I need some help bro's, my wife had cheated on me.

[Spectre]

Well it will be ten years this week.. Two kids and allot of good times... The last 2 years have been fantastic, and the incident happened before that.

I was traveling heavy on biz and her grandfather died, she felt alone and stranded. basically a coworker took advantage of a naieve and mentally worn down women. I am not justifying her actions, it's just what happened. It went on a little longer than I am comfortable with ( 6 months)...

I asked her if she has always been true to me, and she spilled.
She had beat herself up pretty bad, I honestly believe she has
learned her lesson on her own. She quit her church as she didn't want to be a hypocrit. I have plenty of angst but weary of venting it at her as I believe she told the truth, and would fear
pushing her away. She could have easily lied and prolly never got caught. On the other hand I am afraid of appearing weak.

Here are some of my thoughts, please lend me yours. ramblings welcome.

1) I need to confront this rat and compare the stories and times.
2) I know I will need some counseling, but my peers have never been fond of it.
3) It's gonna take some time.
4) I'm affraid of appearing soft on her, I need to keep balance as she told the truth.
5) If I find that she had lied about this, I will have to leave, kids or not. I have some self respect left.
6) I'm not sure how I can ever travel again without something eating at me even if I believe she is recovered.
7) I am trying to treat her better than I would like to be treated if the table was reveresed.
8) I still love her and want to remain married, yes I'm angry but would prefer to keep my family together.
9) Not too bad for being on a gram right?

 

[velvett]

It's your call really.

From your post I gather you want to forgive and move on (???).

And if you can move on and still be able to find the ability to trust her you are better than most of us.

I have no good advice but I wish you the best.

 

[havoc]

She was a naive and mentally worn down woman for 6 months worth of banging? Not that it's for sale but I don't buy that. Guess the bottom line is this, you two have kids together and a lot of time invested, I personally would move on but that is just me, good luck with this situation. peace

 

[HumorMe]

A lot of people will say dump her, move on, etc. but none of us know what we would do if we were in your situation (unless we have been there).

It sounds like your marriage is good and you do have kids. Don't let the kids suffer from this.

Personally, it would be hard for me to accept it but again I have never been there so I don't know. You have to go with your heart and proceed from there.

Good luck!

 

[Spectre]

Hey guys, thanks so far.. I hit the button to post by accident and have added a bunch more stuff...

Thanks.. It helps

 

[beastboy]

Ouch....I have to agree with havoc and Humor Me. 6 months is a long time to "take advantage". I would want to make sure it just wasn't a "having cake and eating it too" situation. But if you truely trust her and believe her I say good for you, your kids, and your relationship. I don't know if I could forgive an forget, and hope I am never in that situation.

 

[Spectre]

It's your call really.

From your post I gather you want to forgive and move on (???).

And if you can move on and still be able to find the ability to trust her you are better than most of us.

I have no good advice but I wish you the best.

I added more material as I posted too soon by accident. Yes I would like to move on. I fear living in it's shadow. I'm still dazed.

 

[vixenbabe]

Sorry! It's gotta hurt like hell for you right now.

You being away is NO excuse for her cheating. Sounds like there could be more to the story than meets the eye here. Did you both not communicate with one another during this tough time? Where does it say YOU have to be home with a person 24/7 in order to be there for them?

To be honest, I'd not be able to deal with this type of situation in my marriage. Even when my hubby is away during tough times, we still cimmunicate with one another. He's my rock even when he's thousands of miles away!

I do not think I could forgive myself, let alone ask my hubby to forgive me.

Good luck! I hope that you find YOUR answer with your wife and the both of you make the right choices for outcome.

 

[Spectre]

You guys do bring a point out, the time frame hurts... I need to look into that.

 

[big4life]

Trust is easy to lose, but it is very hard to get back.

If you really want to work things out, you both should go to counseling and work on things. You both need to look deep within yourselve's and find the reasons you got married in the first place, then try to get back to that place and time, emotionally.

Good luck.