Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035

[bigguns7]

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

Spotted Owl plague threatens
Western North America crops & livestock.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim
dies in the American Territory of the Middle East
(formerly known as Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Lebanon)

Afghanistan still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at
least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Nursing home event... Bill Clinton
denies allegations of affair with candy striper.

Texas executes last remaining citizen.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Baby conceived naturally.....scientists stumped.

Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Ozone created by electric cars now
killing thousands in Los Angeles.

Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its
newest version of Windows
so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
and baseball bats be registered by January 2036.

 

[BigGuns2]

LMFAO!! Hilarious bro.

 

[doc_pup]

lmao

 

[OMEGA]

I read..........

the ministry of citizen protection, has just intercepted a band of dangerous roving protesters, that favor elctoral college reform.

these deviants are located in the hills of the sierra and will be intercepted soon.

in other news, chocolate rations have doubled for the american consumer, due to our victory in the war on terrorism in uganda.

mini yield plutoniam nukes were used to paralize the oppressers in that region. chocolate ration will go up to 1 candy bar, instead of 1.5 last week.

we truly live in great times.

also for the first time in 5 years, the ministry of labor has reported that americans are happier than ever, with the 60 hour work weak. the ministry, points out that the average american worker is happier to have previuos free time wich led to questioble thinking and acts, substituted with meaningfull work.

 

[bigguns7]

I like that OMEGA.

 

[Hengst]

also for the first time in 5 years, the ministry of labor has reported that americans are happier than ever, with the 60 hour work weak. the ministry, points out that the average american worker is happier to have previuos free time wich led to questioble thinking and acts, substituted with meaningfull work.

 

[nangiggles]

9 year old thread revival FTW

 

[mustang_00]

i hope needto infracts him