i'm thinking i'm too stupid

[stilleto]

You've made poor choices in the past...........See k message.

LOL!
you're right.

and yes, this job is a huge opportunity for me. i had it easy at my last job, i just didn't know it.

if i can last a year or so here, i could get any job i go for. (in my field. I could not, for example, get a job as a surgeon).

 

[-Ariel-]

When grad school starts on the 28th one of my classes is called integral business, which is probably gonna revolve around how corporation models, such as goretex, with their non hierarchical, methods of organizing things in which everything is organized in small groups based on your expertise, and so the pressure put is not boss-employee, but peer pressure, which studies shows is stronger, you don't wanna look like a douche in front of your peers.

Apparently Gore tex, is an innovator with their model, but your model sounds like chaos incarnated... and I sincerely feel for you, cause I would be so overwhelmed and just wanna give up. First of all, let's take things into perspective, whether you pull this off or not, you will be letto to me, your identity does not come from whether you are able to succeed in a situation that does not sound oriented toward sanity or success for that matter.

It is one thing to believe in social rhetoric, which is all good and great to believe in, but its quite another thing to examine the situation not based on motivating stories that are not able to encompass the reality of the situation which sounds like you are in fucked up position.

I wish I could offer you advice on doing, or how to solve your outward problems, but I really have no clue how to solve the mess you describe...
all I may relay that might help a smidge... is that when you are feeling overwhelmed, and notice your energy levels dropping cause due to being overwhelmed by anxiety,fear,anger... or pervaded by the burden of excess worry and stress, or all these mixed up indescribably and tearing into your ability to manage yourself, through the train cars of incoming thoughts... Just snap out of it by taking note of your breathing. Notice the sensation of air coming in and out of your body, feel your chest and abs expand with the air coming in, and relaxing when it goes out.... well do this three times, and by bringing awareness back into the situation, you have freed yourself from the being lost in your head. By being aware for the moment you have created openings and inner space in your mind. You have allowed space to emerge between thoughts and a tiny amount of energy should accompany this recognition... this may help you free yourself from the negative thoughts that offer no solution but only burden you and drain your energy levels, preventing any type of creative solution coming to your dome.

My thoughts go out to you, and remember this is just a transient thing that will pass, and no need to get engulfed or get too reactive to the details of how fucked up it is. Just try to remind yourself every once and while to be aware of your breathing as a way to bring you back and cut through the incessant thought patterns that are linked like beads on a necklace. Just by being present, and being there, you bring an attention to the situation. Attention is what leads to quality. Just by bringing some awareness to the situation, you act with purpose and intention. ... this is where your best works comes from. This is all you can do.

 

[lartinos]

i know i have to do that.
but the guy who i thought was my boss- who has said twice that he is my boss- i haven't seen since i started and hasn't given me an ounce of work. and today when i had a meeting with the CEO, he told me what the president would be doing, and it had nothing to do with what I do.
I may have to talk to the CEO. right now everyone thinks they are my boss, except for the two guys under me who don't realize that *I* am theirs.

(i can't blame them for being as confused as me).

It all trickles down from the top, so I'm sure he's part of the problem going on here of course. I had a boss once ask me what they wanted from me, I responded clearly set goals and proper direction from their part. You don't even know who to ask a question like that too, lol. You know what you need to do stilleto, we're here just for your support. I'm sure you have a good game plan for your meeting so you just have to do your best and go from there. None of us here know any real specifics so it's hard for us to give any real advice for ya. You went into this knowing you were a new piece to the puzzle, eventually you'll get it to fit and you'll have the structure you seek.
I forget what management book/philosophy it comes from but all new work relationships start in what they call "chaos" where people are getting to know eachother and pushing boundaries. This is why most people have similar experiences about hating to have to start new jobs.
How does that saying go, "You can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs"
Looks like you're dealing with ostrich eggs, but hopefully it's worth it when you have that big ass omelette done.

 

[stilleto]

When grad school starts on the 28th one of my classes is called integral business, which is probably gonna revolve around how corporation models, such as goretex, with their non hierarchical, methods of organizing things in which everything is organized in small groups based on your expertise, and so the pressure put is not boss-employee, but peer pressure, which studies shows is stronger, you don't wanna look like a douche in front of your peers.

Apparently Gore tex, is an innovator with their model, but your model sounds like chaos incarnated... and I sincerely feel for you, cause I would be so overwhelmed and just wanna give up. First of all, let's take things into perspective, whether you pull this off or not, you will be letto to me, your identity does not come from whether you are able to succeed in a situation that does not sound oriented toward sanity or success for that matter.

It is one thing to believe in social rhetoric, which is all good and great to believe in, but its quite another thing to examine the situation not based on motivating stories that are not able to encompass the reality of the situation which sounds like you are in fucked up position.

I wish I could offer you advice on doing, or how to solve your outward problems, but I really have no clue how to solve the mess you describe...
all I may relay that might help a smidge... is that when you are feeling overwhelmed, and notice your energy levels dropping cause due to being overwhelmed by anxiety,fear,anger... or pervaded by the burden of excess worry and stress, or all these mixed up indescribably and tearing into your ability to manage yourself, through the train cars of incoming thoughts... Just snap out of it by taking note of your breathing. Notice the sensation of air coming in and out of your body, feel your chest and abs expand with the air coming in, and relaxing when it goes out.... well do this three times, and by bringing awareness back into the situation, you have freed yourself from the being lost in your head. By being aware for the moment you have created openings and inner space in your mind. You have allowed space to emerge between thoughts and a tiny amount of energy should accompany this recognition... this may help you free yourself from the negative thoughts that offer no solution but only burden you and drain your energy levels, preventing any type of creative solution coming to your dome.

My thoughts go out to you, and remember this is just a transient thing that will pass, and no need to get engulfed or get too reactive to the details of how fucked up it is. Just try to remind yourself every once and while to be aware of your breathing as a way to bring you back and cut through the incessant thought patterns that are linked like beads on a necklace. Just by being present, and being there, you bring an attention to the situation. Attention is what leads to quality. Just by bringing some awareness to the situation, you act with purpose and intention. ... this is where your best works comes from. This is all you can do.

thank you.
i'll try it.

I can tell you that today in the middle of a meeting with the CEO, i was feeling totally overwhelmed and confused. there were these giant pieces of paper he writes on (they are poster size but with a sticky back like a post it note. he writes ALL over them in marker and papers the walls with them as he speaks). So he's talking and writing, with words and abbreviations and things are circled with arrows pointing to other words. there were huge million dollar numbers and symbols all over and different colors, etc. there must have been 5 of these giant poster papers all over the walls, with arrows that went across them to other ones.

I tuned out at one point. something distracted me and I just stopped listening for a second. when i tuned back in, i was lost. i had no idea what he just wrote, or why or what he was talking about but I was nodding and saying "okay!".


that's when he carefully took all the paper off the wall, folded them up, and handed them to me and asked me to put it into a spreadsheet so it'll be easier for him to tell everyone else the plan.

hahahahhhaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
i actually started laughing and asked if he was sure he wouldn't like to re-write it in another language for me first?

everyone laughed, even him. he knew he just gave me something impossible.

so that helped. for a few minutes.