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i'm far too paranoid about men sometimes i think...

smallmovesal

smallmovesal

New member
far too often i've noticed guys do nice things or help but then they turn around and hit on me... it makes me paranoid when men actually are just trying to be nice... which i cannot distinguish anymore.

it might partly have to do with the events a couple of months ago.. i fear giving guys the wrong impression and having advances made upon me.. even though that wasn't the case with that incident.

if anyone uses this against me in a hateful way i'm going to breathe on them and give them this god forsaken cold/sore throat and a good whiff of my sore throat breath.
 
Sometimes I forget that there really are good, decent people in this world. Unfortunately with all the craziness you hear about in the news, you start to think that everyone is just a little off, and capable of some very wierd, and destructive actions.
 
On the flip side, if I am nice to a girl, I have to be careful that she doesn't think I'm doing it for any other reason than to be polite. I was raised by an angry 6'3" German that would slap the shit out of me if I didn't treat women with perfect respect, so I have to act that way, but I don't have alterior motives. Sometimes, if I'm being too helpful, I feel like I have to back off in order to avoid the misconception. I feel like if I help a girl with something I have to tell her, "Hey, I have a girlfriend, so I'm only doing this to be helpful"
 
Al., there are real decent people out there and the game players. The trick is learning to tell the difference. I am a lot older than you and I have trouble telling which one's they are.:(


There are some really sad people out there who act like they are still in highschool. They just want to build their ego by taking advantage of others, unfortunately they never grow out of it. I know plenty of 30 year old men who still act like they are in high school.
 
big's got it. Some men never grow up. They are called, Lounge Lizard Loser's. Just be true and tell them what your take is on the help.
 
smalls, i know just what you mean, and that's withouth having to deal with anything like what you have. I think most men ARE flirts, and they DO do nice things for you in hopes of a little flirty smile of appreciation from you, and maybe a pleasant conversation with a pretty lady. But I've found that most are all just harmless, lucky for me, I have not run across any who are not (harmless). There seems to be some men who DO expect more than just a smile and adoring eyes from you just because they bought you dinner or something like that, but that is a whole other story, and I'd hope that you have better judgement or...luck...than to go out on a date with that type of guy to begin with.

Personally I'm a little uncomfortable with the whole MAN vs. WOMAN social interaction. When I talk to a guy, I see him just a person first, and not a sex object, so it makes me feel a little weirded out when some guy I don't know looks at me like a sex object. I think that's part of the reason I play down my sexuality around guys and act like a goofball right off the bat....that is unless I'm into the guy. In that case, I play up my sexuality and act even more like a goofball.
 
Thaibox said:
I feel like if I help a girl with something I have to tell her, "Hey, I have a girlfriend, so I'm only doing this to be helpful"
Click to expand...
I wish all guys would do that. It puts me immediately at ease. All you boys who are taken should all wear purple badges or something.
 
bigschweeler said:
Sometimes I forget that there really are good, decent people in this world. Unfortunately with all the craziness you hear about in the news, you start to think that everyone is just a little off, and capable of some very wierd, and destructive actions.
Click to expand...

I am just the opposite....... I forget that there are so many fucked up whackos in the world. I try not to watch the news and gloss over the front page of the paper.

Example: I really didn't want to hear about that mom and her 5 yr olds body being found in a canal. I can't imagine what kind of fucked up individual would kill anyone let alone a kid with his whole life in front of him.
 
smallmovesal said:
far too often i've noticed guys do nice things or help but then they turn around and hit on me... it makes me paranoid when men actually are just trying to be nice... which i cannot distinguish anymore.

it might partly have to do with the events a couple of months ago.. i fear giving guys the wrong impression and having advances made upon me.. even though that wasn't the case with that incident.

if anyone uses this against me in a hateful way i'm going to breathe on them and give them this god forsaken cold/sore throat and a good whiff of my sore throat breath.
Click to expand...

Anonymity is a wonderful gift the internet grants, the same power is also abused in real life situations - it's pathethic. I wouldn't let it bother you too much, the ignore feature is your power to fight back. Mostly it's apathethic but it seems certain people get off on the fact of just saying the stupdiest things they know would never pass in real life. They live in a fantasy world, so don't let them make you apart of that. Whether or not someone is sincere, use your judgement and let them strike out. A good first feeling is usually right and even if it isn't, no one is perfect and mistakes are forgiven.
 
Re: Re: i'm far too paranoid about men sometimes i think...

Franco C said:
Anonymity is a wonderful gift the internet grants, the same power is also abused in real life situations - it's pathethic. I wouldn't let it bother you too much, the ignore feature is your power to fight back. Mostly it's apathethic but it seems certain people get off on the fact of just saying the stupdiest things they know would never pass in real life. They live in a fantasy world, so don't let them make you apart of that. Whether or not someone is sincere, use your judgement and let them strike out. A good first feeling is usually right and even if it isn't, no one is perfect and mistakes are forgiven.
Click to expand...

Franco, you say the rightest things sometimes. :D
 
well if they help you thats fine, if they hit on you youshould take it as a compliment and iof they get annoyed you rebuked them then you should back away slowly :D

why do you think the ladies first-rule stuff happened in the first place? i dont see any other possible reason for it other tha it coming from sex....

i wouldnt worry about it. if someone does something and doesnt expect anything in rerturn then that perons a nice guy. and you can probably presume he;s single too :)

on another note, one thing i HATE is women who assume if i do something nice towards them, its because im hitting on them, and act in an arrogant/suspicious manner as a result. you shouldnt let it affect you
 
dgreenhill... you're about to get a big whiff of bad sore throat breath. for a christian, you are incredibly judgemental..

thanks for your thoughts everyone.
 
polarpixie said:
Personally I'm a little uncomfortable with the whole MAN vs. WOMAN social interaction. When I talk to a guy, I see him just a person first, and not a sex object, so it makes me feel a little weirded out when some guy I don't know looks at me like a sex object. I think that's part of the reason I play down my sexuality around guys and act like a goofball right off the bat....that is unless I'm into the guy. In that case, I play up my sexuality and act even more like a goofball.
Click to expand...

it's difficult to reverse millions of years of evolution in a single generation.
 
oh ok... sometimes it's hard to read intentions through type. sorry!

i think i'm sick because of stress... classes just finished and i haven't been able to train lately because of catching up that i'm doing. i can't wait to get back into the gym. :)
 
your environmental experiences are all that you are... i am not sure anything is inherited or inborn anymore.
 
smallmovesal said:
far too often i've noticed guys do nice things or help but then they turn around and hit on me... it makes me paranoid when men actually are just trying to be nice... which i cannot distinguish anymore.

it might partly have to do with the events a couple of months ago.. i fear giving guys the wrong impression and having advances made upon me.. even though that wasn't the case with that incident.

if anyone uses this against me in a hateful way i'm going to breathe on them and give them this god forsaken cold/sore throat and a good whiff of my sore throat breath.
Click to expand...
I knew i was being talked about!!!!!! Soooo i make you paranoid eh????Maybe you should get outta Canada for a while! RADAR
 
I'm only nice to you 'cause I wanna bang your sister. How to you like them apples? :D

To be prefectly honest, most men think like this when they see a hot chick:

A) If I'm nice to this girl, she'll pay attention to me.
B) Ok, She's paying attention to me now....
C) Therefore, she must find me attractive.
D) I should hit on her so we can eventually have sex.

That's pretty much the male thought process when we do something nice for a girl. IF YOU TALK TO A GUY, HE WILL ASSUME YOU WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM. See, the only time men really bother talking to women is when we're attracted to them. We assume it must work the same way for you.

It does make for awkward situations at times. :) My advice would be to make things clear right off the bat that you're not interested in them romantically. Or tell 'em you've got a boyfriend.
 
Tonight, in fact, I had a guy come in and order take out. I'm nice to everyone, and I always smile----then he goes "why are you smiling at me? Did I say something weird?" I just said no, and continued to take his order. Then he starts talking about his week, and how he travels alot-----I must admit, I thought he was totally going to ask me out, so I kept things very short, but maybe he was just being conversational......hell if I know
 
There´s a wonderful 6´blonde in my university.
I know her for a year, i know that she has a bf and i know that even if she didn´t, i wouldn´t have a chance with her.
We get along good ( most time) nevertheless and help each other with our studies.
I think that´s just okay.

These guys who only hit on women forget a few things,
1. they won´t fuck every woman they see or talk to
2. women have (girl) friends, the more you know, the better is the chance that you will meet one who is interested in you , too.
3. Hitting on every women will give you a bad reputation
 
can u say it's like men and women are from different places? so far away it'd be like separate planets! like mars and venus...

it's like men are from mars, and women are from venus!

this is gonna make me rich!
 
*Sigh*

Ladies, if you talk to a guy, even just to make conversation, he'll think you want to fuck him.

That's just the way we work.

Every guy here has had a girl say something to him offhand (ie: Do you want fries with that?) and think "Holy shit, she wants to ride my love log. I'd better start flirting with her."

We're stupid animals, ladies. We need to be told bluntly (usually more than once) that you don't want to sleep with us. 9/10 times that's perfectly ok. The more girls we have as buddys, the better our chances of hooking up with one of thier friends.

Thus concludes Dr. Taps' lesson on male sexual behaviour.
 
Taps said:
I'm only nice to you 'cause I wanna bang your sister. How to you like them apples? :D

To be prefectly honest, most men think like this when they see a hot chick:

A) If I'm nice to this girl, she'll pay attention to me.
B) Ok, She's paying attention to me now....
C) Therefore, she must find me attractive.
D) I should hit on her so we can eventually have sex.

That's pretty much the male thought process when we do something nice for a girl. IF YOU TALK TO A GUY, HE WILL ASSUME YOU WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM. See, the only time men really bother talking to women is when we're attracted to them. We assume it must work the same way for you.

It does make for awkward situations at times. :) My advice would be to make things clear right off the bat that you're not interested in them romantically. Or tell 'em you've got a boyfriend.
Click to expand...

LMAO... its funny, cuz its true.
 
There are very few men(sad to say) that are really nice that are just trying to help women without wanting a piece. I try to warn my wife and my daughters of this frequently. Some guys are so devious it is unreal. A good rule of thumb if the guy is being to nice, he wants something.
 
there are just as many women out there sleeping with men as men sleeping with women (oddly enough, the math works like that), so how can any of you say that this is a problem with men? secondly, if there are fewer women having sex than there are men, then the women who are having sex are having LOTS of it to make up for all the women who hold back.

and sal, watch out - if the guy finds out you assumed he was hitting on you when in fact he was only trying to be nice and has no interest in you, he will think you have the biggest ego ever and probably detest you. well, if i was that guy, i would, reminds me of two such incidents, and i found it really hard to get over the egos of those two girls. it was especially easy for me to resent them afterwards, because i had no interest to begin with.

it would have to be pretty obvious to assume such a thing without being conceited at the same time.

and please don't say: "i have a bf" unless the situation merits it. i have a friend who asked his ex gf to coffee, and she said: "i have a bf". well, anyway, my friend may have liked this girl before (NOT at the time), but let me say, she was ugly in all ways, inside and out, and hearing her say that made me lose an awful lot of respect (assuming i had any for her to begin with).

just don't associate with the guys who are assholes, but give them the benefit of the doubt, until you have some kind of reason to stop talking to them. there are a lot of nice PEOPLE out there (both men and women) and there's no need to waste time with the jerks of either sex.
 
smallmovesal said:
if anyone uses this against me in a hateful way i'm going to breathe on them and give them this god forsaken cold/sore throat and a good whiff of my sore throat breath.
Click to expand...

Won't happen. I've got four sisters.
 
Taps said:
Ladies, if you talk to a guy, even just to make conversation, he'll think you want to fuck him.
Click to expand...

LOL. I think there might be some truth to that. You don't know how many times I've heard friends tell me that so and so was thinking of asking me out or 'hooking up' with me because I tend to ask people alot of questions about themseleves and they mistake it for high romantic/sexual interest when in reality I'm just somewhat of an amateur sociologist...:)
 
polarpixie said:


LOL. I think there might be some truth to that. You don't know how many times I've heard friends tell me that so and so was thinking of asking me out or 'hooking up' with me because I tend to ask people alot of questions about themseleves and they mistake it for high romantic/sexual interest when in reality I'm just somewhat of an amateur sociologist...:)
Click to expand...

Thats just your little secret way of letting me know you want to rip off my clothes and call me daddy while you ravish me isn't it?

;)
 
I understand if you are getting harrassed by a dude(but everyone has thier definition of what is harrassment)

On the other hand are you women ever satisfied. If we pay attention to you we are horndogs, if we dont pay attention to you then you wonder whats wrong with you.

Just live with it.
 
We are never just nice, if so we are pussies. We want to get into your pants ALL THE TIME unless you're a relative. (Excluding those in Washington, Oregon). Sex is always #1 on the brain, and when we do nice things it's for sex, bottom line.
 
well, if that's what you want to think... a lot of it has to do with the feelings i have regarding what happened to me in february... that in some way i might have encouraged it (altough being unconscious isn't really a way of encouraging anything)... i guess it's my way of sorting out how to avoid the wrong impression... somewhere in my mind i have that tied to the incident although it's impossible since i never spoke with that guy at all that night.

what i mean to say is i'm paranoid now because of that... and i wasn't sure if one guy in particular (one instance) was trying to hit on me... i brushed it off, and then last week he definitely was hitting on me... didn't try anything but i'm afraid of feelings i'm not returning somehow being mistaken...

does that make any sense?
 
There ARE nice guys around. Unfortunately they are both in Kentucky...right Saint?

B True
 
Smalls, what happened to you in Feb was fucking shitty and in no way your fault...you know that, right kiddo?

I think you have every right to be confused after an event like that.

If you're really worried about guys hitting on you, I think the best way to deal with it is to be clear you don't want any romantic involvement. Mention offhand you have a boyfriend, and that'll keep the guys from hitting on you. Perfectly acceptatble way to avoid unwanted attention, I think.
 
im not talking about you sal, just any person, man or woman who would have too much of an attitude like that. im more thinking of two girls i know who have that attitude.

sorry if you thought i was referring to you.
 
I'd rather just be friends with a girl than complicate things with sex and a relationship.

But then again, I'm a eunuch.
 
So very true...I know some girls like this and they act like they have a big ego but you know that they just want to go to busy places where there are lots of men so that they can reinforce themselves. :smshot:

Sometimes...i feel like...:smshot:
 
smallmovesal said:
jdam, will you be my friend? :)
Click to expand...

soccer..gif
 
Steroid_Virgin said:


Thats just your little secret way of letting me know you want to rip off my clothes and call me daddy while you ravish me isn't it?

;)
Click to expand...

It's me she wants. It's so obvious.
 
I think its always best to give people the benefit of the doubt. So a guy is being extra nice......well, maybe hes a nice guy, but until he asks me out, I just assume hes just being nice......

I'm always flattered when I'm asked out, and I don't take it for granted. Most guys that ask me out, I will go out with them at least once.....you never know, he could end up being really cool
 
jennifer said:
I think its always best to give people the benefit of the doubt. So a guy is being extra nice......well, maybe hes a nice guy, but until he asks me out, I just assume hes just being nice......

I'm always flattered when I'm asked out, and I don't take it for granted. Most guys that ask me out, I will go out with them at least once.....you never know, he could end up being really cool
Click to expand...

thats a nice attiude on life. you may not all be as evil as i thought...;)
 
jennifer said:


oh, I'm really evil! lol


I'm so anti evil, its not even funny. I'm even nice to spiders
Click to expand...

ok, im not very nice to them. they creep me out. but now im feeling guilty so maybe i wont be as horrible to em :)

nice you are though. i think i live in the wrong area of the world or something, almost everyone i;ve met male or female is a little evil :D
 
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