AMGETR said:
As a few of you guys know, I broke up with my girlfriend last August. Then we got back together a month later and she dumped me on our Anniversary 2 months later. Reason was I caught her cheating.
Then 3 months later we got back together again, and she moved in with me. I was out of town, but she was at the place. A week before I got home, she dumped me again because I found out she brought a guy back to my place.
Now, it's almost 2 months and still nothing is better. I haven't been able to find a girl to replace her in any way at all. Every time I go to a club I either leave empty handed, or with some girl that I don't care about.
Everyone tells me "it's for the best." "things will get better", but yet, nothing has gotten better. I still miss my ex so dearly, even after all the heartache.
When does life start getting better? Cause I'm at the point where I want to call her, or text her, and just tell her I miss her. She has a new rebound boyfriend, the guy is a real loser (I know him).
I responded earlier about how you should try and see how its your feelings for her that you have to try and remove from your heart. Once you get those out of your heart and mind, she can do whatever she wants and it will no longer affect you.
But after re-reading this first post, I noticed a few new things I didn't see the first time. Did you know that when it comes to human relationships, its usually the woman who chooses who she will be with? Yeah, guys want to think that they are in control, but when it comes down to it, the women are the ones who decide who is going to be with who. Anyway, once a relationship begins, one of the two people will have dominance, or "power", over the other. From what I read in your post, this girl had total control, or dominance, or power, (whatever you want to refer to it to) over the relationship. She decided whether it would last or not. If she wasn't accepting of something about you (like you finding out she cheated on you) she knew that the biggest hand to play in a relationship is to end it. And she played that hand. In a relationship, acts such as this are used to control and manipulate the other person. And its usually only the dominant person in the relationship that has the guts to actually go through with these acts of manipulation. The other person, on the other hand, does whatever it takes to try and keep the other person happy so they stay in the relationship.
The thing is, if a woman has the power in the relationship and the man is constantly jumping through hoops in an attempt to keep her happy, this usually has an opposite effect. Why? Because overall, a woman isn't going to be especially attracted to a guy who goes out of his way to please her every whim. What will end up is a relationship where the man is doing whatever he can to make the woman happy, but she finds herself with a man who she no longer is attracted to romantically because he's lowered himself below her socially because he puts her wants and needs before his own. She doesnt place as much value on the relationship, so she can more easily step away from it. She knows that she's in control, that she has the power, and starts using that to use him for whatever. She knows that she can leave the relationship and come back at anytime, and the man will always take her back. At this point, the woman has no romantic feelings or sexual desires toward the guy; he lost that when he started kissing her ass.
For some reason, I feel like this is what happened with the relationship with this girl. I mean, she's out cheating on you. And SHE leaves YOU because of it? Not only did she place so little value on the relationship that she would cheat on you, she didn't have any problem with just up and leaving you like that (finger 'snap!'). She also had the desire to cheat, which tells me, I'm sorry to say, that any lustful desires she had for you at one time have long faded away. If they were still there, she certainly wouldn't want to lose you and sacrifice the relationship, because it would still have value to her.
You stated that you wanted to text her and tell her that you miss her. Don't you see what that would be telling her? Out of the blue, she gets a text from a guy she is no longer seeing, and it says that he misses her. Hmmm. To her, that's just going to tell her one thing: that she still has power over you. She KNOWS that the cheating she did to you was despicable. But by letting her know that your willing to let that go just to still be with her tells her that the relationship will be more of just the same ol' you under her thumb, and that she can walk all over you and you'll take it. No woman is going to be attracted to a man that she can do all that to; they find this type of man boring.
All I can say to you at this point, my friend, is to take this power back from her that you've been giving to her all this time. That's the most you can do for yourself at this point. And from now on, keep that power in any relationship and you will be happier for it, and your woman will be happier because you have a confidence about you, and women love that. If you don't know what I mean about "power" I'll give you an example:
Here's an example of a man with NO power in a relationship:
WOMAN: "I'm leaving you! I just don't want to be in a relationship right now."
MAN: "Please don't leave! I love you so much! I'll do anything! Just don't leave!"
Now here's an example of a man holding onto his power in a relationship:
WOMAN: "I'm leaving you! I just don't want to be in a relationship right now."
MAN: "Go ahead, if that's what you want. I won't chase after you." (turns around and walks out)
Hopefully, you understand a little more now about this "power" thing between a man and woman in a relationship. If you feel like you do, then take another look at what Sassy69 suggested:
"As far as taking the next semester off of school - the one thing I can tell you is DO NOT LET THIS PERSON HAVE SO MUCH POWER OVER YOU THAT IT AFFECTS YOUR PROGRESS IN LIFE & YOUR OWN PURSUITS."
See? Women just naturally know about this "power" stuff. Sassy69 actually used the word "power", and she used all caps to indicate the importance of keeping it.
Now, this post may not remedy your heartache any. But hopefully it will give you better insight as to what might have gone wrong in the relationship to begin with. The relationship may be over, but all isn't lost if you can come away from it with a little more wisdom.
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