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the nature boy
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that is one of the best all time simpsons episodes.
HappyScrappy
New member
and twirling! always twirling!
smallmovesal
New member
One night, Springfield holds a Dole-Clinton debate. Clinton is giving
the opening speech:
My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but
tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward,
and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.
Kang: Abortions for all.
[crowd boos]
Very well, no abortions for anyone.
[crowd boos]
Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for
others.
[crowd cheers and waves miniature flags]
A Democratic National Committee van pulls up, and George
Stephanopoulos pokes his head out.
George: Uh, Mr. President, Sir. People are becoming a bit... confused by
the way your and your opponent are, well, constantly holding
hands.
Kang: We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think
of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it.
the opening speech:
My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but
tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward,
and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.
Kang: Abortions for all.
[crowd boos]
Very well, no abortions for anyone.
[crowd boos]
Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for
others.
[crowd cheers and waves miniature flags]
A Democratic National Committee van pulls up, and George
Stephanopoulos pokes his head out.
George: Uh, Mr. President, Sir. People are becoming a bit... confused by
the way your and your opponent are, well, constantly holding
hands.
Kang: We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think
of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it.
HappyScrappy
New member
that's a great episode - I like when "Dole" says that regardless of the outcome of the election, the planet was DOOMED
smallmovesal
New member
it's my second favourite, behind the babysitter gummy venus de milo
BUMP
smallmovesal
New member
pinchy!
that reminded me... another good one is when maggie is discovered to be kang's daughter...
% Homer's viewing of "How Dracula Got His Groove Back" is interrupted
% by a knock at the door.
Homer: [opens door to find Kang and Kodos standing there]
Hello -- oh great. Mormons.
Kang: Actually, we're Quantum Presbyterians and we've come to see
... my daughter. [holds up and squeaks a squeak-toy]
Marge: Oh, Lord. I was hoping this day would never come.
Homer: Huh? What are you talking about?
Kang: You mean you never told him?
Marge: Oh, I guess I've been in denial. Homer, Kang is Maggie's
father.
Homer: [gasps] You intergalactic hussy! How could you! [covers
his face and cries]
[looks up] Was he better than me?
-- Well ..., "Treehouse of Horror IX"
% Marge begins to retell the tale. One day, she was having a great
% time hanging laundry in the back yard, when Kang's spacecraft hovered
% ominously in the air. Using advanced alien devices (like a good
% length of rope), they bring Marge aboard the ship, and sit her on a
% couch.
Kang: Congratulations. You have been selected for our cross-
breeding program.
Kodos: To put you at ease, we have recreated the most common
spawning locations of your species. You may choose either
[as Kodos lists the choices, he highlights a mock-up of each
one]
the back seat of a Camaro,
an airplane bathroom,
a friend's wedding,
or the alley behind a porno theater.
Marge: I absolutely refuse to go along with this; [pause] but since
I have no choice, I'll take the alley.
[the alley set slides behind the couch. Kang retracts his
helmet and sits next to Marge]
Kodos: Initiate fertilization procedure.
Kang: Oh, you look lovely this evening. Have you decreased in
mass?
Marge: [voiceover] I tried to resist, but they applied powerful
mind-confusion techniques.
Kang: Look behind you.
[Marge looks, and Kang quickly uses a ray gun to beam
something on her]
Insemination complete. [deploys space helmet]
Marge: Really? That seemed awfully quick.
Kang: What are you implying?
Marge: Nothing, nothing.
Kang: Whoa, wow, look at the time. I'd love to stay but I have an
early meeting tomorrow. You're a super girl, though. I'll
call you sometime.
[pushes a button marked "dump." The couch cushion tilts up,
and Marge falls back to Earth through a chute]
-- "Treehouse of Horror IX"
% Nine months later, says Marge, Maggie was born. Now, Kodos wants to
% take her back to Rigel 7, where she will be given lifetime employment
% in the Rigelian civil service. Homer refuses to give Maggie up, and
% the two begin to fight. Bart intercedes, saying, "there's only one
% man who can settle an argument this bizarre."
%
% That one way, of course, is to go on "The Jerry Springer Show."
% Today's topic is, "My Daddy's a Space Monster!"
Springer: Okay, we're back. Homer, how'd it feel to learn your
baby was fathered by a drooling space octopus?
[Graphic comes up that says, "Homer Simpson: 'Wife
knocked boots with Space Stud!'"]
Homer: It made me angry, Jerry. Angry and tired.
Springer: Well, you're about to get a whole lot angrier, because
we have the extramarital extraterrestrial backstage in
the soundproof booth where he can't hear us.
Kang: I hear all!
Springer: Ladies and gentlemen, meet Kang.
Kang: [walks onstage, gives Marge a bouquet of roses, and
kisses her hand. Homer jumps and punches him]
Homer: You lousy two-timing [bleep bleep]! I'm gonna [bleep]!
Kang: Oh yeah? Well [bleep] hyperbolic parabaloid! [bleep]
yo mama! [grabs two chairs and uses them to fight
Homer]
-- "Treehouse of Horror IX"
% Stagehands break up the fight. Jerry takes the microphone into the
% audience to take questions.
Woman: Yeah, I got a question for that gross thing, whatever it
is.
Springer: Homer.
Woman: Nah, the green dude. If you're that baby's daddy, where
you been at?
[audience voices its agreement]
Ya know, someone needs to learn your green ass some
responsibility.
[audience cheers. Kang pulls a ray gun and vaporizes
the women]
Springer: Now hold on, Kang. You can't bully my audience with
your fancy ray gun.
[Kang vaporizes remainder of audience]
And now for my final thought.
[steps in front of his "final thought" backdrop]
Nobody wins when parents put their petty squabbles above
the welfare of a child. Let's hope they put their
differences aside, and do what's best for Maggie.
[Maggie attacks Jerry]
Ow! What the [bleep]! Get the [bleep] baby off
[bleep]! Son of a [bleep]!
[Kang attacks Springer. Homer attacks Kang again. The
show's end credit music comes up]
Marge: I'm so [bleep] embarrassed.
-- A very special episode of "The Jerry Springer Show," "Treehouse of
Horror"
that reminded me... another good one is when maggie is discovered to be kang's daughter...
% Homer's viewing of "How Dracula Got His Groove Back" is interrupted
% by a knock at the door.
Homer: [opens door to find Kang and Kodos standing there]
Hello -- oh great. Mormons.
Kang: Actually, we're Quantum Presbyterians and we've come to see
... my daughter. [holds up and squeaks a squeak-toy]
Marge: Oh, Lord. I was hoping this day would never come.
Homer: Huh? What are you talking about?
Kang: You mean you never told him?
Marge: Oh, I guess I've been in denial. Homer, Kang is Maggie's
father.
Homer: [gasps] You intergalactic hussy! How could you! [covers
his face and cries]
[looks up] Was he better than me?
-- Well ..., "Treehouse of Horror IX"
% Marge begins to retell the tale. One day, she was having a great
% time hanging laundry in the back yard, when Kang's spacecraft hovered
% ominously in the air. Using advanced alien devices (like a good
% length of rope), they bring Marge aboard the ship, and sit her on a
% couch.
Kang: Congratulations. You have been selected for our cross-
breeding program.
Kodos: To put you at ease, we have recreated the most common
spawning locations of your species. You may choose either
[as Kodos lists the choices, he highlights a mock-up of each
one]
the back seat of a Camaro,
an airplane bathroom,
a friend's wedding,
or the alley behind a porno theater.
Marge: I absolutely refuse to go along with this; [pause] but since
I have no choice, I'll take the alley.
[the alley set slides behind the couch. Kang retracts his
helmet and sits next to Marge]
Kodos: Initiate fertilization procedure.
Kang: Oh, you look lovely this evening. Have you decreased in
mass?
Marge: [voiceover] I tried to resist, but they applied powerful
mind-confusion techniques.
Kang: Look behind you.
[Marge looks, and Kang quickly uses a ray gun to beam
something on her]
Insemination complete. [deploys space helmet]
Marge: Really? That seemed awfully quick.
Kang: What are you implying?
Marge: Nothing, nothing.
Kang: Whoa, wow, look at the time. I'd love to stay but I have an
early meeting tomorrow. You're a super girl, though. I'll
call you sometime.
[pushes a button marked "dump." The couch cushion tilts up,
and Marge falls back to Earth through a chute]
-- "Treehouse of Horror IX"
% Nine months later, says Marge, Maggie was born. Now, Kodos wants to
% take her back to Rigel 7, where she will be given lifetime employment
% in the Rigelian civil service. Homer refuses to give Maggie up, and
% the two begin to fight. Bart intercedes, saying, "there's only one
% man who can settle an argument this bizarre."
%
% That one way, of course, is to go on "The Jerry Springer Show."
% Today's topic is, "My Daddy's a Space Monster!"
Springer: Okay, we're back. Homer, how'd it feel to learn your
baby was fathered by a drooling space octopus?
[Graphic comes up that says, "Homer Simpson: 'Wife
knocked boots with Space Stud!'"]
Homer: It made me angry, Jerry. Angry and tired.
Springer: Well, you're about to get a whole lot angrier, because
we have the extramarital extraterrestrial backstage in
the soundproof booth where he can't hear us.
Kang: I hear all!
Springer: Ladies and gentlemen, meet Kang.
Kang: [walks onstage, gives Marge a bouquet of roses, and
kisses her hand. Homer jumps and punches him]
Homer: You lousy two-timing [bleep bleep]! I'm gonna [bleep]!
Kang: Oh yeah? Well [bleep] hyperbolic parabaloid! [bleep]
yo mama! [grabs two chairs and uses them to fight
Homer]
-- "Treehouse of Horror IX"
% Stagehands break up the fight. Jerry takes the microphone into the
% audience to take questions.
Woman: Yeah, I got a question for that gross thing, whatever it
is.
Springer: Homer.
Woman: Nah, the green dude. If you're that baby's daddy, where
you been at?
[audience voices its agreement]
Ya know, someone needs to learn your green ass some
responsibility.
[audience cheers. Kang pulls a ray gun and vaporizes
the women]
Springer: Now hold on, Kang. You can't bully my audience with
your fancy ray gun.
[Kang vaporizes remainder of audience]
And now for my final thought.
[steps in front of his "final thought" backdrop]
Nobody wins when parents put their petty squabbles above
the welfare of a child. Let's hope they put their
differences aside, and do what's best for Maggie.
[Maggie attacks Jerry]
Ow! What the [bleep]! Get the [bleep] baby off
[bleep]! Son of a [bleep]!
[Kang attacks Springer. Homer attacks Kang again. The
show's end credit music comes up]
Marge: I'm so [bleep] embarrassed.
-- A very special episode of "The Jerry Springer Show," "Treehouse of
Horror"
