I need some help bro's, my wife had cheated on me.

[Bikini Mod]

Another reason I am appearing soft up front is so I can queitly rearrange my assets and buisness out of harms way...

Depending on the laws in your state this isn't going to make a damned bit of difference. A marital asset IS a marital asset and you must yield 1/2 REGARDLESS of why the marriage dissolved.

For a spouse to be gone M - F for 6 months IS A LONG TIME. And I AM NOT saying that this is an excuse for what she did BECAUSE IT IS NOT - BUT that would be VERY DIFFICULT on both the partner that is gone and the one left home to do EVERYTHING by themselves. Many people return to the same bed every night with their spouse in it, yet because they are physically then EMOTIONALLY gone, it is as if they are alone anyway.

There is only one way that I could see you guys getting past this. And that is if you guys were 100% UPFRONT HONEST about EVERYTHING with each other. I mean it. Both you and her should own up to how you guys fucked shit up and decide where to go from there.

There are children involved here so if you guys split PLEASE DON'T FUCK YOUR WIFE FINANCIALLY. It isn't fair to the kids. Especially because you say that she was a topnotch mother. She may have fucked up on you as a wife, but remember, with all due respect - IT TAKES TWO (meaning you AND her).

As for "the other man" - I know it may be easy for me to say this but let it go. He isn't worth your time or trouble. Deal with your own shit FIRST. Then once you straighten out YOUR LIFE and decide how to move on that is BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS, somehow I don't think the desire to give a shit about some other dude will ever enter your mind. You will have too much other REALLY IMPORTANT stuff to focus on; mainly YOU and YOUR KIDS.

Remember, as much as you may want to punish her for what she did, that is not up to you. If the marriage dissolves she will have the rest of her life to think about how instead of TELLING YOU THAT SHIT WAS FUCKED UP AND SHE WAS FINDING HERSELF DRAWN TO OTHER MEN - FIRST - She had an affair. Not saying that it is ALL HER FAULT as we are all accountable for our own behavior BUT - as a mother she will have to live with her own weakness because she could not step up to the plate and try to work it out with you FIRST, she did the easy thing and went outside the confines of her marriage thus risking the happiness of ALL YOUR LIVES.

This isn't about laying blame at all. If it is, I hope you have A LOT OF MONEY because you will need it for the bottom-feeding lawyers and the counselors that your children will be seeing for A LONG TIME because mommy and/or daddy couldn't put their own hurt aside and pull their heads out of their asses long enough to do what was best FOR THEM.

Sorry if my words seem harsh, but I am giving it to you straight.

 

[The Shadow]

1) I need to confront this rat and compare the stories and times.

IF YOU WANT TO MOVE ON AND TRUST HER AGAIN - THIS MOVE WILL NOT HELP YOU IN ANY WAY.
2) I know I will need some counseling, but my peers have never been fond of it.

FUCK YOUR PEERS - YOU WILL NEED IT AND SO WILL SHE PERHAPS TOGETHER PERHAPS INDIVIDUALLY
3) It's gonna take some time.

YES IT WILL......PERHAPS AS MUCH AS A COUPLE OF YEARS
4) I'm affraid of appearing soft on her, I need to keep balance as she told the truth.

THERE IS A REASON THAT SHE CAME CLEAN AFTER TWO YEARS - THE FACT THAT THE PAST TWO YERAS HAD BEEN GOOD MIGHT SUGGEST THAT SHE WAS FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT.....JUST REMEMBER THOUGH TWO YEARS IS A LONG TIME TO WAIT
5) If I find that she had lied about this, I will have to leave, kids or not. I have some self respect left.

TOTALLY AGREE
6) I'm not sure how I can ever travel again without something eating at me even if I believe she is recovered.
7) I am trying to treat her better than I would like to be treated if the table was reveresed.

NOTHING WRONG WITH EITHER OF THOSE TWO
8) I still love her and want to remain married, yes I'm angry but would prefer to keep my family together.

SOMETIMES "KEEPING" THE FAMILY TOGETHER IS THE WRONG ATTITUDE
9) Not too bad for being on a gram right?

NOT BAD AT ALL BROLY.

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SITUATION - WHATEVER YOU DECIDE TO DO WILL BE THE RIGHT CHOICE TO YOU....IF YOU DECISE TO STAY YOU HAVE TO HAVE A SHITTY MEMORY AND LET IT GO....HALF FORGETTING WHAT HAPPENED IS A SURE WAY FOR IT NOT TO BE WORKED OUT.

 

[ariolanine]

I was traveling heavy on biz and her grandfather died, she felt alone and stranded. basically a coworker took advantage of a naieve and mentally worn down women. I am not justifying her actions, it's just what happened. It went on a little longer than I am comfortable with ( 6 months)...

This is just my opinion, please don't take offense:: So what if her grandfather died. A grown woman shouldn't be that bothered by it. Maybe her father, but not her grandfather. Maybe a coworker did take advantage, but it only means that she's thought about doing him before, just hasn't til now. She was most definitely attracted to this guy before the death. 6 months is ridiculous bro. A normal person would be over a death like that in a few days, maybe a week. She enjoyed six months of suckin and fuckin at your expense.

I asked her if she has always been true to me, and she spilled.
She had beat herself up pretty bad, I honestly believe she has
learned her lesson on her own. She quit her church as she didn't want to be a hypocrit. I have plenty of angst but weary of venting it at her as I believe she told the truth, and would fear
pushing her away. She could have easily lied and prolly never got caught. On the other hand I am afraid of appearing weak.

Don't praise her for doing things that she is supposed to do. Those are minimum standards. How do you know she never would have been caught. Maybe she spilled because she feared getting caught.

Here are some of my thoughts, please lend me yours. ramblings welcome.

1) I need to confront this rat and compare the stories and times.
.

Forget him. Most guys would have done the same thing. She gave him the signs that led him to believe that at some point he would bang her. Remember that.

2) I know I will need some counseling, but my peers have never been fond of it..

You don't need that. You need a new woman. You got played, that's it. You did nothing wrong.

3) It's gonna take some time. .

Definitely. I wish you luck.

4) I'm affraid of appearing soft on her, I need to keep balance as she told the truth..

Telling the truth is something nobody should ever get credit for. It is minimum standard for living.

5) If I find that she had lied about this, I will have to leave, kids or not. I have some self respect left..

She has lied, I promise you.

6) I'm not sure how I can ever travel again without something eating at me even if I believe she is recovered..

I don't see how you could either. If you give her a free pass, she will do it again.

7) I am trying to treat her better than I would like to be treated if the table was reveresed..

Why?

8) I still love her and want to remain married, yes I'm angry but would prefer to keep my family together..

What family? Isn't honesty and fidelity the foundation of any marriage? Having a signed contract with the state and bearing offspring does not make you a family.

9) Not too bad for being on a gram right?

Yeah. She's hella lucky.

Again, just my opinion from one married guy to another. I have seen this type of behavior before in friends.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Also, both of these guys tried to "the good guy" during their divorces and got burned by their cheating slut wives in court.

As someone who tried to be the "good guy" during a nasty divorce let me say that I have been, am being and will GET REALLY BADLY BURNED as a result. But I STILL wouldn't change a thing because my girls know the truth and I did everything I did because it was BEST FOR THEM.

Call me stupid or a Pollyanna but when the sun sets I never have difficulty sleeping because my consciense is clear.

Whatever energy ye send out will be returned to ye threefold.

The party that is doing shit to get over will have to live in a hell of thier own design whereas the party that is honestly trying to do what is right, may get screwed in court but WILL NEVER BE SCREWED BY LIFE.

Trust me on this one.

It doesn't do anyone any good to try and fuck with someone else as it will cause you to be trapped. When you let shit go, you may get the short end of the stick in one way but YOU WILL BE FREE - mentally and emotionally. All the gold in Fort Knox can't buy you that kind of peace of mind. Not to mention the fact that your children will know the truth and will never hold it against you because they will see that you layed down and got over your own desire to hurt the other person because you LOVED THEM MORE THAN YOU HATED YOUR SPOUSE.

 

[bigguns7]

On one hand, I would say forgive her and let it go. I know how you feel:

You love her
She cheated
You feel like she needs to be punished by never seeing you again
But that is more punishment to you than it is to her
You love her too much to throw it all away
You forgive her and try to block it out and move on
But you'll never be able to


I just couldn't live with the thought of another dude's dick being in her, or with the fact that she actively deceived you for so long. All the ways she must have lied to keep you from finding out. It makes me sick to my stomach.

But you're in a tough spot. I feel for you man. Whatever decision you make, you MUST be convinced that it's the right one.

 

[dballer]

What has happened to you is what I fear most.. not just the fact of having someone you love betray you like that.. but also spending time in jail.


I have a friend of mine that is quite a bit older then me. Well to make a long story short.. he busted his wife with another man. He waited until he caught them in the act to confront them. When he did this he had a 12 gauge shotgun in his hand. He put it to the guys head and made his wife watch as he proceeded to blow the dudes head off. He only served 9 years. (8 years and some change)

You see.. in a case like that.. it is a crime of passion, so he was charged with "Invoulantary Manslaughter"

his wife has to live the rest of her life knowing that because she was a slutwhore.. she cost a man his life.


Good luck to you. You have my best wishes.. I can only imagine how hard this must be after 10 years together.

Remember that you are YOU!!! never comprimise.. and keep telling yourself that you are #1!!!!!

 

[Y_lifter]

Is this dude hotter than you ?
If not, I would be really pissed..

A one night stand is an accident and a mistake that I could forgive.
6 Months is a concious decision that I would have second thoughts about it not happening again.

You being there or not will not make her less of a good mother
to your kids.

Whatever you decide, again, make it amicable and peacefull so the kids aren't effected by that as well..

 

[TxArmyGuy]

Fuck that shit man...Seriously Who in their RIGHT mind would WANT to stay married with someone that could do such a thing...You people can say what you want, but to me it's a Black or white issue...YOU do it your wrong END OF STORY.

Unless you had some sort of open marriage which it doesn't sound like yall did then sleeping with someone outside the marriage is something I would never forgive or forget...Hell even my own parents split when I was 21 and I nearly took my dad out for what I thought was him cheating on my mom b4 they were divorced...SO keep that in mind cause some day your kids are going to find out and then what are they going to think of her, how will they judge you based on what you choose to do?
She did it once and she will do it again, besides would the possibility ever leave your mind?

Just curious but have you thought about getting Checked out for STD's??? I mean seriously if I were you I would get checkup just to be sure, seeing how you can't be too sure these days

 

[TheDarkSideNinja]

Well....

I only read what u wrote at the beginning since i have to go to class soon. I must say 6 months is a long time. Also being worn down is no reason to be fucking. She should have had the brains not to cheat on you and she has kids at the same time. Shame on her and i wish you the best on whatever you decide to do. Girls are sooo scandulous these days. I've been cheated on 2 times in my life and not about to be played anymore it fucks you up mentally after a while especially if you really like the chick. Your story is diff u have kids with the lady. You now have the right I.M.O to be very protective when she is around guys and she shouldn't say a thing about it cause after all she brought it on herself. And u know what i say if you do something and you like it the chance of you doing it again is a pretty good chance. Not to mention it didn't happen once it happened a lot so what does that tell u? Personally if i had kids i would try and do what's best for them. As far as the guy goes i would kick the shit out of him as he is no man for going behind your back. The girl i would def lose trust in and prolly would never have the same trust in her again. Well good luck man and hang in there and like Easy E says "Trust no hoe" ~JT~

 

[p0ink]

stay with her until your kids turn 18 and are off to college. divorce is way too messy, and will probably fuck up things with your kids. just wait things out, and just live in the same house with her. once the kids are gone, you are free to leave and find someone who wont cheat.

sorry you married a bitch, man. does she have any sisters you could sleep with?