a really really long discussion with Naturally Anabolic last night, and I've come to some conclusions. First of all, all of you assholes who feel like you can make confident statements about whether or not I'm in love with "my Ranger" are full of shit. I AM in love with him, more deeply than you can ever know. But love has nothing to do with this.

I think what I need to take from this is the knowledge that I can't handle the terms of this relationship as it is. I do feel lonely - how could I not? I can't even talk to him! There are reasons why I was seduced, beyond the fact that I have a sex drive (though I do have a really serious sex drive). Clearly I need attention and I need to feel cared for, and this situation wasn't cutting it.

For that reason, I feel like I need to discuss what happened with him. I am going to tell him what I just said, which is that I learned that I can't handle the terms as is. I'm also not feeling emotionally satisfied with it. I am going to tell him that I decided not to move in with A because one night I slept over his place and he tried to get with me. I'm going to tell him that we cuddled and carressed eachother, but that we didn't kiss. (He doesn't need to know about the dry fucking -- had we gone to a club, we would have done that there, and I know my BF wouldn't give a shit, because that's been discussed). I'll let him decide whether that is cheating or not.

I need to face the repercussions of what I did, but I also need to acknowledge why it happened, and understand things, so that I don't make promises I can't keep.

He is the most wonderful person I have ever met. I am deeply in love with him. Every single time I see him I feel like I'm living in a utopian dream world. He says the same. That;s why its so painful to think that this might end things.

It will be up to him to decide how to deal with things.
 
jesus 2 said:
solution: eat meat.



j2da2

I think she already did, and thats what got her in trouble. She ate Mr. grade "A's" meat.

P.S. If you decide to tell him, or end it, wait until he is done with Ranger school. He has enough stress already.
 
vinylgroover said:
Veggie lifter,

In that case i should apologise, because Frack and Bmom were responding to my post.

In your previous threads, i had clearly thought that you said you were on 'probation' with your boyfriend because you had cheated on him with another guy, which is why i wrote that post.

I wasn't aware of the how and why's of that encounter, but did your boyfriend consider what you did to be cheating?

Sorry that i was unclear. Yes, he did consider these 2 months to be probation. I don't know if he ever called what happened "cheating" technically, but it hurt him and shook his trust, which is why these 2 months mattered so much.

Before that, there was one other incident. A guy friend slept over, a dude who seemed as virtuous as could be, and he kissed me. It was allowed because at the time our relationship was open. But my boyfriend was really hurt by that too. Looking back on it I can see that he really ought to have been more honest with himself sooner, and told me that he needed monogamy because he can't handle me getting with other people.

And yeah, I am fucking retarded, because I always trst my guy friends. I never really think they're trying to fuck me...but it always turns out that they are.
 
velvett said:



Ah yup, pretty much.

All is not lost, this should force you to think about you, your beau and your future with each other.


Next time I would take the a sofa as a place to sleep.


Experiences are for learning and you'll learn from this and while ending your life over it is not wise, learning from a less than desirable choice IS wise.



:)

The sofa was taken. That;s why I slept in his bed. And yes, actually, if this relationship ends, all IS lost.
 
Sounds to me like you and your boyfriend both have alot of maturing to do, and quite frankly at 20 years old, neither of you need to be in this type of relationship because you don't have the life experience or maturity to handle it. That is in no way a criticism.......Life shouldn't be that serious at 20. You both need to live a bit.
 
supernav said:
>It was just carressing and cuddling and brushing our lips over >eachother without kissing.

That's IT? Good god, that's like a real elongated hug. I've seen people do more on the dance floor than that!

I agree, you're getting WAY over-dramatic. Chill out and go get a beer. Stop thinking so much into it. You didn't do squat.

-= nav =-


I agree with supernav...


It would be "A LOT" different if you were married..

You very young right now, you both should be enjoying yourselves.

The time will come to settle down..
And you will both know it..
 
VeggieLifterChick said:


The sofa was taken. That;s why I slept in his bed. And yes, actually, if this relationship ends, all IS lost.

OK let me speak from personal experience, you will feel like all is lost for a while. A few months, perhaps a year but after time passes and you gain distance from the event you will learn that the heart is far stronger than you give credit. The heart can love over and over again, deeply, even when it has been broken but only if you choose to let it.
 
STOP CRYING YOU FUCKIN SLUT, YOU MADE YOU BED LITERALLY NOW LIE IN IT!
 
Is your boyfriend in the national guard or something??Perhaps I'm missunderstanding what you are saying about him living in NM when he's not doing his army thing? back to the subject at hand

Personally I think your a lost little girl....Have patience your path with find you...It's not comming across as if you know anything about what your talking about(feelings, what you want, how your handling this). Or maybe I'm the only one who's getting that feeling by reading this.

No worries a year ago at 21 I was as lost as could be...Lucky for me I was forced into getting all my eggs lined up, and now a year later growing into myself is alot better. The sun will shine tomorrow, even if it's Raining over you 2day. Worry about school, cause your Ranger is probably not thinking about you the way your envisioning...I'd say right about now when he has time to think about you...Maybe 1 or 2 thoughts in a Day he's thinking about the sex

All and all what you did wasn't all that bad, but if you feel that it was then you have to figure out what your going to do to make things right. Nothing that is said on here is truly going to make you feel any better
 
Well Well Well

VG, I was in a relationship for over two years with a lady from a different country , never cheated on her , it ended when she cheated on me , and she even had my name tattooed on her ass. But you need to look at yourself , do you deserve such a great person as you describe? Do you wish him to be happy , then don'T you think that he deserves someone who will make him happy since you obviously cannot fulfill that role. But all of these issues are secondary now , because he is waiting for you believing in your virtue when you do not have any. And there is nothing worse than decieving someone you say you love so you must tell him everything , ESPECIALLY the dry fucking part. Of course he will be hurt but at least he will know that you did not care about him enough not to do it. You speak of a high sex drive, I've got the highest of any of my male friends but I've never cheated.

BKM - I'm so dissappointed in you , define "cheating"? I thought by defining a "relationship" one would neccessarily exclude cheating from that.
Kali - will you marry me?

Every man makes his home between the legs of the woman he loves. It's ok to stop off in a hotel now and again but no one wants to live there.
 
VeggieLifterChick said:
I just got home and I read all but the last page so far, and i realize I need to clear a few things up. NO, I DID NOT FUCK ANOTHER GUY BEHIND MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK.

We had agreed upon an unexclusive relationship. I called him up and told him I wanted to get with this guy I worked with, because the guy had invited me over after work. My boyfriend said that was cool, as long as I made up my mind ahead of time what I was going to do. I told him I wasnt planning on having sex with the guy and not to worry about it. Well shit went its way and I couldn't resist and we fucked.

DOES THAT CHANGE YOUR CRITICAL TUNE, ANY, FRACKAL AND BMOM?

NO.

First off you are talking out of both ends of your mouth. You keep defining and REdefining the terms of your relationship and keep crossing the boundaries REGARDLESS.

I never called you slut/whore whatever. I wouldn't do that because that shit is uncalled for and way beyond immature.

All I said was that you were clearly too immature for a serious and longterm committed relationship. How did I come to this conclusion? BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU WROTE. (Refer to paragraph one)

You can go on and on about how much you love this guy and how lonely you are. Try living in the same house with a man that you pledged to spend the rest of your life loving, not even speaking...

THAT IS LONELY. You have no clue what lonely is.

And if you want to go there about long distance relationships with me, don't. Because unfortunately - BEEN THERE - DOING THAT.

Mandinka, you put up the quote about hotels and say that you are disappointed in me? That just proves what I was saying. That a man will lie to reel you in. Not because he necessarily loves you and wants ONLY YOU, but because he doesn't want you to sleep with another guy. I am sorry but that is GRADE A FUCKED UP.

I was faithfull to my ex for over 12 years... until one night that my head hit the ground. Was I faithfull because I made a promise? Yes, but that is only part of the equation. The stronger part was because I truly found no other man attractive. Why was that? BECAUSE I LOVED ONLY HIM.

If you treat a grown mature woman with kindness, decency, respect and love than you will not have to embellish bullshit lies by going on and on about how you want to spend the rest of your life with her while treating her like an afterthought. She will remain faithfull regardless.
 
supernav said:
I think you have NO idea what love really is. Because what you call love..we call being a horny little easy tramp who fools around with every guy she invites home.

funny, women like you are always the first to come whining that their "guy" is cheating on them. And then we're all supposed to hold hands and feel "sorry" for you. Nyuh huh, B.I.T.C.H.S. don't play that game!

-= nav =-


You put it very clear.
 
bikinimom said:


Mandinka, you put up the quote about hotels and say that you are disappointed in me? That just proves what I was saying. That a man will lie to reel you in. Not because he necessarily loves you and wants ONLY YOU, but because he doesn't want you to sleep with another guy. I am sorry but that is GRADE A FUCKED UP.

I was faithfull to my ex for over 12 years... until one night that my head hit the ground. Was I faithfull because I made a promise? Yes, but that is only part of the equation. The stronger part was because I truly found no other man attractive. Why was that? BECAUSE I LOVED ONLY HIM.

If you treat a grown mature woman with kindness, decency, respect and love than you will not have to embellish bullshit lies by going on and on about how you want to spend the rest of your life with her while treating her like an afterthought. She will remain faithfull regardless.
Actually BKM , it's not a quote or at least I've never heard it , it was something I just came to realize after I was truly in love with someone. I spent 3 months with this person in a tiny room in a country where I couldn'T speak the language with no t.v. and it was absolutely tremendous.
You are also EXTREMELY wrong and I want you now to poust your logic behind the statement that "a man will lie to reel you in". IN both cases where I was in love , the woman told me that they loved me before I did and in both instances they cheated. Just in case you're wondering no one else has ever cheated on me. I posted on this before and asked whether you though that this was a coincidence and you said no. I do not expect that a woman does not find others attractive - that is not to be human but that she would not wish to act on her impulse becasue she feels that she has something better and respects me (which is a part of love).
 
I am sorry that those women treated you that way, just as I am sorry that the men that I have been encountering have treated me a certain way.

It is plain old fucked up when ANYONE takes advantage of ANYONE ELSE. The gender doesn't matter.

I am still trying to understand why a man would come on so strong while the woman is saying, "No, no ... this is too much too soon." Then as soon as she lets her guard down and lets him into her world (NONE of which she hid from him, the # of kids, her struggles AND THE CRAZY EX that won't go away until one of us is dead) and then he is like, "Woh! This is more than I bargained for...."

I just don't understand why GROWN MEN with vast life experience would do this to a decent woman who is exactly what she portrays herself to be.

Not whining about it, just don't understand it.

The girl who originated these threads is confused and young. Comes here to "unload" her guilty consciense, threatens suicide, then gets her panties in a bind when no one is going for it.

You know the difference between accepting responsibility for your own behavior and blaming others for your mistakes is Darlin'? MATURITY.

I have made more mistakes then I care to remember. But the bottom line is that regardless of the situation I accept responsibility for my role.

You are waaaaaay too immature to even scratch the surface of what love is as your actions and your words clearly indicate.

I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is the truth.

What is done is done. Learn from it and move on. That is all I am trying to say. No need for drama and handwringing, tearing your clothing and shouting to the heavens for forgiveness.
 
VeggieLifterChick said:
I DIDN'T FUCK HIM. It was just carressing and cuddling and brushing our lips over eachother without kissing. At one point we did dry fuck though. That's why i'm saying its no more than what could happen at a club.

V,
Suicide is never a solution, it is a means to an end. A "cop-out". It leaves a slew of unanswered questions and hurt behind along with it.
You cheated on your boyfriend. "Dry-fuck" or not. A guy was on top of you simulating a sexual act.
Be honest with your BF. I would write to him and tell him to get it off your chest. It may motivate him more.
You can inspire so many people with YOUR life. Use it wisely bc you only have one. There's no second chances.

Hammer
 
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