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My boyfriend is getting fat........

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jennifer BFL chick

jennifer BFL chick

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I have been dating this guy for over 2 years now. And he's a really cool guy-------BUT he doesn't workout, and never really has. He had his shirt off last night, and WOW, what a pot belly.

Its not just the physical appearance that bugs me, its the difference in lifestyle that's getting to me. When I'm eating my chicken and rice, he's eating pizza.

I'm concerned about his health, and wonder what he's going to look like in 5 years.

I have talked to him about changing his ways for health reasons, but I haven't told him that he's getting pretty chubby.

Its starting to turn me off.....


Anyone been in this situation before?
 
first jen tell him nicely, ask him if he wants to work out with you...enjoy a healthier lifestyle

if hes says no, then you might want to discuss these feelings your haveing with him....before it's 2 late

2 years, the guy deserves some truth
 
yea im with HI on this one. if your lifestyles are drastically different then you may have problems. couples have to have similar interest.
 
See, that's the problem. I have almost BEGGED him to come workout with me, time, and time again.

We use to run together when we first started dating. I even got him to get a pass to the gym, and we would go together. But I wonder if he was just doing that because I wanted him to, not because HE wanted to.

I started doing bodyforlife in January, and I really wanted him to do it with me, he lasted one day. We actually got in heated discussions about it, so I just through my hands up, and haven't said anything sense.

Its not that I expect him to be CRAZY about it, but I would like to see him at least care a little about his health in general

This is just really hard to tell him that I'm not very attracted to his body anymore. I don't want to hurt him, but I want to let him know.
 
This is a tough one....I think it's easier to meet someone with similiar interests b/c sometimes it's not really fair to "force" or "push" him into living your lifestyle....to each his own...you can't change a person, maybe he's comfortable in his "chubby" skin, and it could be hurting him that you want him to change...
 
hey i feel for ya, but its best you get it out on the table now. he may never have a strong desire for it. then you have to decide whats more important to ya.
 
if you truly loved him would it matter to you? that is the question you have to ask yourself... also ask yourself if you would die for them... then you know it is for real.
 
PinK233 said:
This is a tough one....I think it's easier to meet someone with similiar interests b/c sometimes it's not really fair to "force" or "push" him into living your lifestyle....to each his own...you can't change a person, maybe he's comfortable in his "chubby" skin, and it could be hurting him that you want him to change...
Click to expand...

Thats exactly it. He's VERY comfortable in his skin---which is a good thing, but when we can't go shopping for very long without him complaining that his legs hurt its just weird. I want him to be strong and healthy. He's a big computer geek as well.
 
saint808 said:
if you truly loved him would it matter to you? that is the question you have to ask yourself... also ask yourself if you would die for them... then you know it is for real.
Click to expand...

Thats why I want him to take care of himself. I'm not talking about just his looks, I'm talking about his long term health.
 
You said it....he's comfortable in his skin....

I take that you are very comfortable in yours...how would you feel if your boyfriend was telling you to lose more weight? or even gain more? Sort of makes you feel inadequate...and I'm not trying to make you feel bad b/c it seems like you're approaching this with caution...

if you're not even attracted to him anymore but the love is still there it's still going to be hard to maintain a relationship...sex is a part of a relationship and if you don't desire your partner that pretty much kills the sex life...
 
I almost feel sorry for the guy. Sounds like he's about to lose out :(
 
PinK233 said:
You said it....he's comfortable in his skin....

I take that you are very comfortable in yours...how would you feel if your boyfriend was telling you to lose more weight? or even gain more? Sort of makes you feel inadequate...and I'm not trying to make you feel bad b/c it seems like you're approaching this with caution...

if you're not even attracted to him anymore but the love is still there it's still going to be hard to maintain a relationship...sex is a part of a relationship and if you don't desire your partner that pretty much kills the sex life...
Click to expand...

See, I would never tell him to loose weight, because its NOT that important in our relationship for him to be lean, obviously, because he never has been.

But how do you get someone to care about their health? I figured that I would just lead by example and he would want to do it. I don't want to end up marrying a guy, and have him die of a heart attack at 40, when it could have been prevented.

Oh, and sex is not a part of our relationship, lol. He wants to wait until he's married. But you still need to be sexually attracted to someone for it to work in the long run thats true, very true.

I'm still attracted to him, but once he takes off his shirt, I'm like WOW, lol. I can't help it, but I start grabbing his man tits, its pretty funny, but NOT sexy.
 
:devil:
It's more common then you think, one partner trains and the other doesn't. I see some really attractive women with these disgusting fat-body guys and can't figure it out. I'll say this, since my wife started training with me two years ago our relationship has strengthened.
 
jennifer said:


Oh, and sex is not a part of our relationship, lol. He wants to wait until he's married.
Click to expand...



:devil:
No Way! WTF, I've seen your pics! You are a sexual woman and if this guy wants to wait? You are only going to be let down! Run Away!
 
Thank God women arn't as superficial as men. I'd never get laid if they were. :D

Jen, just tell him he's getting fat. Make a joke out of it. Poke him in the belly and call him Porky or something. Unless he's really sensitive (doesn't sound like he is), he'll think it's funny but he'll also get your point.

And give him a blow job afterwards. That'll restore any of his lost self-esteem. :D
 
Bullshit, tell this fat motherfucker to have some respect and get his bitch ass into shape or hit the door!
 
sounds like a friend of mine. Kids put on 50 lbs in the last 2 years, he just doesn't care
 
Hmmm....I would just come out and tell him that your worried about him and his health, and because you do love him, seeing him being unhealthy turns you off because you have to worry about him and it's not fair to you.

Be upfront and honest, just not brutal......we men have egg thin egos and pride.....(sure I'll get flamed for saying that)

enough of my dear abbie doctor phil wannabee sounding sap..

damn, can't believe I had a sane moment of seriousness....ah well therapy must be working......good ole Doctor Heineken...matter a fact...i'll go for another visit right now.

good luck.:D
 
Frackal said:
Bullshit, tell this fat motherfucker to have some respect and get his bitch ass into shape or hit the door!
Click to expand...


To the point.

Hey Jen, ever think you are just changing your tastes? Were you not pushing porker for awhile when you met this guy? Now, you're a hottie thanks to some hard work. Maybe man-boobs are not instyle for you anymore.

Face it.....you've changed in more than one way
 
It's all about self respect. He has issues that you once shared and you've gone one way, he has gone another. Time to either bring your mutual solutions into alingment or move on.
 
Jen,
I really think you should dump this guy. If he doesn't share the same interests as you and doesn't have the dedication to get in shape then TRUST ME the relationship will not work out in the long run and you will be dissapointed. I know you care alot about him and love him very much but you just have to face the facts and move on. There are plenty of guys out there that share the same lifestyle as you and I suggest you go out a find one that does because your just running into a dead end.
 
jennifer said:


Oh, and sex is not a part of our relationship, lol. He wants to wait until he's married. But you still need to be sexually attracted to someone for it to work in the long run thats true, very true.

/B]
Click to expand...


I'm a firm believer that you should have sex first... because if it is really bad then it will be really bad for a really long time... i know the idea is sweet, but it's a gamble. i had a friend get married to a guy and they waited they ended up divorced because he had real issues in bed... he was adirty talker in the sack and she was a sweetheart, romantic type...
 
I know what you mean. It feels as if you are working hard to look good for your significant other (and yourself), but they are not trying.

The problem in relationships is that once we settle in, we stop trying to impress the other person.
 
jennifer said:
I have been dating this guy for over 2 years now. And he's a really cool guy-------BUT he doesn't workout, and never really has. He had his shirt off last night, and WOW, what a pot belly.

Its not just the physical appearance that bugs me, its the difference in lifestyle that's getting to me. When I'm eating my chicken and rice, he's eating pizza.

I'm concerned about his health, and wonder what he's going to look like in 5 years.

I have talked to him about changing his ways for health reasons, but I haven't told him that he's getting pretty chubby.

Its starting to turn me off.....




it's called kicked him in the nuts, give him some DNP and tell him to come see you again once he gets a shape.
Click to expand...
 
just keep punching him in the gut and then saying how soft he is. smack his ass and call him "lard ass".
when he is eating, press on the back of his head so that he is face into his pizza - tell him he needs a good assfucking.
in public, poke him in his belly and loudly ask why he isn't giggling, or that he in't very jolly for someone so fat.



all great motivational tools.
 
seriously though - I'd just bring it up. tell him the truth, it pains you that you are working so hard to be fit and healthy, and if you to are in it for the long haul, then it is an insult to you that he doesn't take his health as seriously, and worse yet, you don't find it attractive.

I still like my poking and punching suggestion better, but to each their own.
 
lmao :lmao: @ gilby and HS

can i just ask how a fat computer geek landed you? i read all the replies to this thread blah blah you should change him blah blah he should care about his health blah blah i could care less blah blah and all i can do is sit here and wonder, how is your corpulent 100wpm typing boyfriend not aware of the fact that he is about to lose his retarded fine girlfriend?? my butt would be in the gym like everyday for what i would refer to as "ass maintenance." this is like when you are dating a really fine chick who is out of your league, but you're still hitting it for some reason that you can't quite explain, and you know you can't let your body go because in your mind, that's one more thing she could bail on you for. it's like liquid motivation in a bottle. anyways it's amazing that it hasn't occurred to him that his girl is now getting even finer and is no doubt attracting attention of guys in better shape. guys that don't iron their pants on the driveway. has he ever bungee jumped? if he did, did he bring down the bridge too??
jen you'll probably end up leaving this guy. it's inevitable...unless homie has an epiphany and comes home one day with a tub of protein and some lifting straps.
 
lmao ... "ass maintenance"
NO DOUBT. 100% welcome to my world.
 
When I met him, I was in decent shape, so he has been here through my weight gain and weight loss-----so I know he cares about me. I care about him, and I'm not going to "dump" him because he gained a little weight----he is not FAT. In fact, people still call him skinny. He's 6'5, 200. But he is VERY soft, and he really does have a big gut.

When I first met him, I wasn't attracted to him. IN fact I didn't think we would go out again----but we got along SO good, so I met him again.

I remember the first time he took off his shirt, he had no muscle definition at all. All the guys I had been with before him were in pretty good shape, so yes, it was a turn off-----but personality won me over big time, and maybe I just ignored the physical side a little too much.

Yes, I have talked about this with him in the past, and he seems to have no desire to change at all.


He is VERY sensitive too. He already thinks I'm "dominating", which if any of you guys met me, I highly doubt that's what you would think.

Thanks for the opinions on this thread! I'm going to bring it up this weekend and see what he says.

Honestly, if he dosn't give a rats ass about the way I feel, then thats gonig to turn me off even more. I'm not trying to "change him" completly, but I do want him to care about his body and health at least a little ya know?
 
jennifer said:


He is VERY sensitive too. He already thinks I'm "dominating", which if any of you guys met me, I highly doubt that's what you would think.

Honestly, if he dosn't give a rats ass about the way I feel, then thats gonig to turn me off even more. I'm not trying to "change him" completly, but I do want him to care about his body and health at least a little ya know?
Click to expand...


i think you are too controlling... J/K
 
jennifer said:

Honestly, if he dosn't give a rats ass about the way I feel, then thats gonig to turn me off even more. I'm not trying to "change him" completly, but I do want him to care about his body and health at least a little ya know?
Click to expand...

If he doesnt give a rats ass how you feel then you shouldnt be with him...whether he's in shape or not.
 
same thing happened to me and my ex-girlfriend, i trained hard, she just sat at home and ate... it all comes down to her not respecting your lifestyle and not taking herself or her body seriously, eventually we came at a crossroads where for me it was a choice of either her or my lifestyle, I didn't have the time or the energy for both. I chose my lifestyle, she was dragging me down and I couldn't deal with that. I have no regrets.
 
jennifer said:
I have been dating this guy for over 2 years now. And he's a really cool guy-------BUT he doesn't workout, and never really has. He had his shirt off last night, and WOW, what a pot belly.

Its not just the physical appearance that bugs me, its the difference in lifestyle that's getting to me. When I'm eating my chicken and rice, he's eating pizza.

I'm concerned about his health, and wonder what he's going to look like in 5 years.

I have talked to him about changing his ways for health reasons, but I haven't told him that he's getting pretty chubby.

Its starting to turn me off.....


Anyone been in this situation before?
Click to expand...

You have come a long way Jen...didn't you lost all of your weight in the last two years or so? It seems you guy are going in two different directions. Maybe you should have an "intervention" with him about his body if it's bugging you that much. It may not have the best of outcomes but you will have this off your chest.

good luck,
insano
 
Every issue in our relationship is taken seriously. But I don't feel like he is taking this serious at all.

Its not like he has straight out said he dosn't care, but when it comes down to it theres no action on his part.
 
so are you saying you aren't going to punch or poke him?

at least talk?

you could always point out the fantastic specimin that is happyscrappy and tell him that if he can't reach that, then he is pathetic. I like that one b/c it makes me laugh.

magic vibrator my ass
 
you need to weigh how important it is to you... i could never date a girl who isn't into healthy eating... i could give a shit less about her working out or looking like a sex godess... but if she eats like shit, then eventually i am gonna eat like shit... and i have worked too hard to do that to myself... oh who am i kidding... if i knew anything about love i wouild be out there making it instead of typing in a chatroom about it. ugh...
 
Re: Re: My boyfriend is getting fat........

Captain_insano said:


You have come a long way Jen...didn't you lost all of your weight in the last two years or so? It seems you guy are going in two different directions. Maybe you should have an "intervention" with him about his body if it's bugging you that much. It may not have the best of outcomes but you will have this off your chest.

good luck,
insano
Click to expand...

It took me 2 years to gain 70 pounds, and this last year I have lost 50. But I have always been into health. Even when I was gaining the weight, I ate healthy things (of course along with all the shit I ate)

He has NEVER worked out seriously in his LIFE, EVER. Thats just odd to me. So I know this is asking alot because he obviously dosn't think its a big deal.

We are going in different directions, and its very confusing. All I can think of is to get him on the healthy path with me, because I'm not going his path.
 
jennifer said:


See, I would never tell him to loose weight, because its NOT that important in our relationship for him to be lean, obviously, because he never has been.

But how do you get someone to care about their health? I figured that I would just lead by example and he would want to do it. I don't want to end up marrying a guy, and have him die of a heart attack at 40, when it could have been prevented.

Oh, and sex is not a part of our relationship, lol. He wants to wait until he's married. But you still need to be sexually attracted to someone for it to work in the long run thats true, very true.

I'm still attracted to him, but once he takes off his shirt, I'm like WOW, lol. I can't help it, but I start grabbing his man tits, its pretty funny, but NOT sexy.
Click to expand...

LMFAO!!!! I almost fell off my chair after that comment......LOL

I don't think any male's advice will help you deal with this.

Well, at least you have the foresight to see this is a possible
long-term problem for the relationship.

Fonz
 
HappyScrappy said:
so are you saying you aren't going to punch or poke him?

at least talk?

you could always point out the fantastic specimin that is happyscrappy and tell him that if he can't reach that, then he is pathetic. I like that one b/c it makes me laugh.

magic vibrator my ass
Click to expand...

I don't feel that teasing him is the answer :(

But I have told him that pretty soon he is going to have bigger boobs then me :D



saint808------thats what I'm trying to do. But I don't want to end a good relationship just because he's not willing to work out----but it may get to that point.



The Nature Boy-----I have expressed my feelings on this many many times, thats why I'm frustrated. Just seems like he dosn't care.
 
jennifer said:


The Nature Boy-----I have expressed my feelings on this many many times, thats why I'm frustrated. Just seems like he dosn't care.
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Well what else can you do then? At some point it's really goint to start gnawing at you more and more. Then eventually, you're going to leave. That's how it goes. I've been on the other end where I got nagged about smoking weed (7 years or so ago) and I was like "yeah yeah yeah" and eventually she left. Boy did I feel like shit. But I changed my act after that. Sometimes I don't miss being in serious relationships, it's hard enough to deal with myself let along another person!!!!
 
Re: Re: Re: My boyfriend is getting fat........

jennifer said:




We are going in different directions, and its very confusing. All I can think of is to get him on the healthy path with me, because I'm not going his path.
Click to expand...

You could try that...and since you love him i know that you will try. The only thing is...well..er..it's like the "thinfourm" with those poor anerexic girls...if they don't want to change they won't...the same with you bf...he may be going through everyday life feeling like life is great and i have a great gf...little does he know that you really want him to be more healthy...That is fine..i understand where you are coming from 100%...but just heed these words. "you can not change someone, they have to make the change.

Godspeed,
insano
 
Re: Re: Re: Re: My boyfriend is getting fat........

Captain_insano said:

...but just heed these words. "you can not change someone, they have to make the change.
Click to expand...

And also they have to want to change for themselves. Even if they do it for you...it will not last. Unless they are doing it for themselves....they wont stick with it for very long.
 
jennifer said:

I don't feel that teasing him is the answer :(
Click to expand...


hmmm, how about mocking?

seriously though, just talk to him about it. if he starts working out, then fantastic, hopefully he sticks with it.
if he doesn't, at least he has had the warning and it won't be a total surprise when you lose interest in him.
 
Ok, I'm going to bring it up this weekend and see what he says.

I'm pretty sure that if he starts working out, even if its just to please me, after a while he will WANT to do it for himself---which is my goal here.


We are to the point in our relationship when either we are going to go all the way, or end it-----its just strange facing the truth.
 
jennifer said:
Ok, I'm going to bring it up this weekend and see what he says.

I'm pretty sure that if he starts working out, even if its just to please me, after a while he will WANT to do it for himself---which is my goal here.


We are to the point in our relationship when either we are going to go all the way, or end it-----its just strange facing the truth.
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Jennifer, you know i respect you and your opinions most of the time (and to be honest your naked glistening body), but that kinda scares me... it's almost like you think you can trick him into something he doesn't want to do... just doesn't sound like you... sounds like you are not happy right now and want change and are trying to create it out of something that isn't there. just be careful hun.
 
saint808 said:


Jennifer, you know i respect you and your opinions most of the time (and to be honest your naked glistening body), but that kinda scares me... it's almost like you think you can trick him into something he doesn't want to do... just doesn't sound like you... sounds like you are not happy right now and want change and are trying to create it out of something that isn't there. just be careful hun.
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If I am trying to "trick" him, its only for his good in the long run anyhow. At least I'm trying to improve him, not rip him apart.

I'm very happy in the relationship, but I don't think I'm happy enough to go all the way with it-----so I'm trying to make that happen. If theres anything that he wants me to change, and I can see the benefit from it, I would do it.
 
jennifer said:


If I am trying to "trick" him, its only for his good in the long run anyhow. At least I'm trying to improve him, not rip him apart.

I'm very happy in the relationship, but I don't think I'm happy enough to go all the way with it-----so I'm trying to make that happen. If theres anything that he wants me to change, and I can see the benefit from it, I would do it.
Click to expand...

what if he can't see the benefit like you can? i just don't want you to end up in a facade of a relationship.
 
saint808 said:


what if he can't see the benefit like you can? i just don't want you to end up in a facade of a relationship.
Click to expand...


Then that's when I need to make a decision if I "deal" with it or not.

I just feel like in the long run, it would really cause problems :(
 
just make sure what you put a prefernce on is what really matters to you... everyone is different, but i am sure you know that
 
you could TRY and scare the crap outta him

take his BP, but wear something really low cut and show of your figure. his b.p. will be through the roof! even though it really dont meant that much to have a high b.p. it might be enough 'motivation' to get him in the gym!


i know the mindset he's got. he doesnt 'percieve' himself as fat....maybe a heart to hearts in order
 
what do people do, exactly, after a year of two of consistent working out, while their mate goes the other direction?

This is a heavy question, and the answer isn't as simple as I thought.

I find that I can't even think about dating someone not in the 'lifestyle', but then, I'm sure if I dump my current lover I will be alone for a LONG time if I try to find another fitness nut. I love her, but...

Right now, she won't even listen to me when I advise her on eating right and working out. I can't stand going to work out with her anymore because she puts one or two fucking plates on the machine and calls it working out!

Comments?
 
danielson-----lol, now thats an idea! :angel: wouldn't cause any harm right?



strongchick----your right, its not an "easy" decision at all. Your with a person because you obviously have alot of things in common and care for each other----but when there feels like there's a pin in your side, its takes a toll on the relationship.

The guy I'm dating is seriously so amazing and easy to talk to----it would be very hard to find another guy that I connect with like I do with him, that's why I'm trying to iron out the small problems that may turn into big problems for the future. Having someone to share my fitness lifestyle would be awesome.


I have a friend like your significant other. She works out with baby weights all the time, just flinging the weight around, its frustrating when she complains that shes skinny----I'm like "lift heavy weight and eat!" In fact, I havn't worked out with her in a LONG time. She also talks to much, and dosn't take it serious like I do.
 
ok i think we've thoroughly analyzed this situation. it's time to post pics now, jen. i want to see "supersizeme" on a blank sheet of white paper covering the honey pot.
 
If he was with you and supportive of you when you were overweight but you'd criticize him when he is, you're the DEVIL.

Then again I don't know if you were ever overweight, so this reply is null and void :)
 
jennifer said:
I have been dating this guy for over 2 years now. And he's a really cool guy-------BUT he doesn't workout, and never really has. He had his shirt off last night, and WOW, what a pot belly.

Its not just the physical appearance that bugs me, its the difference in lifestyle that's getting to me. When I'm eating my chicken and rice, he's eating pizza.

I'm concerned about his health, and wonder what he's going to look like in 5 years.

I have talked to him about changing his ways for health reasons, but I haven't told him that he's getting pretty chubby.

Its starting to turn me off.....


Anyone been in this situation before?
Click to expand...

A.) I thought you were single.

B.) You haven't seen him with his shirt off before.....or did you just now "see" the light? I am guessing since you just noticed his pot belly you haven't been bumping uglies, right?

C.) Tell him you would be happy to help him get either back into or in shape. If he is for it great. If he isn't drop it because he is going to get very tired of hearing the hints and comments from you. Or just drop him and gfet a new boyfriend. I am sure there are volunteers here.
 
jennifer said:
See, that's the problem. I have almost BEGGED him to come workout with me, time, and time again.

We use to run together when we first started dating. I even got him to get a pass to the gym, and we would go together. But I wonder if he was just doing that because I wanted him to, not because HE wanted to.

I started doing bodyforlife in January, and I really wanted him to do it with me, he lasted one day. We actually got in heated discussions about it, so I just through my hands up, and haven't said anything sense.

Its not that I expect him to be CRAZY about it, but I would like to see him at least care a little about his health in general

This is just really hard to tell him that I'm not very attracted to his body anymore. I don't want to hurt him, but I want to let him know.
Click to expand...

youre a materialistic person who doesnt fall in love for the right reasons.If you really loved him then you wouldnt give a shit about his appearnce. I say this because my girl also doesnt work out but i love hell out of her. oh yea and i dont think youre hot at all...maybe pretty but thats it. youre body too isnt perfect no matter what all the horny guys here tell you. Its just the testosterone running through their bodies thats doing the talking.
 
jennifer said:
danielson-----lol, now thats an idea! :angel: wouldn't cause any harm right?


Click to expand...

i did it to a friend,. he had a b.p. of 140/100

one measurement on the wrist (electronic) he had probably got himself really worked up

i spent 20 minutes winding him up and then told him i was bulshitting. i had to get him back for what he did to me on my birthday u see :D hillarious. but if i hadnt told him the truth it might have worried him enough to change his horrible diet and work out




or you could try the tactic marge used in that simpsons episode where homer tried to get fat to get home disablity from MR. burns ;)
 
HappyScrappy said:
wow - sonnyblack - why don't you say what you really feel?
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:FRlol: :FRlol::FRlol::FRlol::FRlol::FRlol::FRlol: :FRlol:
 
SonnyBlack said:


youre a materialistic person who doesnt fall in love for the right reasons.If you really loved him then you wouldnt give a shit about his appearnce. I say this because my girl also doesnt work out but i love hell out of her. oh yea and i dont think youre hot at all...maybe pretty but thats it. youre body too isnt perfect no matter what all the horny guys here tell you. Its just the testosterone running through their bodies thats doing the talking.
Click to expand...

I figured someone would resort to saying this sooner or later...

But If you had read this thread at all, you would see that its not just his apperence, but the difference in lifestyle thats getting to me. Its for HEALTH reasons as well. I don't date smokers or drinkers or drug users for the same reasons.....

1, its a different lifestlye then I

2, they are most likely going to have health problems sooner or later in life

I don't expect him to get a six pack, but I would like him to be able to go skiing with me without dying of lack of breath.


rudedawg---we don't get "busy" all that much. And when we do, its usually late at night. I see him about 2 times a week usually, because we have different work sceduals.
 
PsychoSkitz said:
If he was with you and supportive of you when you were overweight but you'd criticize him when he is, you're the DEVIL.

Then again I don't know if you were ever overweight, so this reply is null and void :) [/QUO

true
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SonnyBlack said:
PsychoSkitz said:
If he was with you and supportive of you when you were overweight but you'd criticize him when he is, you're the DEVIL.

Then again I don't know if you were ever overweight, so this reply is null and void :) [/QUO

true
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He wasn't supportive when I was overweight......he just ignored the situation. I also hid my weight gain by wearing baggy cloths, and NEVER letting him see me nude in the light.

This is not an issue of weight or "looks". He has never been in shape, and I have always been attracted to him enough to date him obviously. I'm still attracted to him now, but its starting to turn me off----it that makes me vain, so be it. Dosn't mean I care any less for him, just my desire to get freak nasty with him is going down.
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jennifer said:


He wasn't supportive when I was overweight......he just ignored the situation. I also hid my weight gain by wearing baggy cloths, and NEVER letting him see me nude in the light.

This is not an issue of weight or "looks". He has never been in shape, and I have always been attracted to him enough to date him obviously. I'm still attracted to him now, but its starting to turn me off----it that makes me vain, so be it. Dosn't mean I care any less for him, just my desire to get freak nasty with him is going down.
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I don't see anything wrong with wanting a fit "mate". If that makes me "Shallow Hal" ok. BTW if you haven't seen that movie it is good for some laughs.
 
No girls I know like to play football. That doesn't bother me.

Working out isn't a lifestyle IMO, it's a hobby.

If pro sports are "hobbies" and "games," why is working out a lifestyle?
 
off topic question here.....but are you mormon jen??? Is your boyfriend?? and another thing, you say you and your bf don't have sex.....than you go on to say your desire to get freaky nasty with has gone down. Well....what is it?? are you engaging in sexual activity with him now or in the past??
 
This thread is funny as hell! Some guy posted this same question about his girlfriend getting fat and the women on this board ripped him a new ass hole for it.
 
BigPhysicsBastard said:
off topic question here.....but are you mormon jen??? Is your boyfriend?? and another thing, you say you and your bf don't have sex.....than you go on to say your desire to get freaky nasty with has gone down. Well....what is it?? are you engaging in sexual activity with him now or in the past??
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lol----why does everyone ask me this?

No, no, and no----I'm not Mormon, neither is my boyfriend.

There are ALOT of people that live in Utah that are not Mormons.

"freak Nasty" was my term for foreplay. He is a virgin, so no we have never had sex yet. He wants to wait until marriage.
 
Two years and no sex? BWAAAAA....

Leave his sorry ass and burn a bible in front of him. He'll appreciate it.

Better yet, one day when he comes home have candles lit, bloody hearts on the floor, a pagan star drawn in blood on the floor, etc and tell him to convert with you. If he does, he loves you.
 
Let me say this about that there...........All I know is that if wanting to be happy & turned on by the person that you roll over in your sleep & see every night(or in your case, 2 nights per week or whatever) makes you a selfish, superficial person, then SO BE IT!! I always say that you ONLY LIVE ONCE, and if your wasting that time being unsatisfied, or unhappy, then that has GOT to be worse than sitting around wondering if your gonna hurt someone's feelings by telling them that they aren't doing it for you anymore. Sometimes you just HAVE TO BE SELFISH, and say fuck all to what other people are going to think and feel(including your boyfriend), and take care of YOUR needs. Personally, I dont have time to worry about how my descisions in my life are going to make other people feel. Im too busy worrying about what makes ME happy! Get the point BFL?! Good Luck:)
 
I married a woman who is just as insecure with her body as I am mine.:) We are constantly talking about our next diet-training whatever. When I diet down, she diets down---when I go off my diet, party, booze it up whatever-she does the same. I couldn't imagine being with someone that doesn't have the same interest in my lifestyle(which takes up most of our time)--

I have friends that workout and there girlfriends don't. It becomes a problem with some because the girl feels that she is not getting his full attention. Or that he is in the gym to much.

Ifhe is fat now---and no interest in working out---think about where he will be in 5 years----My guess is if you did leave him at one point because of this(which I know you already said you wouldn't) it would be a bad breakup and this guy will be in a gym when he is single. You see it all the time.

If you can't be truthful with him now about the way you feel. It will only get worse. Forget about hurting his feelings--just do it--trust me he would rather have you do it now then run off with someone down the road because there was no communication. peace
aaf
 
your too young to deal with that stuff......dump the porker, if he doesn't get on the tread mill.

brutal, but true.
 
jennifer said:
I have been dating this guy for over 2 years now. And he's a really cool guy-------BUT he doesn't workout, and never really has. He had his shirt off last night, and WOW, what a pot belly.

Its not just the physical appearance that bugs me, its the difference in lifestyle that's getting to me. When I'm eating my chicken and rice, he's eating pizza.

I'm concerned about his health, and wonder what he's going to look like in 5 years.

I have talked to him about changing his ways for health reasons, but I haven't told him that he's getting pretty chubby.

Its starting to turn me off.....


Anyone been in this situation before?
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so what......would this be the guy you havent sleeped with yet?? if so, the give in cause he will get bigger and bigger and bigger.....if looks are so important then maybe you should leave dont ya think?
 
been reading your posts about you and your boyfriend. Before you have a hard talk to him about his (lack of interest) in working out. Maybe look at his side. YOu have made working out and eating right a life style change. And from what i have been reading you would like him to make the same commitment as well. Maybe you should start slower. How about making him a health tasty meal not trying to be sexist but you have to start somewere. And maybe a long walk afterward. Walking together can be romantic and have some excerise benefits. I allot of the people on this board have opinions about your relationship you have to decide if you want to make it work.. The issue of exercising or not might be underlining a more serious problem you are having with the notion of staying with him or not. Hey it is just one more opinion from someone you have never met so take it for what it is worth.
 
his fault

hey jen,
did you ever think about why you gained 70 lbs while you were dating this guy? He's about as healthy to hang out with as a cancer stick (that's a cigarette to all you smokers).
Also, if you were so happy with him, how did the depression set in along with the weight? I think he's the problem. Get rid of him and see how you feel after 3 or 4 months. I'm betting it'll be the best thing you ever did. If not, he'll probably still be single if you want to get back together with him.
 
Leaving him will not change his eating habits or lifestyle but probably put him in the hole even more. Don't let yourself suffer but what i would do is take him out and play some sports or do some activity which might show him that he can't keep up with his woman. For some men that is really demoralizing.

Also, i'm a computer geek with a degree in multimedia but that still doesn't stop me from being in a gym 3 days a week, eating properly and being in better shape than any one in my company. I'm at the gym at 7:00AM. It's all about motivation.

Good Luck!
 
Thanks for the great comments everyone, that's really cool of you to take the time to share your thoughts on this :)

Last night I went out with him and some of his friends, and he kept calling himself fat names! I couldn't believe it. I guess he does know his getting tubby.

I would love to do more activities with him, but our schedules are so different that I hardly see him anymore. But he is on a bowling league----so he does that once a week! lol
 
jennifer said:
But he is on a bowling league----so he does that once a week! lol
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does he drink while doing that?
bowling... hmm, I think I've seen the pros on ESPN... and they aren't in good shape...
 
HappyScrappy said:


does he drink while doing that?
bowling... hmm, I think I've seen the pros on ESPN... and they aren't in good shape...
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No he dosn't drink, but theres a snack bar that sells some nasty food and he eats that every week------but hey, gives him energy to have a good game! lol------I tease him all the time about that, but he jokes about it too
 
jennifer said:
I have been dating this guy for over 2 years now. And he's a really cool guy-------BUT he doesn't workout, and never really has. He had his shirt off last night, and WOW, what a pot belly.

Its not just the physical appearance that bugs me, its the difference in lifestyle that's getting to me. .

Its starting to turn me off.....
Click to expand...

Do you plan on marrying this guy? Or are there no other men in Utah? He doesn't fuck you, he's out of shape, and you are wasting on the vine. I don't understand it.
 
Ok Jen here is my outlook not that it really matters.

I dont think you understand what is really happening here. First and the only way I can put this is bluntly this man isnt your boyfriend. He is probably your best friend, but not your boyfriend. I am not just saying this cause you two havent had sex although that is a part of it. You dont see him that often what two days a week. Couples see each other almost every day if not everyday. You dont find him all that attractive, passion is a part of every good relationship that is what seperates love as a friend and true love. So it looks to me that you two started out in a kind of friendship type of dating arrangement. Then you gained the weight and he stuck by you as any good friend would do. So you two stayed together. Now you are growing as people, and since you two aren't really all that close meaning you do not interact with each other every day you are growning in different directions. You are trying to live life healthy which is a lifestyle for those who take it seriously. He apparently hasnt really found himself yet. You two can still be what you really are right now friends but for both of your sakes you two need to admit this to each other so you can keep your friendship and move on with your prospective lives. If you dont sooner or later you will not even have the friendship as the resentment you have for him not wanting to share in your lifestyle will grow and his resentment toward you will grow for wanting him to do something he doesnt want to do. This doesnt make either of you bad people it just means that you two werent meant for each other in that way. It would be different if you liked to eat fish and he liked to eat chicken, but this is about how you two live your lives.
 
ttlpkg----well, because we have been dating a while, we are talking about it, but neither of us are ready to get married AT ALL. But it could be a possiblity I guess.

Abbaddon-----Your right, he is my best friend. Thats why I'm trying to figure out whats going on in this relationship. Some weeks we see each other alot, then others hardly at all---I work at night and he works during the day. But we do talk to each other almost everyday. I have never been in a relationship this long, so I don't know what to expect. We have great communication which is something I really need. And this topic of fitness has been discussed many times, so its not like I just hold it all inside. We are very "comfortable" right now, and I don't know if thats a good or a bad thing. I wouldn't want to marry someone just because we "get along"-----this is confusing for me :(
 
hi jennifer- you and i have a lot in common especially with our bfs! i've been dating my guy for almost 2 years, and he's been getting pretty big. not huge or anything- he plays football tho, so he does work out. but his diet is TERRRRIBLE!!! he and i are waiting until marriage as well... but we still like to mess around a little haha. i'm completely in love with him no matter what, but i'm worried about his health. when we first started dating he was about 160, and pretty skinny. but he's gained about 60 pounds in the last 2 years, which is fine for football and all but afterwards i'm worried he's gonna eat the same crap he does now and not be able to lose weight.

im in pretty good shape (i'm really into running) and i want him to start working out with me after football is over for him. i know his mom is really on him about his weight- she knows hes a big guy too. his dad is really big as well, and i do NOT want him ending up looking like his dad!!

i think the best thing to do would be to continue encouraging him to work out with you- something that he would like to do. even throwing frisbees around or taking walks. (my guy complains that his legs hurt after walking a lot as well).

of course it's natural to want your guy to look good, but more than anything, i want him to be healthy. hope everything works out for you and your guy!
 
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