Should i stay or should i go?

[shrimp poboy]

Ok ive bored you clowns enough with the situation with my ole lady and her dementia mom so Im pretty sure i dont need to recap.Well,The old woman has taken a turn for the worse and is pretty much ready to be put into a nursing home however the family wont pull the trigger on it thus causing my Gf(who cares for the woman 24 hrs a day)So much pain and stress its unreal(3am bowel accidents in the bed they have to share together because mom cant sleep alone)For the most part shes been a real trooper and dealt with it like any good human being would.However,She has gotten so mean to the point i cant even talk to her without her going into a raging fit over the most petty bullshit(Today she wouldnt take my calls all day until an hour ago because apparently i dont pay attention)Now she also lives 45 min away and making plans more than 2 x's per week is non existant.I love the girl to death but im tired of it and sometimes i just wanna walk away.What would you do?

 

[puddlemonkey]

Fvck, I was hoping this thread was EF related.

 

[miplank]

+1

 

[wtlftr]

why did you blast me with a red bomb

 

[shrimp poboy]

Fvck, I was hoping this thread was EF related.

You would cry a bucket full of tears if i left and you know it

 

[Smurfy]

where does the mom go when you and your gf spend weekends at the casino?

 

[shrimp poboy]

where does the mom go when you and your gf spend weekends at the casino?

She has a 9 brothers and sisters(3 out of the 9 actually help out)When its possible after begging and pleading one looks after her while we are together.Thanks smurf for the first intelligent ?

 

[ortiz34]

run

 

[miplank]

why did you blast me with a red bomb

cuz he's a dick

 

[nimbus]

did y'all get zooted on 4/20

 

[shrimp poboy]

yes

 

[calveless wonder]

my mom's side was/is like that with my grandparents. ended up being 1 sister living in a main house and the grandparents in a guest house. basically spent her whole life caring for them with the other sisters occasionally coming down and helping. however the family chipped in and paid for a nurse to come there everyday.

it sucks, and i can understand it but why sacrifice your own life at that point. i doubt if they were mentally stable enough they'd want that for their children.

i'd go. too much drama. got to explain to her you understand her loyalty but its your life too and you cant be miserable as a result

 

[Arabian]

Shrimp, you should probably just back away from your GF and see how she reacts. Apparently she does not appreciate nor respect the fact that you also sacrifice as she does, so just back away for a week or so and see what happens.. Best of luck to you

 

[Jocques Straap]

So who can't pull the trigger on sending her to a home? The other kids, or your gf? It doesn't seem fair that the your gf has to spend all her time caring for her, but the others are care free. Sounds like your gf needs to tell her brothers and sisters that they need to do their part.

 

[miplank]

do you still have the asian tranny on stand-by?

 

[princesa]

Your GF needs all the support she can get right now, she has her plate full. It's her MOTHER for god sakes, what do you expect her to do?! Stop caring for her sick mother and baby sit you?! Worry about your feelings? How would you feel if your partner walked out on you when you were going through hard times? It's not always about YOU! You are being selfish.

Then again, you cheated on her numerous times maybe it's best if you just walked away. She doesn't need anymore drama.
Just my .02

 

[miplank]

you tell him princesa!

 

[Razorguns]

Someone had to post this video. Lazy asses.

YouTube - The Clash - Should I stay or should I go

r

 

[princesa]

you tell him princesa!

I'm sorry! Man (people) like that I have NO respect for.

 

[Cutiebaby]

Your GF needs all the support she can get right now, she has her plate full. It's her MOTHER for god sakes, what do you expect her to do?! Stop caring for her sick mother and baby sit you?! Worry about your feelings? How would you feel if your partner walked out on you when you were going through hard times? It's not always about YOU! You are being selfish.

Then again, you cheated on her numerous times maybe it's best if you just walked away. She doesn't need anymore drama.
Just my .02

+1

And what the hell do you plan to do when one of your parents becomes ill?? This is part of the aging process, many people hit dementia and Alzheimer disease. Do you intend on placing them in a home and just walking away because it may be too hard for you?
Like the mother carrying and giving birth then raising for 18+ years wasn't fucking hard right????

You are being selfish and this seems to be a lovely cop out for you...And if you have cheated then you know what Shrimp- you don't fucking deserve a girl like her. A girl that would stop living a "fun" life to tend to another human in need...

You just made my thoughts of you and this matter a whole lot clearer!

 

[iggy]

shrimp, when you are on your deathbed i'm sure you want people caring for you.
if you love her stay,
if you don't tell her the truth.

 

[calveless wonder]

Your GF needs all the support she can get right now, she has her plate full. It's her MOTHER for god sakes, what do you expect her to do?! Stop caring for her sick mother and baby sit you?! Worry about your feelings? How would you feel if your partner walked out on you when you were going through hard times? It's not always about YOU! You are being selfish.

Then again, you cheated on her numerous times maybe it's best if you just walked away. She doesn't need anymore drama.
Just my .02

this post is living in an idealistic world.

lets be real. this isn't going to stop anytime soon(her having to devote herself 100% to her mother).
they're not married. If they're not going to put her anywhere she's going to need support and care for a long time. could be upwards of years. why is poboy going to make his own life miserable for this woman just to be "supportive?". If this was "the girl" then maybe but it dosn't sound like he has any intention of marrying this one. And even then, it'd be a VERY hard decision. I don't think you truly understand the ramifications of a situation like this.

and yes, sometimes it IS about you. You make decisions in life and they affect the people around you. Her decision is to take her of mother when she's clearly beyond the ability to take care of herself. She's sacrificing her own life and in turn, the life of thsoe around her. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be a part of that. She has other options,she's just not choosing to exercise them.

Until you've actually seen this taken place you can't really speak of it, no offense. I've seen it first hand within my family and while it seems noble, in the end it doesn't do anyone well. I don't see how you can so adamantly berate someone over something you can't truly understand.

 

[chris302001]

could be the best thing that ever happens to the girl

 

[calveless wonder]

i'm pretty sure any reasonable and caring person with dementia, if they actually had enough cognitive function, would NEVER want to burden their kids in such a manner. it's one thing on your death bed but another to take care of someone for the rest of their life.
As long as they are taken care of well (not just thrown in some 2nd rate home...at least a place where they specialize in these things), and the family comes and visits them...that should be enough.

when you lose your mind, you pretty much lose your entire existence. it's not the same person you knew/know. your mind and memories are the basis for your identity

 

[chris302001]

i'm pretty sure any reasonable and caring person with dementia, if they actually had enough cognitive function, would NEVER want to burden their kids in such a manner. it's one thing on your death bed but another to take care of someone for the rest of their life.
As long as they are taken care of well (not just thrown in some 2nd rate home...at least a place where they specialize in these things), and the family comes and visits them...that should be enough.

when you lose your mind, you pretty much lose your entire existence. it's not the same person you knew/know. your mind and memories are the basis for your identity

just because somebody says, "Oh no, you dont have to help me," doesnt mean you say, "Oh okay, see ya later fucker."

Some people really care about their family and sticking them in LTAC isn't an option.

 

[calveless wonder]

just because somebody says, "Oh no, you dont have to help me," doesnt mean you say, "Oh okay, see ya later fucker."

Some people really care about their family and sticking them in LTAC isn't an option.

yeah, way to use a realistic example. it shouldn't be so black and white either.

i'm sure anyone who truly felt that way would be a little more concrete in their expression of it. But again, these people are so far gone they can't even express themselves. As I said, once you lose your mind your basically CEASE to exist. your body is alive but your identity is gone. you don't have to be a philosopher to understand that concept

The ripple affect goes WAY down the ladder. from the children of the demented, to their grandchildren. you're altering the lives of many people for the worse for a distorted view of loyalty

 

[jdynasty]

yeah, way to use a realistic example. it shouldn't be so black and white either.

i'm sure anyone who truly felt that way would be a little more concrete in their expression of it. But again, these people are so far gone they can't even express themselves. As I said, once you lose your mind your basically CEASE to exist. your body is alive but your identity is gone. you don't have to be a philosopher to understand that concept

The ripple affect goes WAY down the ladder. from the children of the demented, to their grandchildren. you're altering the lives of many people for the worse for a distorted view of loyalty

stop playing devil's advocate and tell poboy he is being a dutch bag like everyone else

 

[PICK3]

my, my, my

 

[shrimp poboy]

Thanks Cw,Ive been patient and ive gone above and beyond just being a good Boyfriend but she doesnt seem to appreciate a fuckin thing that i do thats all.(cut her grass,bring her mom nice meals,always available for support etc)

 

[jdynasty]

Thanks Cw,Ive been patient and ive gone above and beyond just being a good Boyfriend but she doesnt seem to appreciate a fuckin thing that i do thats all.(cut her grass,bring her mom nice meals,always available for support etc)

ummm, I would put those all under the list of things a good boyfriend would do, not going above and beyond

 

[princesa]

this post is living in an idealistic world.

lets be real. this isn't going to stop anytime soon(her having to devote herself 100% to her mother).
they're not married. If they're not going to put her anywhere she's going to need support and care for a long time. could be upwards of years. why is poboy going to make his own life miserable for this woman just to be "supportive?". If this was "the girl" then maybe but it dosn't sound like he has any intention of marrying this one. And even then, it'd be a VERY hard decision. I don't think you truly understand the ramifications of a situation like this.

and yes, sometimes it IS about you. You make decisions in life and they affect the people around you. Her decision is to take her of mother when she's clearly beyond the ability to take care of herself. She's sacrificing her own life and in turn, the life of thsoe around her. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be a part of that. She has other options,she's just not choosing to exercise them.

Until you've actually seen this taken place you can't really speak of it, no offense. I've seen it first hand within my family and while it seems noble, in the end it doesn't do anyone well. I don't see how you can so adamantly berate someone over something you can't truly understand.

I've been there CW/ My grandmother had a heart attack recently and has been in bed not being able to take care of herself. We would NEVER put her in a home! We are human beings, we make sacrifices for our loved ones. You didn't grow up all by your handsome self now, did you?! I'm sure your mom stood up hours at night, took you to the doctor, fed you etc.. If she was to get sick, you wouldn't take care of her?
My best friends son has a disability, he has a dysfunctional kidney-he was born that way. The doctors told her that she should just give him up and that he would never be able to speak or walk. She didn't give up her son. She said the thought never even crossed her mind. As a matter affect her son is gonna be 15 in June and he could talk and play just like a normal kid. Yeah it's tough on her, but her BF never walked out on her. He actually tested to see if he could be a donor.

My point is, you don't walk out on someone when shit hits the fan. In this case, she is frustrated and probably very tired. This is when he is suppose to be there for her, and be supportive.

 

[billfred]

Ok ive bored you clowns enough with the situation with my ole lady and her dementia mom so Im pretty sure i dont need to recap.Well,The old woman has taken a turn for the worse and is pretty much ready to be put into a nursing home however the family wont pull the trigger on it thus causing my Gf(who cares for the woman 24 hrs a day)So much pain and stress its unreal(3am bowel accidents in the bed they have to share together because mom cant sleep alone)For the most part shes been a real trooper and dealt with it like any good human being would.However,She has gotten so mean to the point i cant even talk to her without her going into a raging fit over the most petty bullshit(Today she wouldnt take my calls all day until an hour ago because apparently i dont pay attention)Now she also lives 45 min away and making plans more than 2 x's per week is non existant.I love the girl to death but im tired of it and sometimes i just wanna walk away.What would you do?

Asian families take care of their own. I don't even think there is such a thing as old folks homes in Asia. Grandparentes live with the kids and on down.

You will not change that culture. Princesa summed it up pretty good - if you love her, stick with it. If you don't - walk away because that situation is not going to change.

 

[Cutiebaby]

ummm, I would put those all under the list of things a good boyfriend would do, not going above and beyond

Exactly!

 

[puddlemonkey]

Thanks Cw,Ive been patient and ive gone above and beyond just being a good Boyfriend but she doesnt seem to appreciate a fuckin thing that i do thats all.(cut her grass,bring her mom nice meals,always available for support etc)

Does, "above and beyond" include cheating?