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talk to her about it.
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- Thread starter Rachel...lol
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i give my wife a good 40-60 minute massage 5-6 nights a week. i rub her feet while we're watching tv. 20 minutes per foot. just about every night along with her massage..mornings when the alarm goes off, i rub and massage her 20 minutes, just about every morning.
i send her text messages 2-3 times a day letting her know how hot she looked all dressed up heading off for work. ( she is very hot)once a week, i'll put a note in her briefcase telling her she looked and smelled so good. a small love note.
i email her once a day saying i love you..
been married 22 years. dating 6 before that.
i train very hard. always sore. i get no massages. MAYBE a 5 minute massage once every 3 weeks, but usually never ever anything. i never get a text, other than her saying thanks to the text i sent her. she never ever ever ever initiates sex.
what the hell do i do??
i want sex 24/7. her, hahahaha. 1 time a week is fine..
i think i would die if she initiated anything physical. she's been thru the change so thats not an issue. it was, but thankfully thats over. no stress on work..
just enjoys the notes, massages, texts and all else i do. i just want the same in return. i get zero. i mean zero.
we get along fine, but no physical action unless i start,it and then its excuses, like the kids are still up, i'll be there later, knowing i'll be sleeping, but she gives in 1 day a week.
sex is awsome, but 1 day a week..
i spent my whole life training, eating good, taking vitamins, so maybe it paid off and i have a great sex drive. trouble is , she has a terrible drive. now what.
i send her text messages 2-3 times a day letting her know how hot she looked all dressed up heading off for work. ( she is very hot)once a week, i'll put a note in her briefcase telling her she looked and smelled so good. a small love note.
i email her once a day saying i love you..
been married 22 years. dating 6 before that.
i train very hard. always sore. i get no massages. MAYBE a 5 minute massage once every 3 weeks, but usually never ever anything. i never get a text, other than her saying thanks to the text i sent her. she never ever ever ever initiates sex.
what the hell do i do??
i want sex 24/7. her, hahahaha. 1 time a week is fine..
i think i would die if she initiated anything physical. she's been thru the change so thats not an issue. it was, but thankfully thats over. no stress on work..
just enjoys the notes, massages, texts and all else i do. i just want the same in return. i get zero. i mean zero.
we get along fine, but no physical action unless i start,it and then its excuses, like the kids are still up, i'll be there later, knowing i'll be sleeping, but she gives in 1 day a week.
sex is awsome, but 1 day a week..
i spent my whole life training, eating good, taking vitamins, so maybe it paid off and i have a great sex drive. trouble is , she has a terrible drive. now what.
I was going to say dont get married but since that train left the station a couple decades ago: Stop treating her like the damn queen of england and maybe she will have some respect for you. married or not, women respect men who dont put them on a high pedestal. so cut out all the damn massages and lovey dovey shit. if she gives you any shit about that just tell her you arent getting it in return so its not worth it. Then stand your ground when she bitches and moans that you dont love her anymore. Dont give in, she will learn.
i have a number of times. its always her saying, all i worry abut is that (pointing to my co**)
hell, it be awsome to hear her say its your turn for an hour massage, or getting a hot text meaasge first, not just a thanks from the hot text i just sent her. i love her to death, but the physical part is 100% bad.. i treat her like a queen. your supose too. its your wife. i just get zero in return. very depressing..
hell, it be awsome to hear her say its your turn for an hour massage, or getting a hot text meaasge first, not just a thanks from the hot text i just sent her. i love her to death, but the physical part is 100% bad.. i treat her like a queen. your supose too. its your wife. i just get zero in return. very depressing..
Does she have other ways of showing that she appreciates you?
She's cheating on you!
From my experiences the worse you treat a woman the better she treats you. They're fucked up in the head like that.
Honey is that you? 
Im in the same boat as my husband, when we have the talk he A. accuses me of wanting sex all the time as ur wife seems to do, and when we have the talk just about how i pay attention to detail and he doesnt he starts to get better and then shortly goes back.... u have 2 options: 1. you put up with it 2. you dont put up with it, DO NOT stick around hoping she will change, u will grow bitter and resentment will brew....
Im in the same boat as my husband, when we have the talk he A. accuses me of wanting sex all the time as ur wife seems to do, and when we have the talk just about how i pay attention to detail and he doesnt he starts to get better and then shortly goes back.... u have 2 options: 1. you put up with it 2. you dont put up with it, DO NOT stick around hoping she will change, u will grow bitter and resentment will brew....
And this ^^^ very important, my husband isnt physical BUT he expresses his love and appreciation in other wys, learn to love and appreciate those, I would also recommend reading a book called the 5 languages of love, did wonders for me, my husband rather have a woman who keeps the house tight and cooperates when he needs help than a secually active woman (go figure) to me he can be a slob as long as we have sex, we're all different bro....
nimbus
New member
got 'em
cryptosporidium
New member
layinback
New member
this is a snapshot and one persons perspective. i'm not saying you're
lying, exaggerating or the like..... it's just that when you are in the
middle of something, it's hard to see everything. subjective reporting
in emotional matters isn't very reliable. i'm sure you're being candid,
but there's always 2 sides to a coin.
based on what you've posted, some of it is probably hormonal. this is
a quick fix. low dose testosterone creams and pills can be compounded
in a pharmacy and these preparations work wonders in women.
improved mood, energy and yes, improved libido! you gotta find
a doc who is knowledgeable about these matters.
i don't believe it's purely hormonal. i can hear lots of dysfunction in
your post. "we get along just fine" you say. if you guys aren't fighting about this
there is something terribly wrong. what you've described in your post is
more akin to adoration than love. adoration is a stage that's experienced
early on in a relationship. adoration at 22 years is telling. particularly in
light of her withdrawing. i also noticed you became very defensive in one
of your post, " you're supposed to treat your wife this way." i'm paraphrasing
but it was to that effect. who says your supposed to ? furthermore if your
doing it out of some inexplicable obligation, it isn't love. i could continue,
but you should being getting the point by now.
if you are serious about facing and starting a resolution to this problem,
you'll have to be very openminded. it will boil down to faulty communication
and engrained behaviors that have been with you two for a very long time.
you are half the problem my friend, whether you think so are not. you guys
will be unable to "fix" this by yourselves. ( you guys are the problem and i
dare say either of you have much insight into your own maladaptive
schemas. you will need an objective third party. look for a very skilled
marriage counselor. i can see by the length of your marriage that you guys
are late 40's maybe 50's. it will be difficult to face this and it will be
even harder to change. if you are truly committed to each other and brave
enough to face your own shit....... you will succeed. good luck to you
and your family.
Negative little buddy, it's queue.
KillahBee
New member
a) work on your decision making skills. can't imagine the writing wasn't already on the wall before you slipped the ring on.
b) start pulling back. she doesn't deserve all your effort, so you shouldn't put that much in.
c) talk to her about it. seems like she's no longer interested (sexually or otherwise). get to the bottom of it, but don't be accusatory cause then she'll probably just turn it all around on you.
d) go to the strip club.
b) start pulling back. she doesn't deserve all your effort, so you shouldn't put that much in.
c) talk to her about it. seems like she's no longer interested (sexually or otherwise). get to the bottom of it, but don't be accusatory cause then she'll probably just turn it all around on you.
d) go to the strip club.
well, the 6am alarm went off, and i DID NOT roll over and start cuddeling and massaging her like i always do. its funny how you do this 2 weeks in a row, but then ask yourself, is she ever going to roll over and cuddle with me??? NEVER happens. so today i didnt massage her and cuddle with her.
i wont send any textsto her today, and i wont email her today.
gotta make some changes. maybe i spoiled her too much..
sex was great for the 6 years we dated before getting married. to me, it seems like when my oldest was born 21 years ago, the once a week sex started and its been that way since.
as far as what she does for me. its the usual good mom to my kids, but for me, she cooks, cleans like most moms, or wife's. but physically nothing at all.
the alarm goes off at 6am. nothing from her unless i do something.
no phone calls or emails from her.
MAYBE a text just asking what the girls are doing.
comes home from work, i have the meal cooked. we eat, nice family dinner. i always clean the kitcken, as she does laundry and stuff like that. so i clean the kitchen, and she'll read a book in that chair while i'm in this chair.
or she'll sit next to me saying her feet hurt from the heels she wore, so i'm massage her feet while she reads.
at night i'll give her a great relaxing massage, but that only turns to sex 1 day a week.
shes spoiled by me. and what do i get in return, nothing other than cooking cleaning laundry. nothing physical at all.
once a week its awsome, but thats 6 un awsome boring days
so in a 24 hour day, she really dosent do anything for me.not cheating on me as she lost her job almost 4 years ago and we're home 24/7 together. i lost mine too.
she works now these last 2 weeks.
a ten as looks go. a ten in bed. a zero in being agressive, or physical towards me.
i wont send any textsto her today, and i wont email her today.
gotta make some changes. maybe i spoiled her too much..
sex was great for the 6 years we dated before getting married. to me, it seems like when my oldest was born 21 years ago, the once a week sex started and its been that way since.
as far as what she does for me. its the usual good mom to my kids, but for me, she cooks, cleans like most moms, or wife's. but physically nothing at all.
the alarm goes off at 6am. nothing from her unless i do something.
no phone calls or emails from her.
MAYBE a text just asking what the girls are doing.
comes home from work, i have the meal cooked. we eat, nice family dinner. i always clean the kitcken, as she does laundry and stuff like that. so i clean the kitchen, and she'll read a book in that chair while i'm in this chair.
or she'll sit next to me saying her feet hurt from the heels she wore, so i'm massage her feet while she reads.
at night i'll give her a great relaxing massage, but that only turns to sex 1 day a week.
shes spoiled by me. and what do i get in return, nothing other than cooking cleaning laundry. nothing physical at all.
once a week its awsome, but thats 6 un awsome boring days
so in a 24 hour day, she really dosent do anything for me.not cheating on me as she lost her job almost 4 years ago and we're home 24/7 together. i lost mine too.
she works now these last 2 weeks.
a ten as looks go. a ten in bed. a zero in being agressive, or physical towards me.
Strongbow
New member
Stop being a fucking tool and a doormat, grow a set of balls and be a MAN instead of some woman's servant. I hope this is not your case, but usually what is happening in cases like this is, you are being Mr. Nice Guy and kissing her ass, and some long dicked beer drinking mutha fucker who don't give two shits about her is drilling her ass on the side. She is getting plowed and laughing at you at home with your apron on. The massages prolly do help her out thou, cause I am pretty sure the guy that is getting your poosie is pounding the shit out of it. One more question is your name Keith? Thanks
digimon7068
New member
i don't know about the "drive" part...but, if it's important (your sex life), that's something that you should obviously look in to with a competent professional...but the other stuff?? you're the pursuer, she's the pursued...that stuff doesn't go away just because your married...even if its been 22 years...that doesn't mean that she shouldn't show sOme interest once in a while, but don't expect tit-for-tat, prolly ain't gonna happen (imho).
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Ezekiel
New member
not very christ-like rob
well, you're both unemployed? How are you surviving? Man, that would be a shitty situation in any household as far as I'm concerned. Now she's the only one working, so she feels all the pressure to provide. Not a woman's typical or best role. I bet if you at least got a job and started bringing home a regular paycheck she might feel better, and maybe be more open to providing for your sexual needs.
slip her some Dbol tabs in her drinks
Strongbow
New member
DUde WTF somebody has been knocking bottom out yo shit for 20 yers. How fucking old are you bro? From the way it sounds, if your getting it once a week at your age your doing okay brah, WTF.
if you stop what you normally do that will not help, it will just make her resent you, you can decrease it but not stop it all together otherwise I'm sure she definitely wont change as she will feel discoraged, I can only tell you that change only comes with will and will only comes with understanding, you need to talk to her so she understands how her actions or lack of actions make you feel and how you are not willing to put up with it anymore if you do not feel that she is at least trying to make an effort, if you talk to her about it again do not pin point what she does or doesnt do, pin point how you feel and how you interpret her actions of lack of these, do not start the phrases with the word you (you do this or you dont do that) and I cant stress enough how important this book may be Amazon.com: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (9781881273158): Gary Chapman: Books
I agree with nanny. That book is some good shit. Those 5 love languages are for real. Wish I would've wrote that shit.
Basically look at it like this. If you were speaking french and she were speaking chinese and you didn't speak chinese and she didn't speak french...you guys would have learned how to communicate 20+ years ago, right? Either you would have learned enough of each others language, or you both would've learned the same new language. You would have found a way to understand each other very quickly. "Love" (or lust) is a universal language, and it would have held the two of you together for a while, but how long would it have lasted if neither of you could have been bothered to learn the others language enough to communicate efficiently?
Just gotta learn her language bro.
Basically look at it like this. If you were speaking french and she were speaking chinese and you didn't speak chinese and she didn't speak french...you guys would have learned how to communicate 20+ years ago, right? Either you would have learned enough of each others language, or you both would've learned the same new language. You would have found a way to understand each other very quickly. "Love" (or lust) is a universal language, and it would have held the two of you together for a while, but how long would it have lasted if neither of you could have been bothered to learn the others language enough to communicate efficiently?
Just gotta learn her language bro.
