I need some help bro's, my wife had cheated on me.

[alien amp pharm]

Even though I didn't have a situation involving kids (family) & marriage, my exfiance cheated on me in a similar situation to yours.

I heard the same stuff, she sounded so sincere and truly regretful and that it was a one time thing, blah blah blah...

I honestly believed her and to make a long story short....she cheated again in the future.

Bottom line: It's your call, if you can forgive & forget, great! Just be aware that there are NO excuses for being unfaithful and usually that TYPE OF PERSON will not think twice to do it again in the future.

 

[Y_lifter]

Been there but I was 18 and had no kids or house or anything else and we had only been married 6 months or so.
I knew she had a thing for Older Men and that was what made the decision to split easy. On top of having no ties or kids, I knew she would cheat again.

You mentioned that YOU need counsuling, Both of you should go.

If you decide to make a go of it and things get tense, do NOT
drag it out any more.
Your children will pick up on it, and they will suffer more if you stay together and are not getting along.

 

[sermon_of_crockery]

You should go apeshit on her and really drag her through the coals. Don't be afraid to let her really know how you're feeling.

There is no excuse for what she did and let her know it.

Now I'm not advocating torturing the woman just for the sake of torturing her, but she does not deserve your reserve. Be honest and open. She should see every emotion you're feeling. Let the storm blow.

Once the storm has passed, if she was willing to bear it and stay with you then MAYBE it's time to start rebuilding the trust. But don't go easy on her. She's a cheater and you have every right to be pissed and make her feel like shit.

Your penchant for giving her the benefit of the doubt might be what made her feel like she could get away with it in the first place. And if that doesn't change her behavior won't change.

Finally, her excuse was her grandfather dying? Now I was close to my grandfather when he died but not close enough that I threw all standards of conduct out the window! It's not like it was her mom or dad or son or anything.

 

[Zebo]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. But 6 months is a good stretch of time. I would call it an affair. To me, that says she was emotionally attached to this guy. That's what would piss me off the most.
Do you know this other guy? Is he married with kids too?
Just curious.....

Good luck and don't let it consume you........

 

[Bikini Mod]

.... She could have easily lied and prolly never got caught.

Is this REALLY the truth? I mean is she the type of person that could keep a secret such as this from you? Having a one-night stand on a business trip w/a total stranger is one thing. But to carry on a SIX MONTH AFFAIR is quite another.

What I am trying to say is, is your wife the kind of person that could do something SO DESPICABLE as to carry on a SIX MONTH AFFAIR without you ever even having an inkling that something was amiss?

If this is the truth then either:

A. Your marriage was over a long time ago and you just didn't realize it. (This takes TWO - meaning you had emotionally abandoned her LONG BEFORE "her grandfather died".)

B. She either always was or has become the kind of person that lacks a soul. (This also takes two - as in if she was this way prior to your marriage and you knew it but married her anyway then you have really no one to blame but yourself OR you guys have slowly but surely broken down ALL COMMUNICATION and have privately carried on "your own lives".)

Children and an adult life time invested COMPLETELY CHANGES the situation of someone who is much younger and does not have all of these things in common. This is not minimizing pain, but speaking rather about the course of action to be taken AFTER THE FACT.

There is a lot more going on here than you have posted and to post it all would take forever I am sure. But from what you have written I think you probably know the truth about your situation.

Infidelity is NOT a reason to end a marriage. So might I suggest (only because you asked) that YOU BOTH get counseling TOGETHER so that you can properly assess what it is that you two want to do. And TRY LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER to resolve your issues whether you both decide to have the marriage remain INTACT BUT WORK YOUR ASSES OFF TO FIND YOUR WAY BACK TO EACH OTHER - or let it the fuck go and separate LIKE ADULTS. Your children's needs in this case, far outweigh the needs of you two as HURT INDIVIDUALS.

Bottom line is YOU BOTH have to try a find a way to be happy. Obviously neither you NOR your wife have been very happy for some time. Nobody just goes out and has a 6 month affair "all of a sudden because their spouse was traveling and their grandfather died". Whether you are happy separately or together this is paramount FOR YOUR CHILDREN.

NO CHILD CAN EVER BE HAPPY UNLESS THEIR PARENTS ARE ALSO HAPPY WITH THEMSELVES.

I wish you strength, patience and hope that both you AND your wife find your way.

 

[Spectre]

Bikini; I hear you. We have never really fought, I have never cussed or yelled at her. She is a good mom and our kids are top notch happy. I know it's no excuse, but I was gone every week m-f for 6 months. It's becoming a little clearer too me that she was playing while I was gone..

 

[grlpwrd]

Before I post anything else..is this an April Fool's joke? If it is...then .

Yet if it's true...If you still want to make it work bless you both. Some people think infidelity can actually help a marriage, but I am not one of them. Hope it all works out for you all..of course, if this is all true.

 

[Spectre]

You should go apeshit on her and really drag her through the coals. Don't be afraid to let her really know how you're feeling.

There is no excuse for what she did and let her know it.

Now I'm not advocating torturing the woman just for the sake of torturing her, but she does not deserve your reserve. Be honest and open. She should see every emotion you're feeling. Let the storm blow.

Once the storm has passed, if she was willing to bear it and stay with you then MAYBE it's time to start rebuilding the trust. But don't go easy on her. She's a cheater and you have every right to be pissed and make her feel like shit.

Your penchant for giving her the benefit of the doubt might be what made her feel like she could get away with it in the first place. And if that doesn't change her behavior won't change. Thanks SOC


Finally, her excuse was her grandfather dying? Now I was close to my grandfather when he died but not close enough that I threw all standards of conduct out the window! It's not like it was her mom or dad or son or anything.

Unfortunatly I see the need to do this, I can't be soft. If she was truly clearing her concious then I will have a hard time with this, i need to find out if she was thought she was caught so she bucled. I don't know at this point.

 

[Spectre]

Another reason I am appearing soft up front is so I can queitly rearrange my assets and buisness out of harms way...

 

[Spectre]

Before I post anything else..is this an April Fool's joke? If it is...then .

Yet if it's true...If you still want to make it work bless you both. Some people think infidelity can actually help a marriage, but I am not one of them. Hope it all works out for you all..of course, if this is all true.

NO...